Cub there is a difference between your age and your son's, 11 yrs old. You can't expect him to think or behave as a adult.
I loved your story wellab, it made me laugh so hard! But it was an excellent example, and sometimes when another person can shed light on a matter from personal experience it can be the best advice. TLC.
Cub from one of your posts below, I got the impression that this test was not critical. I think that has a lot of baring in this matter. If it's not critical, then do as wellab suggests...TLC...otherwise you will come across as a bull-dozer to your son. You are going to win at any cost. Better maybe to consider his feelings, be understanding, reasonable and fair. Pick your fights. Don't make something a big issue, when it is a moot point. e.g. if he didn't really need this blood test, it was just routine...then maybe it's a moot point.
One day it may be a big issue, and if your son perceives that no matter what the issue is you are not fair, he'll close down, and tune you right out at the moments he may most need your guidance and advice.
Cub--when I was 8 I had to have a shot every day for 3 weeks in the rear. In those days the needles were used over and over. One day the nurse gave me the shot with a blunt, bent needle and it hurt -- big time -- plus she was having trouble getting the needle out. I freaked out and almost passed out. For most of my life I have had a phobia against needles as a result. When I was the age of your son until the day I had to go get a blood test to get married I avoided needles like the plague. I was very afraid of them and just thinking about it would cause a cold sweat and light headed feeling. There was no way I would ever admit I was afraid to my Dad, or my Mom, or my friends. I was embarrassed and would lie and use any other excuse I could to get out of it. Finally my mom guessed the truth and told me she knew and then would go with me and hold my hand and make sure I could lie down. Even when I started allergy shots as an adult and then got cancer and had almost daily blood draws I had the phobia but eventually got stuck so many times it passed -- sort of -- even now when I have the semi-annual blood draw it bothers me but I get through it. Maybe your son is experiencing the same kind of fear and phobia due to what he experienced at the allergist. If so, he needs TLC and maybe not punishment. Just something to consider. Good luck.
Cub I'm sorry to here your ex won't help you out. Tests like that are for the benefit of one's health. Maybe that's how you need to sell it to your son. Try reasoning with him the pros and cons. He's old enough to comprehend.
Bonnie88 write: I agree with Sharp that child training has to be consistent with both parents which is really tough. But children require tact and will often listen to a soft sell than a hard one..I would have played a game with your son..call it Dracula's blood su*king session, the real deal ..and challenge him to see the needle go into his arm and tell the doc to give him the biggest elastoplast or even a huge bandage and sign 'Dracula' so he could go back to school to show off to his mates that he just saw his own blood being su*ked out by Dracula...
I agree with Bonnie that a soft sell might have worked, but neither of us knew his age before. With that knowledge now I don't think the Dracula's blooding su*cking game would have gone over to well! lol
I wouldn't have expected such behaviour over a needle from an 11 yr old when a dr. requested it. I would have explained to him the necessity of drawing the blood so the tests could be done. You could also explain the alternative method, which is to poke one's finger. Now that I have a phobia of, and could never let anyone ever do that. I don't like needles, nor do my kids, but we've all had to have them, and I've always told my kids if it bothers you don't look at the needle, and look away when she's doing it. I'm there with them. It usually works. I find reasoning with an older child versus telling them 'you must do this' goes along ways. My daughter can be very stubborn. If I reason, she usually complies. If I order her...those heels of hers dig in deep! Then I have to find a way that I have one up on her! Which isn't the best situation to find yourself in. I try to reason mostly.
Also, take your son to a "Children's Hospital". Because they are used to dealing with young kids who are distressed at having a needle. I never had problems with my kids when they were toddlers even. They sit you in a chair with your child on your lap, and they show you how...
I agree with Sharp that child training has to be consistent with both parents which is really tough.
But children require tact and will often listen to a soft sell than a hard one..I would have played a game with your son..call it Dracula's blood su*king session, the real deal ..and challenge him to see the needle go into his arm and tell the doc to give him the biggest elastoplast or even a huge bandage and sign 'Dracula' so he could go back to school to show off to his mates that he just saw his own blood being su*ked out by Dracula...
Cub ... want my 2 cents? I think your punishment is a great idea, and is fair. It suits the act. BUT I also feel that this is your child, and your EX's child, who the blood tests were for. Your ex would have wanted them too! It should be a team effort here, because he is both your child, and his welfare concerns both of you. THEREFORE, the punishment shouldn't be postponed to the next time he visits you...that will only paint you as the bad guy. You need to talk to your ex, get her on board, and his punishment starts at her house...today, and carries on to your house if need be. This should be the case whenever he does something that is wrong and deserves punishing. If you work together, when he is a little older, he'll never be able to play one of you against the other! Believe me, they all try! You only prevent that if you can do cooperative parenting.
REminds me when my kids asked where tooth fairies get their money from to give to kids .
My reply: 'Tooth fairies all have a day job making dentures from the teeth they collect at night..that is where they get the money from...'
Thanks CUB..you take over..I have to work..start another family topic...
HOw about :
HOw prepared are we to take on 'baggages' ..whether they be step-children, ex-spouses, strange quirky habits that surface post-union..and clan of family relatives who will inevitably be part of that baggage for those who are keen to re-marry or even for that matter just MARRY for the first time??
LOVE= baggage for better or for worse?
. Is it like that with women? How do you start collecting? Do you have to buy from the current collector, who probably want too much, or is there a old bone boneyard.
well,you just have to have a trained eye for a good model which will last and have great secondhand or residual value..a collector's item. A bit like wine collectors or any other specialist collectors..a connoiseur needs training and education..and of course luck to have come upon the rare collection..and to know its true value..man who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing..loses out..and deconstructing everything into categories and theories sometimes leave you blind to the instinctive value which can't be measured quantitatively by any scientific equation..you just have to trust your instincts and your heart..and not the head..that has lots to do with experience and an innate passion for inexplicable value of things that are of refined quality..that is not taught nor learnt it is a rare gift..
I wish you hadn't mentioned old cars. I had a old Vet I sold for $2500 that is worth $150K today. Is it like that with women? How do you start collecting? Do you have to buy from the current collector, who probably want too much, or is there a old bone boneyard.
you wanna bet..multi-tasking is the latest art or skill..
the car metaphor for more for men who think that women like their cars could be exchanged for new models and only those who appreciate vintage cars realise the value of old models..
I am sure you are right. We say "how about making love tonight ", and bang, some disorder pops up
absence of for*play then
non-performance are mainly male disorders, a bit like a car that run out of steam and need constant revving..hey this is a family site..should watch what we say or go to another topic..big brother is watching
no, I thought I m paid only as your 2% gigolo agent, you mean I get double pay now?
NO problemm what you call me,, sticks and stones break no bones..and I have been called worst in my life..
Well female psychological disorders are caused mainly by men who do not understand how they work..and just label and shelf them away conveniently thinking they will go away..but they don't..they grow and grow ..and they think they could get away with new models..ad infinitum