I am also a widow and feel the same as the lady on the train. My husband of 29 years gave me such joy and happiness. He made me laugh every single day. He loved to dance (no matter where we were) and told me he loved me every day.
He has been gone for 3 years now.....I am ready to love again. There is no feeling like it in the world. It is hard to date (at my age) but I am going to give it 100 % because I know there is a special man out there for me.
I love my alone time, it gives be a chance to do things I enjoy, paint, walking on the beach, listening to the birds sing, exc...
I hope to one day find a man who can do these things with me "at times", but will also give me the space to be my own person and not feel treatened by my independence.
I know that I am not alone. I am not even really afraid. Its just that I have never been in a relationship (a healthy one anyways).
I was only in 1 really bad relationship, which has never stopped me from wanted companionship from a REAL man, but I still haven't experienced that.
The only kind of guys that seem to approach me are the ones that have no drive, motivation, goals or either I get the playas.
After the good guys are already taken I always get the " Well, you are so beautiful I would have thought you were in a relationship"... Which sucks because I get that a lot which leaves me single and lonely :(.
regarding the 1st message that is the base of this discussion, i think that was a very lucky woman! to have found true love in her life...a love that still caries on even after the loved one is gone forever. the feeling of knowing they were soul mates, believing in the other one no matter what!she knew how to receive everything good in her life and responded back! she knows their love is eternal and nothing and no one can ever replace that feeling. i admire her!
NO, I just do not want to be, but i found myself this past holiday along, sadly along, my children stop by breiftly and went to engagements, I never thought I would be along, like patty labels song on my own, that me, 50 yrs young and much younger at heart the pic i have posted is a sedate pic of me, I'am usually mistake for 36-42 but I'am somewhat of an introvert. 2008 new me.
I very afraid of being alone now that my son is 1800 miles away. He always wanted me to find someone but I always said no. But now I am getting older and more lonely. I don't want to die alone with no one near. I just want to find the man God wants me to have so he can take of me. Having 2 cats is nice but it just isn't the same.
I am not afraid of being alone. Through various life experiences, I have learned how to enjoy life as an individual. I have friends and family and that's basically all I really need.
I will say, however, that is is my sincere desire to be married again. I would really LUV to have someone in my life who is willing to help me carry the load (or maybe even carry it for me for a while).
I think that deep down everyone is a little bit affraid of being alone whether it be a longing to share, society's frowns, security,....otherwise why would people always look for love and relationships or even join this type of site? What does alone mean anyway, you can feel alone while married but it is your heart that feels alone, no one is always totally on their own. Loneliness is the worst feeling I think and it can still be felt even when you are not alone
I am not in the least afraid of being alone. I have been single now for ...uh...20 years. I have experienced deep intense love so I do not feel I have missed out on anything. What I will not do is hook up with anyone just because I might not want to be alone. Having been alone so long, it would take a really great guy to understand that the degree of independence I have developed is something not easily thrown away. I do know though that you can have a very effective meaningful relationship with someone that is REAL and have the benefit of someone who does not dote all over you. Some people like it. Some people don't. Some people like it some. I guess it all depends on who that person is and how well they dote or how not well they dote. :)
That woman just might have liked to be doted on. Many ways though to show someone you love them and one way is to give them their space and understand that being together does not necessarily mean that you are together every minute.
I actually love having my space. I have been single for 8 1/2 years now and am such an incredibly independent woman. I don't need someone in my life all the time to make me feel secure. I have been able to hang with the guys at the local sports bar or out in NYC at the NETS games. Things I enjoy. Having 3 brothers and being raised around sports landed me a great deal of friendships with the opposite sex and we have a blast. There is no pressure to be anything other then who you are. That is awesome. Not too mention you can hang with life long friends and no man is going to get jealous and flip out. If I am feeling lonely some night and want the pleasure of adult company all I have to do is call. If we are both single, there is one that I am very close with but don't date but at times we curl up and watch a movie or the game. Just depends. Neither of us have ever over stepped our boundaries though and have kept it very platonic, which has made it great for both us.
Being alone isn't so bad. We are conditioned, though, not to be, which makes it rather stressing for some. I guess part of it for me is that I don't ever want to have to be dependent on someone else. Yes, have someone to love and cherish and I would surely die from a broken heart when I'm 90 and they pass away, but I like being self reliant and sufficient.
I know I was very, very fortunate.
I have experienced love that will carry me through for the rest of my life, two times: from my dear late Mother and my dear late Wife.
I have lost both: my dear Mother in September 2001 (from ALS and MRSA), and my dear Wife in February 2004, (from metastasis of inflammatory breast cancer, she fought bravely for over 3 years).
I know I did my best to take care of them till the end.
It has been over 2 years that my dear Wife passed away.
I feel emotionally ready to start venturing back into the world of dating.
I know that it can be a bumpy road, and I don?t know if I?ll be lucky enough to find another Soul Mate.
However, I feel optimistic that there is a nice, caring, loyal, intelligent, active, attractive, professional woman with integrity to share a new life.
Until then I am not afraid, as I have experienced love that will carry me through for the rest of my life.
What I am afraid of is who will advocate for my well being when I am sick and/or old.
We married late and we had no children.
After taking care of my Mother, Wife, wife?s Godmother (d. April 2005), Mother-in-Law (86), and Father-in-Law (91), I know how much time and effort it takes to advocate for their needs to be met.
I am not a very religious person, however, I have found the following very helpful:
God grant me:
The serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can; and
The wisdom to know the difference.
Certainly, unconditional love is extremely hard to find, but it is never wasted and comes from a bottomless pool. When you do find the right one, you have the rest of forever to live it... Until then, share your inner light freely, and if it is not returned, move along... It is a hard road, but life is much too short to settle.
Thanks Robbie. You answered a very important question that's been plaguing me lately. Go figure ...
out of the mouths of babes!