Hi Southern Belle:
I appreciate your interest to allow total strangers such as myself to offer varying degrees of opinions. In reviewing your site, what you represent and the type of man you are seeking, several comments reveal a possible low self esteem, not feeling worthy issue. While you certainly don't appear to be a small woman, there is absolutely no positive reason to refer to yourself as a "large woman?" to anyone or any post at any time. Other comments from your site read "I don't feel the traits I am looking for is asking too much....Im not sure if there is anymore honest good men out there...I think so...prove me right! . There are honest men if you think there are honest men, since we humans attract to us what and who we are.
Keep in mind that a man and anyone else viewing your site, doesn't know you and can only ponder what you might be like based on what you write. Women who don't feel worthy of the type of man they complain about, tend to write and talk as if they need to justify what it is they want such as "I make very good money...but I do not have millions?. "The reason I decided to try this site is due to the fact I would like to find a responsible and finacially stabe person."
It isn't anyones' business but your own why you choose to post on this site and if a man is interested, he will ask why. Statements such as "I make very good money," while additional statements read "I would like to find a financially stable man....I enjoy nice things..does not always mean money.", may send a conflicting message to a man that that money really does mean a lot to this women, otherwise she wouldn't make so many references, nor these type of references to money.
"I dont like a man that talks trash five minutes after I meet him..I respect myself...and I expect to be respected"
If you have to tell a man or remind a man that he needs to respect you, then you are attracting the wrong types of men to you. Men who talk trash are never in my presence, so we must ask ourselves why and how we find ourselves attracting trash talking vibrational energies.
The society we live in is very prejudiced in a lot of aspects. We are negative against people who are too gay,too pale, too short, too fat, etc, such ignorant terms we as a nation love to abuse each other with. For those men whose only interest in a woman is relegated to her appearance and intimacy, that is his loss and the road he must travel. It shouldn't affect your life in any way.
What's for you is for you. There is someone for everyone, but until the right man comes along for us, we should be busy getting our mental, physical and emotional selves together to the best of our ability. do what you can, where you can right now where you're at.
Men have the right to be attracted to beautiful shapely women the same way we are attracted to Michael Jordan, Kurt Warner and Eddie George - just beautiful. Women with low self esteem generally pose such questions when we feel that we do not measure up to the 'standard of beauty".
While it is never fair for men nor women to judge others based on one's appearance, it is the appearance that all humans begin with. We can pretend all we want to that beauty, appearance, nice bodies don't matter, but they do and there's nothing wrong with that. I doubt if you find men your size to be more attractive than a man who looks like the ROCK. And if you prefer a man your weight and size, over a man built like the ROCK, then you have the right to be attracted to that type of man and it's not your fault what you like, no more than it is the man's fault for desiring slim beautiful women.
Before any of us can determine whether were compatible, possess the qualities such as character and personality, we must feel attracted enough to WANT to venture further into discovering the more important aspects of a person. Women should stop living in denial for what is.
As a fitness and computer professional for many years, I have stayed abreast of the health, fitness and diet trends. What I have found consistent, especially through reading Journal of American Medical Association (JAMA), is the fact that the majority of the U.S. population is not overweight or obese due to health reasons, but as a result of the choices we make regarding diet and exercise.
A LACK OF DISCIPLINE is why most of us look the way that we do. Only a few of us can blame health. Out of the hundreds of women whom I've interacted with throughout the years, I've only met a few who were overweight due to medical problem beyond their control.
Most overweight women who I have worked with, counseled and befriended, find physically fit, handsome men attractive and would like to have such a man, but deep down inside, they don't feel that they can get such a man. I'm sure you've found some man on the planet at some point to be good looking and that is your right.
The question you must ask yourself is, what am I doing to be the best that I can be? Is this the flattest I can make my lower stomach? What am I doing to lessen my pouch? Is this the best hair color and style for me? Is my makeup to harsh? Is this the best I can look in these shorts, or can I do better? Is this the shape I was born in or the shape I created through diet and lack of exercise? Do I love this woman whom I consider large? You refer to yourself in negative terms before any man has a chance too. You shouldn't be concerned about the woman you aren't, but focus on who you want to become.
