I am still alone because I do not believe in forcing attraction or forcing to make a relationship work just so I can say I am in a relationship. That is unhealthy and both people will end up unhappy in the end and it will end.
This is a very good topic to explore...kudos for posting it!
IMO...It takes a very secure man to date a woman "above average in the looks dept". It is a gift to find a man that not only appreciates a beautiful woman but is not threatened by it. A woman beautiful on the outside loves it when a man takes the time to really get to know her inner beauty.
I feel it is best to have realistic expectations (i.e. similar to expectations you hold for yourself). A good rule to live by is treat others how you would like to be treated and expect of others only what you yourself have to offer. Above all be honest and be real.
A few years back a buddy of mine and I attended the Ft. Lauderdale Boat show which is a HUGE international event. We started over in the small boat section and were through there pretty quickly and into the mid-sized boats and through those pretty quickly making it over to the yachts by around 1p.
As we sat at this little outdoor venue eating a bite and watching the people, my buddy asked if I saw anything different about the women in this section.
I didnt and he pointed out to me there were no ugly women in the yacht section. As I looked around he was right. Every mega yacht owner and/or potential owner had an amazing hottie on his arms.
Moral of the story:
1) Dont go looking at mega yachts with an ugly guy by your side!
2) Beautiful people have options. Since most nice looking people can have their pick of suitors, why settle for someone who doesnt meet your expectations?
You know I am a 54 year old and I am not bad looking at all. Though I have been single for the past ten years, but I did find myself attracted to a man my age, and my race too, but his perference seems to be young white blonde women (height did not matter), so I was annoyed, because he is a very nice person and everyone likes him, he is a musical virtuoso on the guitar, but I think I spent two years trying to impress this guy with absolutely no impact. So I have not only moved out of state, but I have moved on. The funny thing is I just met a young man (39) and we hit it off well, and we are friends and he is just so nice to know, but he is married, and I don't mess with married men at all, because I had that done to me by a woman I thought was my friend. I respect the marriage vow seriously and I will lecture a man on remembering why he got married, and if he has kids, then I am very much an advocate for marriage.
Yes, if you see my Pic, you will see that I am a beautiful woman both inside and out, and I have been studying music for the past Ten years, and did not date or anything. Women my age are single because men my age want younger women, and they can have it especially if they are financially stable and own a home or not, but just is well to do....that what I see and what I know, so for me it is dis-heartning...
Women who have a lot to offer in all ways who are smart, kind in nature, respectful, honorable, successful and have accomplished their own personal goals do not really care so much for men that have problems such as huge debts, bad driving records, housing issues, crazy ex wife issues, mamma's boys, drugs/alcohol/gambling dependencies etc...I was once married to a super smart book smart professional but he was horrible with money despite his earning potential. He also had bad credit and a bad driving record that was a burden to our financial situation. No it did not put a dent into our lifestyle but what was wasted because of his bad driving and poor handling of money could easily have paid for a child's college education. I could deal with that and even with the fact he never had much of a sexual appetite due to vicoden for his back pain...but he not only was a mamma's boy, he eventually allowed her to control him and it killed the 10 great years we had together. When he realized his errors....it was too late. I felt I dodged a big enough bullet.
I was raised by what I feel is a perfect example of a very good man and a very good woman catch wise. Since my parents were a good match for each other they had a marriage till death. That's 1/2 of a century of success...and a very good marriage at that and one I finally began to learn by after my own marriage failed. My marriage did not fail because of my mate...it failed because I chose the wrong mate.
To better the chances of a successful LTR contains many ingredients that go into the recipe for a successful LTR.
Similar social class, similar goals, similar personalities, similar with finances etc...It's not just all about looks...but attraction must be there and the "real chemistry" is not abut looks at all, it's how two people get along, interact, weather arguments and deal with each other's flaws as well as personality quirks. Yes, we all have flaws....I may be a great catch and have a lot to offer a mate but I too admit I have flaws. I would however like to think that the good person I have become really makes up for the flaws and what I bring to the table totally out weights the not so desirable personality quirks I may have.
So CHEMISTRY is NOT just about physical attraction and similarities....CHEMISTRY is really more about what character flaws we will tolerate in our mate. It just go to prove that time between two people really counts and before we hop in the sack and rock each other's world physically we need to stop and think about how well that strategy has worked for us in the past relationships that resulted in failure.
The bottom line:
The better we feel about ourselves when in our mate's company....the better the relationship we have regardless if it's work related, platonic or intimate.
