OP, I fall smack dab in the middle of your description of the single woman. At 47, after a 25+ year marriage, I'm back in the dating world. I'm educated, intelligent, attractive, and (even my ex husband would agree) I am described by those who know me as generous, kind, and sweet. I have no interest in changing anyone other than myself -- and that's a lifelong personal growth journey. (I'm usually rather humble as well, but these posts require a higher level of directness to get a point across, regardless of how uncomfortable I feel giving the description.) I just joined this site to see if I can find a man who is charismatic, intelligent, and emotionally mature. Those 3 characteristics are tough to find, in my experience (which is thus far rather limited). I'm a traditionalist, a woman who believes in the masculinity of a man and thrives on it -- I'd never want to step on it! It goes quite nicely with the femininity of a woman who enjoys being a woman (as I do). So why am I still single? I just haven't met "the one" yet. I don't have a check list, nor do I worry much about appearance (his, I mean; chemistry comes in all shapes and sizes), but when I've gone on 2 or 3 dates with someone and there's no chemistry whatsoever, there's no reason to keep wasting the man's money on dinners and drinks. It's best to be honest and move on. If there's chemistry and compatibility, I'm ready to commit to seeing if one evening turns into a month then a year, and so on.
Similar question goes to man who attractive.
I want to know why attractive man who knows how to take good care of themself are so picky even with the beautiful woman ? Why most of those man woman desire don't want commitment and marriage unless they face a day and realise that they are old and unattractive now and even with the money they can not buy what they want TO MAKE YOUNG BEAUTIFULL WOMAN TRULY LOVE HIM.
Ok Im open to all opinions. I want to know why ladies who are mainly 25 to 45 who consider themselves beautiful either inside or outside, are still single and can't seem to find a guy to settle down with. Many are looking here and other personals sites. From my dating experience they seem to have higher than average expectations for men. Men on the other hand, such as myself tend to avoid these women once they are figured out. I want to know from both sexes what you think these expectations are and why women dont want to accept the character of guys that are attracted to them?
i dont have expectations that are too high & i am quite single. i realize that most millionaires are 50+, look 70, are 5'4(but say they are 5'7 on their profiles)& are out of shape but expect me to stay 100 lbs for the rest of my life.
i get that & i am fine with that
still looking,still waiting, still hopeful,still single.
Well I was married for 30 years and I was very happy and had 4 beautiful children, I consider myself a beautiful, confident and smart women...however one day I came home and found my husband with a 22 year old tart....I asked him why and his response was I wanted to know what it was like to be someone else....but I was finished....so some of us on here havent been single all our life.....we have a lot of love to give and love being a partner and best friend and come on we are lonely to....who doesnt want to wake up to someone they love....so dont presume that we are all difficult to please women looking for the perfect man.....I would be happy with someone who respected me with honesty and passion....when I am ready to go out and when I wake up in the morning for me that is love.....remember this is my opinion and not what you may think.....so just always remember one thing to smile.....
I think everybody has a different experience so in essence will have a different answer Some indeed will have high expectations but this is true to some men also but more are realistic in what they want. Personally from my own experience I have often got into conversation with blue color workers and everything seemed to be ok until we discussed education, careers etc then you felt the whole atmosphere changing. It never bothered me and my interest was still the same but others had a problem because there was a difference on this issue. I think the role of women and men in society today has changed and some men find this an issue, men were traditionally the main bread winner but in todays world a woman could be and some men are still trying to cope with this very existence.
As I mentioned at the start there is no universal answer to this question and everybody will have different reasons.
In studies of married men, the men site the number one reason they chose their wives as "she was nice and thoughtful"... In today's society, especially when dating, how often do you run into beautiful women who are nice and thoughtful? Most are of the belief that if you don't kiss their ass they'll find another guy who is richer and who will kiss their ass... in about 15 minutes and history generally proves them right.
Having said that...
In the book The 5 Love Needs of Men and Women by Gary and Barb Rosberg they site research that shows a mans number one emotional need is unconditional acceptance. How often have you been out with ANY woman who can provide that one simple need?
Having said that...
