Real, I am curious how you could love being married but not love the person you were married to??
Bonnie, I am definitely walking in your shoes ;-) If you don't like the whole marriage thing then don't jump into it just for the supposed security it provides. If more than half of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce then where is the security? Why does marriage make you feel more secure than being in a committed relationship that hasn't gone through the ceremony that society says you should partake in? I just don't see the need for marriage. If you both agree then great and I may get married some day to the right woman but I don't think you should do it because you think your relationship is going to be so much more committed and secure once you make your vows.
garbinocat1 write: I dont like the whole marriage thing but i like the security espesically as i think of getting old _________________________________--
It is a fallacy to think that marriage is 'security'..whether it be financial or emotional... I have known and met so many women who are led down the aisle on that misconceived lie they learn as a naive little girl waiting for that to come true...'and they live happily after' only happens in 1 out of 3 marriages today...so the truth be known there are at least 2 disillusioned Cinderellas out of every 3 thinking Prince Charming is going to save their life from mundane existence...and the real married cinderellas today still have to scrub floors, cook and mind babies..despite marrying Prince Charming...and you can't do all that tittering along in glass slippers...
I loved being married, just didnt like what i married. As i have aged i see the things i chose then in a partner as something i would choose to stay away from in the next & last man in my life. i need the bond, the growing together, the intimacy, romance & honesty that i can only have with one man...the one i will share my love & life with~my best friend'... now where is he? lol
Six and Champagne,
YOu both share my belief too hence I did not have A WEDDING PARTY AT ALL..our friends gave us a surprise party..and we did not land up with umpteenth sets of 'HIS and HERS' towel sets, etc..
The pomp and ceremony is just a ritual that is traditional and historical..the marking of an event in one's life which hopefully will be memorable and recorded..but does not necessarily register the true love and emotions that is between the couple...
Whether we wish to conform to social norms or rituals is up to the individual ..whether it is a ritual to show respect and acknowledgement to please our parents is also a thought..my parents never quite forgive us for not including them in the party..they felt betrayed, deprived and excluded..I guess now as a parent , I know and realise what pain i must caused them..
Love probably has to be shown in ceremony for many..an enactment and public announcement of a very private act..I have in my own rebellious way defy that act and lived up to the expectation of an unblemished marriage..my parents have long forgiven us..the memories of a 20 year marriage is now remembered in my two beautiful bi-racial kids..grandchildren have a magical way of endorsing forgiveness..
Damn, you caught me. Site stalker, maybe I should make that my new handle??
I understand your feeling of losing your identity and how a child changed your view on marriage. For me, it's not that I don't believe in it. I think I just feel differently about it than most of society. I don't view it as a necessity to confirm my total commitment to someone. It's a symbolic ceremony that has lost its lustre over the years. I guess the fact that I am not religious (more spiritual than anything) probably has an affect on that. Not to mention the fact I was raised Catholic and have seen the hypocrisy close up. Anyway, I believe it's the relationship and the bond that are special. A ceremony may be good to share all those feelings with those that are close to you but sometimes I think it is just a big commercial event that has lost the true meaning and value.
Hey Champagne ,
Have you been stalking me on this site? lol ..you site-stalker..lol
What zodiac sign are you? I think I could guess..
I am of the view that marriage is really a private contract between two persons, why should the entire clan and world be involved..after all if it fails , am I going to have a divorce party? It is only a piece of paper that confirms the contractual relationship which really is about the heart and trust..it took me years to get used to being called Mrs..I refuse to 'belong' to someone and be labelled someone's wife ..or girlfriend..that sense of possessive interest encroaches on my need to feel free and be my own person and have my own identity..my phobia stamps from my fear of losing my identity..We grow up identifying with the institutions of learning and work which we have worked so hard for..but the institution of marriage is so nebulous and overwhelming..but motherhood changed it all for me I guess..a baby is visible and completely your own genetic imput and has part of your own identity..and a true confirmation of that intimate relationship..it endorsed for me my future and hope..so you might just find that person oneday to confirm that belief in marriage..
I think I am with you Bonnie. I have been accused of being commitment phobic even after a relationship has lasted for 4+ years. I kind of have mixed feelings about the whole marriage extravaganza. I mean, are my feelings for someone really going to change once I walk down the aisle? I hope that we are already at the point where we are totally committed and we don't need a ceremony to convince us that it is going to last forever. I would express my love for my woman every day and I wouldn't need to throw a party for our closest friends to confirm that. Not totally against it but sometimes I wonder why we place so much emphasis on it and then 50% of them end up not lasting anyway.
I am the reverse..I live in fear of walking down the aisle in a prickly white gown, might just change my mind half way down and become a runaway bride..so after much convincing ..I could only be coaxed to take an hour off work, dashed to the Registry in a new peach-colored silk suit (my office gear being normally black) and sign the papers but forgot the wedding ring and never wore one in all my 20 -year marriage..our wedding party was a surprise party that night organised by the two offices...that is the only way I could do it..impromptu..otherwise I might have too many reasons to cancel ..the commitment phobic