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Why are beautiful woman still single?
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Posted on Wed, Oct 06, 2010 19:53

FitFunBlonde is really my type, but too bad she is a woman while I am looking for a man. lol

I would really appreciate a man who is besides all other traits, confident and has high self esteem. I work as a professional, at the same time run my new company in a non-related field as President. Don't call me workaholic as I am not. I don't count how many hours I have to work or how late I have to stay. If there is work needs to done, then it has to be done. Very simple. More often, in order to discuss issues with my far-east suppliers, the only good time is even after midnight!

I also like dannyspl's comment from a man's point of view. Lucky for men, many women are wired (or re-wired) the way that men want them to be wired. I would feel extremely lucky if there is a man out there who would stroke me daily with encouragement and support. :)

After all, it seems like there are a small group of women, who are beautiful, confident and successful but still single, because they are not wired just to stroke the man daily with encouragement. What they need is someone who can stand beside them equally, with confidence and strength, support each other and encourage each other.

But such men are as rare and precious as top Cs diamond.



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Posted on Wed, Oct 06, 2010 14:25

And Danny, I ask the same question of men.  I think it is all personal and different for each.  For myself, from the time I was 14 I never bought into what one is spoon fed by society.  Marriage, family, your role, his role, the white picket fence, so that was never my goal. 

If one falls IN love, one can fall OUT of love.  And that is exactly what happenes to what people call "failed love"  In true love there is no such thing as "failed"  Love just is.  It is a feeling that lives.  A feeling doesn't "fail", but your IDEA of it does!  So are people living and idea or the real thing.   Most people live what love they know, from their heads.  For some strange reason people seem to able to love their children unconditionally, yet cannot love others that way.  Barriers of the mind go up and prevent people from just loving.  So my goal is always searching for that exceptional person who knows how to love unconditionally.  I don't have to want or desire it to be forever.  It will be that without question, because it just IS. 

Living like this, has made my life incredible.  I have never had to go through all the horrible things that faux love generates.  Also the fact that I have spent a lot of my life working my ass off kept me single some of the time.   Haha    :)    

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Posted on Mon, Oct 04, 2010 09:14

And I completely agree Lucky

BTW you don't look at all 62 I think most here would agree. More like 45. Any guy should appreciate that among the many other qualities you have to offer him.



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Posted on Thu, Sep 30, 2010 22:36

Fit

I was being a bit sarcastic but what man would not enjoy being asked out and dated by a woman? In reality it just doesn't happen much.

You just may be the best example of why I started this thread. You seem to be strong , independent, a bit controlling and beautiful and you are tired of men you consider weak or ones that can't keep up. If I were to interview your past dates I wonder what they would say about you? I wonder if they would say you are too independent, controlling or even tends to emasculate any chance you get by criticizing or judging.If done continually that alone can lower a mans self worth and give him low self esteem even if he truly loves her. Instead of going through the revolving door of dating different men you might want to try just treating them different than what you have been doing. You really should find out what a man really wants in a longterm relationship and cater to it. Lust and the satisfying sex will not keep him around long but loving him and making him feel important to you will. Even a strong confident man can fill weak if he is falling in love. If it is just lust he will not stay around long no matter what you do.

But again you just may be the reason beautiful women are still single. Advise terrible or not, for many it seems to work and they will benefit from it with a long lasting loving relationship. Treat him better than you have and you may be happy instead of bitter. I focus on her needs and she focuses on mine in a love situation it can last for many years. I personally avoid a controlling women who emasculates through her actions and if she herslf has a hidden low self esteem which may be the real cause for her issue with men.





My best suggestion would be this...On the first date or even the first and second date. Keep it simple. No dinner. No show No fuss with the expense. Say no to the expensive things at the beginning.When Guys spend a lot on a woman they WILL EXPECT MORE FROM YOU LATER ON. Don't put yourself in the position and the possiblity in their mind that they will get any on the first few dates by letting them spoil you rotten at the beginning. Trust me that puts things on a new level and different perspective for him. Cause in the past it may have worked on other ladies. There will be plenty of time for all the fun and expense later on when you both have blended your chemistry. If this is no good for you then just enjoy the lust, the expensive date and his expectation of sex from you later. And the disrespect and bad treatment toward you again when he invests his time and mucho money and gets nothing he expects in return from you.



