Spoil, then the majority of people who've been married and divorced probably have invalid divorces. But that doesn't mean I'm going to go after a young guy 20 or so yrs younger than me. I already have a child. Any relationship that's not based on true love and caring, is just casual, sexual, and convenient for the moment. There's really no other excuse. Unfortunately, the younger they are, the harder they fall and get hurt.
You didn't/don't offend me Barkeep - my personal views on what is right/wrong are mine and mine alone. You've done nothing against the law, which is based on morality...so my own apparant narrow mindeness is my own to sort through.
But help me out. You posted:
"For me I was around 30 or so when I started to date dramatically younger women. "
Combine that with another part of your post:
"A recent statistic shows that until men hit about 35, they are typically after a woman who is their equal on all accounts....physically and intellectually."
I'm left with the fact that at age 30 you had more in common intellectually with an 18 year old (someone dramatically younger at least) than someone your own age.
Did I get that part right?
If I knew at age 18 what I know today - I wouldn't have made the same choices in life. And I'm not talking about the day I turned left instead of right and got in a car accident.
It's pretty safe to say the level of decision making at age 40 is a bit different than at age 20.
But when a person is 60, is the decision making so vastly different than at age 40? I don't think so.
Marriage, divorce, children, mortgages...most people at 40 have had the opportunity to experience the big decisions in life.
And THAT is the difference between an "adult" at age 40 and an "adult" who is 18. The 18 year old "can" make the choice - the 40 year old probably already has and has learned from it.
Spoil, yes I agree that everyone perceives things differently. When I was much younger, I had no tollerance for gays/lesbians. It was just totally gross to me. You would think being younger, I would've had MORE instead of less tollerance for that. Now that I'm a little older, I am more accepting of their differences. Everyone does have a right to happiness, as long as it is legal and isn't hurting anyone else.
I have a daughter whom someday will be grown, and I hope for the best for her. I can't protect her from everything, I realize this, though I try lol. I just hope with a mother's heart, that whomever she meets will truly want her for her and not just for sex. This is why this younger/older subject really hits home for me. I hate to see a young girl/woman taken advantage of, because someday it could just as likely be my daughter. Up until a certain age, very young women don't have the life experience to know how to avoid who's not good for them, or have their best interests at heart.
I guess I can't help seeing things through the eyes of and with the heart of, a mother, when it comes to this subject. Just so you know it's nothing personal against you okay?
First, I want to say, from a fine artist's (as well as a writer's) point of view ... you dudes are soooooo SPOILED! Is there any other dating site in existence that can boast the kind of "eye candy" on MM that you are being treated to every day? Just when I think I've seen posts and pics from all the absolute hottie girls on this site, .... someone like "Fine" comes along, and I have to say, "What? Another Babe-aliscious Beauty!!! The competition is getting brutal!!!!!
Okay, down to business. My ex is 9 years younger than me. We didn't last because he was only 19 when we got married. He left me and went back to his mom five years later but even now, I still don't believe age is anything else other than a number others use to "judge" one another by. So, although I am not comfortable with a 53 year old man going after an 18 year old girl, I can't in all honesty be the pot calling the kettle black.
Also, since my divorce, I date "one day at a time." Sometimes it's tough, but I I also believe in my motto, "...for however long it lasts." I don't think I will ever get married again, so if I can spend quality time with ANYONE, regardless of how long it lasts or the rules society has imposed on us .... (I'm currently in lust with a married guy)... then I can't point fingers at anybody else, in all good conscience. So I will cease. (sigh)
And thanks for the compliment, Barkeep ... you big caveman, you! lol
hello I am not so new to the site but have never posted and forgot about the sight for probably the last 5 months so I am around now! I am sorry I am not a paying member so you'll have to make the first move.
Brightest Blessings! : Evelore
Spoil, fair enough. Your point was noted and you are correct, that whatever I post will be replied to. Look, this really isn't about winning or losing a debate. These are just opinions, that's all.
Look at it in this light Spoil, and you will better understand the point I'm making. If a woman is of legal age, there's nothing really indecent about it. But what does a 53 yr old have to offer an 18 yr old, when it comes to the long run? Does he want to have kids with her? More than likely not. How likely is it that she won't want to have kids at some point? There's always exceptions to the rule on both sides, but in general, most young women will want children, and most men past 50 do not want to start over with kids. And what about the fact that within 20-30 years he will be nursing home age, whereas she will not have even reached 50 yrs of age? Do you see what I'm getting at?
I think what I'm trying to get you to understand, is that if a man is going to 'go for' younger women, then it's more appropriate that they(the woman) are at least in their later 20's or past 30. The chances of the woman already having children are more likely in this age group, where as an 18 to very early to mid 20's probably haven't.
Spoil, do you understand what I mean? You're 59 and a woman 20 yrs younger than you would be 39. She's still young enough to be your daughter, but at least she has probably had the opportunity to have the children she wants(not all at this age, but the majority). Does this make any sense to you? I hope so, because I'm not here to fight with you. I'm just stating my opinion like everyone else.
The difference between those on this site who are married or common law and pretending they are not is, they are lying. You are not. You are being upfront with your beliefs and your actions. Both actions are despicable in my eyes. In your latest message you indicate that this young girl is a friend, in the last message you referred to her as your girlfriend. Which one is it? Oh, wait, I see now a friend with benefits. You also state that eventually she will move on to someone her own age, as you will too. However, in your previous post and I quote, "A recent statistic shows that until men hit about 35, they are typically after a woman who is their equal on all accounts....physically and intellectually. After that, intelligence takes a drastic downward turn. They no longer care if she can hold up her end of a conversation, now he just wants someone young and attractive." ?Hehe.. No kidding.? That tells me you will not look for someone closer to age unless that means, 24 or 25.
