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Posted on Fri, Nov 11, 2005 16:45

Well, I agree with you girls. Here we have an irrelevant discussion. It is so that we have different opinions and then mark other persons according to our own personal scale of behaviour. But this is life in a way. I am also heading for the exit door!



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Posted on Tue, Nov 08, 2005 17:02

I agree with you Debbie. It's some kind of freak show in this place. I don't know. This is my first day here and I'm all ready heading for the exit door.



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Posted on Wed, Nov 02, 2005 06:59

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON HERE? CAN'T A GIRL GET A LITTLE LOVE WITHOUT ALL THIS? THIS IS WHY I DID NOT AND WILL NOT CONTINUE TO TRY AND FIND A REAL MAN VIA INTERNET



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Posted on Sun, Oct 23, 2005 07:02

This applies to relationships also.

*******************************
frow the web.


The Most Dreaded Kind of Co-Worker Is...

The worst co-workers aren't the ones who are habitually late or bother everyone else with endless chit-chat. The worst co-workers are the ones who have exalted opinions of themselves. You know the type. They are vain, self-absorbed, egotistical, selfish, conceited and grandiose. People who think highly of themselves are unlikely to have that view shared by their co-workers, a new University of Florida study on narcissism in the workplace finds. Conceited, vain and self-absorbed employees tend to have an inflated opinion about their job skills but actually are sub-par performers in the view of their supervisors and colleagues, according to lead study author and management professor Timothy Judge.


"It's one thing to think you're better than other people when in fact you're no better; quite another to think you're better when you're actually worse," he said in a news release announcing the study findings. "Not recognizing your own limitations in the workplace is going to keep you from trying to develop skills that would help you improve and make your organization more effective." Although clinical studies show that people who excessively admire themselves have difficulty forming close intimate relationships, little research has been done on the effects of narcissism in the workplace.


The study: The team examined how people who scored high on a psychological measure for narcissism rated their leadership and job skills, compared with reviews by bosses and co-workers of how well they did. The surveys were completed by 139 University of Florida graduate students in business administration who held jobs outside the classroom, as well as 143 lifeguards between the ages of 18 and 48 in the mid-Atlantic region of the United States.


The results: Narcissists were no happier or unhappier than other people in their jobs; however, they did consider themselves superior at work performance, even though those to whom they reported said they did an inferior job compared with other employees. "We expect people to be self-confident to succeed in business--even to the point of idolizing the Donald Trumps of the world--because we see some real limitations in the shrinking-violet type," Judge acknowledged. "The paradox is most of us would agree that being arrogant and overly obsessed with yourself are not positive qualities."


Because narcissists lack empathy and have self-serving motives, they are less likely to contribute positively to the office social climate by helping others, being a good sport and going above and beyond the call of duty for the greater good. Narcissists also unnecessarily perceive threats, which could result in aggressive behavior at work if their self-concept is challenged. For instance, if a co-worker gets a better performance rating or a higher raise, the narcissist may try to undermine that person with derogatory remarks or by reacting in some other angry way. The research has been published in the Journal of Applied Psychology.

*****************************
This applies to relationships also.

*******************************
frow the web.


The Most Dreaded Kind of Co-Worker Is...

The worst co-workers aren't the ones who are habitually late or bother everyone else with endless chit-chat. The worst co-workers are the ones who have exalted opinions of themselves. You know the type. They are vain, self-absorbed, egotistical, selfish, conceited and grandiose. People who think highly of themselves are unlikely to have that view shared by their co-workers, a new University of Florida study on narcissism in the workplace finds. Conceited, vain and self-absorbed employees tend to have an inflated opinion about their job skills but actually are sub-par performers in the view of their supervisors and colleagues, according to lead study author and management professor Timothy Judge.


"It's one thing to think you're better than other people when in fact you're no better; quite another to think you're better when you're actually worse," he said in a news release announcing the study findings. "Not recognizing your own limitations in the workplace is going to keep you from trying to develop skills that would help you improve and make your organization more effective." Although clinical studies show that people who excessively admire themselves have difficulty forming close intimate relationships, little research has been done on the effects of narcissism in the workplace.


The study: The team examined how people who scored high on a psychological measure for narcissism rated their leadership and job skills, compared with reviews by bosses and co-workers of how well they did. The surveys were completed by 139 University of Florida graduate students in business administration who held jobs outside the classroom, as well as 143 lifeguards between the ages of 18 and 48 in the mid-Atlantic region of the United States.


The results: Narcissists were no happier or unhappier than other people in their jobs; however, they did consider themselves superior at work performance, even though those to whom they reported said they did an inferior job compared with other employees. "We expect people to be self-confident to succeed in business--even to the point of idolizing the Donald Trumps of the world--because we see some real limitations in the shrinking-violet type," Judge acknowledged. "The paradox is most of us would agree that being arrogant and overly obsessed with yourself are not positive qualities."