A German female friend of mine living in the states made these two observations:
1) American women are spoiled (if you've ever dated any woman from any other culture you get this)
2) American women don't like men. They like the IDEA of a man but they don't actually like men. They don't want dirty socks on the floor, they don't want the toilette seat up, they don't want the news paper scattered all over the couch etc. etc. While American women bemoan these things, women from other cultures celebrate them because they know their man is happy, at home and with them and the absence of these things means their man is somewhere else.
I'd say put it all together and you have your answer... Beautiful american women are spoiled and they want a wussy man they can control and who requires nothing from them.
The problem is that most men, especially the successful men, know that women like these are a dime a dozen and although they may make interesting playthings, we hold out for a woman who can add value to our lives... and I mean value beyond their beauty... and those women are few and far between.
I just want to first say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Next, I want to say that it is my belief that when a woman is over about the age of 40-45 (at least in my locale), the number of single, eligible men diminishes to a point where it is difficult to find a compatible match.
I have say its harder for a woman that is 51 to find a mate. There is a lot of beautiful women over 50. It seems men my age on their profile are looking for women 25-38 or 28-40? Nothing against you younger ladies. I just signed up and my margin of selections are very slim."
I do not think there is a general rule... I consider myself inteligente and attractive.
I was married once, and I had very bad luck.
I still keep the desire of get married and have a traditional family.
I am single by election, but I don't mean because I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP, but because this time I really want to get to know the right man, not only for his looks, but intelligence, self confidence and good manners.
Money is not the most important to find a man attractive.
I think beautiful woman between 25 and 45 learned from previous experiences that is better to be alone, that having the wrong partner.
Am single,beautiful and not got the right man,but some are single due to choice,or they had a failed relationship..or maybe the are avoiding commitments..or they don't find their right partners,u don't marry a man just to be in a relationship or have a man on your side,you feel complete with this man in every aspect of life,the same applies to men,they should be comfortable being with u if not there is no need for a relationship.any questions write me directly (email@example.com)
I would rather have a higher EQ and less money than a higher IQ with more $ and be aging alone after a pattern of failed relationships. The link to take the EQ test was removed. You will have to search it. It's called the emotional Intelligence quotient.
You made some excellent points, as you so often do. It is always nice to see balance in a point of view. Although I don't neccessarily consider myself to be a deep thinker, one doesn't need to be understand this statement, "The magic is when you both get it and serve each other unconditionally".
I have to say I rarely hear the word unconditionally used by people. Perhaps people are more concerned about what their partners can and will do for them. In speaking for myself I am ready for the magic to begin.
On a slightly different topic I think IQs in both intelligence and emotions is high some peoples list. I have read that Psychologists define IQs over 140 "genius" The average IQ for those obtaining a Ph.D. is 141. Anyone with a Ph.D. must reach the obvious conclusion. I know my IQ is below 140, the conclusion I reached to my surprise is that I am not a "genuis".
I would caution that intelligence is considered by most to be a qualitative understanding, and attempts to quantify qualitative relationships is mixing metaphors. I submit that there is more than one intelligence. Then again, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to know the IQs of all the people I come in contact with daily, pilots, mechanics, ships cpatian, service workers etc.
While I do believe intelligence has its place, it remains one of many factors in a relationship. In my humble opinion it has become a closed loop system that feeds back to its elite that they are good. If you're a "genuis" you must be good.
Unfortunately,The empowerment idea of feminists and woman's liberation agendas has made it a bigger challenge to "have it all". The job or career, the family and the ideal relationship.
Where men and women can do better is stop thinking about what the other can do for them rather than what they can do for their partner. This me attitude has killed the idea of a longterm possibility.
Where women can do better is make him feel valued and appreciated. The expectation of serving me has to change. Men want to serve you but they don't want you to expect it. They also don't like to be criticized and judged for simply being a man. Women who practice emasculating men to gain empowerment usually find themselves alone in their later years and then wonder why.
For the next relationship try obtaining a serving mindset and don't criticize or judge or emasculate him. Change your list of expectations to that of growing the relationship instead of serving yourself. If he is smart he will see it right and the relationship will grow. If he doesn't you may have just picked the wrong guy who doesn't get it either. The magic is when you both get it and serve eachother unconditionally.