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What is the craziest thing you have ever done for love?
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Posted on Wed, Jun 15, 2005 03:06


wwwww123 write:
the truth is COMMON SENSE IS NOT THAT COMMON..

____________________________

And boy is that the truth. It's scary to me sometimes to watch people's minds work, and the conclusions they arrive at after working so hard.


wwwww




Wow, now that we all agree on that statement, is this thread officially closed? Really, where do we go from here?



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Posted on Wed, Jun 15, 2005 02:07

finally we both agree on COMMON SENSE...that makes us pretty uncommon...lol



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Posted on Wed, Jun 15, 2005 01:30

the truth is COMMON SENSE IS NOT THAT COMMON..

____________________________

And boy is that the truth. It's scary to me sometimes to watch people's minds work, and the conclusions they arrive at after working so hard.


wwwww



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Posted on Wed, Jun 15, 2005 01:16


Mandalay207 write:
BINGO! WE HAVE A WINNER!


5w's Wrote:

Agree, but like to add wisdom and common sense. It is not a exact science by any means.

Thanks "Dad" for bringing the common sense issue up. Seems that in this day and age more people are set on achieving "book smarts" than actual common sense. It's a dying trait, especially with people my age and younger.



the truth is COMMON SENSE IS NOT THAT COMMON..

and that is why problems become complex..



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Posted on Tue, Jun 14, 2005 22:20

I have tried to help a lot of people and have found that several simple visual drawings of relationships and problems are the most effective way of reaching people. A picture does seem to be worth a thousand words. -- Especially when the person is really confused.



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Posted on Tue, Jun 14, 2005 12:57

Frequently you know the answers to troubles yourself, but they're either conscious or sub-conscious. Sometimes it's a case of "you don't want to believe the truth." In theory, a really good friend can help you, but it takes guts for a best friend to tell you that it's obvious to everyone else (but you!) that your relationship ain't working.

When two really close friends of mine told me the same thing I really began to wonder... they remain my best friends to this day.

~

I'm a great believer in dreams - your subconscious is trying to tell your something. If you have a really vivid unusual dream, write it down before you forget it.

When I was very ill in Africa with dysentery, I woke up one night fantasising over a Big Mac and chips! Not exactly haute cuisine you might say, but it dawned on me later that my body was telling me that I was desperately in need of salt. With the aid of some peanuts and a salt cellar, this was soon remedied and I felt a lot better for it.



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Posted on Tue, Jun 14, 2005 12:09


wwwww123 write:
Bonnie ".but what makes one counsellor better than another is COMPASSION AND APPROCHABILITY"

_______________________________

Agree, but like to add wisdom and common sense. It is not a exact science by any means.


I think that if one has a similar personal experience plus the attribtutes noted above by Bonnie & 5w's one would be a he*ll of a good counsellor.
When I was struggling with my unhappy feelings in my marriage I went to see a Psychiatrist first. She was in her late 50's, married. During the 1 hr meeting, she asked questions and listened to my answers. Five minutes prior to the meeting ending, she said "Honey, you need to contact a good divorce lawyer. Here are 3 names. (she wrote them down) And I want you to book another appointment for this week." I left shocked. Divorce hadn't entered my mind yet. I booked an appointment, but when I showed up for it, she was 10+ minutes running over time with her previous appointment leaving me to ponder in her waiting room. I left. Then a friend recommended another lady...said she was sooo good. I met with this lady 3 times, also in her 50's, married. Everytime I left her office I felt depressed, and she had assigned me to buy and read another Psychology book,eg. "Feelings", forget the other. None of the scenarios in any of the books applied to me or my life! How useless!
They I found this guy...great sense of humour, and told me he doesn't tell people to read books, because every person's experiences are there own unique ones. I left his office feeling upbeat, happy & with food for thought. He used common sense and his own or other experiences he had come across to help me put things into perspective. He was excellent.

When my daughter in gr 8 had a tramautic experience I took her to him. She said she wasn't going to talk to him. He had her laughing and without even realizing it, she was talking to him. So a sense of h...