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Posted on Thu, Sep 30, 2010 22:18

Rtt's


Howeverrrr... You won't settle might be a case of narcissism. You think you deserve him cause you know you are worth it. Question is does he? Hope you are not one of the many who reach eighty and wonder if not settling was worth the loneliness and pride. Do you think women like Liz Taylor thought she was settling each time she married her 8 husbands? I bet you she thought each one was Mr Right. Mr Right is only right as long as your emotions say so. Why do you think some women are attracted to badboys? Remember many women want to change her guy. Most Men just want to tolerate their women.



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Posted on Tue, Sep 28, 2010 13:41

Im single now for 8 years because there was no chemistry between me and the men ive met...
no im not that picky or difficult
im simply trying to be a good woman..but no
man will take the time to get to know me without getting sex or intimacy so ive experienced...



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Posted on Tue, Sep 21, 2010 16:34

Well Danny we ask a lot to get a lot.

Most of us, dont expect to get all we ask for

it's like a wishing list, men always tall, beautiful and blonde

many dont know what they want at all, just like us, sometimes

we aren't sure either..You can come back to the site next week

and find the same woman has tweeked her profile..

Men or women all want the highest standards when looking for a mate.

Just what i think  



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Posted on Mon, Sep 20, 2010 23:40

RRTs

You should wait and let the guy make the first move. It is a test to see if he can over come his fear of possible rejection. Or he is not attracted to you yet. Then flirt by giving eye contact or smile then turn away. Or even begin a simple conversation not expecting anything. For many guys this opens the door to approach you. If he is attracted to you and you open the door by flirting, He will make the first move if he knows what he wants. If he is afraid of rejection he may have a low self esteem and you really dont want to deal with that at least not at the first glance.



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Posted on Fri, Sep 17, 2010 01:36

Hey fun Thank you for your post. The question is sincere and directed to women who see themselves as beautiful. But many women see themselves as beatiful in many ways so I left it open. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder right? So as I posted earlier if you think you are beautiful that is all that matters even if others see you as average or below average in looks. Real beauty is on the inside anyways.



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Posted on Thu, Sep 16, 2010 20:33

The reason I am still single is because I refuse to settle. I don't expect to find a man who is perfect or rich, because I'm neither. I want a best friend and partner. I find it so hard to meet men who I have chemistry with. Not that Im saying looks are not important, because to some degree they are, butI have found that chemistry can make someone attractive.
Your last post implies that pretty women are unrealistic, which is, in my case anyway, not true. I find that quality men do not approach me but quys who wouldn't have a chance in hell(geriatric, toothless, jobless, married, etc.),are bolder. I guess I'm old fashioned but is it too much to ask for to expect a man to make the first move? I am not haughty acting and I'm friendly so I've come to the conclusion that good guys are too afraid of rejection where the "other" guys feel they have nothing to lose.
I want to know that a man thinks I'm worth the effort and will go out of his way to show me. I'm not talking about jumping through hoops or something crazy, just a little southern charm. When this guy finally comes along and we hit it off, he will be one happy guy and all because I am worth it.

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Posted on Thu, Sep 16, 2010 07:33

Why not dream

As you know men are not complicated or high maintenance. What they have a problem with is expressing themselves emotionally. Opening up is the biggest complaint women have about men period. But also women are looking for a guy who is sensitive, a good listener, can relate to their issues without trying to solve ot fix them all the time. And who is emotionally available. The things I said below in regard to what men want is very much the same as what women want. Isn't that ironic? The same things that can make a relationship work for both.

The problem again is men just don't say it. Since they don't say it women think they don't need it. That is huge!

