This will not apply to all older men, but I dated someone 11 yrs older than myself recently. Never thought I would, but he was a super person...55 yrs. He was separated. His wife was around his age. But he told me he would not consider dating anyone his age. He tried dating someone in their mid-30's and found they did not have enough life experience yet. He preferred women in their 40's. I asked him why he would not consider dating someone his own age...he answered he didn't really know, he just didn't want to. His confidence level had been blown out of the water by his wife. It's my opinion it was a boost for his confidence, self-esteem & ego if he could actually get someone younger to date him and care for him.
Another fellow I never dated, but talked with a while ago (not on this site), he was 47 yrs...he said he had also dated women in their mid 30's and found they did not have the same wisdom in life that is more prevalent amongst women in their 40's. So he resorted to dating women in their 40's.
HEY!!! No one attack me for those comments about life's wisdom in their mid 30's...I am merely repeating two fellows comments...I don't necessarily agree. I think I had just as much wisdom in my mid-30's as I do now at 44 yrs. :-) BUT as we know there are exceptions and maybe these men just unluckily dated some airheads! lol
The point was about boosting their confidence levels and making themselves feel good when they date younger women. :-)
If men on this site are bypassing women in their 40's for women in their 30's it is their loss. If you are a young looking 40 yr old who is attractive and physically fit, you will attract attention at the grocery store, walking down the street or thru a mall...especially if you dress yourself elegantly casual or appropriately for the occasion. You'll turn heads...watch for it. In person, if you look 35, they'll take you for 35 and won't care when you tell them you are 45...or whatever one's age maybe. Make sense?
It's their loss. They say well who knows what she will look like into her 40's. I have surprised myself actually, when I was in my 20's I could not IMAGINE being 40. Now here I am pushing 50, and still looking pretty good. I would love to msg all of them and tell them how silly they sound actually, but won't waste my time..
Thanks for understanding the humorous side of things too. If we(men & women) don't take all of this so seriously, we can enjoy the laughs while we share our points of view. Women and men don't always have to look at each other as a potential date. Sometimes we can see in the other a new friend. Someone to laugh and joke with. Laughter is the best thing going these days, in a world so troubled with war, violence, heartache and loneliness. It makes the journey a little more bearable. I was worried I was coming on too strong with my comments, and wondered if I should tone it down. I try not to step too hard on toes(lol) but I have to be me. And being the person I am, I often times like to see the hilarious side of things and hope that I can bring a smile to others. Actually BFDeal is just like the rest of us, in that he's learning as he goes. Life and experience teaches you, if you're willing to open up and 'listen' and learn.
The original point of this strand I started has been missed by some. I was speaking SPECIFICALLY of LATE 40's & 50's and up men who want women 35 and under. Some younger men have misconstrued this. I have no problem with men not wanting women OLDER than them. It's just that at 40 something, I'm still 10 years younger than these 50's men that want 30's and younger. I am the same age as the 40's men who want 30's and younger. Yet, they think women in their 40's are too old for THEM. I also understand men who wish to have more children, although it would be a lot easier to just enjoy being a grandparent if they are that age.
SteelMagnolia.....I can see that trend and wouldn't those older men just have a fit. They just don't seem to understand the WE, even tho we are their age, are not only young at heart, but also in mind. We enjoy the stupid things as well as the finer things in life. For the most part, we have a positive outlook for our future. We don't fall asleep in our recliners after supper.. We have other things to do!! They just don't get it!!! LOL Table 13 Sir??? LOL
Woo Hooo! I really started somthing here..lol.
My only point was, that the men in their 40's and 50's who insist on young women are very narrow minded. They don't consider how many young for their age 40's women they are eliminating from the pool. A lot of us 40's women are just as young looking and physically fit as they are for our age. Also, my 40's friends and I have discovered that when you hit 40, for some reason you start getting really horny. I don't mean to sound crude, but I guess it is a hormone thing. So, don't think us 40's women are over the hill yet. We have learned a lot in all those many, many years. We might be old as dirt, but we don't know it.
As for WHY men look for the young hotties. Well, it's because they are young hotties. These men obviously don't want or need companionship. They just want sex with a smooth skinned body with its parts still perky. They might as well admit it. I know WHY they like younger women, but it just wrankles me, because I know I am still pretty, still fit, still sensual, still fun to be with, and I can't get half the men on here to view my profile, because I have the wrong birthdate. Now, how was that for a long sentence. I need to take a breath.
BFDeal, I think you know what I was trying to explain in my last post. Let me say it again a little plainer. I would not want to go out with a guy who thinks I owe him sex. If I choose to have sex with him the first time we go out or the 5th time we go out, it's MY choice(whim is not the right term-CHOICE is), but I don't owe it to him. I will pay my own way during the date, if that is the way he happens to think. The whole point BFDeal is no man should think a woman owes him sex(during a date) if they were to go out and he paid for the date. I responded to a woman's post about how women should give men sex if they take them out and spend money for dinner, etc. That is what this is about. And NO, I do not find men in their 60's sexually attractive. My mom is in her early 60's, and I do not find 'pop' sexually attractive. Please don't assume you know what most women find attractive. As I stated before, I've dated men in their 30s since I've been in my 40s. Why should seek out someone old enough to be my dad? Gross! You say when you get older you will trade in the younger woman? lmaoooooo, you're as stubborn as I am I see, and have a comeback for everything. She will leave before you ever decide to trade her in lol.
