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Posted on Wed, Aug 30, 2006 07:54

The power of the heart over the mind is staggering. Add the fuel of hope and desire. These are the things that successful entrepreneurs like myself are driven by and the success usually dictates that heavy loads of heart, hope and desire are in successful entrepreneurs. When we fail, we get up and go at it again. And again. And again.

When someone asks you to marry them, and you want to do so, you are taken... this is an event that happens normally once, sometimes twice and rarely beyond that. My BPD GF told me she wants to be with me forever again and again and again. Probably some 20 times in two and a half years. And each time lasted only days...sometimes hours. To relentlessly pursue what one wants is part of the human spirit...the damage that one undergoes to get what they want is the cost. I'm sure my BPD just wants to be normal but she can only dream about being normal. Unable to commit, my last communication with her was to make a commitment that is virtually irreversible. Maybe it will work.



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Posted on Wed, Aug 30, 2006 05:42

Sounds like you are BPD Terasa because those are the same wrong comments that my BPD GF would make. You are taking the facts and twisting them. I did not cheat on my normal GF. I don't cheat. It's not who I am. I told her my situation and I told her that I was seeing my BPD GF. And yes I am an Ahole for putting this normal GF thru this, and maybe you are right I shouldn't be seeing her until I'm clear of this sick monster.

Here's the reality of my BPD...I'm the one she fantasizes being with. So she comes out, plays her fantasy role with me at my expense and then heads back to her convicted wife beater partner who she lives with for a period of time and then leaves again for me (or in the past someone else). In being involved with the games that these two sick people are playing I have paid a price...and the price stems from the basic feeling of hope. Hope that it's real each time. But it's not. Reality is that this woman can't even stick with me for more then three nights before heading back to her partner...so how could I possibly expect her to last a few months, never mind a lifetime. But that's the bag of lies she tries to sell me on. And each time she comes back it involves a few weeks of chaos and turmoil and manipulation as she carves her way back into my life. And now her aging child is seeing everything and learning. As one girl said to me, that child is going to end up being an axe murderer. So who needs it. And maybe this last round was educational for my BPD...as one person said..."so Bob doesn't that prove once and for all that she is a very, very sick person?" I had to agree.

At least with my new normal GF, I'm seeing the build up of a normal, healthy relationship. No chaos, turmoil, manipulation, lies. And as destroyed as this BPD has left me, this new GF is showing understanding for what I have been thru. Although I know I will have battles ahead to fend off the BPD, it will be easy to do if I commit myself to someone.



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Posted on Tue, Aug 29, 2006 17:38

ha ha ha so she manipulated you by saying the things you wanted to hear eh lol your kidding right?

you heard what you wanted to hear and she didnt force you to listen. what did she do? drop her dress on the floor and you thought "yeah why not, once wont hurt, my other g/f wont know" and then you forgot about the other g/f you happened to aquire on route and then you done what exactly? bed them both during those stages of extreme manipulation?

sounds more to me like you want to be a player and leading both women up the garden path and manipulating both women because you know one is vunerable and the other has the hots for you.

Fasting is an under statement. You need to tie a damn knot in your willy and keep it under more control.

You should come with a "warning" label



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Posted on Tue, Aug 29, 2006 17:26

bob

you just cant help it can you lol

you love to put your bpd bit on the side down who was once your g/f then she is not your g/f, you put her down in a public forum, then you try and convince us you want nothing to do with her and put her down some more, then you get another g/f and then go back to your bpd bit on the side/ex g/f and let her move in and no way did she force you to do it, you let her move in, then you play the new g/f off by giving her false hopes and use her like a puppet on a string because you know she likes you and just like you did your ex and still do use your ex, and yes your an a hole.

I wish both of them would get rid of you because the more you say the more your looking bad. Your ex must run back to her other ex because you just dont know how to commit because you had another women and was seeing her and then let your ex move back in and she probably realised something was going on and ran off lol and probably ran to her ex.

OMG man where do you get off?



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Posted on Tue, Aug 29, 2006 07:50

Beauty, I have been upfront with my GF about the BPD situation. And she is still seeing me and interested in me. She just spent the whole weekend with me. I know we both want us to work. We are planning on doing a lot of activities. God, it's so nice to be a normal healthy relationship (at least from the partners side)...she has met my entire family and many of my friends again and again as I have hers. As much as I feel like an ahole, at least I've been up front.

