Borderline Personality Disorders Message Board Forward to friends

  • View author's info Posted on Jun 11, 2008 at 10:22 PM


    If someone can get the message out to MagicMaker that I would like to discuss this disorder with her, I'd appreciate it.
  • 131Comments

  • View author's info Posted on Jul 21, 2007 at 05:18 AM


    Distance and "No-contact" are required in dealing with a BPD, with you as the "Non".

    Putting everything in writing helps--but they twist those things, too.

    Save your sanity and cut-off contact as much as you can.

    Therapy helps you deal with your fantasy of "Needing to rescue, etc".

    Good luck.
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 01, 2007 at 01:29 PM


    Bob
    You are getting hammered because you are allowing yourself back into the situation....sit this one out...forever.

    Members Only

  • View author's info Posted on Oct 11, 2006 at 10:19 PM


    Re:


    So beauty, you just have to have the latest in treads? and here I was seeing 4" heels there unless you went with the camo gear. titanium kicks!!

    Re:



    Now Blue, who said the titanium kicks don't come with 4 inch heels?? Just get's a little wobbly during a good run, LOL!

    Re:



    just picturing 4" heels on nikes makes me LMAO!!! those platform tennis shoes are so funny looking--got to be so that when you step on a stone you don't feel it so good in dirt road country rather than in the city....as you runny wobbly on any height, I think you've got it all mastered and licked. but watching you wobbling by might be worth the shoes!!

    Re:




    LOL Blue...I imagine you get a little wobbly at times too! what kick's do you wear, New Balance?

    Re:



    new balance? well thank you, only the ones with velcro so my old arthritic fingers don't have to tie them, along with my cane and wheeled walker!!! you are so bad, just be sure you don't wobble and fall off those 4" in my zone or you'll end up with a rosy bottom!!

    Re:




    "Fine mess ya got me in , Ollie"

    Blue, you misunderstood my meaning...LOL!



    so help an old duffer understand what you meant?
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 08, 2006 at 07:37 AM


    beautynbrains4u write:
    Re:




    LOL Blue...I imagine you get a little wobbly at times too! what kick's do you wear, New Balance?

    Re:



    new balance? well thank you, only the ones with velcro so my old arthritic fingers don't have to tie them, along with my cane and wheeled walker!!! you are so bad, just be sure you don't wobble and fall off those 4" in my zone or you'll end up with a rosy bottom!!
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 06, 2006 at 07:51 AM


    beautynbrains4u write:
    Re:



    Now Blue, who said the titanium kicks don't come with 4 inch heels?? Just get's a little wobbly during a good run, LOL!

    Re:



    just picturing 4" heels on nikes makes me LMAO!!! those platform tennis shoes are so funny looking--got to be so that when you step on a stone you don't feel it so good in dirt road country rather than in the city....as you runny wobbly on any height, I think you've got it all mastered and licked. but watching you wobbling by might be worth the shoes!!
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 04, 2006 at 02:57 PM


    Magimaker what an incredible post and how true it is.
    See Bob fell in love with his BPD not unlike the love Joe Dimaggio felt for Maryln Monore even he couldn't handle her but neither could he stop loving her.

    The abadonment issues are so real it's just that the BPD usually was abused or left or rejected as a child.
    So the fear is always there and to the men who have loved these women because there are more women like this then men.
    Sometimes a BPD will move on to be with a replacement only so they do not have to be alone.
    See Bob sweetie you and I are great friends and you are successful , beautiful home, highly achieved you can be alone with yourself and happy unfortunatelt the BPD lives through others vicariously.
    Acceptance that you have the disease and learning to Trust and that you have to love yourself before you can really give love is the key.
    Never hate them they already probably hate themselves and are at a high risk for suicide to them a break -up can be like death even if they don't show it.
    XO dorms
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 04, 2006 at 10:01 AM


    The real problem, I believe, is when we regard the emotions of someone with bpd -- in particular, the "love" they express to us -- as if they are like the emotions of healthy people. It's understandable, I did it, but it leads only to heartbreak and confusion. The "love" my BPD felt for me was largely a function of her inability to be alone, her fear and sense of helplessness, her other opportunities, etc. Because it wasn't love in any ordinary sense, it could disappear and appear in ways that true love rarely if ever does. She may have even thought it was love, and I wanted to believe it and did sometimes. But it wasn't.

