I have high expectations of myself, so I allow myself to have high expectations of other people. If the people don't match my criteria, there's no problem...I just don't feel swept of my feet, I'm not impressed, there's no magic and I definitely don't fall in love with them.
I know many women who fall in love not with a guy, but with the possibility of being with someone. They create and invent their own magic. Now, I understand for you it's easier to be with a woman like that, you don't have to do anything, she does it for you: she idealizes you, she imagines you're her prince and she falls in love with a perfect guy from her imagination. But do you realize it's not you who she's in love with, it could be any guy?
So, if I'm alone, it's not because of my look, it's because of me being honest to myself and to others. My point is: it's not about BEAUTIFUL women being alone and the UGLY ones being married. It's about HONEST women preferring to stay alone until they really find love and about INSECURE women being to afraid of staying alone: So they just accept any guy who who is willing to be with them and they never complain or except more of them out of fear he could go away. It's takes courage and guts to choose to stay alone and not to “settle”. And even though I'm lonely sometimes, even though I'm scared sometimes, I still prefer to stay single then to have just any guy sleeping next to me. But when I'm with someone he knows he's the best, because I picked him out of the thousands. This is what you get when you’re with demanding woman, you just know you're the king. Otherwise you just know she was lonely when you passed by.
As I have mentioned here before being beautiful is a matter of perspective. Both for how you see yourself and for how others see you. Being beautiful can be a physical trait but I was hoping any woman would respond regardless of how others see her or or how she may see herself. Now it would have really seemed strange to ask a question such as, Why are ugly women married? We all know ugly really is exclusive to appearance. But being beautiful isn't so much. I have dated women who were not so much attractive in appearance as they were beautiful on the inside.They had wonderful fun and mature personalities.
I facilitate small groups of separated and divorced men and women and over the last 15 years I have found so much interesting conclusions on perspectives on dating and marriage I am now writing a book on it.
Keep it mind your expectations for the right guy could be in line with the right guy's expectations of you. This could make the dynamic or chemistry of a possible relationship more challenging for both of you. Just because you found him and he meets your expectations doesn't mean he will feel the same about you.
When I said I try to avoid beautiful women with high expectations once I notice them I meant it. But the women don't really need to be attractive in appearance at all. That's up to them to know about themselves. The point is having high expectations so exposed that a guy sees them clearly. If you want to carry a sign of what you want or expect so others can see, go right ahead. Have your expectations, tell the guy what they are or show him and see if that gets you the guy of your dreams. I would think not. And if a man finds out the relationship is all about you and what he can do for you and he sees that you know it, it will be all about tolerance and time for him.
BTW I'm taken. Single not married yet. I think she is beautiful inside and out and she doesn't think it is all about her and her expectations. She doesn't show that she has them or that she is aware of how beautiful she is in appearance. I can't wait to serve her and she can't wait to serve me. A feeling of value on both sides. If I don't meet her expectations she can show me the door. But I know she is very happy. She shows it in the way she wants to serve me and the way she makes me feel valued while with her. So I want to serve her even MORE! Hence the MAGIC is there.
I'm here to pick brains and gain better understanding and perspective, not to find a mate. I have to have a profile to post here and may use it if I get dumped by her....lol
For the most part I agree with you, however, I totally disagree with this sentence, " We all know ugly really is exclusive to appearance".
I've met people, not just women, but men too, who are ugly from the inside. Which overrides any physical appearance, for me anyhow.
I can't speak on behalf of all the beautiful woman but I can only tell you the perspective of this one. ;)
I'm still single because yes I do have high expectations and why not! I have high expectations of myself in the intellectual (continually pursuing higher education and perpetual learning), in the physical (work out regularly and eat healthy), financial(make a good living and invest wisely) and etc. Not many men out there even make the grade on one element of it meaning that they may be financially successful but not healthy or intellectual but broke. I only expect from others what I demand of myself. Yes that puts me in the upper eschelon and that's the life that I've chosen if I'm going to share that life then it's going to be someone who's comparable to me.