Thanks, Micoma! Finally a man who appreciates quality and experience. Yes, some younger women CAN be more mature in their thinking than their years but lifes experiences is what builds wisdom. Hey, we ALL have something to offer, now don't we?
Some of you wrote some great posts! ^5 TomiGirl and Steelmagnolia.
And BFD, you perpetual bachelor, you strike me as the kind of guy that probably has a Jacuzzi in his bedroom. And you probably buy sport cars not because you like the car necessarily, but just to pick up those young babes LOL. Which in actuality, is fine, at least its legal LOL.
I hope some of you men still don?t drive by the High Schools scooping out your future wives LOL. Except BFD, he?s not looking for a wife.
And when I think back to when I was 20, or early 20 somethings, my girlfriends and I, I remember, we thought men that came on to us that were in their 30's or older, were way to old for us. We called them pervs LOL. (that was the 90?s by the way too) And I haven?t told this info to my daughter, but I overheard her and her friends saying the same thing the other day about some older men. I died laughing.
I always thought this, when your 20 verses 30, there can be a big difference, compared to being 30 and dating 40 etc. Like when your children are 14 and want to date someone that is 18. Only a 4 year difference there but huge in mentality. Not to mention illegal.
Guess that is all I have to say for now. Stepping off the soapbox now.
Thank you TomiGirl :-) We got it going on girl ^5 lol. You know, when I read BFDeal's post I just had to comment. I have to say one thing for him though. Takes a lot of 'something' to claim women should be grateful for his attentions LOL. Can you see the trend happening? 'Older man goes for much younger woman. Leaves shortage of women for younger man, so younger man goes for older woman. Younger woman gets tired of old older man and ditches him for younger man. Now younger man has the best of both worlds; younger and older babes. Poor, poor older man has somehow screwed up his options and sits alone at 'table 13.' (In a chatroom where I'm a regular, 'table 13' refers to where roomies go when the room is moving too fast, gets confusing, and the member is lost)
I think that if women stopped looking in the mirror and calling themselves old and other negative comments they would have no major problems in this department. What you think of expands. And your thoughts will create wrinkles or prevent them.
If you worry about being "too old" because that's what society's been telling you, it will be done unto you as you believe.
Look in the mirror, think "I'm hot stuff" (fake it till you make it) then go out and have fun! Men are drawn to women who have fun, young, old, ugly, fat or whatever.
In the meantime, again, try the younger guys. These won't feed into your insecurities. Stop focusing on those who might not want you and start loving being wanted. There's someone for everyone. Change your attitude and change your life.
Hey BFD how many good looking 20 year olds are still good looking when they are 40. Not that many. The way a woman looks when she is 40 plus is an indication of how she will look when she is 60, 70, 80. That's not to mention that seasoned is sexy. "Who's your daddy" is just saying. It is not suppose to be put into practice. LOL. Also have to consider the issue of kids. If you don't want any to raise then odds are you will be looking at older women. Give me a good looking 40 plus anyday.
SteelMagnolia...what a great response to BFD's post. I thought about writing something myself, but you said it so well, I decided not to.
I have also dated younger men, and have had a wonderful time, but refuse to date below age 40, tho I have on occasion. My oldest is 29, and if I ever considered dating someone that age, PLEASE, just shot me. Not only that, those youngun's are just looking to be taught. They want sex....pure and simple, and think we divorcees are desperate enough to oblige. Little do they know that we have their number and know exactly what they want.
Since my divorce, I have not dated anyone older. My X is 6 years older than me, and I have learned that older isn't always better. Hopefully, the young girls these older men are looking for will realize the same thing.
I almost want to say that age doesn't matter, however, it does. Personally, I have never dated anyone younger than myself. That is not to say that I wouldn't - I just haven't met anyone who peaked my interest. I have dated men who were the same age or older than myself, however, I dated them based on their personality . To be honest, the best relationship I had was with a man who wasn't considered atttractive but boy could we talk for hours, laugh, and enjoy life and not for a moment did I feel as if he needed or wanted someone younger. I have also dated good looking men who provided the same. It is just really hard to generalize whom you will date or what you are looking for as you never know who you will meet and that is what is most wonderful - the unexpected.
Anyways, I will age gracefull and hope that I shall soon meet someone who is willing to do so as well .
Hold it right there. Did I hear you say you "would not have to give sex"? So in your mind, sex is something a woman doles out at her whim. That is probably true with regard to the kind of men that date you. I thnik it's true for most men in fact.