The BPD GF on the other hand...well there is just never any opportunity to get her in front of friends and family much. Logic leaves one wondering why I let this destructive creature into my life...again and again. Especially when one has all the facts...the guy before she met me 3 years ago is still chasing her. And she brained him out for 10 years. She will tell me that she is OK and normal and things are different each time. A friend of mine said to her this summer to stop hurting me...the BPD said it's OK now because she was all better. The BPD lies and schemes relentlessly...she'll tell me that she is only sleeping on the couch when she is with her partner and the next time she'll say he will torcher her if she doesn't sleep in his bed. All the girls tell me "Bob, she is going back there for a reason" or "to get some." Even her partner told me she would call him up implicitly to have sex with him when she was with me. Her statement...she doesn't kiss or hug her partner. Sex is uncomfortable and unenjoyable with him. The lieing doesn't stop. And not once has this creature ever shown a commitment to me...done anything for me. And I keep taking it back. Who would want to be with someone who subjects their own child to all of this? And thru all this manipulation I know anything she does is only for the moment, only temporary...so I play along and play the game. And maybe that's the reality piece I need, because I am coming back. Yes I have found a keeper.



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Posted on Tue, Aug 29, 2006 04:23

beautynbrains4u write:
What are you going to do with yourself?? Perpetuating the no win saga with BPD GF must be chipping away at your essence. Initiating a relationship with another woman, knowing you will leave her for BP GF because your still emotionally entangled...leaves you feeling guilty. Sounds like toxic overload. Have you ever tried fasting. LOL??

Seriously, if I may use your words, only an ahole, if you continue to hurt women by not being able to show up 100%, be emotionally available. Hopeful, doesn't cut it...you know that. But what about your choices and how they continue to hurt you?? I'd be more mad at myself than anyone around me. If going solo for awhile until you feel more grounded isn't palatable...best be honest, upfront with potential gf's, keep it casual. Course that will minimize the opportunities. If your other new GF (this is confusing..LOL) is aware of the hx, your susceptibility to BPD GF and she is sticking by you, I'd say you found a keeper. Don't blow it!!

what a tough discussion this is. saving the world is a noble adventure until one figures out it doesn't want to be saved and you should save yourself. charity begins at home, especially with the sanity we all crave



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Posted on Sun, Aug 27, 2006 07:48

Well...an update on my BPD GF. I had just started this exciting relationship with an amazing woman that everyone in my family and all my friends had met and loved. My best friend said that she is the best thing to ever happen to me...we would go mountain biking, seadooing - she has her own boat. I'd met and spent time with all of her family.

Then..IT came back. She said she was moving in with me for "forever." She manipulated me by telling me the things I wanted to hear. So she moves in, I put my new relationship on hold, and after three nights she goes back to her ex. I forgot that forever in BPD terms is measured in days. She brings her 5 year old child with her to get her child used to "us". I went into it eyes wide open...but it sucks because I still end up mad. And I hurt someone who is a really beautiful person, and I struggle with that. So now I'm the ahole...Now I find myself about to spend this weekend on a boat trip with my new GF and I know it's wrong for her. She is such a strong person, and I know she is taken with me. I'm being selfish but inside I hope it will work out because I really like her. And she definitely doesn't need to be jerked around. I have lots of really fun weekend travel plans for this fall...and I'm hoping my new GF will join me in those plans. I know she will becasue we have had some great travel adventures together already. BTW, that was another problem with a BPD GF...you could never make more than spontaneous plans because you would never know what mode she would be in, or whether she would even be with you.



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Posted on Wed, Aug 16, 2006 15:10

RRed

I do not stoop to low levels of condemning those with health issues.

I do not pick and choose whom gets compassion, i simply to not secumb to others crass and rude comments aimed at those whom are unwell or vunerable in any way. I guess its easy to target vunerable people eh! Im sorry if it disapoints you that I wont jump on your band wagon.

ps I do not need to antagonise you, you have no problem winding yourself up.

Also, i do not choose who i have compassion for. Do you work with disabled or mentally disabled people?

An example here, if your sister had been severely abused, would you go to an abuser and ask for his advice? then look back at the posts one by one and see why i wasnt amused with your post.



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Posted on Wed, Aug 16, 2006 15:00

wwww.123456

Your obsessed. Pot calling the kettle black isn't it?