Size shouldn't matter as long as a woman is comfortable and in love with the size that she is, which is the real problem here. Very few large women are content with the excess weight they carry around, yet they act helpless to do anything about it. (I'm not referring to the women with medical problems beyond their control). I don't like my 28 inch waist and excess flab on my arm, and I'm working out 5 days a week to improve. For those men who fell I am too muscular, too flabby or not slim enough, I really don't care. It's not about them, it's about me is what you should be saying.
I'm too busy becoming the person that I want to see in my man to be concerned about what all the others want. Focus on you and making yourself into the very best southern belle and once you do that, the right men will start to show up in your life.
Since it is just as important to be the right person as it is to want the right person, the question you may want to ask yourself is how do I feel about myself? How high is my self esteem and self worth? Am I in tip top shape, and if not, why not? What aspect of my appearance and my written conversation will inspire a man to want to get to know me better? Your question stated that men are looking for "slim attractive women" when you could have simply said "slim women," which leads me to wonder whether you even consider yourself "attractive".
All men are attracted to beautiful women with beautiful bodies; it has always been that way and always will be. I am attracted to beautiful men with physically fit tight bodies, so I can't complain nor question what men want when I want the same thing.
As women, we get too caught up on what men want and how we don't measure up to what they want, when our focus should be on WHAT WE WANT and how we can be the best that we can be so that we can attract the type of man that we want. We should be busy getting ourselves together - our lives, education, family, career aspirations and the physical condition of our bodies, as well as solidifying our personal dreams.
You may have the most wonderful, beautiful heart and personality in the world, but what in your appearance and conversation will give him a reason to want to check you out? I'm not asking this question, it's the question you must ask yourself.
As women, we're overly concerned about the agenda of men and what they are looking for, because the society programs us to cater to the needs and wants of men, when it should be about what you are looking for. When you speak about previous negative encounters on your site, it opens the door for more negative encounters. As we think, so we are. Whatever we focus on expands. What other men have or have not done right in your life, has no relevance to the man god may be preparing for your future.
Life should be about making you happy, being content with your appearance, your weight and your figure - which you don't appear to be. If it is important enough for you to wonder why men desire slim attractive women, perhaps you could spend some time and self reflection to ask yourself "Is my appearance the best I have to offer to me? Is my appearance what I want to represent to the right man? Is this the best I can look? Can I make my arms more attractive? Can I create some definition? Can I lessen my double chin? These are the questions I ask myself and then take measures to make me happy.
Perhaps you have a medical problem as I once had in which I gained about 30lbs,but I knew the excess weight wasn't representative of me. Women with an extra gut, chin or excessive weight gives the impression that she doesn't take pride in her appearance, and it may not be the right impression, but what else does a man have to go on since he doesn't know you?
Perhaps the men who desire slim attractive women, are slim attractive men who make it a point not to gain excessive weight. How can we fault men for wanting women who take pride in their physical appearance? As for the men who desire slim attractive women who aren't slim and attractive themselves, their fantasy is no different from the woman who isn't slim and attractive, yet her fantasy may include men who look like Matthew McConahey and Denzel Washington.
Sherwin2006 write: The barbie syndrome is a prevalent misconception, but since I've arrived in the USA, I've realized how much fatter people here are. I believe I've read "the body is the temple of God". If a person is SERIOUSLY overweight, how much discipline can they have?
A friend and I recently talked about what men want from women and what he thought women wanted from men.
His specifications was: an attractive, athletic, intelligent woman.
When I asked him what he thought women wanted he said along the lines of: a financially stable man who is a good provider.
I thought that was strange. Men want physical beauty, but some think that we want financial beauty. Forget physical attractiveness. I'm not sure I agree with him because I'm able to financially take care of myself and my son, perhaps not in the manner a male would, being that men are paid more than women in general.
I do agree though that women will settle for a guy who has a pot belly, not as tall as she'd like, hasn't seen muscle tune for a decade, and losing hair.
Why? Because we don't put as much weight or value, especially after we've reached a certain age, on physical perfection or close to perfection. We are willing to look beyond the pot belly if the guy treats us with respect.
