Would you sign a prenuptual agreement? Long Term Relationship

  • View author's info Posted on Dec 30, 2005 at 06:47 AM


    thegoodlife2005 write:
    Saw this topic come up on another thread and thought I'd start a new one here.

    Seems some women seem hurt and offended by the very suggestion of a prenup. I, on the other hand, think it's a sensible move because it protects BOTH parties.

    What do YOU think?


    First of all I would like to add some other thoughts about this. When we are in love we wouldn't want to harm the one we are in love with...the first thought which comes to mind is I would never want my lover to be homeless...just suppose I and a woman would agree to live together or marry and we are in love...like thegoodlife said it can go downhill but when you love a person you never want to do them harm and things like it and would look after them in a fair way not less. Suppose the relationship florish and thrieves then you are some of the most fortunate people on the planet and congratulation.

    Coming back, you never want to harm them etc...now supposed you moved in with her, she has a house all paid off or she moves in with you and you have the same...I for one wouldn't want her to lose her home or have it split with me if things were to go bad down the road..I believe she worked for the fruit of her success and it should be respected as so..I don't care what the laws on the book says about my 50-50 split or the other laws about getting her retirement pension etc...she has sweat for this and it is hers period...God granted it on an individual basis and I should respect God's gift to her and her success...this is my perception of all that comes in when you get married and you both have assets,money and things like it...with what the person comes in the marriage she or he should go back out of the marriage with it if it happens...the only thing you would split is what you both got together while married, this is fair; if more then I see you are stealing God's gift to this person which He provided to him or her before you were married or lived with them.

    Now as thegoodlife shared it can go downhill...now supposed you have a marriage contract and you have agreed about the basic assets and money etc...because back then you were in love and love does no harm so you would have agreed to each other on a no harm perspective in this union together and made some basic agreement which you think is important at the moment because love is at its zenith. Now suppose then the marriage or the commonn law agreement between the two has took a bitter turn...when people feel betrayed,cheated,lied,deceived the emotional build up is contrary to love...some it is pure HATE as I have seen in some people I know and when it comes to the divorce it is screw them as hard as you can..make them suffer for this...it has not happened to me in this fashion but I know some of my rich friends who have gone through it and gone out penniless and still owing money in the divorce. The spouse having no sense of compassion but pure HATE. I was so shocked by this drama, I asked myself if she was human and had a heart to feel...I think she had a heart to feel but it went to opposite of love...when these 2 met it was like they had hearts in there eyes and could find no faults. Both were divorced before but it was love was at it blissful height.

    Another thing to make it worse is that lawyers just fuel this hate as it makes more money and lenghty court ligitation if they can get them really fighting...they tried it on me but fought back. Our friend went for it with no self restraint...we even pleaded for the pour soul to no avail.

    So the point I am making does not apply to everybody because each of us are different in views and perspective but one thing I have observed is that you never know how beautiful or ugly things will be...the marriage contract is only suggested to people who have already been married and not to never married people as they have never experienced a divorce and the bitterness it can bring or a lawyer fueling your emotion with more more greed. Even two ex married individual who mutally feel this strong TRUST like Gem and Rob talked about then they should be reasonably sure their union would work but everybody seem to have this strong TRUST at the beginning otherwise why would they marry? It is still a complicated issue with many perspective but I still agree with thegoodlife and I also lean on Gem proposition because it was how it was meant to be not the other way around.

    Just some thoughts.

    BQ
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 30, 2005 at 04:51 AM


    robtest write:
    GeminiDi write:
    LOL Niceguy.

    Here comes my PollyAnna theory. lol

    I don't think I would. If someone has the SLIGHTEST doubt that I don't love him for himself, he doesn't need to marry me and vice versa. Marriage to me is VERY serious, and I don't think I could enter into it with the "business arrangement" made beforehand. It somehow taints the sanctity and beauty of that blessed union and spells distrust -- at least in my eyes and in my heart.

    I think it would haunt my marriage and would be in the back of my mind throughout. Where is the faith??? Where is the trust???

    Yes, I realize that people have been burned by greedy ex-spouses. Others of us have been hurt in other ways. Does that mean we go about life with distrust in our hearts? I can't. I just approach this thing called "love" a LOT more cautiously than I did in my youth!!

    Yep, yep, yep! Call me a PollyAnna. I'm used to it. LOL

    (No offense to anyone here!!!) But, I prefer my outlook to the bitter cynicism I have encountered from those with an opposing view.

