You are a classical non carer of anything. You seem to struggle with accepting people for who they are regardless.
You may want a perfect world but you are not perfect and i am sure you have things people cant stand about you but never the less you are who you are and its about accepting others as they do you and all your flaws.
Your the sort of man who would make a great executioner and i dont think thats an asset in a man. And should be a warning signal for any woman.
Your excuse for having so many posts up is not an excuse because you are obsessed with the persecution of those you find "different"
Thereas I've dated over 200 women in my life, i would dare say only one of them (while I was with them anyone) exhibited any form of serious mental illness that was damaging...the BPD exGF. So your statement that men assume all problems with women are due to mental illness is pretty funny. Most problems with women are just problems...not due to a mental illness. As with men.
Lombard, it is difficult to have compassion for these people...they want what they want now with no regard for the consequences of their actions. I was really hard on my BPC ex. Really hard. Psychologically brutal in fact. Hopefully she learned something from that experience. We'll find out...if she comes back to me, then she hasn't learned a thing. The hardest thing to do is to let something go that you love by doing what they perceive as hurting them.
I can totally empathize with your experiences with the lady who has bpd.
I had a similar relationship...on and off...for a five year period.
Key words are - MANIPULATION,LYING,LACK OF EMPATHY,BRILLIANT ACTORS,INFIDELITY,
OBSESSIVE AND CRUEL.
I have to say I too have never experienced anything like it...a rollercoaster....and you keeping going back for more...until I decided calmly to walk away forever.Not easy when you are dealing with the bpd as you well know.I also decided to begin healing by spending time in a peaceful setting alone....surrounded by natural beauty.Bob, I do not regret my relationship and wish the best for my ex bf.We had some fantastic times together.
Bob you will come to the total realization that this lady is not capable of an honest,loving and committed relationship.PERIOD.People in general have no idea of how much havoc this disorder can wreak on your life.I am a kind,caring and compassionate woman but I had to make a choice and put my own wellbeing first.
Bob I wish you all the best.
Its nice to see your showing compassion and trying to at least address his issues without condemnation. Liars are common practice for most and they normally come in the form of men on date sites.
How often do us women come across a man that says everything they think we want to hear? almost all the time and for those of us that are not gullable, we question those men and they trip themselves up. Women naturally then go off and think about what the man has said whilst the man doesnt give it a second thought because he assumes we believe him and off he goes without a care in the world. And before we know it he is telling porkies/lies so often we find it hard to believe anything he says. That situation can often lead to women starting to feel insecure because when a man is caught out lying he then blames the woman and tells her she is imagining it or "mad" lol Then for some reason we question ourselves. Why do we do that?
Come on ladies, how many men say the women they have dated have personality issues or mad? most of them. Thats their answer for everything. Then the men tell all their mates your "mad" too, just because you have a mind of your own. And before you know they all want you in a straight jacket when all you done was said "no" to them or not play ball.
And RRed if you believe bob then fool for you because your asking a man who himself has been mentally unstable. Hardly the best character witness eh or justified help for your sister? What do you think you can do to help? run up to every man that finds your sister thrilling and exciting, tell them she is "mad" ????
Out of interest RRed does it bother you that your sister can attract men despite her BPD and you find you cant get the same reaction from men without an issue?
If anyone has any issues here it has got to be wwww.12345 hasnt it because he is more than obsessed with disorders and has so many threads up now that im suprised he can keep track of them all.
Or doesnt obsession count as a disorder?
I guess its one rule for one and another rule for those making the rules as they go along.
It amazes me that one man has a BPD himself and he still has it regardless of what he proclaims on being cured its that obvious and yet he makes excuses for blaming it onto his ex whom i might add got it because of someone else but yet her problem doesnt matter because bob says so, and then we have RREd here discussing her sister without her consent and sees bob as the saviour to all her sisters needs and yet her need to find out what bob gets up to makes no difference to her sister at all. Then we have wwww.123456 who is more obsessed than anyone with any compulsive or personality disorders to the max which indicates he too has issues.
Hmm interesting eh!
I have an obsession, i am obsessed with counceling people from all walks of life, kids, adults both men and women and Im also obsessed with my 15 cats.
for someone who makes out he knows so much, you know so little.
it would seem that mens ability to blame those other than themsleves goes to show why you are single.
Have you ever considered to stop making out because you have money that you are not so issue free?
Because if you were so loving and kind or compassionate, none of you could be bothered with all that money you say you make to simply get counciling for anyone you proclaim to have feelings for. therefor you are not into that person on a feelings basis, your into that person for all the wrong reasons and to blame them for what is possibly also your mistake. No man is so perfect he doesnt contribute to a persons problems. So lets not kid ourselves shall we. Im under no illusuion but clearly you are and think your perfect when your far from it. You just look for excuses. Men are so fickle that to compare a woman to a war veteran with the same personality issue, the man would string up the woman and and put a medal on the war veteran.
bobsthename write: RR, what is the ugly dark side that you see?
bob, the angry, ugly side and her actions during this period are things
I'd rather not talk about publicly.
Have you seen this woman "crash"? Those not taking their meds will - it's just a matter of when. Think about it and if you really want to know, drop a private e-mail and I'll talk about it off line if you promise to keep it private.
Bob, thanks for the man's view. I guess the signs are just more obvious when you've known the person for so long than it does to the unsuspecting person. You describe (a part of) that sister to a tee. I'll bet there's an a very angry, ugly side too that (as I) choose simply not to divulge to the world at large.