Of course you don't have to be so kind as to give sex to get a date. The sex comes DURING the date, or some time after the dating process has started. It's not given up ahead of time in exchange for the privledge of you being honored by thier willingness to date you. Whatever gave you that impression.
I just gave you the motivation behind most men's romantic interest. It's sex. Not at the first moment, many will attempt at first sign of go, others will wait several dates, but that IS the motivation most of the time for males dating.
In another thread, it was revealed that the dinner part isn't going to help their chances. I was saying the same from my very first post, for men to stop being pussies and take back their manhold, that they treat her no better than they might a male friend and have equal if not better chances with her, that the romance may be nice but men, you don't want to be liked, you want her attraction. Big difference. And if she doesn't like those terms, she wasn't after you to begin with, she was after what she could get from you or maybe worse, giving in to something she didn't want to do at all, and that is date you, havnig done it only at the motivation of your romantic gestures and generosity.
As far as me getting dumped as I get old and less desireable? That sounds like a plus actually, because if that's what it's about, you know men get wealthier as they age and it'll be about time to trade her in as well. Being unable to obtain a full timer, it will probably be time to consider rentals or a lease.
Let me ask you, is Love that is simulated any different to the person who experiences it than true love? Not if she's good. If only we could go ask Ana's.
But you did forget, many men at 65 are considered very attractive to 45 year old women. Not all, not most, but many. But it would be RARE for a 45 year old man to find himself attracted to a 65 year old woman. No, it's not fair. But it's the fact. Ask Richard Gere, Harrison Ford, ... Finally, you know as well as I do that attraction for a woman is rarely based on looks. They just are not wired like men and men are not supposed to be pretty.
BFDeal, I read your post and have this to say. I'm not 45 but I wouldn't have to 'give' a 38 yr old man sex on the first date just to get him to go out with me. I can easily get a date with younger men than you and have, on several occasions. And they didn't expect a thing. I think it all boils down to respect of oneself and others. Also, do you actually believe a woman 20 yrs younger than you will STILL be with you in 20 yrs? LOL. I am a woman and I know how other women think. And as much as I hate to break this to you, she is not going to stick around and watch you get old. When you lose your sexual and physical appeal to her, she's going to find a new younger and wealthier man to replace you lol. As much as you just disrespected older women with your comments, I hope you remember that when the younger woman replaces you for the same reasons :-) Have a nice day.
The good news is that women are more level headed when it comes to dating the opposite sex. We recognize how ridiculous we would look on the arm of a man young enough to be our son. What do men say when someone comments on 'their pretty daughter' that happens to be with them? I would be so totally humiliated. Which is why I know better, and have no interest in men that much younger than me. Personally, I think another reason men choose women young enough to be their daughters is this. Women their own age have become wise to their(mens) ways. Younger women haven't yet and still believe most of what they say. Not all younger women, but most. It feeds men's egos to have a woman hang on every word they say. I have no animosity about the situation at all. The last 2 dates I went out on were with a 35 yr old and 39 yr old man. I can get younger(within reason) or older. I'm just stating my personal opinion here only.
Men are after women that are as physically attractive as possible. The younger they are, the more attractive they are as rule of thumb. But the younger they are, the less they are likely to bring to the table in terms of being an equal, competence, experience, knowledge, capabiities, and just an overall ability to interact. When I first came on here I would not look at a woman over 30 but since seeing and meeting women as old as 45, I have definitely expanded the range I'm open to and to be honest, any age will do if she is right in all other areas.
If the ladies want younger men, go for it. But since in general women want to feel safe and men want sex, women will always tend to look upwards at the older men and men will always tend to look downward where the woman tend to have more sex appeal.
Now I have to consider the practical side too. If she is 45, in 20 years she'll be 65. I have not seen any 65 year old woman that I find sexually appealing with very few exceptions, but if she's 25, then she may very well be a hottie in 20 years. So for a long term partner, age matters.
And wghat about me in 20 years. I don't see how that is rellavant except that I better get her now while I still have some youth left in me! :)
So if you are over 45, there would have to be something compelling to garner my interest. Tremendous beauty with offers of immediate and convenient no-strings sex along with great wealth and a real brainy charmer to boot and having just infected me with a deadly virus for which only she has the cure for example. Or perhaps she is a Madame of House of Horny Honey Babes and she likes to send them to me regularly to keep me trained, virile, and at home.as another example.
There is nothing that says a man's lover has to be the same woman he shares the other parts of his life with. I never wanted a lover to be my partner, best friend, or wet maid. I just wanted her to be my lover.
That's probably why I'm not married. I find that in Americal, marriage makes a woman much more than just a lover. Have you ever heard the stuff the priest says during the ceremony? It's pretty heavy. I have never been with anybody I thought fit that bill for all that. I prefer lover and let the rest of the chips fall where they may. After all, if you are going to be together foever anyway, the legalization of it (marriage) should have objectives that stand on their own merit rather than to cause us to stay together and as of yet, that merit has not been there.