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Posted on Mon, Jul 18, 2005 09:21


sharp1 write:

Bonnie88 write:
hey , you guys forgot that the other by-product of marriage are the kids..NOT rings or pretty wedding gowns and expensive wedding celebrations...more important than a licence to marry, is a licence to have kids and be responsible parents ...and there should be penalty for non-performance.



You are so right Bonnie. My daughter tells me horror stories of her friend's parents fighting and doing horrible things using the kids to get back at the other. Or telling their kids things about their Dad/Mother that they have no business saying.

I told me ex when I separated, "We WILL get along! For the sake of our kids. We will BOTH be at their weddings." And we do get along. Many times over the past 4 yrs people have commented to me that my kids are well adjusted, and the separation does not seem to have affected them in anyway. That means I am accomplishing my goal! :-)



Marriage someone said is about 3 rings..engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering...and Sharp I am glad the kids in your divorce is not suffering...like so many others.
I have often asked women which of the two bad circumstances they would rather suffer, to lose their husband to another woman or to untimely death...9 out of 10 would rather be a widow than divorced ..now that I am a widow I would say that the only difference is that in my case as a widow I could remarry again and have as many husbands as I wish but my children will never have a father..while in divorces , however bad the case maybe , the kids will still have a father..and it is important that divorced parents treasure their kids and mitigate their pain by staying amicable and friendly ..they owe it to their kids as responsible parents.



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Posted on Mon, Jul 18, 2005 07:07


wwwww123 write:
This says it all.

They keep deleting a wonderful innocent picture of two old folks snuggling each other that I have posted with this statement. I am not crazy folks, or at least not certified. MM monitors are crazy however.


Hey 5w's try posting it at a different time of day, ie. the morning. I believe around midnight or later they start removing things. So yours never makes it to the morning.



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Posted on Mon, Jul 18, 2005 00:23

This says it all.

They keep deleting a wonderful innocent picture of two old folks snuggling each other that I have posted with this statement. I am not crazy folks, or at least not certified. MM monitors are crazy however.



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Posted on Sun, Jul 17, 2005 15:55


Bonnie88 write:
hey , you guys forgot that the other by-product of marriage are the kids..NOT rings or pretty wedding gowns and expensive wedding celebrations...more important than a licence to marry, is a licence to have kids and be responsible parents ...and there should be penalty for non-performance.



You are so right Bonnie. My daughter tells me horror stories of her friend's parents fighting and doing horrible things using the kids to get back at the other. Or telling their kids things about their Dad/Mother that they have no business saying.

I told me ex when I separated, "We WILL get along! For the sake of our kids. We will BOTH be at their weddings." And we do get along. Many times over the past 4 yrs people have commented to me that my kids are well adjusted, and the separation does not seem to have affected them in anyway. That means I am accomplishing my goal! :-)



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Posted on Sun, Jul 17, 2005 06:50


TallSwtInstblKat write:
I still believe, someone perfect is out there, looking for me. We all just have to choose very wisely and pay attention to the little signs, make sure you are happy this time, listen to your Gutt...remember the things that annoyed you, the things that made you happy, look for the heart the personality.

Everyone is looking for the perfect body, be realistic, body can be altered as I have commented on before, but no matter what you do with your hair, nose, bust line or figure you will still remain the same person, your heart and soul makes you who you are, your experiences, your attitude is what makes you "YOU"

The only thing from looks that I want is that my love is taller than I...lol, but his heart plays the major role here. I want a Tall sweet kind loving Teddy Bear, if he is genuinely kind and attentive and treats me with the respect and love that I will offer to him, he will find... I am not very hard to please.

Marriage can be a beautiful thing, just make sure you make the right choice this time. Don't rush into it. The best of luck to you all.
Sincerely, Kat


Kat
Very well said!
Thanks!



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Posted on Sat, Jul 16, 2005 15:07

I still believe, someone perfect is out there, looking for me. We all just have to choose very wisely and pay attention to the little signs, make sure you are happy this time, listen to your Gutt...remember the things that annoyed you, the things that made you happy, look for the heart the personality.

Everyone is looking for the perfect body, be realistic, body can be altered as I have commented on before, but no matter what you do with your hair, nose, bust line or figure you will still remain the same person, your heart and soul makes you who you are, your experiences, your attitude is what makes you "YOU"

The only thing from looks that I want is that my love is taller than I...lol, but his heart plays the major role here. I want a Tall sweet kind loving Teddy Bear, if he is genuinely kind and attentive and treats me with the respect and love that I will offer to him, he will find... I am not very hard to please.

