Borderline Personality Disorders Message Board

  • View author's info Posted on Sep 22, 2006 at 08:15 AM


    Yeah it's been no fun being number two for the last 3 years when you're used to being number one in everything you do. It's been no fun being lied to either. Sometimes you have to just sit back and look at the situation for what it is. I've been the sideshow and entertainment for a very sick couple that love each other to death in a very sick and twisted relationship. I was just being used and manipulated in their games with each other. Time to get a life. I think after this weekend with my new "GF" I'll declare her my GF and leave the BPD to play her games on someone else. You know it's nice when someone treats you special...she wrote me this week. "you look so good." "you have the best smile." When someone told my friend last week "how could he possibly want to be with someone like her who treats him so badly when he could be with someone who is so successful, attractive and fun" it kind of takes me aback. We humans are strange creatures...who would pick misery over happiness?
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 20, 2006 at 08:28 PM


    The brutual reality for me and this BPD is that the BPD loves someone else and just uses me, never loved me at all. It's been proven 25 times already and to let her back into my life will prove a 26th time that she loves someone else, not I. And as she carries on, she will meet someone else and totally destroy them too. That's the sad part...more lives will be ruined and damaged. Anyway, I continue to work hard on my new relationship with someone who is healthy for me. You know what's funny, is when I told my new GF that I was depressed from my BPD experience last year she said "you have to be kidding...I can't imagine you depressed at all. YOU'RE SO MUCH FUN!!!" I'm liking what I'm hearing. God it's so nice to be with someone who is good for me, is interested in me and genuinely concerned about me...no chaos. I did say something stupid this past weekend...a friend of mine said to us that we were a boyfriend/girlfriend and I abruptly said that we weren't BF/GF yet, there is no commitment between us. But it's coming! :-) And when it does, it's goodbye BPD for good!
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 20, 2006 at 03:04 AM


    www...I know if I let her back in I have problems... I can't help but love her. But she is what she is and to love her means to care for her and do whats right...which means no contact or to work within boundaries of decent behavior.

    To make matters more interesting my new relationship is really tightening up nicely. This past weekend my new GF and I got our picture together on the front page of a web site where I live - and my new GF looks almost identical in the picture to my BPD (they both wear Prada's and have long dark hair) so people will likely mistake them for each other.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 19, 2006 at 08:55 PM


    If you let the BPD back in your life, you have problems yourself. Maybe you should read up on games people play, say maybe the martyr role, or NIGYYSOB, or others.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 19, 2006 at 09:32 AM


    Rules of engagement BnB with a BPD are No Contact. Let them move on to their next victim. I won't let her back into my life again unless she shows a commitment to her word and we head for help. I have found a program that works. The more I read and understand the illness the less genetic I think it is. It is environmental and learned. She simply has to learn appropriate behaviours.

    I finished with the circle and games of my BPD and I will put one more final effort into it if she comes back soon enough with the appropriate boundaries in place. After that I will close the doors legally so that I can move on with my life. I think time is running out for her though.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 19, 2006 at 04:33 AM


    beautynbrains4u write:
    big22blue write:
    beautynbrains4u write:
    big22blue write:
    beautynbrains4u write:
    No, Blue, It didn't work. Most "white collar" men couldn't identify the object. So next month I'm planning to attend a "blue collar" worker's convention...LOLOL! So if I'm gone for awhile....you'll know I've perfected my technique!!

    looks like it might even be camo collar beauty. it all blends well with your energy I can see, be careful out there.

    LOL, Blue, I think life is easier for the unimaginative!! Yes, I will be careful!!

    that's why they use pony's for crowd control, the mob moves with a push while the imaginative are off on their own..good girl.

    Well since I'm a good girl...I guess that means theres no spankings on my agenda, LOLOL!!

    A good spanking can be arranged if necessary, for a good girl!
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 17, 2006 at 05:42 PM


    RR, BPD's don't usually say "I'm sorry" as they lay blame and responsibility on everyone else. I came across an expert on BPD who told me the following...
    ---
    If someone says "I love you" but cheats on me or treats me like dirt, those words (and any emotion accompanying those words) are meaningless. If someone is kind, considerate, loving, supportive, etc. etc., but doesn't say "I love you", that's a lot more important than someone saying one thing and doing another.

    Those with bpd are emotionally immature and inconsistent. What they think, feel, or do one day may be 180 degrees different than what they think, feel, and do a day or a week later. No matter how many times a bpd person swears that she loves someone or swears that he/she has seen the error of his/her ways and is going to be "better" now, it is meaningless.
    ---

    For a BPD love is only for the moment, whereas normal people love continuously and monogamously. They love you now, but not tomorrow.

