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Would you sign a prenuptual agreement?
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Posted on Thu, Jun 22, 2006 21:06

Dear Poemscaper,

I hope you didn't take me wrong, I have always maintained that pre-nupts are good for much more than allocating money, but you make an excellent point about confidence. The fact that successful men are often secure may be a case of the chicken and the egg; I think secure men typically succeed. And secure men are normally that way because of positive reinforcement from others who appreciate the choices they make, their work ethic, their moral compass and, sadly to a large degree, their appearance. But, any one of these can lead to a strong sense of security and therefore lead to success. There's nothing sexier than confidence (and nothing less sexy than conceit) because confidence is never given and always earned.



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Posted on Sat, Jun 17, 2006 10:20

I just want to say in response to BlueEyz2006, that there are more reasons than money to want a successful man. Having dated and been dumped by two who had about the same or less money than me (and I am not rich, but comfortably middle class)and acknowledged that I was a wonderful person and partner, I have discovered that many men who are not so financially successful have self-esteem issues that interfere with their having a good relationship. While I never pushed them to make more money in these relationships, I found that because I had been in a long marriage to a man who did become more financially successful than them, they were intimidated. I, personally, joined this site at the advice of my most recent guitar-playing architect boyfriend who told me to "go find a rich man." It is not the money I am after, but the self-esteem that seems to go with it for a man, that allows him to weather the ups and downs of relationships with a little more ease.
Please don't jump to conclusions. Money really is not everything, even on this site.

  


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Posted on Tue, Jun 13, 2006 20:09

I would sign a prenuptual. I would want my girl friend to be at ease with no worries. I want her to know I'm marring for because I love here. Not her money.

Stan

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Posted on Tue, Jun 13, 2006 12:35

Do you plan for your house to burn down when you buy insurance No and you try your best not to have a fire . How about your car do you plan on crashing



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Posted on Sun, Jun 11, 2006 16:49


Aetios write:
"not to be used"...heehe..this is quite exactly what i was talking about..and why i would not sign one...if this is the thought...i would not create a foundation of my intimicy accepting this philosophy...I would make sure that i choose the right partner first...before anything..marying or not..
And i do not agree with someone (sorry i forgot your name) who said that divorce brings the bad side in us...because the bad side was there before..and those who do that did not take care to work on it...before anything, before being in any type of relationship...All this is harder and longer work to do....but in the long run it's the way to find somebody mature, consistent, in every aspect...it's called growing up..and a grown up knows how to love and how to part in a civilized manner if things do not work out..! finally, needing a paper reinforced by the law is a sign of fragility of character...in my opinion...
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The name is Solitaire, dear. Anyway...Of course the bad or evil side was always there. Two people can sincerely love eachother and later hate that same person. If you're at the point of divorce, that love is no longer there in it's completion.

The "mature" part comes in when two people can talk about anything, including a prenup. The only way I see it, if you refuse to sign you're after more than the heart.

If someone walks because he/she was asked to sign...do a dance and count your blessings.

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Posted on Wed, Jun 07, 2006 11:20

One of the men on here would want one and he knows why...



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Posted on Sat, Jun 03, 2006 16:07

ottawaguy35 write:
Okay, here's my take on this:

If you're a woman who's "offended" by a pre-nup, then why don't I (as a man) have the right to be offended by the fact that you're searching for your potential mate on a site called "millionairematch.com"?

Ladies, please be realistic and leave your "I'm offended" nonsense at the door. The fact that you're here on this site basically voids your right to be offended by a pre-nup. You've flat out made it clear that you're in search of a man with money, and as such, the man has every right to question whether or not you want him for HIM, or whether you want him for his bank account.

I'm sorry if the truth hurts, but please don't kill the messenger. Just face the facts and keep in mind that you're on "millionairematch.com" instead of some other match-making web site where income isn't the motivating factor.

In my particular case, I've earned everything I have by working hard for it. And as such, I have no desire to see some gold-digger come along and deceive me into marrying her and then divorce me 6 months later and take half of everything I have, when in reality she's earned none of it and she married me under false pretenses from the start.