But once a man opens up about his feelings and what he wants and he is with a women who actually cares about his feelings and needs, the ingrediants for a longterm loving relationship are in place. Now they just need to work their issues out.

But to get back to the topic, Some beautiful women or women who say no to men more than they get no from them...lol really don't see men as beings with feelings and emotional needs. They are usually... more interested in what men can do to serve them. And not what they can do to serve the relationship or men. Their expectations are rather high and they feel they deserve it cause they are above average in looks or even acheivements. I say acheivements too cause it seems to be the case more and more as women challenge men in the work force and business. But then women complain about their expectations not being met or a low self esteem man or a man with low confidence.

Ladies you pick these men to know and have relationships with then complain as if they just changed before your eyes.

Another thing I see is women are usually looking to change something about their guy they see and don't like. Men on the other hand are just looking to tolerate what ever they see or know about their woman.

To all you ladies who are fed up, bitter, intoleratant or just tired of men. Whether you are pretty or not really doesn't matter the most to a guy. Ya I said it! Looks are important visually but really when you get down to what a guy really wants beauty is always within first then the outside will reflect the inside. I've seen this over and over with myself. I find it crAZY and ironic that I can be attracted to a woman on the outside but she can not get me aroused at all. But an average looking woman who I am so so about visually can bring out a being within herself so sexy and exciting on the inside through her personality, flirting, sex appeal, caring, listening, humor, laughterand she is even a bit overweight.... so what! She gets me going to much I can't control my self. She can blow away any super model type that has a dull personality, high expectations, emasculates men at any chance which I call a primadonna princess.

The day you stop expecting your looks to drive men to any level you want and begin showing them you from the inside out who you really are and care about them , you will land any guy you ever dreamed of.

All the money, high class, and high materials from men will never satisfy you longterm. The more you give to him your self, time, careing and keep him happy, the happy you will be too cause he will WANT to swim through shark infested waters to bring you lemonade. And I really mean that.



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Posted on Thu, Sep 16, 2010 07:29

I didn't say she would have to ASK him to swim. He will WANT TO cause that is the feeling he has toward her for all she is to him. The most. The kind that makes a 30, 40 and 50 + year realtionship thrive.

In this day and age men just want their feelings and opinions and actions to be

valued
appreciated
acknowledged
supported
and themselves affirmed daily

and very much the same as what women want.

This is what is missing in the 50% divorce rate currently.

That is not high maintenance. It's called love which takes lots of work and is not motivated by money, celebrity, fame, politics or LOOKS.



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Posted on Thu, Sep 16, 2010 07:27

Quoting whynotdream:

Any woman who would ask her man to swim through shark infested waters to bring her lemonaide is a high-maintenance woman. 

It's interesting in that I think I understood your posts, but did you mine?

I don't disagree with what you're trying to say, but it concerns me that you just might be bitter with "pretty" women.  Is that the case?  That would be a shame, because I know some beautiful women, who become even prettier when you get to know them.  Unfortunately, I've also seen them with egotistical, but initially charming, men, who will never recognize the woman's inner beauty, because they're more concerned with the initial physical impact she'll have on those around him, rather than the emotional impact she could have on him, if afforded the opportunity.  More women than not want to be recognized for the qualities they hold near and dear, not their physical beauty.  So, in short, yes, those women do exist, but so do those men, and one day, if they're lucky, they'll meet and live shallowly happily ever after - until of course the plastic surgeon run's out of tricks. 




Then she is again in so many cases selecting the WRONG guy to date or be with.

That is your responsiblitiy not the guys.

Read my posts below and you will see I check the inner beauty first as I get older and think less of looks now cause of all I have mentioned here.



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Posted on Fri, Sep 10, 2010 08:13

Any woman who would ask her man to swim through shark infested waters to bring her lemonaide is a high-maintenance woman. 

It's interesting in that I think I understood your posts, but did you mine?