YOU CAN LEARN from your past relationships, understand your present ones and or even predict the success potential of your future choices - be they personal, professional or other. YOU JUST HAVE TO STOP and GIVE IT SOME GENUNINE THOUGHT BEFORE TRYING TO START ALL OVER AGAIN
it takes a REAL man to win a woman's heart, and it takes real commitment and hard work.
No one wants a man whose eyes wander to another female, looks at porn, and acts like a fool?
All of us women are not wanting the kind of men who look around, women are sick and tired of men cheating on them?
I have been married twice and sincerely committed to my mate, and still they went else where...what does a woman have to do to find that honest and sincere man? A man who can love and cerish me for who and what I am.
I agree with curious2078. She hit it right on the spot. I also agree with the response of Rihanna and her agreement with english0002. Men should be thinking with the head on top of their shoulders and not between their legs. Who wants to be with such a shallow person? Any woman can be dating any man at any given time under certain degrading circumstances, but it takes a REAL man to win a woman's heart and it takes real commitment. Who wants a man whose eyes wander to another female, looks at porn, and acts like a fool? Maybe women have retaliated against men in the cheating department, because women are sick and tired of men cheating on them?
OH, but KRCF, you're right! You know what? I find that women who remain alone, and are not so okay about that, are the usually extremely picky. I have dated a few times a guy that I would never "pick", but who has turned out to be one of the nicest, most sincere and open men I have yet to meet as a single-again woman. I still think there is a lack of chemistry, but am so glad to have met him, and we've been able to talk openly about our needs, wants, goals, etc. For that ONE man I still believe exists, in my optimistic mind, I have to say that if I can't smile, be open, love and allow myself to be loved, I may NEVER recognize him when he shows up. I'm going to boil that down to fear. Fear of making bad choices. Fear of yellow grass. Fear of intimacy with someone I may unmercifully and prematurely consider sub-standard. All in the French-Maid costume of "too good for you" :/
Ok Im open to all opinions. I want to know why ladies who are mainly 25 to 45 and are above average in the looks dept., are still single and can't seem to find a guy to settle down with. Many are looking here and other personals sites. From my dating experience they seem to have higher than average expectations for men. Men on the other hand, such as myself tend to avoid these women once they are figured out. I want to know from both sexes what you think these expectations are and why women dont want to accept the character of guys that are attracted to them?
I dont consider myself beautiful by any means. But, I get passed over all the time by men who assume that I will reject them. How do¿I know this? Because they tell me.... hinting & implying that "a woman like me must be too busy to go out with them" or "can I fit them into my tight schedule"?...etc. I find that very frustrating!¿Sheesh!! ask me out first¿before you envision my weekend! LOL
Sometimes I end up with no dates at all¿because they all assume Im busy! Whats a girl gotta do to get a date around here? I guess I will just have to start asking them out!!? LOL
I wanted to touch on the point you made about accepting the attention of the men that are attracted to them.
Thats an interesting point. Sometimes we dont attract who we want. Whether that be age, status, looks or location. Being Idealistic is not good. It sets people up for failure before they even have a chance. Accepting & working within our "limitations" is just another lesson to learn in life. To get what we want without settling, but being realistic...takes wisdom & patience.
Some of us choose to stay single.
I'm incredibly picky and hard to match.
I keep it that way on purpose.
Yeah yeah I'm young, I've heard it all before.
Love how the people who tell me that don't know a thing about me.
Sometimes there are many reasons, things happen in life,¿ Spouses die, Divorce, ¿Children are Important, and it hard to find an un- selfish caring, deeply commited, and devoted to Love¿ kinda Guy.¿
¿And alot of people are looking for love in all the wrong places.
¿And mostly it could¿be fear,¿ but Perfect Love cast out all fear. Better to have a lonely heart, than a broken heart. It takes time. And it is not good to settle. Because that leads to dis-contentment.
Also it is not by sight that we walk, Good looks does not a happy life¿ make, ¿there are alot of drop dead gorgeous people, who are messed up, who can ruin your life, ¿Not every beautiful woman or handsome man ¿is like that, I'm saying there are alot of them out there, cause of their enviornment, or mis understanding¿ or confusion¿about Love.
Sometimes when we endure hardship and lonliness it leads us to the understanding of who we are and what we want, and having ¿endured¿ ¿well¿ it¿¿¿leads to lack of nothing!
Hello, Dannyspl.¿ I'm definitely not one of those above average in looks women you're talking about...I'm pretty average.¿ But I've had close friends who are in that above-average category you're talking about.¿ All of them have said the same thing to me:¿ They have to put up with so many hits from men that if they didn't discriminate--on any basis they can find to eliminate the riff-raff--they'd do nothing with their lives but respond--or not respond--to men hitting on them.
