Why are beautiful woman still single? Message Board Forward to friends

  • View author's info Posted on Aug 23, 2010 at 07:28 AM

    Thanks - I think?

  • View author's info Posted on Aug 23, 2010 at 07:27 AM

    Some interesting comments.  I think everyone acknowledges, to some degree, the basic truths espoused in "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus".  Having said that, however, there seems to be alot more written, (no stats), in the advice world, about what women should do to keep their man (the old velvet glove), than about what men should do to keep their woman. 

    I'm all for understanding men, and your comment, "men are wired to be affirmed and valued and stroked each day. Criticism will never help a relationship grow. Ladies it is just the way we are. We need that from our partner. To feel valued appreciated encouraged and supported.", is most certainly true.  Having said that, could it not also be misconstrued as high maintenance, or is that assign for women only.

    Have you ever "feminized" this male requirement in an effort to understand what your woman needs?  It would read something like this, "Women are wired to be affirmed (You say: I love you, or I like your hair that way, or I know what kind of day you had {because you listened without fixing} and I appreciate that you made this meal for us.  Etc.), and valued (Thanks for feeding, bathing, reading to, and putting the kids to bed - after the day I had I wouldn't have been able to do it and I don't know how you do.  Thanks for holding down that partime job, while seeing to the day-to-day needs of our family.  Thanks for understanding how much I needed that golf weekend with the guys - sorry I missed your reunion, but I'm happy you had fun too.  Etc.), and stroked (while you're cleaning up the kitchen I'm going to run you a bath and pour you a nice glass of wine.  While you soak, I'll catch up on the news and sports highlights and we can cuddle (wink) when you're refreshed.  Ya know, by the look on your face, I think you need me to brush your hair for quite awhile.  I know it relaxes you, and when you're relaxed - I know I'll get to be ('nother wink). As you gently brush the hair out of her face, while she's cleaning out the refrigerator, you lean in and kiss her, and tell her thank you, and you love her.  Etc.) each day. Criticism will never help a relationship grow.  Men, it's just the way we are.  We need that from our partner.  To feel valued (I love what you did in the bedroom (decor-wise guys!), you're amazing.  I don't know how you managed it, but the surprise party for my dad was fantastic - he'll never forget it.  While I've not seen what you've done to the budget yet, lol, watching our kids this Christmas morning was the best gift you've given me.  Etc.), encouraged (I see how much you enjoy decorating, and your talent, why don't we see if we can budget the time and cash to get you into school?  You're not as valued at your job as you should be.  I can hold up on that new toy, while you look for something better suited to you.  Wear it, I still think you'd look great in a potato sack.  Etc.), and supported (Don't get involved in it, I'll let my sister know how rude she was.  Honey, don't worry about it.  If you hadn't told my boss to get his hand off your thigh - I would have!  Ya know, you're right and I'm glad you pointed it out.  That didn't set the best example for our son and I'm going to tell him about my mistake.  Etc.)

    With regard to your comment, "If I find she emasculates men in any way she is gone.", I'd like to point out that while the word effeminize can be found in Merriams, it's definition pertains to the feminization of men, rather than the harsh criticism of women's feminity (as emasculate does, gender non-specific).  Yep that's right, no catch all word lilke emasculate to place comments like; she's high maintenance (knows what she deserves and expects it); she's too easy (made a stud out of me though); She is crazy  (She got so angry with me when she found out I'd lied about not seeing my ex, she went nuts.  Just more proof that what they don't know, won't hurt you!), she's emotionally unstable (refer to previous example), Etc. 

    This post would be funny, if it weren't true in too many cases.  But, alas, it is and likely outweighs those pretty singles who are not likely high maintenance at all, but, rather, have needs - just like men.  You can't take a walk in our shoes, but empathy with a woman can go a long way toward being "affirmed and valued and stroked each day; only hearing constructive criticism that will  help a relationship grow; having your needs met and likely exceeded by your partner; and feeling valued, appreciated, encouraged, and supported."

    Behind every great man, you'll find a good woman, and Behind every great woman, you'll find a good man!  Unfortunately, as another woman pointed out, there are fewer men than women in this world, so suffice it to say there are even fewer good men.

    Oh, yeah, I hope this doesn't get miscontrued as emasculating/effeminizing.  It's not.

  • View author's info Posted on Aug 20, 2010 at 01:01 PM

    Very insightful....words of wisdom form someone who has obviously been there done that.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 20, 2010 at 08:46 AM

    Sincerity takes as long as it takes also!