I don't disagree with what you're trying to say, but it concerns me that you just might be bitter with "pretty" women.  Is that the case?  That would be a shame, because I know some beautiful women, who become even prettier when you get to know them.  Unfortunately, I've also seen them with egotistical, but initially charming, men, who will never recognize the woman's inner beauty, because they're more concerned with the initial physical impact she'll have on those around him, rather than the emotional impact she could have on him, if afforded the opportunity.  More women than not want to be recognized for the qualities they hold near and dear, not their physical beauty.  So, in short, yes, those women do exist, but so do those men, and one day, if they're lucky, they'll meet and live shallowly happily ever after - until of course the plastic surgeon run's out of tricks. 



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Posted on Thu, Sep 09, 2010 21:43

I don't know if I agree with your theory.  You're thinking that there are a disproprtionate amount of pretty women single vs. average or below average women? 

 

Could it be that you, being the awesome male you are, be noticing the pretty ones more often than others?  Possible, isn't it?

 



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Posted on Wed, Sep 08, 2010 07:15

I guess because real men is hard to find and ereal men can handle beautiful women and become conmfortable with them, the thing is that the mayority of peoplple sees the beautiful single woman as a target to just have a good time and then whatever them, and the ones who ends up with a ring are the women who are more professional and who do not care about their beauty. I have been married to a millionaire who was trying to make me turn into The Latina Martha Steward, he wanted me to change my accent, he wnated to be some one I am not because (According to him) The society weill not see me with good eyes if I behave like a free single woman meaning ( being friendly, spontaneous, laugh loud, ) I am divorced and I think I wil stay like this.



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Posted on Mon, Aug 23, 2010 20:46

Terrible advise. Well intended I'm sure but terrible none the less.

Since I prefer to exchange several emails and phone conversations before meeting. I would know by the time we met if there was any chance or not.

If there was zero chance, I would not go ahead with a meeting.

A man with low self esteem would not be a man for me, so it would never get past an email or two.

A man who needs to be stroked daily with encouragement is not a man for me. I'd eat him alive!

Thankfully I can admit to that and again, it would never get past one email.

I will stick to my plan and be on the lookout for sincerity, honestly, high self esteem, confidence without conceit.

I own a business, I often work 3 weeks straight without one single day off. Have not has a Saturday away from my business in over two years. Work several 19 hour days a month and days of 10 hours of driving, in one day. I'm always on the go and still make time to stay healthy and fit... I don't sit around for somebody to encourage me to get me going. I wake up and go, no matter what curve ball I'm hit with on any given day.

I need a man who can keep up...

Not a man who needs encouragement and stroking to make it through the day.

We're all different. We all have different needs and desires and a man like that would be better off with a softer woman. Not with me.

But thank you for the advice.. Definitely he should be shown that he's appreciated, no question.

As far as cheating. If that happens he can hit the road and I won't shed one tear!



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Posted on Mon, Aug 23, 2010 08:16

Fit for Blonde

Try asking the guy out to somewhere or just coffee and pay for it. Or take him out to dinner and concert and pay for it. that will cost around 250.00 + That way you will not feel scammed anymore and you will be in charge from the start. Women too often forget about the financial investment men make in the dating process but still feel scammed as you state when they don't get their expectations met. Try looking at dating through a mans point of view once. Men pay to get rejected and criticized and sometimes they pay dearly. If they won't commit much of the reason could be they have a low self esteem. Build them up. men need to be stroked daily with encouragement, support and affirmation appreciated. It is just the way we are wired.

Their insecurity and vulnerability is constantly being challenged by their desire to please their partner. Now think about that for a moment. This is big for a guy. Keeping a man happy will ensure that he will not want to stray from a love relationship and cheat like so many do. Their women can help tremendously in this area. Again hat is just the way men are wired. For once really take care to what he thinks and feels cause he is terrible on expressing it in the right way. That's why you women get so frustrated.



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Posted on Mon, Aug 23, 2010 07:28

Thanks - I think?