    But here is the best comment about identifying a BPD relationship and the waste of time it is:

    "There is a bottomline my friend and a question you may wish to ask yourself. And that is WHERE IS YOUR MATE RIGHT NOW? Is/was she available to you during the day or when you feel lonely and need support and love or when you wish to express your love intimately? Is she there to share life's ups and downs with you and other experiences? If not, other than unresolved hurt egos, what difference does it make if they loved us for a nano second when in fact they were never emotionally available and accessible to us on any level and never will be?"
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 17, 2006 at 05:23 PM


    beautynbrains4u write:
    big22blue write:
    beautynbrains4u write:
    No, Blue, It didn't work. Most "white collar" men couldn't identify the object. So next month I'm planning to attend a "blue collar" worker's convention...LOLOL! So if I'm gone for awhile....you'll know I've perfected my technique!!

    looks like it might even be camo collar beauty. it all blends well with your energy I can see, be careful out there.

    LOL, Blue, I think life is easier for the unimaginative!! Yes, I will be careful!!

    that's why they use pony's for crowd control, the mob moves with a push while the imaginative are off on their own..good girl.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 15, 2006 at 05:30 PM


    beautynbrains4u write:
    No, Blue, It didn't work. Most "white collar" men couldn't identify the object. So next month I'm planning to attend a "blue collar" worker's convention...LOLOL! So if I'm gone for awhile....you'll know I've perfected my technique!!

    Underneath that blue collar is a white tee shirt, so it is same same girlie. just bring extra batteries as they don't come with a cord!!
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 15, 2006 at 03:00 PM


    bobsthename write:
    Here are the BPD lines to watch for...I think when a relationship gets to this stage, it's not healthy...

    "If you only knew the person I am NOW. I've changed."

    "stop living in the past"

    "nothing is ever good enough for you"

    "Why do you want to give up on us when we care about each other so much?"

    "I want to work on things and learn to communicate.""

    "I have changed. You just have to trust me. I may have let you down in the past, but it won't happen again."

    "How are you gonna know I'm being sincere unless you give me another chance?"

    These are some of the writings shared by other BPD victims with me and boy if it isn't almost word for word what mine told me. When one can observe other people suffering the same consequences, it makes me realize what a sucker I was and just how sick she really is. What sucks is I had real feelings and was out for her best interests...her feelings weren't real, they were just a part of her sick behaviour to use me as an escape hatch. The sad thing is for almost 3 years I've been believing her and believing in her. What a horrible waste of my life and time.

    You forgot the most frequently used line: "I'm sorry".
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 15, 2006 at 05:39 AM


    BNB, we've started discussing this offline and as you said you wanted to keep your personal details private, I'm airing mine out here. I want people to know my story as I have nothing to hide. If one person gets my message and see's the warning signs then it was worth it. Am I emotionally attached to my BPD? You bet, I'll be so until the day I die. Just like an alcoholic. Waiting for her to come back and say...I'm all better now, let's go live happily ever after. Except reality is that she'll never get better, she won't live happily ever after and most importantly real people would never talk like that. Real people would come back and say, "Hi how are you doing? I'm sorry for what I put you thru." I have set up my boundaries for me personally to take her back, so I stupidly leave my door open...they include a demonstration of commitment to me and a commitment from us both to work thru her illness together with help and the best help we can find. But I'm concerned about her kid, because what I'm reading is that BPD kids learn their future relationship issues from their BPD parent early on.

    However, my door is quietly closing...day by day...as my new normal GF works her magic on me. And as my friends work on me... again last night, they were telling me how my new GF is for me. She is coming up again today to spend the weekend with me and we're going island mountain biking again today, this time we're taking wine and cheese. Hopefully we can find the boat...to get home. We're planning to go away on a nice trip to a Caribean getaway and to NYC.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 14, 2006 at 06:09 AM


    Why choose chaos? I have a nice, normal, healthy, productive relationship now. If the BPD comes back, oops...scratch that...when the BPD comes back (99% do)...if I respond, it will set off a whole chain of events that will create chaos for a lot of people. Why would anyone choose to be with someone like that? Why would someone want to get into a relationship composed of fighting, degradation, venting, anger, lieing, deceit and hate. Relationships are supposed to be special, unique, giving, loving and all about two people enjoying life and working thru life together. Those special moments shared with my BPD weren't special at all. All of it was a fraud. Part of her games that never end. Games she played with others before me. And games she will play on the ones after me as she ruins more and more lives. Anything to make herself feel better at the expense of everyone in her pathway.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 13, 2006 at 11:47 AM


    beautynbrains4u write:
    I'm not sure I catch your drift Bernie, what ever do you mean? LOLOL!!


