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Posted on Fri, Jun 03, 2005 07:24

I think the man should pay for everything on the first and second dates. It would definitely look really cheap on his part if he wanted to split the bill. No question about it. And I don't think the woman should even offer to split the bill hoping he will say no. No, he pays, that's that. One way to do it discreetly is if the man gives his credit card beforehand to the waiter to avoid getting the check at the table. I've done that myself when I wanted to pay at all costs.
AFTER that, well she can pay for something too but I think he should still pay if they go to an expensive restaurant. Maybe she can pay for the movie or drinks etc...
A nice way to reciprocate is for the woman to make a gourmet dinner at her place with all the works: good wine etc..
Part of me comes from a culture where the man always pays for everything all the time (Greece). I can tell you that it feels really great to know that a man wants to be really generous and just takes it for granted that he will be paying for dinner, drinks etc... and won't even consider you trying to pay for anything. It's almost an insult to him.
When in a relationship of course it's normal to pay my way sometimes and I will also invite my man for dinner, it's a pleasure to do that! I'm also very generous when it comes to giving gifts - much more than some of the men I've been with which is not good. I've learned my lesson the hard way on that one. Maybe that should be the next subject!
Bonnie: I don't think you should have had to pay for those theater tickets unless he was merely a friend. And I think he should have paid for a taxi so that you wouldn't have to drive -lol!
Having said that, I probably would have offered to take my car too (knowing me) but secretly I would want the man to insist on taking a taxi so that I wouldn't have to fight the traffic late at night and I would appreciate the gesture.
A man can NEVER be too galant or too chivalrous, in my book!



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Posted on Fri, Jun 03, 2005 00:07

[

Now Bonnie, is it all about who pays and who doesn't? I'd prefer a woman who isn't a sponge (yes, I know you aren't) and has her own ambition and success. That way we can SHARE life.
I agree that if she paid all the time that is out of wack. I'm just saying that I like a relationship to be a two way street rather than a dead end ;-)

_____________________________

Well, cP I believe in sharing too..but fortunately all the men I dated have been very generous men, I often reciprocate by being their chauffeur, mainly because I am a teetotaller and they trust me to drive them home without being stopped by the police.. and taxi fares are very expensive in London..lol..Also sometimes I book tickets to the cinema or theatre and pay for them and never bother to charge them for it..so it is a fair deal. Also at a restaurant most of them prefer to be seen as the bill payer otherwise they may be mistaken for a gigolo, since I do go out with younger men...lol



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Posted on Thu, Jun 02, 2005 22:30


champagnepowder write:

sharp1 write:
Champ two way street is fine...and I often take my turn buying lunch/dinner, whatever. BUT on the first date...sorry, stereotyping or not, I don't think much of a man who makes me buy my own latte, lunch, or dinner. It says CHEAP to me in a major way!



Agreed sharp. The first date is a given. I wasn't just speaking of monetary sharing either but it seemed to be the topic at hand. That's why I said sharing LIFE was more imporant. Thanks for sharing your views though. I would guess most women feel that way and most men are willing to support those feelings/desires.


I was going to delete that post. Too late! lol
I caught the sharing LIFE part of your post, but forgot to address it. Two people first must get to the point of sharing life...is that after 2, 3, 10 dates? I'll bet it varies between different people. I guess I was referring to the 'first date' scenario. That is very different from sharing life. I agree with your perspective. If it cannot be 50/50 with respect to finances, there is no reason why it can't be 50/50 in every other area of a relationship. Give & take. But even thought one person may make more than another, there are ways one can get around it...like cooking a gourmet dinner instead of going out to a restaurant. What do you think Champ?



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Posted on Thu, Jun 02, 2005 22:13

so then u can see why im on this site?? lol. im just trying to meet new ppl, a new crowd. hopefully a real MAN.



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Posted on Thu, Jun 02, 2005 21:13


sharp1 write:
Champ two way street is fine...and I often take my turn buying lunch/dinner, whatever. BUT on the first date...sorry, stereotyping or not, I don't think much of a man who makes me buy my own latte, lunch, or dinner. It says CHEAP to me in a major way!



Agreed sharp. The first date is a given. I wasn't just speaking of monetary sharing either but it seemed to be the topic at hand. That's why I said sharing LIFE was more imporant. Thanks for sharing your views though. I would guess most women feel that way and most men are willing to support those feelings/desires.



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Posted on Thu, Jun 02, 2005 20:59


champagnepowder write:
Good point Bonnie. The whole phrase 'taking vows seriously' is kind of a joke in this day and age anyway. I know it may seem pessimistic to break marriage down to statistics but they do show that vows mean nothing and more of the 'serious' relationships end up in failure. I'd rather have someone who isn't so 'serious' about life, knows how to laugh at themselves and enjoy life. Commitment is great but a lifetime of commitment is not guaranteed by any vows.

Tanamaria...I'd start with looking for someone who loves you for you and vice versa. Forget all the material stuff and look beneath the surface!



Excellent advice Champ! But remember...first date...guy still needs to fork out, cough up...pay the bill! That's life! lol



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Posted on Thu, Jun 02, 2005 20:56


champagnepowder write:

Bonnie88 write:
Tanamria...
HOw did you land up dating all those spongers?
I have never ever paid on any date..maybe you should seriously look at dating older men then who could take you out and give you a nice evening out ...



Now Bonnie, is it all about who pays and who doesn't? I'd prefer a woman who isn't a sponge (yes, I know you aren't) and has her own ambition and success. That way we can SHARE life.
I agree that if she paid all the time that is out of wack. I'm just saying that I like a relationship to be a two way street rather than a dead end ;-)


Champ two way street is fine...and I often take my turn buying lunch/dinner, whatever. BUT on the first date...sorry, stereotyping or not, I don't think much of a man who makes me buy my own latte, lunch, or dinner. It says CHEAP to me in a major way!



