its not just about beautiful women - sorry but thats just a POV - if we are honest with ourselves then we (me included) would come to realise the reason why we are all single is that we choose to be, our sub conscious directs us to this, to be with someone you should first love yourself ( i hear you ) - oh but i do - i really do - but the truth will always be if you love yourself then you will find an avenue to share that love with another..and until you either realise or achieve this state then this www will stay in your heart, which is not that bad a place to be..
HOPELESSLY..... Everyone has a different take on movies.. What was yours? I see you are new to boards, as am I.. WELCOME... and may you have better fortune in the "Love arena" than I have!! I think I'm trading in my heart for set of boxing gloves now! A man might appreciate the gloves more!! :)
So you are sayng you don't want the man in the suit huh?? WELL THEN TAKE IT OFF!! Does wonders I've found!! HeeHee~~ Objects in the mirror may not be as boring as they appear! LOL (but only after you fix his toilet, build him a deck and mow his lawn!!)
BREAK OUT THE DRILL BABY!! There is someone for everyone! LOLOL
I dont have much, so I am not high maintenance, prefer the rough outdoors and extreme sports, mechanics, oil, dirt, building, plumbing....and what - all the millionaires want to spend all day shopping for crap you only want, dont need and like to stay in the suit all DAY, boring!!!
...OK I've got it....no men here for me....whats new!!
I dont think this is entirely true, alot of men tell me that i am intimidating.. and i am NOT high maintenance. I am still single ONLY because I choose not to settle. I am not asking for much from a man i just want an honest, respectful man,hardworking man , who can be faithful!! Now if thats alot to ask for then im better off single.LOL.. I just think it depends on the person you cant put ALL woman in the same category as being to high maintenance (picky) or whatever why can a female just be single because she is waiting for the right one?
Hoping4Love2000... You make a good point.. and even though I am always full of ideas, this never, ever came to my head: MY CAR IS TOO LITTLE!!! I think a dump truck would do it, so it can serve two purposes! ;)
OMG! U hit the nail on the head for me!! I read your words.. Apparently I can't sleep.. w/ a man.. or w/out one.. yet "another issue" of mine.. LOLOL.. but when I read "safe and protected" and emotional and financial security.. WELL.. THAT described what I seek .. hands down!!
People ask me all the time why I drive a big truck.. I'm not a "car" girl.. I always respond w/ same answer...... "I feel SAFE and PROTECTED" ...
Years of therapy.. (well actually the first session) taught me that since my mother didn't protect me as a very small child and through my teens... (Fill in blanks...) I learned to try and protect myself.. So obviously.. I hold "trust" issues w/ men in general and have admittedly made some poor choices along the way.. The absolute amazing beauty of it all however is that despite my lack of relationship w/ my mother.. I have been tremendously blessed w/ the most beautifully sculptured women in my life in all areas and shapes and sizes... I have women friends who are like moms, big sisters and little sisters in my life.. I think God planned it that way... :) I just wish I could find a man I am attracted to that could guide and love me in the same manner.. Men are just not from what I have found... "emotional creatures".. therefore they may feel badly about things.. but they still don't "get" me... I find women much more responsive to reading a persons heart... (NO OFFENSE to men)
And I guess since I haven't found "emotional security" in a man... I have chosen it in a vehicle...
Hope you have a wonderful day! (or whenever you read this...)
Lots of people have said great things about this topic. I will just add this: I think it's a two way street. For a great relationship, men and women should give each other what they need. If the guy need to feel appreciated, valued, affirmed, encouraged, supported.. then he should have it. In return, if the woman needs to feel safe and protected, emotionally and financially, then he should give her that. Like someone said, it's a two way street.
I can hear your "Independent nature" in your words... LOVE IT!
Although I have never achieved "financial security" as it appears many/most? women in this forum have .... I have a "strong-willed and independent nature" that can't be rocked w/. It's there.. I call it as I see it.. and MANY men I have met have held issue w/ this!
So I guess it doesn't matter if a woman is of "average looks and successful financially"... or a "pretty girl they expect to keep her mouth shut".. Many men are intimidated by a woman who has achieved any level of independence!
I've thrown 3 inch stern lines off a 4' jump deck in 8' seas while backing up to a platform in the middle of the gulf just months ago, so I had food on the table.. (It was actually FUN.. but I admit... I was scared!) But if a 105lb woman can and will do a "man's job" to survive...I'd call that about as independent as it gets!
Nice to meet you! Don't work too hard on your 16 hour day... And may a man come your way who "APPRECIATES" and "EMBRACES" you for who you are!
Wanted to respond to a couple of posts I found interesting.. so we'll see if this goes through. (Last night even MM had difficlut time getting my post to sync in.. it messed up the page for few hours! What a way to say HELLO to everyone! Kind of like being new on the ball field and throwing the ball over the fence! LOL)
You are correct for sure... a MAJOR bottom line is "acceptance" of who your partner is and the "willingness" to allow them to grow in their own rights. Sounds like you didn't have this. I'm sure in the long run.. you will be better off.. (as we all are after divorces..) BUT.. doesn't it make it any easier..
Oddly you say "What attracted him to me in the beginning".... he didn't like in the end... My girlfriend always told me.. "Whatever brings you together in the beginning will pull you apart in the end!" NOW I understand what she meant! (slow learner.... ADHD? LOL)
Okay... Guess I am coming in a little late in the game.. but being 44 and considered a woman w/ above average looks.. the topic caught my attention...