    I mean I have plenty of rope and will even wear a white suit if that is part of your fantasy. You know we gigolos and escorts have to please.
    lol
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 13, 2006 at 06:11 AM


    beauty was your guy a BPD? I've been talking with the people in the online group and there seems to be no difference in the behaviours between men and women, except the male BPD tends to be physically abusive. As one lady described it, the BPD is an emotional vampire...a leach. Just using us. And their lines to get us, whether male or female, are identical.

    "I'm not that person anymore...not anymore."

    "I am doing everything now to make that person die...go away forever."

    "it's that simple"

    "thoughts don't go away"

    "this time is different"

    "I just don't want to be with anyone else ever"

    "I only want you"

    Those are some of the exact lines my BPD uses on me - they aren't used when we are together, they are used on me when we are apart. Turns out these same lines are used by all the BPDs...male or female...on their victims.

    I used to think we had so much together...the music. Oh god, the music was so "us". When she went back to her ex the last cycle, and then when she came back I said to her we had all that special music and you must now be associating it with your ex...she said no way, not the music..."the music is all about you. you're all I think about." She is so manipulative. Tells you want to hear. So I'm suppose to think, oh isn't that wonderful that the music is all about us. When in fact the music is all about her and whoever she is hunting at the moment. That's reality. The fact is that there is nothing special with these people. Any special moment is a fraud, a con, a waste of time, a fantasy. I was thinking of inviting her on a boat trip with me this fall and a friend of mine said..."bob what are you thinking? why would you waste a great trip like that on her? There are so many women out there who would appreciate that trip and you...don't invite her." So I didn't.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 13, 2006 at 02:27 AM


    beautynbrains4u write:
    No, Blue, It didn't work. Most "white collar" men couldn't identify the object. So next month I'm planning to attend a "blue collar" worker's convention...LOLOL! So if I'm gone for awhile....you'll know I've perfected my technique!!

    looks like it might even be camo collar beauty. it all blends well with your energy I can see, be careful out there.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 11, 2006 at 01:40 PM


    Here are the BPD lines to watch for...I think when a relationship gets to this stage, it's not healthy...

    "If you only knew the person I am NOW. I've changed."

    "stop living in the past"

    "nothing is ever good enough for you"

    "Why do you want to give up on us when we care about each other so much?"

    "I want to work on things and learn to communicate.""

    "I have changed. You just have to trust me. I may have let you down in the past, but it won't happen again."

    "How are you gonna know I'm being sincere unless you give me another chance?"

    These are some of the writings shared by other BPD victims with me and boy if it isn't almost word for word what mine told me. When one can observe other people suffering the same consequences, it makes me realize what a sucker I was and just how sick she really is. What sucks is I had real feelings and was out for her best interests...her feelings weren't real, they were just a part of her sick behaviour to use me as an escape hatch. The sad thing is for almost 3 years I've been believing her and believing in her. What a horrible waste of my life and time.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 11, 2006 at 01:21 PM


    hey beauty, yes, the wine tasting and biking venue is on mountain bikes and it should get pretty funny. We're going with a few couples. My new gf and I went mountain biking on an island here, it was a pretty amazing trip. We spent the entire weekend together. More friends met her and boy, like everyone else they keep telling me she's the one. We're so natural together, I feel like I've known her for years. I still have to be onguard for the BPD GF though and I'm finding good support at the online group. It's interesting to see all the lines these sick people use. Other BPDs use exactly the same lines on their victims as mine does on me. Here are the lines people need to watch our for...
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 11, 2006 at 06:07 AM


    beautynbrains4u write:
    Blue, I'm never gonna live down that (true) tic tac incident, am I...LOLOLOL. I guess I'll never be able to tell you about the stud finder I received as a gag gift from my fam last christmas. And here I thought you were supposed to tape it to your forehead. LOLOLOL!!

    But why distract men hard at work??

    now that was funny!!!!!! I think you just slide down and across the appropriate area and when the light grows you know you've hit paydirt. putting it on your forehead would work too, and you'll need help you perfect your technique regarding that approach!!
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 10, 2006 at 08:51 PM


    beautynbrains4u write:
    I'd put up my dukes, but those guys in the white suits have got me all tied up, LOL! (finally, my fantasy come true). LOLOLOL!!


    Oh BnB, if I had only known. Women!! Such terrible communicators.

    lol
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 10, 2006 at 08:28 PM


    beautynbrains4u write:
    Bernie,LOL, I'd put up my dukes, but those guys in the white suits have got me all tied up, LOL! (finally, my fantasy come true). LOLOLOL!!

    you can distract them by shooting a few tic tacs out your nose when they restrain you to get those tie downs on you BB4
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