Worked hard all my life Family / Marriage

  • View author's info posted on Apr 25, 2005 15:31

    "A well-rounded life includes having a diverse group of relationships with which support and nourish us. "

    I like to illustrate by using simple numbers something like this.

    You get "love points" for relationships, such as:

    1 point for a friend,
    2 points for a good companion,
    3 points for a friend/companion,
    4 points for a intimate lover and more if they are your best friend and good companion or mate.

    sex with a stranger-- 0 points.
    15 friends = 15 points.
    5 friend/companions= 15 points

    You would be suprised how many "love" points you can share with friends and family without having a mate.

    Now if I just had about 5 lovers I could fly to the moon ....... just kidding.
  • View author's info posted on Apr 25, 2005 14:28

    Weelassy - are you in the medical profession ? Love your well thought advice and sensible take on being single..where most people see it as 'transient' and women see themselves as 'ladies in waiting' ..always waiting for the first date, their first kiss, their first love..their Prince Charming to come along ..their first baby..and putting their life on hold even after marriage to hear more from you..
    Mel..I think it is always great to hear a man's view on this issue, it has so much more gravitas..a bit like hearing from the horse's mouth..
    like your description of Mr.Right lost without GPS..he should be able to find his way faster than with the old style compass..I hope..:)
  • View author's info posted on Apr 24, 2005 18:05

    we recharge our batteries by making time to retreat and be by ourselves. As in the rest of life, finding the balance that works for each of us as individuals is the key.

    You are short-changing yourself if you are so focused on finding a boyfriend that you neglect cultivating friendships. A well-rounded life includes having a diverse group of relationships with which support and nourish us. Even if you find a partner in life, it is usually neither healthy nor possible to get all of your social needs met by one person. Friends are the fabric of which life is made.

    Even if you have a host of friends, if you find yourself using them to avoid facing the fact that you feel incomplete when you are by yourself, you have some work to do. An important a part of happiness is the ability to enjoy your own company. What do you do when you are by yourself? Can you enjoy a book or doing something like going to the movies by yourself? Or do you find that you are never alone, or that you are bored and restless when you are by yourself?

    We cultivate a happy, meaningful life like we cultivate a garden. Your life is important; take time to nourish yourself and enjoy life, whether you are single, dating or in a long-term relationship.
  • View author's info posted on Apr 24, 2005 18:03

    Have you ever noticed how many assumptions we make about relationships and singleness? One of the biggest is that being single is a temporary state and therefore not that important. You'll only be single until you meet the right man. We tend to think of being single as a transitional time. For some of us that is true; for others, singleness is a long-term way of life. Either way, many of us will spend at least a large part of our lives single.

    Thinking of singleness as transitory means that it is easy to spend more time looking for or anticipating our next relationship rather than cultivating life right now. Some people defer plans; they will buy a house, or start saving for retirement, or plan that trip when they meet Mr. Right. Or worse: they have no life goal other than to find a mate! Being single seems too transient to take seriously. But months turn to years; we look back and realize we've been deferring plans and missing out in the process.

    This life is not "practice," single or not. It makes no sense to believe you must defer your happiness until you are part of a relationship. Relationships seem to work best with people who are already happy.

    Being happy means getting your important needs met. These needs include desires for intimacy, friendship and connection with others. Are there friends you can rely on when you need a helping hand? Men or women with whom you can share the joys or sorrows that are part of the fabric of every life? What about someone you can tell your innermost thoughts to and feel accepted and acknowledged? (Someone once defined a true friend as "someone who knows you as you truly are?and who likes you anyway.")

    Some of us are extroverts by nature. We relish the company of friends, and we are always out doing things with them. We feel energized by being around others. Others of us are introverts. We find that being around other people can be tiring; we recharge our batteries by mak...
  • View author's info posted on Apr 24, 2005 04:01

    Don't place all your hopes on men..
    Women who learn to be independent also learn pride, confidence and self-esteem..and men too admire that in least men who are not losers or feel intimidated by successful women.
    Education is one of the most powerful source for women to gain that respect and self-confidence..and it is an achievable goal for long as you find something you enjoy learning and learn it with a passion..and succeed in it..the rest will take care if me ..I have done it in the toughest of conditions..
    The world is your oyster , all it needs is a little grit..
    good luck
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