    My sad point, of course, is there's no sense in yearning for what you once had, because you didn't have what you feel you did. If her feelings "come back" -- and they could -- they will come back with the same limitations as before. The feelings can be lost just as easily again. All you can get back is an opportunity to repeat the same experience, or to have one that is essentially the same. It sucks. But reality won't change just because I hurt so badly and wish that it would.

    It's all an illusion of love...by a phantom lover.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 03, 2006 at 01:01 PM


    Bob,
    I stopped really reading the back and forths between you and teresa a few pages ago.I have a master's degree in psychology and I wanted to share my opinion.Yes, BPD is an incredibly difficult disorder to treat.DBT has been shown to be the most effective treatments for BPD's, but it's certainly not a cure-all.So many BPD's are practically impossible to treat.The problem with BPD's is finding a way to convince them to change their behavior patterns.The BPD person craves intimacy and yet is terrified by it at the same time.They are in a constant state of panic that they will be abandoned.The problem is that they constantly set up situations for themselves where they absolutely will be abandoned.And to them this proves that they're a worthless piece of shit whom everyone will abandon eventually.Yes, they're usually quite smart which is what enables them to be so incredibly manipulative. BPD is an incredibly sad and destructive disorder both to the person who suffers from it and to the people around them.
    Now Bob, I don't know you from a hole in the wall, but I've got to level with you here. You have an unresolved issue. Whatever that issue may be, you clearly have not dealt with it properly or else you would not constantly let this woman back into your life. Believe me, I know how manipulative BPD's can be. My family was almost destroyed by one. But there is something going on with you that allows you to take her back each time. You are a smart and mature man. Intellect and age are the two things that really allow us to learn from our mistakes.Once you deal with your own issue(s) you'll be able to put up the necessary boundaries to prevent this woman from re-entering your life. But here's the kicker Bob, and the thing that you're probably not leveling with yourself about - you have to stop wanting her back in your life. From reading your posts I can see that this woman holds a special place in your heart.Until you let go, she will always find a way back in.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 02, 2006 at 09:36 PM


    Now when you think of Borderline personality think of Marilyn Monroe and her child like vulnerability..her quest to be loved and she let many men use her...
    she had been abadoned Marilyn Monroe think of Princess Di she had this disorder but the comparission is not that of Glen Closes character in Fatal Attraction in my opinion....that is an unfair parallel to BPDs and not at all what most BPD's are like and they have a higher suicide rate then Manic Depressives.. a Narcistic person would be the most manipulating and a Sociopath and often Borderline Personality is brought on by a shock such as sexual abuse...repeated childhood abuse but there is always a child-like look to the world to them all bad or all good.black
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 02, 2006 at 09:09 PM


    So beauty, you just have to have the latest in treads? and here I was seeing 4" heels there unless you went with the camo gear. titanium kicks!!
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 01, 2006 at 05:06 PM


    This is just some of the 2006 statements of love she made to me that sucked me in. Never mind 2005, 2004.

    "If we can't be together, how can I show you that I'm better?"

    "I'll show you...through work and through us...that old person is history. It's all history....I love you."

    "I want you to be with me...forever."

    "To me, you are the biggest decision in my life."

    "You've never left my mind...not once...since I met you."

    "How, HOW on earth could I ever be without you?"

    "If it takes us months to build our relationship back....I'll wait. If it takes us a year...two years...to get there...I'm in. Bottom line is....I hope to marry you.....I love you."

    "You are the man of my dreams and I don't want to see you as anything but that....ever."

    "I have never met anyone like you before in my life..you are incredible."

    "You are a beautiful person, inside and out...all the way through."

    "we need to validate ourselves."