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Posted on Tue, Jun 14, 2005 09:19

Down, Down, maayan. Be nice kitty.

hummm. I wonder what you get if you cross a tiger and a lion? I want big litters, Make fortune selling Ligers?



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Posted on Tue, Jun 14, 2005 02:32

BINGO! WE HAVE A WINNER!


5w's Wrote:

Agree, but like to add wisdom and common sense. It is not a exact science by any means.

Thanks "Dad" for bringing the common sense issue up. Seems that in this day and age more people are set on achieving "book smarts" than actual common sense. It's a dying trait, especially with people my age and younger.



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Posted on Tue, Jun 14, 2005 01:16

lololo...wwwww is now a head massager and hair stroker.!!
now he is gonna collect women's thongs and women's hair..did u know there is an old guy in Japan who trades in women's used panties and sells them under different categories..e.g. schoolgirls, nurses, stewardesses..thought I could make a fortune selling mine.
and another one sells women's hair..and a japanese lady on TV claimed that she and her daughter grow their hair every year and sell them to get money for a holiday...so maayan don't let WWWWWW touch your hair..he is into another money spinner !



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Posted on Tue, Jun 14, 2005 00:58

Bonnie ".but what makes one counsellor better than another is COMPASSION AND APPROCHABILITY"

_______________________________

Agree, but like to add wisdom and common sense. It is not a exact science by any means.



Maayan, can I rub your head and stroke your hair? Should help that headache. No bongos today, I promise.



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Posted on Tue, Jun 14, 2005 00:45

maayan..kepala pusing sekali bagus tauhu! YOu are one great gal, I think u are truly more articulate when you are nursing your headache..wwwwww..don't take advantage of a poor sick girl and ..she needs lots of TLC right now..and NOT bu*tt pinching or bongoing..learn some other skills to soothe headaches if u want to win her gentle heart...lol



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Posted on Tue, Jun 14, 2005 00:39

www, Mandalay and Maayan,
YOu are all right and have your valid points, and Maayan you are even better when u have a headache..
anyway, I am NOT a professional marriage counsellor at all, it is just that because I have been a lawyer and all these friends refer their friends to me and very soon I became one ..and over the years I have sat thru lots of tearful permutations of breakups in so many countries, divorces, affairs..and painful bereaved friends..mainly because they seem to think I am a strong and compassionate person who is good at listening and solving their problems in a pragmatic way..( actually Im just a bloody busybody) ..so COMPASSION is far more important than actual experience tho having more of the latter would be of great help.. Someone who has lived life and gone thru hard times and painful times (as wwww said) will understand that situation or empathise better.. My own personal bereavement has made me now a half baked cancer expert and bereavement counsel .and I will try to be the shoulder for those who need it since helping others is also a healing process for me,..and it is great to just be there for them..so I think anyone could be a counsel but one who recognises when real expert advice is needed and being able to refer the patient to the right people or help is a very crucial agent..and I try to be that..Mayaan is right that one does not have to be a cancer victim to understand the pain, I was a cancer carer watching my own husband go thru the different painful stages and that made me more aware of their suffering and the research I made on the subject which I pass on to other sufferers have helped.
Education and knowing the appropriate info to help others help themselves is also part of the counsellor's job..but what makes one counsellor better than another is COMPASSION AND APPROCHABILITY..just like doctors who have good bedside manners..and sometimes that is an intangible gift which is not learnt but inate.



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Posted on Tue, Jun 14, 2005 00:16

Why, I haven't pinched you once, or ever played bongo on your bu. How can you say such a thing?

BTW, I noticed you are still laying on your back. What are you trying to tell us?

LMAO



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Posted on Mon, Jun 13, 2005 23:55

And I was trying my best to be nice. Where did I fail?

  


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Posted on Mon, Jun 13, 2005 23:37

Does a death grievance counselors have to have actual death experience?
I am a wonderful sex counselor, and I haven't ever had sex - that I can remember anyway. lol


Sometimes experience helps, sometimes it hurts. You can lose some of your objectivity because of your own sad experiences. After all, what could be worse than what happened to you. We are all a product of our pain and hurts and there are few who can overcome that bias when looking at someone's else and their problems.