Hmm, it's an interesting question though, so what's the inverse? being married and ugly?!
Way too many things factor into the big picture. Even if you manage to find the elusive chemistry needle in the haystack, it doesn't mean that you're home free.
Situation and circumstances are major roadblocks.
I've met a wonderful man. We are perfect for eachother but that doesn't mean we'll end up together, because situation and circumstances might prevent that ever happening. We've met twice, nothing inappropriate he is a gentleman.
I live in AZ, he lives in MO.
He has many businesses to keep track of and is a single parent to a 15 year old daughter. I have a business of my own and countless pets!
Just to arrange a meeting takes a lot of planning. I traveled to his home base and our dinner date was cut short because his daughter needed him. So I spent the rest of the evening in my hotel room, alone! Hardly ideal when it had taken me over 7 hours, 4 hours of driving and 3 flying just to get there. He's worth it if we can get past his baggage and mine. But that's no given.
So. I'm not putting all my eggs into that one basket and don't expect him to either. at this point.
All the cards have to fall into place ... we all have baggage in our life ... it's just not as simple as boy meets girl .. hit it off ... happily ever after.
Not these days ... life and relationships are far more complicated than that..
There's someone for everyone ... but in a world where there are now so many choices I believe we get caught in a cycle of continual searching. Back in the day before the internet more often than not we met our partner face to face, locally and that was that. We built a relationship.
Long distance increases the likelihood of failure nowdays, it's how we initialy meet. But very difficult to sustain.
Nowdays with one click we have several hundred potentials and the impossible task of sifting through them to find just one. Do you ever think that you could have missed your change because of one keystroke..... delete... because he winked and you only reply to emails. Or he said something that you totally took the wrong way ...which can happen all too often with emails.. or you had a moment of self doubt.. etc
That's how easy it is to dismiss a person .... much much easier than actually conecting!
It's not just beautiful women who are still single ....... we're all still single.
Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink.... comes to mind!
I think it holds true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What one person thinks is beauty another person may find unattractive. I think its all personal opinion; and personality too. Someone could look like a greek goddess but have the personality of a rock lol So you never know :)
GOOD QUESTION. It takes a rare guy to show interest in me. It has always been a problem, even when I was young and modeling !!! I figure there is some sort of sign on me that I just cant see...says something like CONTAGEOUS DISEASE ...beware! I have been described as gorgeous (dont go by the fat pic), beautiful, a knock-out, a truely wonderful woman, "OMG are you real, your so sexy" and even stunning.
(Maybe they are all stunned.) At any rate, they do not get to the talking stage so never know I am nice, bright, funny,,,balh, blah. I am so happy for all of you that "wont settle."..well, I wont settle either but it would be nice to HAVE A CHOICE . Even the frogs are afraid.
Or maybe some men are still single cause they spent all their money on beautiful women... Actually I can show anyone here that some men are still single for very different reasons than woman are. Keep in mind the power in the relationship is always in the womens favor. It's how she handles that power that either makes her happy in a longterm relationship or keeps her single going through the revolving door of dating.
I want a man who is happy and self-confident; one who gets what he wants himself rather than relying upon others to get it for him or boo-hoo-hooing about how he can't get it for himself. It dawned on me that most wealthy men have this characteristic, as 85% of wealthy peoole made their own fortunes rather than inheriting them. To make your own fortune, you must be confident, happy, hard-working, smart-thinking, outside the box, and energetic. No sitting about on your tush waiting for life to hand you a lottery winning number, no moaning about how you've lost your job, no whinging about how small your retirement benefits will be. You create your own winning streak, create your own job, create your own security. That's the reason I've joined a site that hitches up wealthy dudes with not-so-wealthy ladies. I joined this one in particular since it looks like a lot of the fellahs on here are looking for soulmates rather than 25 year old baby making trophy wives.