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Posted on Wed, Aug 02, 2006 16:30

There is alot of information on BPD on the net and its always good to look at several sites and not just one and if you know someone with BPD then this is a good way of understanding what it is.

Any drugs used for any illness, its always good to know what each one does and make sure you find out about the side affects.

Lombard, good luck with your son and hope all goes well.



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Posted on Wed, Aug 02, 2006 15:36

I have been trying to refrain from responding to your antagonistic comments, Teresa, but this takes me over the edge.

Tell me, how is it you have so much compassion for Lombard when clearly both myself, Bob and others have been involved with BPD people as well and have tried compassion to no avail? Do we not all deserve compassion? In fact, if you re-read one of Lombard's comments, he suggests that as well. Yet, you only respond favorably to Lombard.

Frankly, having your compassion means nothing to me, but am simply curious because you are so antagonistic and judgemental, as to how you decide who receives your compassion and who does not. The fact that you blatantly select recepients of compassion brings me back to one of my points: Everyone has boundaries and limits. We have all lived with people with this dreadful problem. A reasonable person and one whose nature includes compassion - would understand that anyone who has lived with a BPD deserves some compassion. Yes, even if they choose to disengage.

Make no mistake, I clearly understand that a parent's decision to disconnect from a child would be horrible and far more difficult of a decision than disengaging from a potential partner or even a sibling. I watched what my sister's disorder did to my parents and they have never walked away. Nor, do I have any doubt that if my son had this problem, I would spend my life trying. Yet, if you look at Lombard's comments v. yours, it is clear his compassion extends beyond his own situation whereas you seem to save yours for only him.

An indicator of a truly compassionate person is the ability to see many perspectives and still, even while not in agreement in total, extend some kindness or understanding of the other's situation. So, are you really the compassionate person you claim? I say no.



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Posted on Wed, Aug 02, 2006 14:28

Wikipedia encyclopedia has a great discussion on borderline, including a discussion of The NonBP, or counter-Borderline, which is a discussion of people drawn into the borderlines problems.



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Posted on Tue, Aug 01, 2006 23:04

Lombard,
I am wondering if maybe your son doesn't have ODD, If you haven't already heard and read about it please do. And 13 medications some or all of them may have side affects that will contradict one another and may..make his symptoms worse. It is a roller coaster ride when you have children with mental illness's and nobody truly understands unless they go through it. And let me just say this to others whom have a tendency to blame mental illness on choice ~NOBODY I repeat NOBODY would chose to ever wake up everyday and feel that kind of torment that goes on within them, our children want our acceptance and approval so it would be contradictory to a child's emotional needs to be nurtured as a matter of instinct to purposely sabotage that. Who ever has an opinion that people chose their own behavior is correct for people that do not have a mental illness to an extent. My point to all of you that think you know what you are talking about when it comes to people with mental illness disorders is this, simply refrain from talking about things that you do not know about. Lombard I just want to add that you have endured, along with your ex a long life of hardship, and probably happiness,that's what makes it difficult if it were a case of not giving a dam then it would be easy to walk away but it takes real work mentally, physically and financially to care for a child and raise them to be the best that they can be. Parenting is an exhaustive and sometimes thankless job. children are not born with a guarentee to be perfect and if anybody goes into parenting with that expectation then they should not take on the lifelong job that follows. I would like to know how your son does and how you are doing to cope. keep in touch.



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Posted on Tue, Aug 01, 2006 11:13

Bob

I have not said im an expert. But what i will say is that you yourself inflicted pain and suffering on others too. Your excuse was you had a partner with BPD.

On another level for example

If your girlfriend had hit you as in phisically hit you over and over, would that be an ideal excuse for you as an adult to go onto hit, phisically assault another person?

Do you not understand the difference between right and wrong?

Or do you just find it acceptable that because you say your ex partner abused you that you then had a right to abuse others? but what you done to others was and is acceptable because you felt you were abused?

Or is there one rule for you and another rule for your ex partner?



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Posted on Tue, Aug 01, 2006 11:02

bobsthename write:
Teresa where is your proof that 74% of untreated BPDs kill themselves? You are dangerous with the nonsense you are putting out. Compassion comes in the form of boundaries. And the victims of BPD have every right to express their anger and frustration in the people who are causing the pain. I'll ask you again to post your source of 74%. You can't. So don't purport yourself to be an expert.


