z71 write: butterfly, the guy was no good for nothing and you married him? WHY????
I am not picking on you, but that is the problem sometimes. You marry someone thinking; oh, they'll change, but they don't.
And I said "SOME" women, not ALL. And.. I included guys in the equation.
So take that!!!
I love this question because people more often than not, miss a really key reason why we marry jerks.
They weren't jerks when we said, "I do!!!!!"
The ones we dated before we married them didn't say to themselves before they popped the question, "I want to marry this one! I'm gonna show them what a big freak I am and how impossibly rejectable I will be once we tie the knot!"
Men only really pull out the big guns in their "excess gas arsenal" (pardon the pun) AFTER the ink is dry on the marriage certificate! Women only really start duct-taping the toilet seat to the bowl AFTER the throwing of the bouquet! Nobody ever shows their most disgusting, boorish, shrewish, biotchy side until the deed is done!
THAT'S how we end up hitched to Spous-zilla and THAT'S why people are silly enough to ask, "What the heck did you ever see in that alien abduction reject, anyway?"
Oh, BTW ... GoodLife Grl..... that's a very impressive ribbit response you inspired there! lol Good on ya!
Successful daters know this is a numbers game . . . we need to ride that rough edge of kissing a lot of frogs while somehow maintaining our (not literal) "virtue" through it all, in the hopes of finding our "prince."
I remain the hopeful romantic . . .
YOU are spot on there..I dated for a very long time and never claimed any man 'my boyfriend' , most of them became great buddies and eventually married Mr. Right at 29..I think most of us have a sort of 'memory bank' where we store all the info about who we need and want for a soulmate, and when we do the quality control 'dating' circuit , that memory bank works unconsciously till we finally kiss the 'right frog' and it clicks 'bingo'! ..just relax and enjoy dating all different types..and you would be pleasantly surprised what you find...I adore the company of men but marrying them takes on a different agenda...wish more men understand that women can be great platonic friends too..and not see us as just marriage candidates...
Very well stated Mandalay..I share the same thought,and feelings that you stated.. Mandalay207 write: Danny,
To me, it's not just the women but the men as well. There are many men on this site, in the same age range as you described but haven't found the right woman yet.
Settling down with someone in my eyes is just that, settling. Many people have certain criteria that are a "must." I know I certainly have them and I'm sure you do as well. Does it make us picky? Probably so, yes. I'd rather be extremely picky in a potential mate and have that person have the qualities I am looking for than someone who only has 75% of those qualities. The key is to communicate those must have qualities and keep an open mind. Some of the women you describe just may be someone you'd like to date once you find out more about them.
When you say, "they seem to have higher than average expectations for men.", I would disagree with that. I know I have very high expectations about someone's character and personality going into something. Physical attributes are just that, physical. Physical attraction only gets you so far, it's what's beneath that surface is what matters most to me. Show me intelligence, class, dignity, grace, humor and especially trust, the beauty of the individual shines even more brightly.
Well there are many different factors why there are beautiful women that are still single.
There are times in your life when it is peaceful and meaningful to get to know yourself which requires that you be by yourself.
Some men think beautiful women are too demanding and are too much work. This also breeds jealousy in men which ultimately end in a falied relationship. If you believe a person is too beautiful to be single in the first place, it is likely that they will not totally gain trust in that person when you (men) are feeling insecure, there goes the jealousy.
Most of all. Beautiful women have the same flaws and issues as average-poor looking women. For instance, Haile Barry. She is one of the most beautiful women alive yet she cannot sustain a relationship. This is not because of the way she looks, she's flawless, it's her and the men she encounter.
z71 write: It's simple buddy. SOME, not all, toss men around like dishrags because they have an attitude problem. Or, some just think because they do look good, they can do whatever the he** they want.Or, they see ooooone little thing they don't like and throw it all away looking for the absolute perfect man. Show me a perfect person and I will show you an android. That's why they CAN'T find a man. Any man with any sense wouldn't waste his time with a person like that.
omg he is talking about me and he is soooooooooooooo right
As a 42 Y.O. woman, I'm on MM because I want a man! And also because I have fun reading and contributing on the Forums.
Now, you can't just go out and GET the man who's picture you like best, so you have to play the games: send winks, send emails, send cell #'s,etc. I'm not particularly picky ... I want a man who's good-looking, sure! But one of the handsomest men I know is balding, wears glasses and has a little spare tire around the middle, but he's the sexiest man I know. So "looks" aren't tops with me.
A sense of humour really turns me on, especially if it's impromputu conversation ... not particularly Internet blonde jokes or some other FWD. That's uninspired and lazy.
I want a man who is financially stable because I'm not. I make a truckload of money sometimes and just live on that until it runs out, painting and writing and creating like the true starving artist that I am ... living for now, never worrying about the future.
Some men might snub me for being this way, but some day, (and I'm holding out for him) ... a man, perhaps a balding one with love-handles and glasses on, is going to say to himself, "That girl is maybe a little flakey and undoubtedly wildly creative! But I'm not going to let her get away from me just because I'm hesitant about one little thing about her! I'm taking her NOW! Poor math skills and all!"
