Screw Marriage Family / Marriage Forward to friends

  • View author's info Posted on Apr 26, 2005 at 02:11 AM


    Gosh Bonnie, I can see your problem. You need to get out and meet some real men that don't wear polo outfits.


    I would be lucky if they wore polo necks, most of my dates go straight from work in their pin-striped suits and ties..a city of dark suited men..with uniformed me out of here!!
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 25, 2005 at 04:39 PM

    Bonnie---"and living in London, one is confined and defined by one's circumstance and social class"

    Gosh Bonnie, I can see your problem. You need to get out and meet some real men that don't wear polo outfits.

  • View author's info Posted on Apr 21, 2005 at 01:25 AM

    Understood perfectly. Need a few things to think about at once, do you? Thanks for the smile.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 21, 2005 at 01:06 AM

    rest assure Lady..I m not as indiscriminate as you fact I am a conservative with a capital C..and am very picky as to who I go out with..there are too many toyboy golddiggers around too..I read faces and palms the Chinese my instincts are educated and the guys I date are all successful in their own sphere and intellectually compatible ..and living in London, one is confined and defined by one's circumstance and social class (unfortunately) so I am often matched by friends to suitors who they think are socially their so I am well protected..and hence I need to get on here for comic relief..
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 21, 2005 at 12:37 AM

    I'm relating to you, oriental and all. I think if you're beautiful and young, physically and spiritually, you have the privilege and the duty of waiting for the one man that is worthy of you. Truly, you sound like the other 1.

    Like your spunk! Don't demean it with lesser guys.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 21, 2005 at 12:17 AM

    well, my main problem is I don't look my age ..all my life my physical looks is trying to catch up with my chronological age..and when I do go out with men my age, and being Oriental, I make them feel uncomfortable esp if they are Caucasian..people look at us and think he has picked a native call girl if we are in happened all the time when I was with my husband.even though he was younger but looked older than me..I was not even allowed into our hotel room because of that...
    also alot of men my age group can't cope with my pace and stamina..I would love to date someone my age who is as compatible physically and I guess I will just check into an old folks home at 75 and find one...
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 20, 2005 at 11:35 PM

    It's too easy for an attractive, independent woman to date younger men. Spin around three times and spy what you don't like about the men your age.

    An attractive, independent and truly honest woman will probably find someone in a similar age group -- and, won't be in a hurry.

    Hey, I've been there.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 20, 2005 at 03:55 PM

    well, one thing for sure I have never gone out with man more than a year older than me and I married a younger man and as I get older I seem to be dating younger and younger men...I am not complaining at all..I guess they don't feel the pressure of marriage with older women and hence are able to relax and enjoy themselves .liberated older women sure have more fun..
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 19, 2005 at 06:57 PM

    Bonnie I think you're right about the guys our age. The guys I've went out on dates with recently were in their 30's. Strange thing is that I found myself attracted to yet another 30 something guy. Not too young and not too old lol. They're hot, that's all I can say. : )
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 19, 2005 at 02:08 AM

    Strangely I think men in our age range steer clear of LAT..they tell me that at mid-life they are too tired of the courting game and just wants the cozy comfort of a familiar woman to come home to and have dinner ready for if you get no response it is not your problem..but my bet is you will get lots of toyboys responding..that is what i seem to get alot
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 18, 2005 at 01:56 PM

    Bonnie, imagine if we knew then what we know now. We'd all run as fast as we could away from that alter lol. I could easily live with occasional get togethers with a man. I wouldn't have said that 20 some odd years ago, but I've changed a lot since then. Any men out there who believe in LAT like I do? LOL, no one will reply :-D
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 18, 2005 at 11:29 AM

    Im glad you see my point of view..LAT is an alternative that is a partial commitment to test out if one could face the enormity of the full least in a monogamous society.
    Social scientists and anthropologists have done indepth studies of alternative forms of social and marriage commitments in primitive tribes..and monogamy is only one form largely accepted by the Christians..
    Young people today esp in the US come from dysfunctional families and it is small wonder that to them marriage is a way of getting out of their own unhappiness and hoping that they will find love and family units of their own..the homing device sets them hunting..sadly they fall prey to their own ignorance not realising that marriage is a demanding commitment..and it is sad that the law in civilised countries require owners of pets to get a licence before they could own pets but have not insist on licence for people to be parents as well..since owning a child is an even more permanent responsibility..
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 16, 2005 at 05:26 PM