Ottawa, buddy, this is "millionaire match" not "Mr. or MALE millionaire match" -- who's to say the men aren't here to meet women with means? You make good points in your posts, but you sound really concerned about women who feign interest to get money -- quality women aren't like that and telling women who are that they're being hypocritical is a waste of time -- there are different and often noble but misconceived reasons people won't sign pre-nupts but rarely is it because they're only after your money and not your love. Most women I know would live in a shack, hand to mouth, day to day if they could be with a man they loved who loved them too. The "golddiggers" aren't asked to sign pre-nupts b/c most men wouldn't marry them



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Posted on Wed, May 31, 2006 02:06

"not to be used"...heehe..this is quite exactly what i was talking about..and why i would not sign one...if this is the thought...i would not create a foundation of my intimicy accepting this philosophy...I would make sure that i choose the right partner first...before anything..marying or not..
And i do not agree with someone (sorry i forgot your name) who said that divorce brings the bad side in us...because the bad side was there before..and those who do that did not take care to work on it...before anything, before being in any type of relationship...All this is harder and longer work to do....but in the long run it's the way to find somebody mature, consistent, in every aspect...it's called growing up..and a grown up knows how to love and how to part in a civilized manner if things do not work out..! finally, needing a paper reinforced by the law is a sign of fragility of character...in my opinion...



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Posted on Tue, May 30, 2006 16:30

It would not be a problem for me to sign.

Divorce can bring out the evil in some of us, especially when there is new money and a chance to get it. When there are children involved, a pre-nup can protect what's rightfully theirs. If it's love, this will never be an issue. So why not sign?

Each should leave with what they brought into the marriage or their share of what they help to create during the marriage. If you didn't help put the finances and/or property at their status...why should you have a right to any of it in the end?



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Posted on Thu, May 25, 2006 22:36

I wouldn't. A contract is only as binding as the lawyer, interpreting it to his client's advantage, is skilled. Why don't North American courts strengthen the power of the marriage certificate?

Right now, you can go to a church and swear before God, and sign an agreement in the presence of a clergyman or a civil service clerk ... and if one wants to hightail it away on the other, there is nothing the abandoned one can do about it. Even if the other takes all the property of the marriage with him.

If your business partner did that to you, you could sue his ass-ets so he doesn't even have a pot to pee in when you're through. But marriage and then divorce (or seperation) has ruined millions of people in Canada and the US, yet our courts have never modified the practise to make it more failsafe and less damaging to their citizens.

Oh, ya. The pre-nup.

I wouldn't sign it just on account of my stubbornness. If I say I will love someone for the rest of my days, I MEAN it. If he can't believe me, then what the heck does matrimony mean to him? Why get married at all?

Just my 2 cents.



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Posted on Thu, May 25, 2006 12:09

I believe prenup's are realistic. When a couple gets married at that time and only then do they "start" their lives together, I believe anything either party had coming into the marriage should stay theirs, anything that is accounted for during the marriage should be the only things that couples fight over if there is a divorce.

sure, women come on here to find a man to take care of them...well money is not everything and is not the foundation of happiness. nor is it the foundation of love.

It should not matter about how much money you have or do not have, its what you carry with you and who you are that makes you a great partner. If money is involved it certainly helps, but if you love the person for who they are and not for how much money they have, then signing a prenup should be the least of your worries, working on keeping your wonderful friendship and becoming lovers and husband and wife is all that should matter.



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Posted on Thu, May 25, 2006 09:03

To Ottawaguy. Wow!! That was saying a lot. I can't speak for everyone on this site...just for me. I have yet to ask anyone I am having a conversation with how much he makes or his net worth. This is my first time on any site and it is the 'mind' of someone who IS or who is working toward becoming a 'millionaire' that interest me. It is more important to me what a man 'becomes' in the process of achieving success. I am also aware that most people on this site are probably not millionaires. Many are facing challenges of growing a business and are, as I like to say, in the PROCESS!! And those men are usually very interesting, excited, forward thinking, positive men. I have said it before and will say it again...it is the 'mind' of a millionaire that I am attracted to. I also thought this site was for successful people who were looking to find someone to love. If the person is a millionaire he deserves to be loved just like anyone else. Truly successful people understand the reason and the necessity of having a discussion about a prenupt...provided their situation warrants one. It should be discussed even if it is never implemented. Just my 2 cents.

  


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Posted on Wed, May 17, 2006 21:06

Yes, I would sign. It is a contractual agreement that protects both parties.