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Posted on Thu, Jun 02, 2005 19:54


Bonnie88 write:
Tanamria...
HOw did you land up dating all those spongers?
I have never ever paid on any date..maybe you should seriously look at dating older men then who could take you out and give you a nice evening out ...



Now Bonnie, is it all about who pays and who doesn't? I'd prefer a woman who isn't a sponge (yes, I know you aren't) and has her own ambition and success. That way we can SHARE life.
I agree that if she paid all the time that is out of wack. I'm just saying that I like a relationship to be a two way street rather than a dead end ;-)



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Posted on Thu, Jun 02, 2005 10:46

Tanamria...
HOw did you land up dating all those spongers?
I have never ever paid on any date..maybe you should seriously look at dating older men then who could take you out and give you a nice evening out ...



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Posted on Wed, Jun 01, 2005 22:27

well, serious in vows would be a good start, but thats not what i meant. i meant a guy who accepts responsibility, and isnt so clingy with mommy. not to say being a momma's boy is bad, cuz its not. but a guy can only be so close with his mom without that interfering with his entire life. i also mean, a guy who has a job, and isnt a bum. im sick of paying for everything. i may have money, but it isnt to pay for every date. my money is for me and my son.



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Posted on Wed, Jun 01, 2005 22:02

Welcome back CP!
We miss your male view, serious and light, funny and ironic...
I guess too many people take life and love too seriously and forget to enjoy life itself, whether with or without that someone special...
Being happy in ourselves is the first step to sharing that happiness, at least you won't be burdening that person with your unhappiness or become dependent on that person for your happiness..
Just visualise if u were trying to sell 'happiness ' and 'unhappiness' on the street for free, which do u think would go first?



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Posted on Wed, Jun 01, 2005 17:40

Good point Bonnie. The whole phrase 'taking vows seriously' is kind of a joke in this day and age anyway. I know it may seem pessimistic to break marriage down to statistics but they do show that vows mean nothing and more of the 'serious' relationships end up in failure. I'd rather have someone who isn't so 'serious' about life, knows how to laugh at themselves and enjoy life. Commitment is great but a lifetime of commitment is not guaranteed by any vows.

Tanamaria...I'd start with looking for someone who loves you for you and vice versa. Forget all the material stuff and look beneath the surface!



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Posted on Wed, Jun 01, 2005 13:56

but you know what?,if a marriage ends,its for a good reason,it was never meant to be,my whole feeling towards this whole thing, that once you marry,you marry for life,you dont marry to divorce,and the sad thing is when there is children involved in the marriage,there the only ones that realy get hurt out of it...



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Posted on Wed, Jun 01, 2005 00:21

Tanamaria,
What is a 'serious man' in your view?

someone who takes his marriage vow seriously?

statistically only 1 in 3 Cinderellas could find that serious Prince Charming, so that is your chance of finding him in an age range that could be as wide as you dare. I suppose the 'seriousness' of his intentions will grow with age, so I think you could try the range from '50 to 99' and make sure he has you down as his beneficiary in his insurance policies, his will...
oops..just doing some strategic planning for you...
Cupid is getting very confused trying to aim her arrows on everyone with so much needs and agenda...Love is a hard target to aim at this day and age..not being cynical just realistic , Im afraid.



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Posted on Tue, May 31, 2005 21:44

well, i was 19 when i had my son, so i had to grow up very fast. and im just sick of playing games, i want a serious man, no games.



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Posted on Tue, May 31, 2005 05:14

marriage...I'll take that to go Please.With a Se*Xy Man..

  


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Posted on Tue, May 31, 2005 03:41


tanamaria write:
i guess im just bitter because of what all my ex's did. i was the one always getting cheated on. and im just fed up with it. im just out of a realationship, where he kept with holding sex from me. and im a very sensual person, thats just part of who i am. and i put up with it for 3 years. i found out he was cheating on me with some girl he knew when he was little. so, im done playing games, i dont want a guy who is going to play games. im ired of playing games, im a single mom, with a son to raise. i dont have time for games.



...well dear girl...if it can help u ...I was in that situation for 25 years...so finally u only lost 3...be happy and look forward u r very young and pretty....life is full of surprises ...and not all of them are bad!! cheen up...
Just one question though...how did u menage to get a child so young!!!...



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Posted on Mon, May 30, 2005 23:37

Tanamaria,
I hear what you are saying..a single mum at such a young age and having to work and fend for both of you is tough..do u get help from your family?
Do you get a chance to retrain or improve your skills and add to your own education in your job?
Don't get disheartened..what you have to your advantage is your youth, your son as your best focus and make time to improve and educate yourself when you have a chance or make that chance happen for you .
Looking for the right man is an unpredictable chance which you could only leave to Fate but educating yourself and giving yourself a stronger self-esteem and sense of achievement is all within your powers.
Put your past down to youthful inexperience and don't be bitter.....you can still make your own dream come true without that man of your dreams..he may just be waiting for you there while you least expect him when you fulfil your own dreams..



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Posted on Sun, May 29, 2005 23:57

i guess im just bitter because of what all my ex's did. i was the one always getting cheated on. and im just fed up with it. im just out of a realationship, where he kept with holding sex from me. and im a very sensual person, thats just part of who i am. and i put up with it for 3 years. i found out he was cheating on me with some girl he knew when he was little. so, im done playing games, i dont want a guy who is going to play games. im ired of playing games, im a single mom, with a son to raise. i dont have time for games.



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Posted on Sun, May 29, 2005 16:52

Tanamaria...I think you need to have a closer look in the mirror! You are a natural beauty! Work on your self-esteem & confidence! Listen to NYC!