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Posted on Mon, Aug 23, 2010 07:27

Some interesting comments.  I think everyone acknowledges, to some degree, the basic truths espoused in "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus".  Having said that, however, there seems to be alot more written, (no stats), in the advice world, about what women should do to keep their man (the old velvet glove), than about what men should do to keep their woman. 

I'm all for understanding men, and your comment, "men are wired to be affirmed and valued and stroked each day. Criticism will never help a relationship grow. Ladies it is just the way we are. We need that from our partner. To feel valued appreciated encouraged and supported.", is most certainly true.  Having said that, could it not also be misconstrued as high maintenance, or is that assign for women only.

Have you ever "feminized" this male requirement in an effort to understand what your woman needs?  It would read something like this, "Women are wired to be affirmed (You say: I love you, or I like your hair that way, or I know what kind of day you had {because you listened without fixing} and I appreciate that you made this meal for us.  Etc.), and valued (Thanks for feeding, bathing, reading to, and putting the kids to bed - after the day I had I wouldn't have been able to do it and I don't know how you do.  Thanks for holding down that partime job, while seeing to the day-to-day needs of our family.  Thanks for understanding how much I needed that golf weekend with the guys - sorry I missed your reunion, but I'm happy you had fun too.  Etc.), and stroked (while you're cleaning up the kitchen I'm going to run you a bath and pour you a nice glass of wine.  While you soak, I'll catch up on the news and sports highlights and we can cuddle (wink) when you're refreshed.  Ya know, by the look on your face, I think you need me to brush your hair for quite awhile.  I know it relaxes you, and when you're relaxed - I know I'll get to be ('nother wink). As you gently brush the hair out of her face, while she's cleaning out the refrigerator, you lean in and kiss her, and tell her thank you, and you love her.  Etc.) each day. Criticism will never help a relationship grow.  Men, it's just the way we are.  We need that from our partner.  To feel valued (I love what you did in the bedroom (decor-wise guys!), you're amazing.  I don't know how you managed it, but the surprise party for my dad was fantastic - he'll never forget it.  While I've not seen what you've done to the budget yet, lol, watching our kids this Christmas morning was the best gift you've given me.  Etc.), encouraged (I see how much you enjoy decorating, and your talent, why don't we see if we can budget the time and cash to get you into school?  You're not as valued at your job as you should be.  I can hold up on that new toy, while you look for something better suited to you.  Wear it, I still think you'd look great in a potato sack.  Etc.), and supported (Don't get involved in it, I'll let my sister know how rude she was.  Honey, don't worry about it.  If you hadn't told my boss to get his hand off your thigh - I would have!  Ya know, you're right and I'm glad you pointed it out.  That didn't set the best example for our son and I'm going to tell him about my mistake.  Etc.)

With regard to your comment, "If I find she emasculates men in any way she is gone.", I'd like to point out that while the word effeminize can be found in Merriams, it's definition pertains to the feminization of men, rather than the harsh criticism of women's feminity (as emasculate does, gender non-specific).  Yep that's right, no catch all word lilke emasculate to place comments like; she's high maintenance (knows what she deserves and expects it); she's too easy (made a stud out of me though); She is crazy  (She got so angry with me when she found out I'd lied about not seeing my ex, she went nuts.  Just more proof that what they don't know, won't hurt you!), she's emotionally unstable (refer to previous example), Etc. 

This post would be funny, if it weren't true in too many cases.  But, alas, it is and likely outweighs those pretty singles who are not likely high maintenance at all, but, rather, have needs - just like men.  You can't take a walk in our shoes, but empathy with a woman can go a long way toward being "affirmed and valued and stroked each day; only hearing constructive criticism that will  help a relationship grow; having your needs met and likely exceeded by your partner; and feeling valued, appreciated, encouraged, and supported."

Behind every great man, you'll find a good woman, and Behind every great woman, you'll find a good man!  Unfortunately, as another woman pointed out, there are fewer men than women in this world, so suffice it to say there are even fewer good men.

Oh, yeah, I hope this doesn't get miscontrued as emasculating/effeminizing.  It's not.



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