    "All people need is to see us together?in a committed relationship?and they?ll know its for real, true love."

    "We?ll work through it together."

    "thoughts don't go away"

    "this time is different"

    "I just don't want to be with anyone else ever"

    "I only want you"

    "I?m going to stay on track this time."

    "I'm not that person anymore...not anymore."

    "time is passing us by"

    "I am doing everything now to make that person die...go away forever."

    "it's that simple"

    "I want to live our fairytale that's been in front of me for too long....so let's make today the first day."

    BTW after she wrote the last line, a few hours later she writes me and says..."I need you to give me the week."

    ..when someone gets hammered like this, maybe you can understand the horrific mental abuse I've been thru. And I would bet she has sent the same stuff to her partner...when does it end? It doesn't...they did it before me with someone else and they'll be playing the same games on someone else or me in the future.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 30, 2006 at 03:18 PM


    beautynbrains4u write:

    Yes Blue, maybe your being too naughty, LOL! But I edit more of what I write than they do!

    Re:



    actually I do to. too naughts>> nah--more is always better
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 30, 2006 at 09:46 AM


    I read this today,
    "What is known about BPD, is what Christine Ann Lawson Ph.D. says n her work Understanding The Borderline Mother and what Stuart C. Yudofsky says in his work Fatal Flaws: Navigating Destructive Relationships With People With Disorders Of Personality And Character and what other writers no less then the authors of Stop Walking On Eggshells have stated: these disorders make it impossible to raise balanced children. How could any one have a balanced approach to life when they have been a ping-pong ball between the extremes of Fear Of Reality one second to the Denial Of Reality the next. It simply can't be done. Most children born into the hell of having a BPD parent are almost doomed."


    Bob: When my BPD told me about her kid watching her get assaulted multiple times by her partner...well - hey, I was there once and her partner said the kid wouldn't remember seeing the assaults. Like I said this couple doesn't give a crap about their kid as long as it gets used in their sick love games.


    "BP's do not, in short, exist in a vaccuum, that is in part why recovery is hard. There is little support. It means going against the parental bond and admitting there never was one, it means cutting off from family, and no matter how horrible they are, it is still very scary and hard. It can mean cutting out social activities which provide comfort and people who they are used to. While entrenched in the old relationships, the BP is consistantly pulled back into the past and into the dysfunction - that situation prevents a reality check or re-education for the BP"

    Bob: and I offered my BPD the hand to get out of the abyss. All that I required was decency and commitment. I got neither...and that is why I kept rejecting her. Holy cow, when someone offers you the light at the end of the tunnel and you go running back to hell??? I end up being punished severely for my actions of love...and that's what really sucks.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 29, 2006 at 10:04 PM


    Trying to rationalize it Griffy is the big mistake. I tell myself...I'm not him (her partner who she cheats on). And everyone in the BPD site says BOB - YOU ARE HIM! And none of it makes sense...someone said a BPD is just a mirror. Ask them who they are and you will hear a pin drop...the difference between BPD and the rest of us. They are great mirrors though and morph into what we want them to be. However, they are just a mirror, and the next Joe walking down the street might just look into it and it starts all over again. How horrible a person is a BPD? I was an honest, respectible, decent human being contributing generously to society...and my interaction with this BPD changed all that. She would site words like "we will be great together"..."we will be admired"...hmmm...let me think here, together we have certainly not been admired...nor were we great. We were despised together and viewed as losers. If she wasn't ill, we would have been great together, powerful, and admired...but that is not possible. And obviously those things weren't important to her...not at all. Because where she is now, living in a junkyard, with a guy with no friends who she calls the king of porn who is convicted of domestic assault, who people laugh at or shake their heads in disgust when they are seen together. So I don't think she was after power, love, respect, a great relationship and admiration, because she has none of that where she is now. It must be the sex. What else could it be? Maybe security because she can manipulate her partner as there are no boundaries. Ah...who knows, you'll never know because the BPD lies about everything.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 29, 2006 at 11:30 AM