Very beautiful women have their own set of troubles to navigate through to get to a good love match that most of the rest of us women can't even begin to imagine having to deal with.¿ Let me give you an example from my own life:¿ Many years ago, back in Manhattan, I had a very dear, close friend who happened to be stunningly gorgeous.¿ She turned heads wherever she went.¿ We used to like to get together every few weeks or so for dinner to catch up with each other on what was going on in our lives.¿ We tried our best to find out of the way quiet bistros where we wouldn't be bothered--meaning where SHE wouldn't be bothered.¿ But no matter where we went to just talk between ourselves, no matter how quiet or unpopulated the place was, we had to put up with some jerk or another -- several jerks, actually, throughout every meal, coming over to our table to interrupt our conversation in an effort to get my friend to go out with him/sleep with him that night/fly off to the Bahamas with him the next day...¿
My friend had to put up with this crap not just when she was having a quiet dinner with me, but wherever she went, and with whomever she went out with, whether it was a girlfriend she was¿spending time with¿or a man she was dating.¿
This woman was a "real" woman, not a golddigger or a user, or any other kind of scammer.¿ She was quite accomplished in her chosen field.¿ After years of putting up with with such crap, by 35 she'd developed a very thick skin about it--and a rather nasty attitude toward the creeps who reacted so strongly to her looks--and she became quite cynical about ever finding a man who would treat her as just a normal woman with a head and a heart and a soul and real feelings and needs.¿
Thank God, she eventually ran into the man who saw her as a "real woman."¿ The one man for her who saw her for who she was in total.¿ He was not particularly "taken" with her looks--Meaning her¿looks did not send him into "shock and awe."¿ He noticed her looks for sure, but after he noticed her looks, he noticed evrything her "looks" said about who she was.¿ He approached her as one human being to another, and began an intelligent conversation that betrayed nothing of how much¿her looks had initially attracted him.¿ This was easy for him because while he found her beautiful, he also saw in her face a powerful¿and unique intelligence--and he was right.¿ He took the tack of responding to that!!!!¿ He did his best to appeal to her unique intelligence and it worked.
This pair dated for 4 months before becoming physically intimate.¿ FOUR MONTHS!!!!¿ The man who won my friend's heart had enormous patience.¿ He also knew instinctively that he had to touch her soul long before he'd touch¿her body.¿
They've been married for 31--or maybe it's 32--years now, and¿they're still going strong.
I hope this¿answers your question to some valuable to you degree.¿ Beautiful women, who also happen to be highly intelligent and on their own course of accomplishment, very often, especially is they're over 30 or so, appear to be aloof or cold or unapproachable.¿ But they're not.¿ If you have an approach --meaning if you have the good sense, insight and intelligence to look beyond their looks into what they actually LOOK like they¿"might be," -- you can get one of these women.¿ But, if all you can do when you see a beautiful woman is¿say to yourself "WOW" and get a boner and let that boner's head¿decide what you'll say to the woman--you ain't gonna get anywhere with that "broad."
In summary:¿ If a woman is so damn gorgeous that when you look at her across a room all you can think of is how gorgeous she is--and you can't come up with any other ideas about who or what she might be and think and feel except gorgeous--give her a break.¿ Leave her alone.¿ She ain't for you.¿ She is so far beyond you, you might as well be road kill her automobile tires have just run over after 3,786 other automobile tires ran over it.¿
Hope the above gives you some insight into why beautiful women up to the age of 45 or so may still be single.¿¿No offense intented here, Dannyspl.¿ I'm just telling it to you as I know it.¿ If you see a beautiful woman¿who makes you think "Boy, I'd like to boink her," and you can't think of any other reason to approach her and start a conversation, then you're better off NOT approaching her, because if you do approach her with the¿singular attitude that¿"You're beautiful and I'd really like to get to know you," you're going to get your nuts crushed faster than a lone pine tree in an acre wide empty field is going get hit by lightning in a state-wide thunderstorm.
Unless, or course, the gorgeous broad is a hooker,¿in which cas she's¿going take your money....
So, pal, go forth with this motto¿in mind:¿ Beautiful women are people too.¿ Keep that¿right up there in the forefront of your thinking and you'll find¿and connect with the exceptionally beautiful woman you're looking for.
Women that are above average do not easily find someone to like. When they do they are so much into it. It is like when you are hungry for a long time and suddenly they put a plate full of food in front of you! So, when the other guy sees that he losts interest. A man wants to fight for her love but now he takes this for granted. And he says that he does not feel the way it was at the begining and breaks up with her. The problem is that this girl will be heartbroken and need a long time to feel for another guy... Is this good enough?