Marriage can be a beautiful thing, just make sure you make the right choice this time. Don't rush into it. The best of luck to you all.
Sincerely, Kat

  


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Posted on Tue, Jul 12, 2005 22:48

Diamond-
It does seem very hard to just find marriage material! I understand how you feel!



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Posted on Fri, Jul 01, 2005 22:59


sixfeetwtc write:
etc.). People change over time. Relationships change over time. A marriage or relationship of any type is something that requires commitment and work - not an easy task for many. It's no wonder that many marriages or relationships fail. I'm not certain that I'll marry again. My marriage and the disintegration of it taught me much about myself and others - it was one of the experiences I've had that's allowed me to grow as a person. My outlook on life and what I strive for is much different now than it was 14 years ago, and I'm constantly growing and changing as do others. I've met many people who place emphasis on meeting their ideal mate and lose themselves in the process. I don't want to experience that ever. One of my constant goals in life is to meet and surround myself with as many good people as possible, meet people along my journey in life and wherever my feet take me - and if I should happen to stumble upon someone in the process with whom there is a 'divine' connection, then so be it.



Six,
Glad to hear that you are able to see life's bad experiences as part of your learning curve and continue to grow and develop from it.
Wisdom comes with experience, and in marriage as in all relationships, for it to grow requires lots of TLC and nurturing and we need to understand too that people like all living things grow at different pace and different directions..and sometimes that growth may require both to divide and separate or they suffocate and die..as we observe in plants ..and we should not fear that either. Divorce perhaps have been stigmatized far too long as a negative phenomenon, yet we often also see it as an inevitable opportunity for change and growth.
Perhaps, we need to redefine Divorce as DIVERSION in marriage, a less stigmatized term.. to enable positive growth for all parties involved..so that kids , the main victims will learn to accept it better, as changing course?



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Posted on Fri, Jul 01, 2005 16:00

hey , you guys forgot that the other by-product of marriage are the kids..NOT rings or pretty wedding gowns and expensive wedding celebrations...more important than a licence to marry, is a licence to have kids and be responsible parents ...and there should be penalty for non-performance.



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Posted on Fri, Jul 01, 2005 12:54


Mandalay207 write:

NYCHICK write:

Bonnie88 write:
BUt NYchick why do u want a ring if u don't care for marriage..what does that ring signify? payment in kind or promise of non -commitment?

no i am just like a cat i am attracted to sparklie things..
the ring is simply to have him ask me to marry him-- then i say hmm No




I asked NY to marry me, she said yes, took my duck and ran! I can only imagine what she does with rings! Next thing I know, I'll locate my duck in the local "Pond" Shop.



ROFL... do you keep a spare ducky then?? Why is he still on the pic with you if NY ran off with it?

  


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Posted on Fri, Jul 01, 2005 12:52


champagnepowder write:
Hey Min:

I agree with Bonnie in that I don't think marriage is this life altering event. If I find the one and I love her like no other, we are best friends and can share everything...why would it take a ceremony such as marriage to solidify this bond? I don't think marriage is necessary to make our love stronger. I agree some yearn for it and some don't. I do hope to get married some day but I won't just jump in non-chalantly because I know I can always get divorced. That happens way too much these days and I think that has led me to have less respect for marriage. I am more in search of creating that loving, lasting relationship but I don't have to get married just because society says I should. As the old saying goes, to each his own...



CP, I think we've had this conversation before on another thread - also with Bonnie. But it's good to revive these subjects sometimes.
In answer to your first question: because I think marriage is the ultimate commitment. I guess I'm saying that because I have lived with someone for 5 years and I'm not in favour of that sort of arrangement anymore. It's too easy to move in with someone and then if it doesn't work out, to move out again. I think if you (speaking generally) love someone and that person is the one you've been waiting for, you will automatically want to marry her/him. I bet you will do that as soon as you meet the woman of your dreams. You even say that you hope to get married one day so in essence, you must agree with me.
I would never get married because society says I should. I would have been married already once or twice had that been the case. I think you misunderstand me there. I would get married because I WANT to. I guess I haven't wanted it badly enough until now.
Yes I understand very well what you mean about being disillusioned about marriage. I have been too. But I guess like Bonnie says I am an eternal optimist - lol.



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Posted on Fri, Jul 01, 2005 12:44

I from Russia. I often heard, that the American men took away wives from Russia. Promised for them a good life. But there - in the USA women sat at home. They did not let to leave anywhere. Or they were as slaves. And many different terrible histories. I only wish to find the present love. And that with me respected.

