rest assure Lady..I m not as indiscriminate as you think..in fact I am a conservative with a capital C..and am very picky as to who I go out with..there are too many toyboy golddiggers around too..I read faces and palms the Chinese way..so my instincts are educated and the guys I date are all successful in their own sphere and intellectually compatible ..and living in London, one is confined and defined by one's circumstance and social class (unfortunately) so I am often matched by friends to suitors who they think are socially acceptable..by their standards...lol so I am well protected..and hence I need to get on here for comic relief..
well, my main problem is I don't look my age ..all my life my physical looks is trying to catch up with my chronological age..and when I do go out with men my age, and being Oriental, I make them feel uncomfortable esp if they are Caucasian..people look at us and think he has picked a native call girl if we are in Asia..it happened all the time when I was with my husband.even though he was younger but looked older than me..I was not even allowed into our hotel room because of that...
also alot of men my age group can't cope with my pace and stamina..I would love to date someone my age who is as compatible physically and mentally..so I guess I will just check into an old folks home at 75 and find one...
well, one thing for sure I have never gone out with man more than a year older than me and I married a younger man and as I get older I seem to be dating younger and younger men...I am not complaining at all..I guess they don't feel the pressure of marriage with older women and hence are able to relax and enjoy themselves .liberated older women sure have more fun..
Bonnie I think you're right about the guys our age. The guys I've went out on dates with recently were in their 30's. Strange thing is that I found myself attracted to yet another 30 something guy. Not too young and not too old lol. They're hot, that's all I can say. : )
Strangely I think men in our age range steer clear of LAT..they tell me that at mid-life they are too tired of the courting game and just wants the cozy comfort of a familiar woman to come home to and have dinner ready for them..so if you get no response it is not your problem..but my bet is you will get lots of toyboys responding..that is what i seem to get alot of..lol
Bonnie, imagine if we knew then what we know now. We'd all run as fast as we could away from that alter lol. I could easily live with occasional get togethers with a man. I wouldn't have said that 20 some odd years ago, but I've changed a lot since then. Any men out there who believe in LAT like I do? LOL, no one will reply :-D
Im glad you see my point of view..LAT is an alternative that is a partial commitment to test out if one could face the enormity of the full hog..at least in a monogamous society.
Social scientists and anthropologists have done indepth studies of alternative forms of social and marriage commitments in primitive tribes..and monogamy is only one form largely accepted by the Christians..
Young people today esp in the US come from dysfunctional families and it is small wonder that to them marriage is a way of getting out of their own unhappiness and hoping that they will find love and family units of their own..the homing device sets them hunting..sadly they fall prey to their own ignorance not realising that marriage is a demanding commitment..and it is sad that the law in civilised countries require owners of pets to get a licence before they could own pets but have not insist on licence for people to be parents as well..since owning a child is an even more permanent responsibility..
I began this thread because there was a very young woman who posted on the forums and she seemed desperate to meet a man and get married. I just thought that she should know there's more to life than just getting and being married. To go and do something for herself first and to realize that life offers much more. I have to admit that that I had personal reasons for starting this thread. Sometimes in life someone hurts you enough that you can't get past it to go on and meet someone new. That's when you find out that you are fine on your own. Sometimes being on your own is better than the alternative. I think LAT is a great idea.
I don't think I have ruled out romance and love in my life at all..in fact I do have a great time dating different men from different age groups and background. Hence I don't compartmentalise my emotions at all, I am the true renaissance woman who keeps all my options open.
I married for Love and adventure and was never short-changed..the love lives on in my two beautiful bi-racial kids and the adventure carries on..tomorrow is a great day for me..the ultimate optimist..and I m sure you are too.
May the sun shine on us forever..