Because narcissists lack empathy and have self-serving motives, they are less likely to contribute positively to the office social climate by helping others, being a good sport and going above and beyond the call of duty for the greater good. Narcissists also unnecessarily perceive threats, which could result in aggressive behavior at work if their self-concept is challenged. For instance, if a co-worker gets a better performance rating or a higher raise, the narcissist may try to undermine that person with derogatory remarks or by reacting in some other angry way. The research has been published in the Journal of Applied Psychology.

*****************************



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Posted on Fri, Oct 07, 2005 12:15

CONTINUED from the web.

An example is the older woman who told me with a sigh that she knew she hadn't been a perfect mother but she just never had any help at all -- and she said this despite knowing that I knew that she had worn out and discarded two devoted husbands and had lived in her parents' pocket (and pocketbook) as long as they lived, quickly blowing her substantial inheritance on flaky business schemes. Another example is claiming unusual benefits or spectacular results from ordinary effort and investment, giving the impression that somehow the narcissist's time and money are worth more than other people's. [Here is an article about recognizing and coping with narcissism in the workplace; it is rather heavy on management jargon and psychobabble, but worth reading. "The Impact of Narcissism on Leadership and Sustainability" by Bruce Gregory, Ph.D. "When the narcissistic defense is operating in an interpersonal or group setting, the grandiose part does not show its face in public. In public it presents a front of patience, congeniality, and confident reasonableness."]

In popular usage, the terms narcissism, narcissist, and narcissistic denote absurd vanity and are applied to people whose ambitions and aspirations are much grander than their evident talents. Sometimes these terms are applied to people who are simply full of themselves -- even when their real achievements are spectacular. Outstanding performers are not always modest, but they aren't grandiose if their self-assessments are realistic; e.g., Muhammad Ali, then Cassius Clay, was notorious for boasting "I am the greatest!" and also pointing out that he was the prettiest, but he was the greatest and the prettiest for a number of years, so his self-assessments weren't grandiose. Some narcissists are flamboyantly boastful and self-aggrandizing, but many are inconspicuous in public, saving their conceit and autocratic opinions for their nearest and dearest. Common conspicuous grandiose behaviors include expecting special treatment or admiration on the basis of claiming (a) to know important, powerful or famous people or (b) to be extraordinarily intelligent or talented. As a real-life example, I used to have a neighbor who told his wife that he was the youngest person since Sir Isaac Newton to take a doctorate at Oxford. The neighbor gave no evidence of a world-class education, so I looked up Newton and found out that Newton had completed his baccalaureate at the age of twenty-two (like most people) and spent his entire academic career at Cambridge. The grandiose claims of narcissists are superficially plausible fabrications, readily punctured by a little critical consideration. The test is performance: do they deliver the goods? (There's also the special situation of a genius who's also strongly narcissistic, as perhaps Frank Lloyd Wright. Just remind yourself that the odds are that you'll meet at least 1000 narcissists for every genius you come across.) [More on grandiosity.]

2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

Translation: Narcissists cultivate solipsistic or "autistic" fantasies, which is to say that they live in their own little worlds (and react with affront when reality dares to intrude).

3. Believes he is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

Translation: Narcissists think that everyone who is not special and superior is worthless. By definition, normal, ordinary, and average aren't special and superior, and so, to narcissists, they are worthless.

4. Requires excessive admiration

Translation: Excessive in two ways: they want praise, compliments, deference, and expressions of envy all the time, and they want to be told that everything they do is better than what others can do. Sincerity is not an issue here; all that matter are frequency and volume.

5. Has a sense of entitlement

Translation: They expect automatic compliance with their wishes or especially favorable treatment, such as thinking that they should always be able to go first and that other people should stop whatever they're doing to do what the narcissists want, and may react with hurt or rage when these expectations are frustrated.

6. Selfishly takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends

Translation: Narcissists use other people to get what they want without caring about the cost to the other people.

7. Lacks empathy

Translation: They are unwilling to recognize or sympathize with other people's feelings and needs. They "tune out" when other people want to talk about their own problems.
In clinical terms, empathy is the ability to recognize and interpret other people's emotions. Lack of empathy may take two different directions: (a) accurate interpretation of others' emotions with no concern for others' distress, which is characteristic of psychopaths; and (b) the inability to recognize and accurately interpret other people's emotions, which is the NPD style. This second form of defective empathy may (rarely) go so far as alexithymia, or no words for emotions, and is found with psychosomatic illnesses, i.e., medical conditions in which emotion is experienced somatically rather than psychically. People with personality disorders don't have the normal body-ego identification and regard their bodies only instrumentally, i.e., as tools to use to get what they want, or, in bad states, as torture chambers that inflict on them meaningless suffering. Self-described narcissists who've written to me say that they are aware that their feelings are different from other people's, mostly that they feel less, both in strength and variety (and which the narcissists interpret as evidence of their own superiority); some narcissists report "numbness" and the inability to perceive meaning in other people's emotions.

8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him

Translation: No translation needed.

9. Shows arrogant, haughty, patronizing, or contemptuous behaviors or attitudes

Translation: They treat other people like dirt.


***************There is a lot of information on the web about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and several books.



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