    Tired of men who believe women can be scammed by insincere declarations of love, expensive dinners, a shoe shopping trip and/or outright lies. Such as the man claiming to be searching for a LTR but in fact with zero intent of ever entering into one!

    So. I will just date extremely selectively and not worry about an exclusive relationship. That way I get to call the shots and IF a man who is sincere happens along. He'll put in that little extra effort to prove it.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 16, 2010 at 12:12 PM

    For you women who are beautiful or not and are in your 30s 40s and 50s single and frustrated with men in general. before you fully give up on men and seek a bisexual or even a lesbian lifestyle let me encourage you with this insight. Try looking at relationships in a very different way. Not the way you have been accustomed or brought up or exposed to by the social fabric or media. Try looking at a relationship as what you do and offer toward your partner and NOT what you think they can do for you. This is a huge deal with men. We men love to serve our woman and want to focus on them and keep them happy. But what kills this excitement is when we notice our woman are usually thinking, wanting or expecting us to do the next thing for them. If women are focused on their guy the way men should be focused on them, needs are being met on both sides. He will be happy to help out more around the house, take you out to your favorite place or just hang out with you. But you make him fell he is never doing enough or the right thing he should know he will eventually get burned out like many men do.
    This is foreign to many women who expect men to put up, put out, and shut up in a relationship. Believe me it works for men and I can't wait to find a wife who supports this.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 16, 2010 at 12:05 PM

    Orrrr Maybe that is why you are divorced Sugar. Something to check out.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 15, 2010 at 09:33 AM

    I believe it's because men don't wish to settle down. Not the other way round!

    Men are constantly searching, even when they already have a gorgeous woman on their arm.

    Women nowdays don't put up with that, so they're playing the exact same game.

    Or men become too needy, many of my girlfriends who are in relationships complain of that. Needy equals suffocation and who wants to be suffocated!
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 04, 2010 at 07:49 PM

    Yes, we have high expectations ! And speaking from a divorced women's point of view.. Perhaps we didn't have high enough expectations the first time around!
  • View author's info Posted on Jul 26, 2010 at 01:37 AM

    It was interesting to real the comments to this blog. Such a variety of opinions.

    I think this:

    Good looks are a valuable asset for short term relationships, one night stands, and hookers. However, for a long term relationship, good looks are a minor factor. I expect you can say the same about good looking men.
  • View author's info Posted on Jul 19, 2010 at 03:00 PM


    Members Only

  • View author's info Posted on Jun 22, 2010 at 02:36 PM

    Great insight 4mylove about being happy with yourself both inside and out, before you can make someone else happy. I'm single and never been married. It was not because I did not want to marry,it was I had no clue of who I was and what I wanted in a relationship, so I chose the single life. Now in retrospect, it was a wise choice, given the fact that not a single relationship I had ever worked out. It was easy for me to blame the guy instead of myself. It took me a lot of soul searching and therapy to emerge victoriously as a complete person, as someone who is willing and able to share my life with that special man. My journey of self discovery is especially poignant now that I'm ready to change my status from single to...? I'm definitly open to the possibilities!!
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 10, 2010 at 04:18 PM

    thank you for the insight..I like it :)

    Members Only

  • View author's info Posted on Jun 10, 2010 at 12:59 PM

    You have to be happy with yourselve, inside and out.  You can't make someone else happy if not!  Self discovery is not achieved over night - it also takes looking very deep into your soul and seeing all the beauty and the warts.  Ha!  My own journey lasted years - the sudden death of my husband.  I knew from past experience where I needed to go and yes it took the good part of 6 yrs.  At some point - I was happy and content and ready to move forward.  Because I practiced this before my marriage we didn't have issues.  It was all quite natural and easy -  B  Failure is only because someone was "looking" for someone to make them happy therefore, disappointment follows.  And no one can "make" you happy - maybe a quick fix but those don't last!  Its patience that I think comes with age ha!  Most important is honesty - with yourselve first ....