Orion, you sounded like my late husband, a great provider who worked 18 hour days..devoted family man who took delayed gratification to the extreme and forgot to give himself a life because he was so selfless..I was the long suffering tolerant wife who too abide by the same faithful philosophy and live to regret that we did not make enough time for each other...
but I have learn thru the years to transform loneliness to solitude ..to be independent of mind and emotion..and it is only when we are able to be that do we find true peace and if the right soulmate crosses our path again it would be a bonus but don't depend on that..I love my own ability to fend for myself and it is a sort of liberation of the spirit that frees me to indulge in my other passions which were put on hold like the arts, creative pursuits..which my happy marriage left me little time for or at least gave me excuses not to pursue them or face those challenges..
LIVE for yourself, be a little selfish Orion..you have earned it..and when you love yourself that much more . ..it is contagious,,you are a great guy..and I like some of your honest views..let us agree to disagree and see issues from all perspectives and keep our minds open ..enjoy life .
I hear what you're saying Bonnie, and I myself have met several Ladies over the course of the last couple of years who prefer boytoys to commitment, it's definitely a trend of the Baby Boomers I suppose.
As for my marriage, I suspect my opinion of how I treated her would differ significantly from her perspective, although I do know that when compared to others of my gender, I was without a doubt better than most. Although that's not really saying very much now is it?
What I miss most about my relationship is not having a confidante... a person who knows me as well as anyone can. Someone who's opinion I respected and integrated into my own life.
The person who could take me to a level of intimacy I suspect few ever experience.
I wasn't physically abusive nor was it an issue of philandering, I was so engrossed with my personal financial situation that I forgot what the truly important things in life are....
I sort of agree with s**** marriage. I have been married and divorced twice already and am only 31 years old. For some reason men see me as the marrying maternal type. After my experiences with proposals and boyfriends and husbands all I do now is have the occasional "special" friend. The further away he is the happier I am. I do not like men in my bubble.
Chief2u- I am sorry that it took the loss of your partner to realise how important she is to you and I hope you appreciated her and did not take her for granted in all your married years together.
I am a widow who had the perfect marriage for 20 years, he was a good provider but an absent husband. Now that I m a single woman again, I realise much as I missed him, I have always been loyal and faithful and put my own life and my needs on hold . Many wives and devoted mums do that, we subconsciously become matyrs . I only realised that after 20 years . I don't regret it , but I am now free to live life just for me..liberally and selfishly but I think I have earned it and deserve to live the rest of my life as I choose.
Commitment is a huge responsibility. The price of unconditional love is selfless giving without expecting any reward..and often it also means at the expense of the development of one's true potential. While we are all social beings, I think marriage is not necessarily the only way to commit ourselves.
Coffins are built for one, we come to this earth alone and we leave it alone, so I am getting used to sleeping alone..and finally I am sleeping well without being woken up by snores thru the night...
LAT - it is so strange that women in their late 40s and 50s whom I have met endorse this concept far more readily than men in the same age group. In Japan where I have lived for 6 years, the divorce rate climb for couples in the fifties. The empty nester wives having had years of absent husbands suddenly find themselves with retired husbands occupying their tiny kitchen all day, they are dubbed 'sodai gomi' which means 'big trash bin' because they occupy the space that used to be the bin..or they are also known as 'Wet Autumn Leaves' - ever noticed how one could never get rid of them when you try to sweep them out? Well Japanese women in their 50s feel that way about their retired husbands..
Men in their retirement find loneliness and coping on their own in the domestic front quite daunting while women have always done so brilliantly and the last thing they need is to pick after another men or lay about..so I am not surprised that on this topic I noticed the women are the ones who seem to endorse it...while men could retire from work to go home , wives can't retire from their dependent husbands who become ever more so in their late 50s..and it is no surprise that divorce rates climb in that age group..
LAT works well for that age group..and increasingly women are looking for younger partners to have some long overdue fun with..so the game is now a pretty fair one..esp when the women are also financially independent..toyboys are in fashion..commitment free and irresponsible fun seem to be the domain of the wealthy single mature women these days and I do know several...te new era of the yummy mummy has just begun..
So that's what that's called ........LAT!
My last relationship was like that and it worked well for 5 years. Didn't have to put up with the worst, and got the best.
Only ended cause his worse started affecting everything in his life.......too bad, nice guy.