marriage Long Term Relationship

  • View author's info Posted on Jun 05, 2005 at 02:13 PM



    sharp1 write:

    Bonnie88 write:
    ..after all if it fails , am I going to have a divorce party?



    LOL...I went to a "My Divorice is finally through!" party last night! She made a toast with champagne...no not this CP the real, drinkable kind! lol



    That must be fun, to go to a 'Im finally free- divorce decreed absolute!'party... I can see why that calls for more of a celebration than wedding sometimes, when one of the party refuse to sign the papers and the settlement takes forever...lol
    so did they serve half a wedding cake? you know . ..severance cut..lol
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 05, 2005 at 12:04 PM



    AlpenSnow write:

    sixfeetwtc write:
    Anyone who believes that acting like a gentleman is a sign of being a wimp needs to have their head examined.


    OOPS!

    It looks like I didn't explain myself very clearly in my previous post - that's not what I meant at all. :(

    In my book, the following is 'de rigueur' gentlemanly behaviour on a first date:
    Promptness, cleanliness, manners, good conversation (and willingness to listen!).

    The following is not on:
    Politeness to the point of insipidness or complete indecisiveness.

    Let's face it, who wants to be on a date which ends up along the lines of:
    "What shall we do now?"
    "You decide."
    "No, you decide."
    "No, no, you decide..."


    This definitely spelled it out more clearly, as I didn't interpret your first post as this at all. I wouldn't necessarily think a guy was a wimp though, but like it if he could come up with an idea.
    BUT...maybe she should be able to come up with an idea or two herself, so their are options to consider and go from there. Sometimes when you don't know a person well, you might be uncertain what to suggest, thinking, what if they hate that idea? You'll only find out the answer if you ask. Then again, I've heard married couples claim they only did something, because they wanted him/her to like them! lol The lengths we'll go to for love! lol
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 05, 2005 at 11:01 AM



    sixfeetwtc write:
    Anyone who believes that acting like a gentleman is a sign of being a wimp needs to have their head examined.


    OOPS!

    It looks like I didn't explain myself very clearly in my previous post - that's not what I meant at all. :(

    In my book, the following is 'de rigueur' gentlemanly behaviour on a first date:
    Promptness, cleanliness, manners, good conversation (and willingness to listen!).

    The following is not on:
    Politeness to the point of insipidness or complete indecisiveness.

    Let's face it, who wants to be on a date which ends up along the lines of:
    "What shall we do now?"
    "You decide."
    "No, you decide."
    "No, no, you decide..."
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 05, 2005 at 10:25 AM


    With that thought I wish you lived close to So Cal. I prefer a woman who actually states what she wants.
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 05, 2005 at 09:46 AM



    Bonnie88 write:
    ..after all if it fails , am I going to have a divorce party?



    LOL...I went to a "My Divorice is finally through!" party last night! She made a toast with champagne...no not this CP the real, drinkable kind! lol
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 05, 2005 at 08:44 AM


    I agree also. I would love to meet a true gentleman or even one that knows how to be one most of the time. I watch the boys at the school I work at. They demand, not ask, they forget please and thank yous, and just overall, forget, being nice to people. I realize that they are just boys and going through puberty (it's Jr high) but they should have been taught manners early on. My son can be a pain in the bu*tt at times but he does remember to be polite to other people especially adults most of the time. He does say thank you and please. I am not saying he is perfect....far from it (he is 13 lol), but at least, he remembers his manners. I love watching him holding doors for people at stores or a restaurant. I have never had to ask him , to do that.

    Nice to see you all again. Things are starting to slow down for me at work. I hope to be around a little more. Take care and be safe.
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 05, 2005 at 12:05 AM


    ! I would love to meet someone who believes in relating to long lost customs of a past era when dealing with members of the opposite sex, and I in turn would reciprocate as a true lady should.



