A rasta-man went to visit an old friend, The rasta-man knock pon di door, and smaddy inside seh, " A who dat?", the rast-man said, "it is I and I jahrastafaria,kings of kings,lord of lords,conquering lions of the tribe of judah, son of haile selassie 1"
The person inside replied, "A me one dey yah and mi nah open me door fi so much of oonu "
A wedding reception is in full swing and everyone gets very drunk. Unfortunately, the bride and groom's families have a storming row and begin fighting and wrecking the reception room. The police are called and the following week, all the family members appear in court.
They are still hurling insults until the judge shouts 'Silence in court!' Hush descends and the best man stands up.
'I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened,' he says, 'It's a family tradition that the best man gets the first dance with the bride. But, after I'd finished the first dance, the music kept playing, So I continued dancing with her for the second and then the third song.
'All of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick on the bum!'
Shocked, the judge exclaims: 'My goodness! that really mush have hurt!'
Hurt?! the best man replies. 'He broke three of my fingers!!.'
Eve is in the garden of eden and she's bored. God comes down and says, "Eve, I'm going to create a spouse for you. He'll be bigger, and stronger, and have more hair. He'll be far slower than you, won't be able to multitask as well, and he'll need your help in dressing and knowing what to think." Eve responds, "That doesn't sound too bad, is there anything else?" "Well, yes Eve," God replies, "you'll have to let him think he was created first. But don't worry, that'll be our little secret...you know, woman to woman."
Adam is in the garden of eden and he's bored. God comes down and says "Adam, I'm going to create for you a mate. She'll be beautiful, intelligent, kind, compassionate, funny, helpful, a great cook and a great friend. She'll laugh at your jokes and greet you with a smile every night after your hard day's work." Adam says, "Wow, God, that sounds great but what'll it cost me?" God says, "Well Adam, a mate this fantastic will cost an arm and a leg." Adam replies, "What can I get for a rib?"
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She! asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
a man named Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty
badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body,
so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer.
The three men had always done everything together.
Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the
sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better
roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope,
ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange.
Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took
a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll
him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No,
it ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."
"What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician.
Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes.
Every time we went to town, folks would say,
"Here comes Bubba with them two assholes."