Is it just me?I prefer older men.When I was 19 I dated men in their 30's.And who ever started the rumor that older men are useless sexually.....you have that dead wrong.The older men seem to have a confidence,..or something...I date 30 somethings but would marry a 50 something.Take heart older men and don't listen to some stuff around here.You guy rock and I mean that in EVERY sense of the word.
Spoils, I am not the only member who posted on this forum about this older/younger subject. And yet you singled ME out. Why is that? This IS a forum to state our opinions, isn't it?
I say, if you don't like what I post then don't read it. Simple as that. Btw, I think everyone pretty much stated their case on this forum as to why old men shouldn't try to date girls their granddaughter's age. It's a matter of decency Spoils.
If a guy has reached 30 something and still isn't married, it MAY be because he's independent, as you say, but ... it MIGHT be because his momma hasn't given him the "thumbs up" to leave home yet! Or maybe he's holding out for Princess Leia! Or perhaps he's only into Klingon chicks.... who collect stamps and arachnids!
I don't think the average, contemporary, married man is hitched because he "needs someone to hold his hand through life." Many of them have just reached that level of maturity and responsibility where, the "tail" they've tied the knot with is also the tail they want to hang with for life or whatever. And she WON'T just be holding his hand ... but will probably be giving him more action than the "independent "male is getting! Just because you're single and can sew your wild oats anywhere you like doesn't mean every available woman wants you doing it in HER garden!
Any mature guy who "has more in common with his guy friends than with most girls ... is probably skilled at making creme brulee and matching fabric swatches for a worn sofa. You know, the guys who wear "product" in their hair and exfoliate before going to bed? lol
And the guy who's only reason for wanting anything to do with women is, as you call it, "tail" .... is 15!
You say women generally tend to be at their most physically attractive from 17-30 years old .... but if all these youngsters know how to do well, through lots of practise, is WAG their tail, then you might just as well get a puppy!
Now you were very sweet in refering to the older females on this site as "older, more refined women," and for that, you get points ... but ,brother! Men really have to stop using the evolution of the cave man as their excuse for being the less-than- evolved neanderthals they'd like to be excused for behaving like today!
Cave men never washed or had a job, and wore stinking, rotting carc...
Sweet Sixteen where do I begin hon....I myself have long since gotten over my first love, not to say that I have forgotten him, but still life will go on, simply because it must. That's what life does. The fact that you had the chance to get away from the pain (which will not work right away) and "escape" to Brazil is very lucky for you. The less of your surroundings to remind you of him, the better. Be glad to be able to start anew. You are blessed with youth, you will find someone, don't be in a rush. I was in a hurried mindstate myself, and I now have a seven month old daughter to keep me focused on what is really important in life. Love is just not what it used to be. All I need is to work and take care of myself, and in time if I meet someone then so be it, if not then that's okay too. What I'm saying is rely on what you have around you and the people around you that care about you (your mother and your aunt) and you will find getting over anyone even a first love will be much easier. And for god sakes...leave the older men alone, you are too pretty to settle for someone that is so emotionally and physically spent. No offense to the older people online. If you got with a 53 year old man, by the time you were 30 you'd be Anna Nicole Smith(in) it. You really wouldn't want to carry your man around in an urn would you???
Sweet, hunny, just look back on your original post. You asked this man what would happen when you were no longer young.....and he was gone. That is your answer!
Yes I think all of us have gone out with someone older at some point. I limited myself to 10 years, thought that was old enough. Make a boundary like that for yourself too. What's too old to you? Not to me or anyone else. You decide.
I know how you feel my first boyfriend did the same thing, and left me for someone older and "wilder" I didn't understand it either. Maybe we are not suppose to, but to learn from the experience.
You are beautiful, and a lovely young girl, don't give it way to just anyone or to be someone your not. Just be you and that is more than good enough.
Don't be too upset with bbd or anyone else they are all trying to help you in one way or another, (reserve comments on Spoils and Barkeep!)
Just remember we all luv you and think your a terrific kid, now go get your revenge by living well without him!
Babydol, I don't think it's a "fact of life" that all men cheat. SweetSixteen was in love (probably still is) with her first love. I don't believe he cheated on her. Things just change and unfortunately, people get hurt. It happens to many that young and to us who are older. Why ruin the memories of her first love by stating something like "if she thinks or knows" that he cheated she'll know she's better off without him? Why put something so negative in her head. Don't worry SweetSixteen and don't cry. I'm sorry to those who are still bitter because something in your past didn't work out. And I'm speaking to those who have this GREAT feeling when you "burn his stuff" as BabyDol alluded to in an earlier post. It's best to put the past behind you and move on. Happiness is ahead of you; go get it.
Now, for those who say men shouldn't date younger women. Has anyone clearly defined what "too young" is? 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, etc. It seems as if the women are more against it than men. There must be a reason women are so against this. I have my ideas but keep them to myself.
And BarKeep, I just had to laugh. Your post was hilarious. I think some people are in it for "tail" and some for other reasons. I respect your honesty.
To the post that said that my aunt said to wait until you older to get married. I think you said 23 years old. Come on, 23 years old. That's just out of college. What woman or man has lived any bit of his/her life at 23 years. I say no one unless you're from some third world country of African or South American tribe. 23 is far too young to even consider marriage unless you're some supporter of divorce whcih we all know is 50%. I think all men and all women should wait until at least 28 at the minimum. But, that's just me. I'd be willing to bet that the divorce rate is higher for people marrying at 23 than for people marrying at 30 plus.