Teresa, PLEASE do me a personal favor and stop asking me such ridiculous and antagonistic questions.
Lombardy's situation is very different from either mine or Bob's situation. Further - and more importantly - he knows my compassion toward his situation and as a person in general.
wwww Bill? I agree with you... I treated my BPD with compassion and respect for the first six months until I realized I was just a pawn in a mentally ill game. The extremes of emotions I expressed - both love and hate at levels that have to be 10 - I never experienced in my entire life. I came out of this knowing love and hate fully...and she fed off that.
but I learned (as did she learn to manipulate even better) and I drew boundaries and lines in the sand. The last time, when she started making false accusations and conspiracy thoughts, my "hate" mode kicked in and I propagated her thinking. and then I walked away because she went over the boundary. and she goes back yet again, for probably the 50th time, to repeat her cycle with her ex.
Many disorders feed off of the lifeblood and emotions of others.
If you continue to feed a predator it will get stronger.
If you continue to feed a disorder the person with the disorder will learn nothing and you will be encouraging them to continue. You can encourage them to get help without becoming one of their food sources.
Its "tough love", but unless you want to be a martyr, "tough love" is the only way to keep from being consumed.
there are different forms of BPD. your socialist hatred for the wealthy is peeking thru. And as with Red stop making claims about me that aren't true and you'll get your message across.
If you think anyone would believe that 74% of BPDs untreated kill themselves, guess again. Furthermore, there is no proven treatment for BPD that works on the majority of BPD.
My exBPD GF is very, very bright and can manipulate the world around her victims with ease. Until I have someone in my life that replaces what my BPD does for me, I will probably keep letting her back in when she comes back...even though I will resist at first she will break the walls down. She is very crafty...one time she posed as someone else on a dating site and she picked me up in chat and we arranged to meet.
How can you wonder why all the shrink friends can't help, one has to help themselves. There are many shrinks who have lost their license to BPDs, they can't even help themselves. There are a lot more powerful men than I who lost everything to a BPD. One of the shrinks I know is afraid of BPDs. Another won't see them period because the BPD is often untreatable...and they are just spinning their wheels because the BPD lies in therapy.
By your statements you are alluding that you are BPD, and to be honest I tend to see some fantasy or wishful thinking on your part in your claims. Anyway, please show us your source that 74% of untreated BPDs kill themselves and then we can debate further. you can't. 20% of mental hospital patients are BPD is what I read and usually those are suicidal, they don't usually kill themselves (they do try) and they are amongst the few who get treatment.
for someone who knows so much about BPD and knows so many shrinks, they would frown upon you if they thought you had made comments like you did on locking BPD sufferers up and throwing away the keys as thats a mockery of all that hard work shrinks do.
One rule for you eh and another for those who are not in the same advantaged life you have eh!
And if you know so many shrinks then they must be rubish for it to take you 2 years to get sorted out so either they were bad at their job or you were a difficult case.
and bob, i do know plenty about BPD i assure you ;-)
and we differ in our opinions on how we should treat human beings and i dont believe in judging others when your in no position to do so as you also suffered that illness and made those around you suffer also.
To not have compassion is an unattractive quality in any person.
Teresa, Do not try to tell me of my "mistakes" with my sister. I have lived with her drama for many years and I take it very seriously. You seem to be yet another person who chooses to believe that one should expend all their compassion and energy to ride on this one person's rollercoaster of a life. Everyone makes a choice. If you choose to share the ride with them, that by no means makes you a better person than the one who does not. As you can see by many posters, they do try to be compassionate with people afflicted with this disorder. It does not cure the problem. It often feeds the cycle. People with this horrid disorder are masters of manipulation. I've seen it. I've lived it. Do not dare judge me because I choose not to ride the rollercoaster because she refuses to help herself. How long would you live with a man who abused you or associate with an alcoholic? The cycle is very similar.
At some point, we all have to be the master of our own lives. How many of these women in your statistics are choosing not to take medication, which by the way is a chemical imbalance, not event driven, to correct the problem? Many choose not to because it "inhibits" them? THEM being the key word. The world revolves around THEM - very little regard for the lives they impact by their behavior.
Do I have to live with the fact I do not have the relationship with this sister as I do with my other sisters? Yes. Do I know that someday she may commit suicide as so often threatened? Yes. But I stand by all my advice to those involved: Choice. Choose to stay or choose to disengage. There is no in-between with those unwilling to correct a problem which can be corrected. There is not guilt. I got over guilt with understanding I will not go blind if I masturbate. Just don't try to impose your perception of my position with your belief system.
I beg to differ Theresa, your opinion is your opinion that you say is based on fact. So is mine. Let's just say we are both armchair quarterbacks. To say that 80% of untreated BPD suffers kill themselves is beyond absurd. I happen to know a lot of psychiatrists as friends of the family and in the family, and many of my opinions are based on real world experiences told to me by people who treat BPD for a living, along with my own experience and my reading of BPD. There are some excellent books out there.
You can present your information as you see fit, but I'm not buying everything you are selling. Some of what you say is definitely true, other things are not.
BPD is a very serious mental illness that impacts a large number of people in a hugely negative way. I can't contemplate what the economic toll of BPD is on society, I would support any effort to fund research to find treatments for it.