But I think sooner or later men will run into a rut because women young and old are becoming more than capable of supporting themselves, so if women stop looking for financial security will we hold men to a higher standard in their physical appearance?
So hold men to a higher standard now!
In my case, it is not so much the beauty of Barbie, but the "in-shapeness"... I have always tended to be on the thin side, but I can beer-belly double-chin with the best of them! It takes a lot of work, effort, etc. to maintain a "healthy" weight. As Sherwin2006 said "discipline"...
I have spent the last year and a half (last 14 years off and on???) working very hard to get my body to the shape I want. I am looking for a similar level of commitment in a partner... And it is not at just the physical level, but also includes emotional and intellectual planes as well. I realize we are not all handed the same assets, but we do all have the capability to manage those assets.
who cares about brad pitt?? i would be happy with any guy who ISNT superficial. regardless of looks, does it really matter?? i mean, nobody said everybodies soulmate would be exactly 4 years older, with perfect looks, awesome checkbook, witty, great in bed, and anything else you can think of for the perfect man. as long as both people are honest about themselves from the get go, and are true to each other, i wouldnt care what my soulmate looks like. as long as he HAS a face thats real. i wouldnt want someone who is fake, and untrue to who they really are.
This comment is so true. Most of the profiles I've gone through ask for about a Barbie. I think sometimes that these men who ask for so much but yet you look at them and think, you ask for a Barbie but you're no Brad Pitt.
Not only do we want Barbie, we want the worldwide exclusive patent rights...............
I know your question is about "do men want a perfect woman",........... just remember, if every man wanted the same woman,....one woman would be happy and very tired and there would be over 2.7 billion very unhappy and lonely women...............
For me Barbie is not the focus: I first find out what she talks about, is she a flirt..is she smart , has she read"Games People Play" does she know whats important to her....then does she have the look that I am attracted to:............. If looks were not important ; you could be married this weekend in Vegas. Everyone is looking for someone special................... Unfortunately after knowledge and looks are satisfied it can end in a subliminal fight for power or control........... This shows the maturity of each person.
this may upset some men and women but if you never heard this before,maybe now is the time:................ This applies to men and women the same:................. the other person continues to learn about you until you sleep with them the first time, at that point the learning curve starts moving to the bottom................
Huh? You use the "B" name in your "handle" and then throw in the usual, completely baseless stereotype.
This isn't matchdotcom where you may have a point (though it works both ways). I do beleive, without being snobbish, that both genders are more serious over here. We are basically scattered throughout the world, and willing to work on a given relationship.
On the previously mentioned site and other similiar sites, it's pop in your zip code, take your pic of 25 people and I'll meet you at happy hour in fifteen minutes. Add to that the standard "and possibly more".
The stories I could tell.
Now there ARE sincere people on those sites as well. I just think the sincerity level, if you will, is far lower and NOT gender specific.
summerrain93 write: I am just curious...I have searched profiles on this site...and I notice most are looking for slim attractive woman...now dont get me wrong..there is nothing wrong with that...but I cant help but wonder...can you not be big and beautiful? I myself am both!
HUN, BEAUTY IS ONLY SKIN DEEP, IT IS SO TRUE, MY BROTHER IS SO HOT AND HE LOVED BIGGER LADIES AND MARRIED A BEAUTIFUL SIZE 15 ITALIAN BEAUTY,,,he loves her and she is 42 and having his baby on my birthday this week...so, it happens and the looks should not even matter, it is the personal taste we all have in others...they are out there all kinds, claim your beauty girl and be picky and get involved in you community, politics, civil groups, church, and web sites you have as good a chance as me sister....
I think you have the correct assumption. New to this site today, someone sent it to me and out of curiosity looked around. Haven't been divorced very long and this new "game" is amazing to me. Though I get my share of attention, I am not Barbie. LOL
I am fun, intelligent and have a lot of friends. I think for the time being at least I will stick with the friendships. Though I am considering face lift, lipo and toe surgery..not really :-) I hope all of the men out there looking for her will quickly find his dream girl. Maybe then the wonderful women out there will be come desirable