In studies of married men, the men site the number one reason they chose their wives as "she was nice and thoughtful"... In today's society, especially when dating, how often do you run into beautiful women who are nice and thoughtful? Most are of the belief that if you don't kiss their ass they'll find another guy who is richer and who will kiss their ass... in about 15 minutes and history generally proves them right.
Having said that...
In the book The 5 Love Needs of Men and Women by Gary and Barb Rosberg they site research that shows a mans number one emotional need is unconditional acceptance. How often have you been out with ANY woman who can provide that one simple need?
Having said that...
A German female friend of mine living in the states made these two observations:
1) American women are spoiled (if you've ever dated any woman from any other culture you get this)
2) American women don't like men. They like the IDEA of a man but they don't actually like men. They don't want dirty socks on the floor, they don't want the toilette seat up, they don't want the news paper scattered all over the couch etc. etc. While American women bemoan these things, women from other cultures celebrate them because they know their man is happy, at home and with them and the absence of these things means their man is somewhere else.
I'd say put it all together and you have your answer... Beautiful american women are spoiled and they want a wussy man they can control and who requires nothing from them.
The problem is that most men, especially the successful men, know that women like these are a dime a dozen and although they may make interesting playthings, we hold out for a woman who can add value to our lives... and I mean value beyond their beauty... and those women are few and far between.
I just want to first say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Next, I want to say that it is my belief that when a woman is over about the age of 40-45 (at least in my locale), the number of single, eligible men diminishes to a point where it is difficult to find a compatible match.
I have say its harder for a woman that is 51 to find a mate. There is a lot of beautiful women over 50. It seems men my age on their profile are looking for women 25-38 or 28-40? Nothing against you younger ladies. I just signed up and my margin of selections are very slim."
I agree wholeheartedly that we are each as attractive as we think we are... Confidence is extremely appealing. As for me, I am very happy with the way I look and also with who I am as a person. I believe that my satisfaction with who and what I am is what attracts others to me.
I feel that the reason that I am still single 6 years after my marriage ended is because I want to be sure to choose the right person this time. I think that women, by nature, are more cautious in matters of the heart than men are.
Were I just looking to be in a relationship... I'd be in one. Personally, I'd rather be alone than to be in a union where I wasn't satisfied or happy. I want a relationship that will last. So, I will stay single and keep searching until I find him. :)
I do not think there is a general rule... I consider myself inteligente and attractive.
I was married once, and I had very bad luck.
I still keep the desire of get married and have a traditional family.
I am single by election, but I don't mean because I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP, but because this time I really want to get to know the right man, not only for his looks, but intelligence, self confidence and good manners.
Money is not the most important to find a man attractive.
I think beautiful woman between 25 and 45 learned from previous experiences that is better to be alone, that having the wrong partner.
Am single,beautiful and not got the right man,but some are single due to choice,or they had a failed relationship..or maybe the are avoiding commitments..or they don't find their right partners,u don't marry a man just to be in a relationship or have a man on your side,you feel complete with this man in every aspect of life,the same applies to men,they should be comfortable being with u if not there is no need for a relationship.any questions write me directly (firstname.lastname@example.org)
I would rather have a higher EQ and less money than a higher IQ with more $ and be aging alone after a pattern of failed relationships. The link to take the EQ test was removed. You will have to search it. It's called the emotional Intelligence quotient.
You made some excellent points, as you so often do. It is always nice to see balance in a point of view. Although I don't neccessarily consider myself to be a deep thinker, one doesn't need to be understand this statement, "The magic is when you both get it and serve each other unconditionally".
I have to say I rarely hear the word unconditionally used by people. Perhaps people are more concerned about what their partners can and will do for them. In speaking for myself I am ready for the magic to begin.
On a slightly different topic I think IQs in both intelligence and emotions is high some peoples list. I have read that Psychologists define IQs over 140 "genius" The average IQ for those obtaining a Ph.D. is 141. Anyone with a Ph.D. must reach the obvious conclusion. I know my IQ is below 140, the conclusion I reached to my surprise is that I am not a "genuis".