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Posted on Fri, Jul 01, 2005 10:41


NYCHICK write:

Bonnie88 write:
BUt NYchick why do u want a ring if u don't care for marriage..what does that ring signify? payment in kind or promise of non -commitment?

no i am just like a cat i am attracted to sparklie things..
the ring is simply to have him ask me to marry him-- then i say hmm No




I asked NY to marry me, she said yes, took my duck and ran! I can only imagine what she does with rings! Next thing I know, I'll locate my duck in the local "Pond" Shop.

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Posted on Fri, Jul 01, 2005 05:33


Bonnie88 write:
BUt NYchick why do u want a ring if u don't care for marriage..what does that ring signify? payment in kind or promise of non -commitment?

no i am just like a cat i am attracted to sparklie things..
the ring is simply to have him ask me to marry him-- then i say hmm No



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Posted on Fri, Jul 01, 2005 00:35

Min and Cub,
YOu two belong to the eternal optimists group . To want to try a third time means you have to examine whether you or the one you choose are the right candidates for marriage and all its commitment.
I went into marriage naively, ignorantly and innocently expecting very little. In fact as two lawyers, we often wondered why we bothered to do it, perhaps only to legitimize our kids. I see so many marriages break up and continue to be long drawn legal battles over assets, all because of the piece of paper..it adds pain ..and if you add pre-nuptial contracts , does that become conditional love?
Without the paper it will truly be one of freedom of choice, to love unconditionally..each is free to choose without the ramnifications of legality and assets..marriage historically was intended to protect the women and the children as to their material interests and rights..but in today's world where women are increasingly independent financially, the legal rights to marital assets cut both ways..the gender issue is now increasingly on an even balance , and therefore marriage as a contractual commitment becomes an inevitable issue for both parties..LOve and marriage has a heavy price...the lawyers are the only ones laughing all the way to the bank..whether the couples live happily ever after or not..so before you sign your next contract, read the fine print of divorce laws and marital assets..good health warning.
views of a pragmatic lover..lol



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Posted on Thu, Jun 30, 2005 21:39

Hey Min:

I agree with Bonnie in that I don't think marriage is this life altering event. If I find the one and I love her like no other, we are best friends and can share everything...why would it take a ceremony such as marriage to solidify this bond? I don't think marriage is necessary to make our love stronger. I agree some yearn for it and some don't. I do hope to get married some day but I won't just jump in non-chalantly because I know I can always get divorced. That happens way too much these days and I think that has led me to have less respect for marriage. I am more in search of creating that loving, lasting relationship but I don't have to get married just because society says I should. As the old saying goes, to each his own...

  


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Posted on Thu, Jun 30, 2005 15:18

Yes Cubby, I think it is. Third time lucky.

Bonnie - I have to disagree with you on the marriage thing. Why do you say it's just a piece of paper and you throw away your life when you sign it? If two people love each other neither one throws his/her life away by signing a marriage contract. On the contrary, they create a bond, a real commitment and their life should be enriched by this bond, not become a prison. I think it's the natural end result of any loving relationship. Of course there are people who do not want to get married at all and that's fine for them. I lived with someone for five years and the co-habitation thing is not all it's cut out to be. Don't think I'd go down that road again.
I guess the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence!
Those who have never married think it's better than living together, and vice versa.

  


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Posted on Wed, Jun 29, 2005 23:30


Glamor1014 write:
I agree! I have been married twice and divorced twice, but I am a true romantic at heart. Life is too short to not take a chance on love. It may sound corny, but it IS better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all.


it is all fine to be romantic and love ...but is LOVE=to must marry ??
some marriages are loveless and some love without marriage, esp in this day of tedious complicated divorces...marriage is just one piece of paper that you sign your life away..still want to do that after you have signed on the dotted line twice??



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Posted on Wed, Jun 29, 2005 13:25

I just now read what you said and i say good for you... i have been there too only for 30 yrs. i am very marriage minded but tend to be picky now , what i think you have done for yourself is awesome and i wish more women would do just what you and i have done and get on with life. i did not mean any of this in a sarcastic way, but from the heart.i would also like to add something here, outward aperance is not always what is on the inside of that person. i believe that what is on the inside spirit of that person is way more important.and yes i am very marriage minded and looking for that special one in my life. been alone for 3 yrs and it is time to get on with life,but would like that special person to share it with.



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Posted on Wed, Jun 29, 2005 08:03

Whatever one does it is not good to "settle". Your Mr or Ms Right will come along when you LEAST expect it!
Don't shortchange yourself or lower your expectations. In the long run you will not be doing yourself a favour.