    Bravo Six...that is exactly my view too..and luckily most of the men I have met who want to date me seriously have been that..I think there are some great guys still around who are true gentlemen. Lots of them however prefer dating Oriental women because these men feel that they understand them and are far more feminine...lol ,of course that is their ultimate Madam Buterfly dream and the ironic twist to the tale..lol
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 04, 2005 at 05:02 AM



    Minerva415 write:

    Really?? OMG - it would never even cross my mind that a man is a "wimp" just because he is being very polite and has good manners!!



    I don't know THAT many women intimately :-) , but in my limited knowledge of these things, whilst a woman may want a "knight in shining armour", she also wants him to be tough/decisive enough to slay any dragons** that wander too near!

    ** Metaphorical of course. I think if you were a real dragon slayer these days, you would soon get bored.
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 03, 2005 at 10:27 PM


    Marriage is not the "ultimate" position in life that it once was. To me a committment is. Have to many male friends in relationships & married who call their wives at night lying through their teeth. Have heard a couple of them lies through the years. Want a relationship where I can tell the truth & still share love.
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 03, 2005 at 05:51 PM



    AlpenSnow write:

    Minerva415 write:
    A man can NEVER be too galant or too chivalrous, in my book!


    This is a surprisingly difficult line to tred if you're a man (or at least it is in Scottish society at any rate).
    Act TOO much like a perfect gentleman, and you get accused of not being forceful enough (and dare I say it, wimpish).

    Go to the opposite extreme, and you get accused of being selfish and arrogant. It's a fine line...

    PS A woman I once knew had a "1:00am taxi test." Anyone who wasn't forceful enough to get her a cab at 1am wasn't going to be good enough for her...!



    Really?? OMG - it would never even cross my mind that a man is a "wimp" just because he is being very polite and has good manners!!
    Well Alpen - that woman with the taxi test.... lol... whew... I bet she's still single... what kind of test is that?? lol....
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 03, 2005 at 05:48 PM


    CP, I noticed that too! It's a bit disconcerting... it made more sense the other way around, having the most recent one on top...
    Why'd they do THAT...??
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 03, 2005 at 03:51 PM


    Am I going crazy or all the posts here in reverse chronological order??? Seriously I have only had one drink....
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 03, 2005 at 02:18 PM



    Minerva415 write:
    A man can NEVER be too galant or too chivalrous, in my book!


    This is a surprisingly difficult line to tred if you're a man (or at least it is in Scottish society at any rate).
    Act TOO much like a perfect gentleman, and you get accused of not being forceful enough (and dare I say it, wimpish).

    Go to the opposite extreme, and you get accused of being selfish and arrogant. It's a fine line...

    PS A woman I once knew had a "1:00am taxi test." Anyone who wasn't forceful enough to get her a cab at 1am wasn't going to be good enough for her...!
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 03, 2005 at 08:16 AM


    Well MIn most of my dates are more friends than special romantic dates..so that is fine by me..well the ones who are seriously dating then of course they are generous and they pay for everything for the pleasure of my company..lol ..but like Sixft..I like cooking at home too for the special one since I rarely get that pleasure now that I m an empty nester and seem to eat out far too often..
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 03, 2005 at 07:24 AM


    I think the man should pay for everything on the first and second dates. It would definitely look really cheap on his part if he wanted to split the bill. No question about it. And I don't think the woman should even offer to split the bill hoping he will say no. No, he pays, that's that. One way to do it discreetly is if the man gives his credit card beforehand to the waiter to avoid getting the check at the table. I've done that myself when I wanted to pay at all costs.
    AFTER that, well she can pay for something too but I think he should still pay if they go to an expensive restaurant. Maybe she can pay for the movie or drinks etc...
    A nice way to reciprocate is for the woman to make a gourmet dinner at her place with all the works: good wine etc..
    Part of me comes from a culture where the man always pays for everything all the time (Greece). I can tell you that it feels really great to know that a man wants to be really generous and just takes it for granted that he will be paying for dinner, drinks etc... and won't even consider you trying to pay for anything. It's almost an insult to him.
    When in a relationship of course it's normal to pay my way sometimes and I will also invite my man for dinner, it's a pleasure to do that! I'm also very generous when it comes to giving gifts - much more than some of the men I've been with which is not good. I've learned my lesson the hard way on that one. Maybe that should be the next subject!
    Bonnie: I don't think you should have had to pay for those theater tickets unless he was merely a friend. And I think he should have paid for a taxi so that you wouldn't have to drive -lol!
    Having said that, I probably would have offered to take my car too (knowing me) but secretly I would want the man to insist on taking a taxi so that I wouldn't have to fight the traffic late at night and I would appreciate the gesture.
    A man can NEVER be too galant or too chivalrous, in my book!
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 03, 2005 at 12:07 AM