  • View author's info Posted on Jun 09, 2010 at 12:58 PM

    More thing since I havn't added to this thread in over a year. Being beautiful to me is more than about physical attractiveness. I have dated some women who need a lot of makeup to look visually beautiful but are beings of great spirit, personality and maturity and character. When a man stays happy in a relationship cause she treats him right and he treats her right, physical attractiveness or chemistry, that which was so strong a role at the start is not so much an issue later as the relationship grows. Just look at couples who have been together for many years and this is understood. My parents as one example going on 60 years.
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 09, 2010 at 12:02 PM

    Good post. I think men are guilty of the BBD too. I would love to settle down with a woman who is beautiful to me in every way. What others see as beautiful is less important to me these days. If I find she emasculates men in any way she is gone. Zero tolerance and for good reason. Men are wired to be affirmed and valued and stroked each day. Critizism will never help a relationship grow. Ladies it is just the way we are. We need that from our partner. To feel valued appreciated encouraged and supported. Funny many things you ladies need we need too but don't express it as well as you do.
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 01, 2010 at 09:53 AM

    It has been put to me quite bluntly that my appearance leads people's expectations one way, and when I open my mouth and reveal I am not a moron, it can scare guys away. Needless to say; if my appearance was all that interested them, I am ok with staying single until someone more interesting comes along.
  • View author's info Posted on May 08, 2010 at 01:42 AM

    Heres a theory for you - one I have known since High School - Its called the " BBD Theory. "

    BBD ? simple - The Bigger Better Deal - thats why some of you woman beautiful, average looking, smart, educated, brilliant, wealthy, whatever your story is are still single. You find a man or two or three and you cant settle down with a guy because you are always Looking for the BBD - the Bigger Better Deal. A guy that is better looking, makes more money, can support you financially, can support you emotionally. SURE - as men we would Love to be all these things and even more to the women we find of interest , attractive or feel we could love. But why do you shoot us  ( men) down, or leave the relationship at some point. Because you find out we are human and have flaws, just like you do. Personally I have done a great deal of self-reflecting on myself and my life with the help of a professional, with the help of friends, with the help of close family. I am aware of my flaws and character defects, are you aware of yours? Please dont get the wrong impression, I am not on the attack here, I LOVE Women. I have loved a few in my lifetime. I have been married and loved my ex. But things went south ( completely another story. ) - Why are some of you women still single, the BBD. At some point you have to get real and take life on life's terms. The BBD is not just around the corner. The opportunity to be in Love, should it happen to you is rare and will happen just a few times in a lifetime, if you are lucky, ( my opinion.) No one is asking you to "settle." But think about if you are chasing the BBD or not. The Bigger Better Deal is not always what it appears to be.  -  HTG1961

  • View author's info Posted on May 06, 2010 at 03:56 PM

    Because what we want is hard to find. I can only speak for myself and all I really need and want in a guy is quite simple- A happy partner who loves life and has acceptance,enthusiasm, and enjoyment for his partner or companion and joy in everything he does.Believe it or not it's very hard to find.
  • View author's info Posted on May 03, 2010 at 04:27 PM

    Oh.. I should add..

    The original poster of the question asked about 25 to 45 year old single women?

    Well, check your working statistics- all people (male and female) are staying single longer and getting married much later in life. That's also why you can see a rise in the latter life pregnancy rates and see so many women in the 40s having their first children.

    People are waiting longer to get married because of the increased need/desire to establish themselves in a career before settling down. I for one have 2 undergrad degrees and finished my MBA last year (Age 30).  During the last few years I needed to establish my education and career goals in ensure that I can provide for myself and so that I can achieve my personal life aspirations beyond and husband, home, and 2.3 children.I didn't even have time to consider a serious relationship and I never knew how long a company would allow me to stay in a location or force me to move for a promotion. I couldn't see finding a man and then telling him that he has to move for my career- how many men out there would pick up and move for their woman's career goals? If you are out there- contact me! :)

    You simply cannot compare the status of single women today with the age of marriage in the past. The roles of men and women have dramatically changed in the last 40 years. Men seem to forget that yet they still want an "independent" woman who can provide for herself. In reality, if you want a woman to sacrifice her career aspirations to move and follow your career she will be in many ways dependent on your provider-ship. Otherwise, a woman needs to establish herself well enough that she has control over her career so that she has the power to find a equal compromise with her goals and that of her husband.

    This happens at a older age than in times past. So.. let's get out of simple stereotypes like "high-maintenance" and "golddigger". This conflict is rooted deeper in social changes than in simple stereotypes.

    Ms. Valky

  • View author's info Posted on May 02, 2010 at 08:35 PM

    Well, remember that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", and many women are "still" single, regardless of how they look.

    Members Only

Follow - email me when people comment