I would caution that intelligence is considered by most to be a qualitative understanding, and attempts to quantify qualitative relationships is mixing metaphors. I submit that there is more than one intelligence. Then again, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to know the IQs of all the people I come in contact with daily, pilots, mechanics, ships cpatian, service workers etc.
While I do believe intelligence has its place, it remains one of many factors in a relationship. In my humble opinion it has become a closed loop system that feeds back to its elite that they are good. If you're a "genuis" you must be good.
Unfortunately,The empowerment idea of feminists and woman's liberation agendas has made it a bigger challenge to "have it all". The job or career, the family and the ideal relationship.
Where men and women can do better is stop thinking about what the other can do for them rather than what they can do for their partner. This me attitude has killed the idea of a longterm possibility.
Where women can do better is make him feel valued and appreciated. The expectation of serving me has to change. Men want to serve you but they don't want you to expect it. They also don't like to be criticized and judged for simply being a man. Women who practice emasculating men to gain empowerment usually find themselves alone in their later years and then wonder why.
For the next relationship try obtaining a serving mindset and don't criticize or judge or emasculate him. Change your list of expectations to that of growing the relationship instead of serving yourself. If he is smart he will see it right and the relationship will grow. If he doesn't you may have just picked the wrong guy who doesn't get it either. The magic is when you both get it and serve eachother unconditionally.
I will remain single until i find mr perfect. I dont wanto start a relationship with someone that is not compatble with me and hurthere feelings. I just waitill the right guy contact me then we fall inlove get maried and have 2 children. Im usualy atracted to guys that have an iq of more than 140and a high emotional iq.its time to find my mr perfect,my expectations arentoohigh. Iwant aman that want alifetime partnership. Im very fun2bewith and will alwaysupport mypartner.im a compasionate woman and faithfull partner
Most times beautiful women attract more flies..we soon find out within a couple dates theres something just not right lol. Trying to weed out the real men is a particular challenge...therefore its best to stay single to avoid an epic fail.
staying single? well, I can only speak from my own experience, as a woman who is free and independent with an entrepreneurial streak running thru my life n soul I dont want someone to be joined at the hip with 24/7. I want a companion who can satisfy my desires, yet my freedom is paramount to me. I dont want to marry someone to wear his ring cos I can buy my own ring if I so desire. For me it comes down to wanting it all. Big ask? Perhaps yes, perhaps no, as my life unfolds further I will see. I must put a post script to this, I am an Australian woman and we have not been conditioned in the same way that American women have been.
Just before I came to this site I met an old friend who was absolutely astonished that I was not in a relationship. He honestly believed that I was lying to him. I actually had to convince him that it was true.
I think that some people assume that everyone always wants to be in a relationship and would be in one if at all possible. This just isn't true; many people enjoy being single or are just too busy for a relationship. This is especially common among ambitious, career-minded people.
So, many beautiful women may be single simply because they want to be. Also, I think a lot of beautiful women may shy away from relationships because they tend to attract men who are only interested in their looks.
Why are beautiful women still single? Well, the research shows that people tend to select mates 2 levels above and below what they think their level of beauty is. This is especially true for women but not as much for men. If a woman thinks she is a 10, then she will be attracted to men who are 8-10. If she views herself as a 5 then she will be attracted to (or self-select) a 3-7 male. This may account for why beautiful woman are still single. Maybe all the 8-10 men are taken, playing, or not available in some way. The equalizer for men is money. If a man earns more he no longer has to be an 8-10 to a 10 woman.
Enjoyable both men and women can have high expectations in dating. Men can have a list such as she needs to be model material, slim, fit, hair eyes nose mouth face features to their liking, She needs to be kid free, close in location, not dating anyone steady, good job, house, car, stable or functional family situation etc.
I can go on and on with a list of preferences or expectations. With some men it is all about looks.
I used men cause I dont want women questioning each thing I list. It is just an example here that one man might have all these expectations for his ideal lady. Sounds unrealistic? That is the point. If it seems to be unrealistic then most likely you can say they have high expectations.
Women have a list too and they want it to be right or they would rather stay single until it is.