I can't recall verbatim what was stated by the author.. or anyone else for that matter.. (and didn't try to figure out how to work highlighter thingie...) But I'll give it a go here!
This encompasses MANY avenues but the one that hits me hardest from what I have experienced:
Men are “visual” creatures and beautiful women are often “idolized” (as one person related) and a man will want to “use her” as a trophy or souvenir.. BUT, at the end of the day.. he is insincere in his intentions as he was only using her to boost his ego. He “thinks” she is “all that” and a bag of chips and when he realizes she suffers from more insecurity than an “average” looking woman because THE WORLD SETS THE BAR.. NOT THE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.. therefore, she is constantly trying to achieve “better” because that is what is EXPECTED of her ( esp.. the older and more wrinkles that surmount on her aging body and face…) Then the man considers her “emotional high maintenance” as the author has stated.. and hauls out..
I have personally dealt with men who have told me.. “I thought you had it ALL together to look at you.” WELL GUESS WHAT? NOBODY has it ALL together in every category.. And if ANYONE thinks they do they need schooling in self-awareness. We All have our weaknesses.. and many beautiful women usually suffer from low self-esteem because the bar is simply set too high for us since we were small girls. Why do you think plastic surgery is so prominent? EVEN FOR TEENS!! Because women WANT to go under the knife? They do it because they “feel” they HAVE to in order to keep up w/ what MEN and SOCIETY DESIRE. So dannyspl… I would have to state for me.. I do not feel it is the BEAUTIFUL WOMAN who is seeking “higher than average expectations.” I think it is the men who these women have mistakenly dated in their “quest for love” that have not received the emotional support and guidance necessary and that has ruined it for both sides.. Hence… we have a lot of beautiful women and truly sincere nice guys out there who don’t see past their previous experiences.
Hi ALL.. I’m a new girl here! And YES!! I AM working on my insecurities! :)
Men can be very intimidated by women with looks and independence. They get very insecure and feel challenged. Most of my male friends tells me men want to feel needed, in my opinion I don't 'need' a man as I can manage on my own. However I would like someone who is safe and secure within themselves that can respect that I am not needy and like my indepencence. Very hard to find that person.
Gypsey if men are intimidated it is because she has high expectations she wears on her forehead like a billboard.
High maintenance is financial, emotional or physical. Men wonder if it is worth the effort. She needs to show him she is worth the effort no matter how she sees herself. Instead she expects him to play the game by doing most of the work and she does very little if at all. He will put out effort to a point then his tolerance is reached and he moves on. Yes he feels challenged. Not neccessary if she really wants to make him feel valued.
Making him feel valued
and affirmed will keep him around
Men don't feel needed they want to feel valued. She can gain everything she wants but if he is not emotionally stimulated by her, he will leave eventually. Many said they did for that reason in my small groups for divorce recovery.
He is safe and secure because she is putting out just as much as he is. They both work at serving eachother hence the true chemistry. The magic is there. It can't be a one way street.
Each MUST give up some of their independence if they expect the relationship to grow. Sometimes it's the independence that stops the growth.
Part of the problem I've found is that women will not date below their own socioeconomic status (I really don't think it means as much to men). There are some women I've seen here who obviously enjoy the millionaire's lifestyle, whether they find the millionaire companion to go with it or not. "Green Acres" does not happen in real life.
If I ever came into or made a million, the freedom to spend my time the way I want to means a lot more than any material thing I could buy with it. I don't know how desirable a "millionaire" that would make me.
Interesting posts there. I'm 49 and getting a guy my own age is harder than you think. All these guys from 45 to 65 want a lady under 35. How the hell they really think at 60 they are going to pull a gorgeous young 35 yr old with any brains... Can anyone tell me how they are going to get if they arent going to pay. The young ones want to have it all and have it now. I work 16hour days, can look after myself, work hard, play hard,....bla bla...of average looks and have a great sense of humour...and so far no interest at all. So whats wrong....49 and got a few wrinkles, independant, say it how it is...guys cant handle independant women, but at the same time I get called a gold digger for looking here...go figure...I dont want your money....I just dont want a dead beat and thats what you meet if you head to clubs and bars....sleeze...so shoot me for being open and for being me.
Having high expectations is fine, I even have mine.
The big deal with guys ladies is they can see them cause you expose them so clearly. Not a good idea. Own them but hide them. Once a guy sees them you can not control the many ways guys can react. But since you have the POWER as a woman you can use it to your advantage. Many women use it to their advantage every day with men. Talk to your mentors in your life and find out how they use their power over men. Let's face it men simply do not have a chance with a woman with her identified power. Research it, Study it and use it to gain advantage over other women to find that special guy.
BTW psst your chances of finding anyone who will fit your needs here on MM is very remote. Also not a good idea.
This could be applied to older men, too:
It's kind of like when you're young, at the carnival, and your mother gives you $5, along with the advice not to blow it all on the first fun you see. You walk around the carnival, wanting to see all there is, while the barkers are trying everything they can to lure you and your money in. After awhile, all the attention becomes pretty empowering - they see that $5 in your hand. It becomes an ego boost to have everybody calling to you.
The question: what do you do when mother tells you it's time to go home, and you still have that $5? Was there really any fun worth spending some $ on, or were you smarter holding on to the money? Do you feel you cheated yourself, or just bank the cash?