I'm not asking my man to do anything I wouldn't do. When I wanted a job and couldn't find one, I started my own company and now make more money than I ever did as an employee. When I found myself single, I went out and MET people. I work hard. I enjoy life, taking many holidays a year. And so many people I meet can't keep up with me; I'm thinking a self-made man can.
If I were still in my teens or twenties, a good match for me might be poor because he hasn't yet made his mark on the world. But I'm in my 40's, and I want to date a man around my age, and a man my age is going to have gone past potential and have made something of himself. So no, while I don't really want to date a rich man, I do want to date a confident, secure, happy, self-reliant man and the odds of him also being a poor man by his early fifties is practically nil.
Why women don't want to accept the character of guys that are attracted to them?
Whimps are attracted to me. Civil service workers. Council politicians. Students. Nurds. They see my strong personality and think they could lean on me for support. But a man has to feel like he's the one in charge of the relationship, and when the blokes lean on me, voila! they transfer responsibility to be and lo and behold, all of a sudden I'm in charge. And if I'm in charge, they're unhappy. So while weak men are very attracted to me, I'm saying no to Beta and Omega males from now on and only dating Alphas.
True there are men out there just as you speak. You seek the guy that works for you while some men like my self are looking women just like fit for fun who are strong, successful, confident and beautiful. However, I like many guys are looking for her but one that also respects the role men have in a relationship and does not emasculate him to gain empowerment or challenge his masculinity by not letting him lead and decide for her. I think a women can help a man make decisions without stripping him of his ability to make her feel secure while with him. He is the head while she is the neck which the head rotates.
If he does not stroke you daily with affirmation and encouragement you should keep looking. While successful , confident women with a high self esteem may prefer a man just like themselves makes sense, unfortunely he may not be looking for a person just like himself. He is looking for a person he may want to control or be submissive to him ie: a trophy wife. Good luck with that. This very well may be the issue with Fit for Fun and many beautiful women who are still single.
FitFunBlonde is really my type, but too bad she is a woman while I am looking for a man. lol
I would really appreciate a man who is besides all other traits, confident and has high self esteem. I work as a professional, at the same time run my new company in a non-related field as President. Don't call me workaholic as I am not. I don't count how many hours I have to work or how late I have to stay. If there is work needs to done, then it has to be done. Very simple. More often, in order to discuss issues with my far-east suppliers, the only good time is even after midnight!
I also like dannyspl's comment from a man's point of view. Lucky for men, many women are wired (or re-wired) the way that men want them to be wired. I would feel extremely lucky if there is a man out there who would stroke me daily with encouragement and support. :)
After all, it seems like there are a small group of women, who are beautiful, confident and successful but still single, because they are not wired just to stroke the man daily with encouragement. What they need is someone who can stand beside them equally, with confidence and strength, support each other and encourage each other.
But such men are as rare and precious as top Cs diamond.
And Danny, I ask the same question of men. I think it is all personal and different for each. For myself, from the time I was 14 I never bought into what one is spoon fed by society. Marriage, family, your role, his role, the white picket fence, so that was never my goal.
If one falls IN love, one can fall OUT of love. And that is exactly what happenes to what people call "failed love" In true love there is no such thing as "failed" Love just is. It is a feeling that lives. A feeling doesn't "fail", but your IDEA of it does! So are people living and idea or the real thing. Most people live what love they know, from their heads. For some strange reason people seem to able to love their children unconditionally, yet cannot love others that way. Barriers of the mind go up and prevent people from just loving. So my goal is always searching for that exceptional person who knows how to love unconditionally. I don't have to want or desire it to be forever. It will be that without question, because it just IS.
Living like this, has made my life incredible. I have never had to go through all the horrible things that faux love generates. Also the fact that I have spent a lot of my life working my ass off kept me single some of the time. Haha :)