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Posted on Sat, May 13, 2006 10:06

BlueEyz2006 write:
Great topic. Despite my intial rejection of them based on the "marriage is forever and two become one" thought (that I still hold dear)I've written a number of prenuptial agreements for clients and they are incredibly helpful both to the relationship and in the sad case if it doesn't go well. Prenuptial agreements do not only deal with property division or financial matters but those that do protect as many women as they do men. A prenuptial can actually say to your spouse, "I love you so much I don't want money to come between us under any circumstance." Also, in the event of a separation, the way to deal with it has been mapped out when cooler heads prevailed. They're very helpful with child custody matters, inheritances, personal items that are important to one spouse, and they can include provisions for marital counseling or independent people helping in the event of a dispute. Marriage is a contract as much as anything else, prenuptials are merely contracts that help in the event of a breach.


Thanks for clarifying this thread concisely.

My thought is if you cannot speak of these things before you get married, you really have no business getting married. Most marry their perception of the person rather than taking the time and effort to truly know one another.



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Posted on Sun, May 07, 2006 19:44

Great topic. Despite my intial rejection of them based on the "marriage is forever and two become one" thought (that I still hold dear)I've written a number of prenuptial agreements for clients and they are incredibly helpful both to the relationship and in the sad case if it doesn't go well. Prenuptial agreements do not only deal with property division or financial matters but those that do protect as many women as they do men. A prenuptial can actually say to your spouse, "I love you so much I don't want money to come between us under any circumstance." Also, in the event of a separation, the way to deal with it has been mapped out when cooler heads prevailed. They're very helpful with child custody matters, inheritances, personal items that are important to one spouse, and they can include provisions for marital counseling or independent people helping in the event of a dispute. Marriage is a contract as much as anything else, prenuptials are merely contracts that help in the event of a breach.



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Posted on Sun, May 07, 2006 08:48

I might be very puritanist, and/ or of different background, this topic makes me think, especially in nowdays where everything is based on economic situations...Some thoughts: is a written word more powerful to insure a loving relationship; aren't words given more powerful than written legal agreement, as to elevate us as adults and not kids, fighting if some things do not work out. In one case, this written legal agreement seems like if I would get protection against my beloved...in a paranoiac sens...this is what bothers me here!..I have the tendency to give value more to the word given verbally than to a piece of paper; and, if we can not keep this verbal promise, then we should be enough ethical in our intimate relationship to part, as civilized adults, not kids fighitng and devouring each others...Too often with all the divorces nowdays, i noticed people getting mentally disturbed and fighting like animals to hurt each other, this is taking advantage with the benefice of the law of our immaturity..and isee a little perversion here...I know what i say might be very difficult to follow...i just fantasize to take the risk of my words and believe my beloved words of a great relationship.

Wealthy people are in a delicate situation involved in the risk of meeting people who have various consumption addictions...till some get ruined...But did we not create this exagerating consumption society?...Mixing mercantilism to a fragile situation like intimicy...goes in the same basket for me...hm!...Maybe i'm too naive...but it's my 2 cents...!!!



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Posted on Tue, Apr 25, 2006 12:37

OpenArms81 write:
I would not have a problem signing a prenup because I really hope to always be with the man I marry and I am not a bad person or the type of person that it would hurt because I wouldnt do anything to jeopardize my marriage. Also I would make sure that there was something in it that protects me as well in case he turns out to be an asshole :)



I think if one party in the relationship cheats or is abussive they should have to pay. Though, what I learned from my grandparents is that Abuse is Never ok and the abuse should pay in what ever way that will hurt him the most. As far as infidelity, my grandparents say sometimes there is an underlying reason. Try to reconcile and see some sort of third party meator like a counselor. So many people give up early and don't try to work out the issues. And I am not talking about issues on the surface.



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Posted on Sat, Apr 22, 2006 17:48

of course. i would hope it would never come up, and i think that having one would help further down the line. Most marriges these days desolve from differences in either sex or money. Having a prenup would help with the latter.

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Posted on Sat, Apr 22, 2006 15:49

I would not have a problem signing a prenup because I really hope to always be with the man I marry and I am not a bad person or the type of person that it would hurt because I wouldnt do anything to jeopardize my marriage. Also I would make sure that there was something in it that protects me as well in case he turns out to be an asshole :)



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Posted on Sat, Apr 22, 2006 11:08

I agree with other posters about signing a prenup. I would. However, the only difference would be the terms.
both of us would have to have a mutually agreed clause of sorts that will allow consequences for
any proven infidelity or abuse.



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