Bob unlike you i have researched this avidly and it is rare for you to get BPD from a partner with BPD. i would be intrigued as to whom the therapist was that you attended to help you with your own disorder? you were cured so quickly, 2 yrs wasnt it? how long did you say you dated this woman for? How long did you say you were an abuser to others from the disorder you got from the partner you was with?

I may not be an expert because its not my profession but i do deal and have dealt with victims of abuse for many years and of course i have seen the complications that arise from BPD but if you were able to understand it for what it is, then perhaps you might try to understand it.

I dont proclaim to be an expert but at least i dont proclaim something that is not in fact true.

You wanted an excuse for your partners issues, now lets look at yours.

Danger comes from those who feel the need to make excuses, it does not come from those that try to help. Because those that try to help, undo the damage done by those who have a need for excuses.

What is it about you men that fail, that need to have someone to blame other than yourself?



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Posted on Mon, Jul 31, 2006 05:04

Teresa where is your proof that 74% of untreated BPDs kill themselves? You are dangerous with the nonsense you are putting out. Compassion comes in the form of boundaries. And the victims of BPD have every right to express their anger and frustration in the people who are causing the pain. I'll ask you again to post your source of 74%. You can't. So don't purport yourself to be an expert.



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Posted on Sun, Jul 30, 2006 17:37

MakingAWish write:
Forget the compassion...have very strong boundaries and stick to your guns. It is amazing how many people are used by these people. Some of them chose to stay the way they are and not get help. They suck in people with pitty for their illness. You have to lay things on the line so there is no doubt where you stand with these people.

Mental illness are genetic, and it doesn't skip a generation. Everyone gets a little bit of the seed. Some can function just fine in society, and others need help. 2 Bipolar parents having a child stands an 80% chance of having a BP child.

The one that has written a book is giving out wrong info, and is most likely a nut herself.

My hat goes off to the parents that try really hard with their kids. The sad part is having an adult child who will not help himself and there is not much you can do.


Your ignorance is not bliss.

You said your hat goes off to the parent that tries really hard with their kids. Now tell those same parents that when their kids grow up still unwell that your going to be the one who persecutes their child as an adult.

Did you think those children are like peter pan and never grow up?

I am proud to care for people and that doesnt make me a nutter. That makes me human.

You ought to try being one sometime.



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Posted on Sun, Jul 30, 2006 15:26

shame on you all.

I knew a 16 year old girl who suffered BPD due to spending her life being sexually abused and raped. She threw herself under a train in london because some ignorant piece of **** told her she was a mental case and worthless and that no one would ever accept her. So she went to london underground, and she literally just threw herself under a train because she thought she was doing society a favour.

I was furoius because i felt like throwing the man that told her that under the train for his ignorance.

An 18 year old young man hung himself on a tree on wanstead common in east london because someone kept telling him he was a freak and he was deranged all because he was too scared to leave his little flat and he too had BPD and has suffered serious sexual abuse from his father. He couldnt cope with how people treated him and he didnt want to be a freak any more.

Thats the damage ignorant people do and as if they didnt suffer enough from the ignorant ones that abused them in the first place.



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Posted on Sun, Jul 30, 2006 07:07

Terasa, someone who has BPD is mentally ill. Someone who is mentally ill might be BPD. What's your point? I'm disappointed in your discussion. I asked you to support your claim with data. Any data that supports your statement that 74% of BPDs untreated kill themselves would lend credibility to who you are, what you say but you won't show that. You appear to be a fraudulent expert because scientific data is usually public information. Having a patent on this data you say you have has no value to anyone.



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Posted on Fri, Jul 28, 2006 21:37

Forget the compassion...have very strong boundaries and stick to your guns. It is amazing how many people are used by these people. Some of them chose to stay the way they are and not get help. They suck in people with pitty for their illness. You have to lay things on the line so there is no doubt where you stand with these people.

Mental illness are genetic, and it doesn't skip a generation. Everyone gets a little bit of the seed. Some can function just fine in society, and others need help. 2 Bipolar parents having a child stands an 80% chance of having a BP child.

The one that has written a book is giving out wrong info, and is most likely a nut herself.

My hat goes off to the parents that try really hard with their kids. The sad part is having an adult child who will not help himself and there is not much you can do.



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