    [

    Now Bonnie, is it all about who pays and who doesn't? I'd prefer a woman who isn't a sponge (yes, I know you aren't) and has her own ambition and success. That way we can SHARE life.
    I agree that if she paid all the time that is out of wack. I'm just saying that I like a relationship to be a two way street rather than a dead end ;-)

    _____________________________

    Well, cP I believe in sharing too..but fortunately all the men I dated have been very generous men, I often reciprocate by being their chauffeur, mainly because I am a teetotaller and they trust me to drive them home without being stopped by the police.. and taxi fares are very expensive in London..lol..Also sometimes I book tickets to the cinema or theatre and pay for them and never bother to charge them for it..so it is a fair deal. Also at a restaurant most of them prefer to be seen as the bill payer otherwise they may be mistaken for a gigolo, since I do go out with younger men...lol
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 02, 2005 at 10:30 PM



    champagnepowder write:

    sharp1 write:
    Champ two way street is fine...and I often take my turn buying lunch/dinner, whatever. BUT on the first date...sorry, stereotyping or not, I don't think much of a man who makes me buy my own latte, lunch, or dinner. It says CHEAP to me in a major way!



    Agreed sharp. The first date is a given. I wasn't just speaking of monetary sharing either but it seemed to be the topic at hand. That's why I said sharing LIFE was more imporant. Thanks for sharing your views though. I would guess most women feel that way and most men are willing to support those feelings/desires.


    I was going to delete that post. Too late! lol
    I caught the sharing LIFE part of your post, but forgot to address it. Two people first must get to the point of sharing life...is that after 2, 3, 10 dates? I'll bet it varies between different people. I guess I was referring to the 'first date' scenario. That is very different from sharing life. I agree with your perspective. If it cannot be 50/50 with respect to finances, there is no reason why it can't be 50/50 in every other area of a relationship. Give & take. But even thought one person may make more than another, there are ways one can get around it...like cooking a gourmet dinner instead of going out to a restaurant. What do you think Champ?
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 02, 2005 at 10:13 PM


    so then u can see why im on this site?? lol. im just trying to meet new ppl, a new crowd. hopefully a real MAN.
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 02, 2005 at 09:13 PM



    sharp1 write:
    Champ two way street is fine...and I often take my turn buying lunch/dinner, whatever. BUT on the first date...sorry, stereotyping or not, I don't think much of a man who makes me buy my own latte, lunch, or dinner. It says CHEAP to me in a major way!



    Agreed sharp. The first date is a given. I wasn't just speaking of monetary sharing either but it seemed to be the topic at hand. That's why I said sharing LIFE was more imporant. Thanks for sharing your views though. I would guess most women feel that way and most men are willing to support those feelings/desires.
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 02, 2005 at 08:59 PM



    champagnepowder write:
    Good point Bonnie. The whole phrase 'taking vows seriously' is kind of a joke in this day and age anyway. I know it may seem pessimistic to break marriage down to statistics but they do show that vows mean nothing and more of the 'serious' relationships end up in failure. I'd rather have someone who isn't so 'serious' about life, knows how to laugh at themselves and enjoy life. Commitment is great but a lifetime of commitment is not guaranteed by any vows.

    Tanamaria...I'd start with looking for someone who loves you for you and vice versa. Forget all the material stuff and look beneath the surface!



    Excellent advice Champ! But remember...first date...guy still needs to fork out, cough up...pay the bill! That's life! lol
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