That's the man I want. And I'll wait until he comes to get me.
Why do women or men not accept the person's character that they're dating? That's both a simple and hard question to answer.
Mainly, people are insecure. They look for other people to accept them and approve of their beliefs. If the other person isn't like their ideas, they need the other person to change so they can be right.
If a person doesn't love themselves first for who they are, there really isn't a chance they can love someone else for who they are.
statuesque4u write: Z you have had many good answers and some of us will be redundant in that. When we are 20 and we marry we look for those rugged good looks and charisma with attraction. We all have that young mind set not yet filled with the wisdom of our yrs. and experiences. Sometimes we grow with each other and sometimes we grow apart the older we get. We also go through many pitfalls and dealing with those can make or break a relationship. We see all the flaws in each other, some inconsequental some not so. If you become single again then as you get older you see those flaws and learn to be able to pick and choose better next time around.. The next one you find the looks but then you delve deeper and also find the character the humor,caring and many others that you want to have this time around. The inner person at and older age is much more important than when we were 20. When you can find the inner workings to be sincere and true with what you are searching for along with mental and physical compatability then you know that you are on the right track. There is room for flaws but those important attributes have to be high on the list now where at our younger age they were lower on the totem pole
Just as Fun and Mandalay stated we do not have to lower our standards this time around. We can pick and choose now with clarity and experience...
You all have valid points...I love reading all this...damn you guys...I cant get anything done...IM always here when I AM home...ugh!!!! Anyhow...I guess its not taking me as long to get the H E L L away from that ruff and rugged look...nothing but TROUBLE...I really loath a man that primps more than me #1...#2 I can't stand a man that has no couth or respect for women...wait ok s h i t...Im gonna shut...gonna get my tail in a twist again hahahaha
dannyspl write: Ok Im open to all opinions. I want to know why ladies who are mainly 25 to 45 and are above average in the looks dept., are still single and can't seem to find a guy to settldown with. Many are looking here and other personals sites. From my dating experiance they seem to have higher than average expectations for men. Men on the other hand, such as myself tend to avoid these women once they are figured out. I want to know from both sexes what you think these expectations are and why women dont want to except the character of guys that are attracted to them?
...I think the reason you see more women in that age bracket being single is because they can. Life and love are not even remotely like they were 40 or 50 years ago. Independence and individuality are foremost amongst all genders these days.And a surprising amount of VERY good looking women in their 30's and 40's are pushing the envelope a bit and checking out other women as companions.That leaves guys like you and me honing our golf skills and eating sushi with our pets and wishing for time-machines.
HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY someone that likes SUSHI...*EG* I think Im gonna like this guy!
Last posting folks..
Thanks for all the fun and amusement..
In the search for the ultimate love of our life..as in any goal in life, there is the Risk v. Reward factor that will constantly be the test ..in Love as in everything else, do we dare risk it and at what price to get that reward or maybe none at all? Every heart has a price of pain or pleasure , only you could know what price to risk and dare...so good luck folks may you all find your ultimate Prize! Be gentle with your own heart and those of others that you risk.
CUB...Cupid's arrows going heywire..too many moving targets to aim at..and missing too much ..so hang on in there and stop moving so fast from one woman to another...lol
You need to hold still and be a sitting duck for a bit while she aims..
Also arrow factory on holiday , need to replenish supplies..so take a break , go on summer break, get a tan and you will be more visible..
billzeke write: Cat. People having fun and enjoying themselves are always much more attractive to most; than those that are "desparately seeking Susan" or Sam for that matter. LOL. I lurk more than anything, but I enjoy most of the conversation. Sure beats the stock message boards these days. LOL. Bill
Cat. People having fun and enjoying themselves are always much more attractive to most; than those that are "desparately seeking Susan" or Sam for that matter. LOL. I lurk more than anything, but I enjoy most of the conversation. Sure beats the stock message boards these days. LOL. Bill
billzeke write: It seems to me that most of the people that post regularly on these threads are here for some fun and enterainment. I think most would be happy to find the perfect mate, but are not counting on this site to do so. I fear that anyone that joined thinking this was their answer to romance will be very disappointed in the result. One can never find someone when they aggressively looking for them. The best things come along when you are not seeking them. Just my 2 cents.
I agree Bill I was a lil disappointed myself...but have realized I've made some wonderful friends on here...and lord do some ppl make me laugh on here...I'd much rather join the humor here than sit and watch TV...unless I was snuggling w/that someone special...ok ok I do like to snuggle w/my snuggle bug from time to time
It seems to me that most of the people that post regularly on these threads are here for some fun and enterainment. I think most would be happy to find the perfect mate, but are not counting on this site to do so. I fear that anyone that joined thinking this was their answer to romance will be very disappointed in the result. One can never find someone when they aggressively looking for them. The best things come along when you are not seeking them. Just my 2 cents.