Bonnie & Lassie, WOW. I'm so glad you put all that into words. You are both right on, thanks so much. I think Lassie is right, too many think of finding "Mr./Ms. Right" as the ultimate goal of their lives, and it most certainly is not. Real freedom is knowing that you CAN live successfully on your own, that you CAN have a full and rich life wbile single, and that you CAN choose who you want to be in your life. It doesn't mean you still don't want someone......but you have the knowledge that you can take care of yourself if you don't happen to find him/her. To me, that has been so freeing. I'll never be rich, but having that knowledge is a great thing.
Thanks again for your profound thoughts and also for expressing them so well!
According to a statistical report done in UK recently, the average man (wonder if it includes woman) has only about 50 friends if he is lucky..and I believe that number is confirmed only when you are dead and someone keeps count at your funeral..
Weelassy - are you in the medical profession ? Love your well thought advice and sensible take on being single..where most people see it as 'transient' and women see themselves as 'ladies in waiting' ..always waiting for the first date, their first kiss, their first love..their Prince Charming to come along ..their first baby..and putting their life on hold even after marriage sometimes..love to hear more from you..
Mel..I think it is always great to hear a man's view on this issue, it has so much more gravitas..a bit like hearing from the horse's mouth..
like your description of Mr.Right lost without GPS..he should be able to find his way faster than with the old style compass..I hope..:)
Take your time and enjoy life. What matters most is your happiness. This may or may not include a mate at the current time.
In times like this all you can do is your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstaces, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
Mr. Right will come. He may be a little lost right now. Maybe he just purchased a GPS so he can find you.
we recharge our batteries by making time to retreat and be by ourselves. As in the rest of life, finding the balance that works for each of us as individuals is the key.
You are short-changing yourself if you are so focused on finding a boyfriend that you neglect cultivating friendships. A well-rounded life includes having a diverse group of relationships with which support and nourish us. Even if you find a partner in life, it is usually neither healthy nor possible to get all of your social needs met by one person. Friends are the fabric of which life is made.
Even if you have a host of friends, if you find yourself using them to avoid facing the fact that you feel incomplete when you are by yourself, you have some work to do. An important a part of happiness is the ability to enjoy your own company. What do you do when you are by yourself? Can you enjoy a book or doing something like going to the movies by yourself? Or do you find that you are never alone, or that you are bored and restless when you are by yourself?
We cultivate a happy, meaningful life like we cultivate a garden. Your life is important; take time to nourish yourself and enjoy life, whether you are single, dating or in a long-term relationship.
Have you ever noticed how many assumptions we make about relationships and singleness? One of the biggest is that being single is a temporary state and therefore not that important. You'll only be single until you meet the right man. We tend to think of being single as a transitional time. For some of us that is true; for others, singleness is a long-term way of life. Either way, many of us will spend at least a large part of our lives single.
Thinking of singleness as transitory means that it is easy to spend more time looking for or anticipating our next relationship rather than cultivating life right now. Some people defer plans; they will buy a house, or start saving for retirement, or plan that trip when they meet Mr. Right. Or worse: they have no life goal other than to find a mate! Being single seems too transient to take seriously. But months turn to years; we look back and realize we've been deferring plans and missing out in the process.
This life is not "practice," single or not. It makes no sense to believe you must defer your happiness until you are part of a relationship. Relationships seem to work best with people who are already happy.
Being happy means getting your important needs met. These needs include desires for intimacy, friendship and connection with others. Are there friends you can rely on when you need a helping hand? Men or women with whom you can share the joys or sorrows that are part of the fabric of every life? What about someone you can tell your innermost thoughts to and feel accepted and acknowledged? (Someone once defined a true friend as "someone who knows you as you truly are?and who likes you anyway.")
Some of us are extroverts by nature. We relish the company of friends, and we are always out doing things with them. We feel energized by being around others. Others of us are introverts. We find that being around other people can be tiring; we recharge our batteries by mak...
Don't place all your hopes on men..
Women who learn to be independent also learn pride, confidence and self-esteem..and men too admire that in women..at least men who are not losers or feel intimidated by successful women.
Education is one of the most powerful source for women to gain that respect and self-confidence..and it is an achievable goal for all..as long as you find something you enjoy learning and learn it with a passion..and succeed in it..the rest will take care if itself..trust me ..I have done it in the toughest of conditions..
The world is your oyster , all it needs is a little grit..