    Thanks for the response. It is in the way past for me but sometimes I need to ask myself why would I want all that drama and chaos in my life when I think of her.
    I think most non BP people have had the experience with a person with this disability sometime in thier life. However I don't think many even realize what a serious disorder it really is.
    Bob will pay the price when he falls from the roller coater and splats on the pavement. The crash for the non BP is always more severe for the non bp because the level mind trys to reason it away by trying to make sense of it all. In the end we find that what we experience is just not explanable.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 28, 2006 at 06:26 AM


    BNB, the only other one to impact me so deeply was my high school GF...and I get to see her for the first time in a few weeks. You never get over that stuff. My 82 year old father just got a letter from his ex fiance, over 50 years after splitting up, telling him how she spent her whole life wishing she was with him...and they were only together for 6 months. I felt the same way about my HS GF...and you are right, it takes years to recover from these once in a lifetime events...if ever. For me, I know I'm done. At this age, with a wound this deep and fresh, it's pretty much game over. So, I'll put on a smile and enjoy life as I always do. But inside I'll be missing something, but no one will know. I mean these days I'm amazed how people keep telling me that they haven't seen me laughing and behaving "normally" like this in two years. I don't quite get that part, because inside I feel rotted...but outside looking in, everyone says I'm good.

    My main salvation really is that none of it was real. I was just used in a game of STF love between two very ill people who don't give a damn who gets hurt or destroyed, including their own kid, as long as they get their rocks off and can broadcast their sex life on the internet. Why would anyone want to be involved with creeps like that? I remember when she was with me a few years ago, one night her ex phoned her 27 times...they weren't even living together. 27 times. A month ago he was phoning her at 2 AM. That is the life of a BPD. Chaos. Chaos that never ends. Infidelity. Infidelity that never ends.

    "I'm confused"
    "you don't want to get into it now, do you?"

    Famous BPD lines to suck you into their vortex and chaos. None of it is real.

    And the music that means so much to me...the worst part is realizing that for her, it was all about him, not me. She sucked me in, used me, and threw me away...and what sucks is she'll be back to try and destroy me again. and again. BPD.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 27, 2006 at 11:44 PM


    beautynbrains4u write:
    Can't seem to find my words lately on the forums....post,delete... Suffice to say, Life is sure full of some trippy sh*it!

    beauty, me too!! do they edit what we write?
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 26, 2006 at 05:08 AM


    Such a beautiful song, one of my favorites...but it's all about BPD. No wonder Smokey wrote so many GREAT songs...he must have been in love with a BPD because it's how I felt:

    I don't care what they say
    I don't care what they think if you're leaving
    I'm gonna beg you to stay
    I don't care if they start to avoid me
    I don't care what they do
    I don't care about anything else
    But being with you being with you
    Honey don't go don't leave this scene
    Be out of the picture and off of the screen
    Don't let them say we told you so
    Don't tell me you love me and then let me go
    I heard the warning voice
    >From friends and my relation
    They tell me all about your heart-break reputation
    I don't care what they think about me
    I don't care what they say
    I don't care what they think if you're leaving
    I'm gonna beg you to stay
    I don't care if they start to avoid me
    I don't care what they do
    I don't care about anything else
    But being with you being with you
    People can change they always do
    Haven't they noticed the changes in you
    Or can it be that like love I am blind
    Do I want it so much 'til it's all in my mind
    One thing I know for sure
    It's really, really, real
    I never felt before the way you make me feel
    I don't care what they think about me
    I don't care what they say
    I don't care what they think if you're leaving
    I'm gonna beg you to stay
    I don't care if they start to avoid me
    I don't care what they do
    I don't care about anything else
    But being with you being with you
    Being with you being with you
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 22, 2006 at 02:04 PM


    beautynbrains4u write:
    LOL, Blue, so you like living in the danger zone,I see (re:profile). Seems to me your the naughty boy who needs the spanking!LOL!

    no pain for me beauty!!! Always lived by hit first, harder and often. then once more. but the naughty part? maybe, we'll have to see.
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