And, having a PhD in something doesn't necessarily qualify you to do anything at all. Many people can memorize and pass tests but don't know anything about the subject. Boy, do I know a lot of those.

The best marriage advice I was ever given was advice given by my mom's neighbor, who certainly wasn't a marriage counselor. She said that "you can't plow a field with two mules hooked bu*tt to bu*tt." Does it get any better than that?



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Posted on Mon, Jun 13, 2005 18:54

Maayan, based on your arguement then, if I went back to school, attained my Phd. in Socialogy, I would then, based on that training, be qualified to solve poverty issues (even though I don't live in poverty,) solve gun control problems (even though I don't own a gun) and be able to help people understand rascism (even though I'm not a racist?)

Anyone can be trained for anything. How come all job listings ask for a certain amount of required experience? I would think the best counselors should have experience in the field they are trying to help in, no?



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Posted on Mon, Jun 13, 2005 17:56

Well said 5w's. I agree with what you said and although unfathomable to me to ever forgive anyone if they cheated on me, I see your point.

Bonnie, maybe "hogwash" was a strong term. To me, counseling only works when someone really wants to be counseled. I've often thought about counselors. I once met a marriage counselor and she was telling me stories about couples, relationships and issues which she generally 'helps' people. I asked her a plethora of questions and she answered them to the best of her ability. Finally, after noticing no ring on her finger, I asked her, "are you married?" She said, "No, I've never been married but always looking for Mr. Right." That did it for me. I asked her, "How can you counsel married couples if you've never been married and really know what they are going through?" She explained to me that based on her training, she was more than qualified to help them. I told her in a very polite way, that I thought it was BS that she was giving advice to people in that fashion. Kind of like people without children giving advice on how to raise children. Anyway, that's my take on some counselors.



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Posted on Mon, Jun 13, 2005 13:09

Mandalay "anyone who has ever left a marriage where the other person has removed themselves from the relationship via their abuse, lies or cheating is not of strong mind when they decide to go back to that person."

_______________________________________
I have observed over the years that cheating is usually the most forgivable offense. Apparently it is the more understandable offense because it is human and animal nature.

Verbal abuse, chronic lying, severe personality disorders (untreated), usually leave the spouse with no hope that things could ever be better, and yes, you would have to be crazy to get back in that zoo/game again.



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Posted on Mon, Jun 13, 2005 12:33

Hmm..hogwash huh? well I have sat thru so many broken marriages as a counsellor and the sum total is there is no one size fits all answer to divorces, reconciliations and marriage issues..they are as varied as the people in them..
Mandalay you seem to me to represent the 'bitter and cynical' group but is brave to move on and you have been lucky to find the new love of your life and regain trust in womankind, there are the 'sad and wallowing ' bunch who will hanker and wait , some will compromise and return to the fold and try again , many will remain miserable..there are also the cautious group that would prefer to remain single and weary of commitment and there is the group who will continue to go on their merry way marrying for fear of loneliness and would prefer to go thru more trial and error without understanding the full impact and responsibilty that comes with marriage...
I did say that there are the ones who regret dumping their ex..mainly because the reason that started the divorce was on false premises or very minor issues that could have been overcome if the two parties had time to think sensibly and truly make an attempt at reconciliation..hence the role of counselors in reconciliation is a very important one ..identifying the original reason for the break up..Daniel Goleman, on 'Emotional Intelligence' observed thru body language and communication between couples over close circuit TV and is able to foretell how long a couple could last and whether the marriage could be saved..

OK, my statement about 'missed ' spouses apply primarily to couples who could be saved or could be good friends if they would just sit together and do some serious communication with a good mediator and they will realise that there could be some form of compromise that were never examined properly..
and in truth , sociologists have made studies to prove that traditionally women as wives/mothers tend to be the social 'glue' that provide a social life for the family.



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