    I began this thread because there was a very young woman who posted on the forums and she seemed desperate to meet a man and get married. I just thought that she should know there's more to life than just getting and being married. To go and do something for herself first and to realize that life offers much more. I have to admit that that I had personal reasons for starting this thread. Sometimes in life someone hurts you enough that you can't get past it to go on and meet someone new. That's when you find out that you are fine on your own. Sometimes being on your own is better than the alternative. I think LAT is a great idea.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 16, 2005 at 09:32 AM

    I don't think I have ruled out romance and love in my life at fact I do have a great time dating different men from different age groups and background. Hence I don't compartmentalise my emotions at all, I am the true renaissance woman who keeps all my options open.
    I married for Love and adventure and was never short-changed..the love lives on in my two beautiful bi-racial kids and the adventure carries on..tomorrow is a great day for me..the ultimate optimist..and I m sure you are too.
    May the sun shine on us forever..
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 16, 2005 at 12:20 AM

    Orion,,,if you meet the right lady in your life,,,I hope your sensitivity is not numbed from past relationships...I believe you know what I am talking about
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 15, 2005 at 02:13 PM

    "I have learn thru the years... to be independent of mind and emotion"

    I too learned to "compartmentalize" my emotions Bonnie.

    A good way to survive, but perhaps at the cost of being a little less "sensitive"....

    Carpe diem Mam.

    May you blessed in all that you do!
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 15, 2005 at 01:49 AM

    Orion, you sounded like my late husband, a great provider who worked 18 hour days..devoted family man who took delayed gratification to the extreme and forgot to give himself a life because he was so selfless..I was the long suffering tolerant wife who too abide by the same faithful philosophy and live to regret that we did not make enough time for each other...
    but I have learn thru the years to transform loneliness to solitude be independent of mind and emotion..and it is only when we are able to be that do we find true peace and if the right soulmate crosses our path again it would be a bonus but don't depend on that..I love my own ability to fend for myself and it is a sort of liberation of the spirit that frees me to indulge in my other passions which were put on hold like the arts, creative pursuits..which my happy marriage left me little time for or at least gave me excuses not to pursue them or face those challenges..
    LIVE for yourself, be a little selfish have earned it..and when you love yourself that much more . is contagious,,you are a great guy..and I like some of your honest views..let us agree to disagree and see issues from all perspectives and keep our minds open ..enjoy life .
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 14, 2005 at 11:26 AM

    I hear what you're saying Bonnie, and I myself have met several Ladies over the course of the last couple of years who prefer boytoys to commitment, it's definitely a trend of the Baby Boomers I suppose.
    As for my marriage, I suspect my opinion of how I treated her would differ significantly from her perspective, although I do know that when compared to others of my gender, I was without a doubt better than most. Although that's not really saying very much now is it?
    What I miss most about my relationship is not having a confidante... a person who knows me as well as anyone can. Someone who's opinion I respected and integrated into my own life.
    The person who could take me to a level of intimacy I suspect few ever experience.
    I wasn't physically abusive nor was it an issue of philandering, I was so engrossed with my personal financial situation that I forgot what the truly important things in life are....
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 13, 2005 at 10:28 PM

    I sort of agree with s**** marriage. I have been married and divorced twice already and am only 31 years old. For some reason men see me as the marrying maternal type. After my experiences with proposals and boyfriends and husbands all I do now is have the occasional "special" friend. The further away he is the happier I am. I do not like men in my bubble.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 13, 2005 at 11:03 AM

    Chief2u- I am sorry that it took the loss of your partner to realise how important she is to you and I hope you appreciated her and did not take her for granted in all your married years together.
    I am a widow who had the perfect marriage for 20 years, he was a good provider but an absent husband. Now that I m a single woman again, I realise much as I missed him, I have always been loyal and faithful and put my own life and my needs on hold . Many wives and devoted mums do that, we subconsciously become matyrs . I only realised that after 20 years . I don't regret it , but I am now free to live life just for me..liberally and selfishly but I think I have earned it and deserve to live the rest of my life as I choose.
    Commitment is a huge responsibility. The price of unconditional love is selfless giving without expecting any reward..and often it also means at the expense of the development of one's true potential. While we are all social beings, I think marriage is not necessarily the only way to commit ourselves.

    Coffins are built for one, we come to this earth alone and we leave it alone, so I am getting used to sleeping alone..and finally I am sleeping well without being woken up by snores thru the night...
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