    Gem


    Wouldn't that be PollyDiAnna ? :o)


    I am with you on the Trust, or lack thereof. If we have to have an additional contract outside of our word to each other, then let's just forget the whole deal. Perhaps if we just went back to "'til death do us part" thing, people would take marriage with a proper seriousness.

    "I would climb any mountain, swim any ocean, fight any wild beast, but keep your hands off my wallet" just has a hollow ring to it...

    Of course, you know what they say about dreamy pisces and money... LOL


    "I would climb any mountain, swim any ocean, fight any wild beast, but keep your hands off my wallet" just has a hollow ring to it...

    Very Funny Rob...yes, TRUST is a big factor but how can you know if TRUST is as cherished in your lover heart as your's? Do you have any standard of measurement which you can show me? I'm all ear. Any gold digger can con you. There is a lot of statistic about it.

    Any feedback ?

    BQ
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 30, 2005 at 04:37 AM


    GeminiDi write:
    I too believe (notice the present tense) in "until death parts us." I even stayed (BQ knows some of the horrid details) for 16 1/2 years, despite abuse to myself; however, when your own children beg you to divorce their dad because his abuse has turned in their direction, "death" was an immediate threat. Isn't there a verse that says something similar to the following: "Is it better to have gained the whole world and lose your own soul?" That's a paraphrase, of course, as I don't remember the exact phrase itself. My own ideals are more important to me than money.

    Despite everything, I was able to convince my ex to sit down with me and determine for ourselves the terms of our divorce. We even used the same lawyer. Did he stick to the agreement? Why, no. Do I really care? Again, no. I have reared my children to be the people they are today ON MY OWN!

    As I said, I know there are people who are less than honest and fair, but I am not one of them, and I don't want to tarnish something that I STILL consider sacred, beautiful, and precious (IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING!) with a pre-determined monetary settlement before the marriage has even begun.

    It has a distasteful ring of "business" to it to me. I'm sorry, but that's how I feel.

    I know that everyone sees issues differently, depending on his/her life experiences. I try not to let mine ruin my vision.

    Wishing you love and lots of it!
    Gem


    I see your point of vision very clear Gem, When I got in marriage vow it was till death do us apart. As with every marriage, there will be some bumpy parts. My parents 50 years of marriage taught me it is so but they were fair to one another, they were never violent toward one another, never even raised name calling..if they could not see eye to eye they dropped it or one would just go silent and say nothing for peace sake and giving time to the other to have his or her thoughts examined again...they were both respecting of each other.

    I believe I was very lucky to have parents who could show love,good self control,preserverance,dedication,devotion toward one another like this as it is very rare now to find people of this sort, today it is so egoistical it baffles the mind and confuse your emotions at best... does it exist anymore? You get my point right !

    Your emotional and intellectual views are appreciated.

    BQ
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 29, 2005 at 06:18 PM


    thegoodlife2005 write:
    Here's why I'd do it.

    When two dreamy-eyed people are ready to tie the knot, they are probably feeling the most charitable toward one another that they EVER will for the rest of their lives. Baby, this is the best it will ever get, from there it's all downhill when reality sets in (LOL, can you tell I've been married before?). Anyway, NOW is the time to settle the terms under which you'll split, in the unfortunate and unlikely event it ever happens. NOW is when you're most likely to do right by one another!

    During a divorce, people get bitter and greedy and mean, and both men and women tend to go out of their way to screw each other over.

    Fortunately, my divorce was as amicable as they come; we just split everything down the middle, even child custody, with NO child support involved. To this day we're still friends. My situation is extremely rare. Still, I was A MISERABLE ZOMBIE during that time period, and I CANNOT IMAGINE what it would have been like, had we fought about money, hid assets from one another, stole from one another, or god knows what. So, if I were to marry again, I'd want a prenup FOR MYSELF, because a prenup would nip much of that crap in the bud.

    Ladies, you might think you're being screwed by a prenup if your love has more assets than you . . . but don't be so sure. True story: I know a man whose father hid his son's assets and paid off his (son's) wife's attorney so she wouldn't get what she was entitled to during their divorce. That attorney eventually went to jail, but she never did see the money. Now, this was not a good woman: She was a cheater and a thief and it's easy to laugh at her predicament, but still, it's scary and creepy and sad that people with a lot of money and power can just pay people off to get their way and screw you over. Don't you think she's kicking herself today, wishing she'd signed a prenup?


    You were fortunate in part but like you say a contract solves a lot of misunderstanding down the road and protects you from con artists.

    BQ
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 29, 2005 at 06:15 PM


    GeminiDi write:
    LOL Niceguy.

    Here comes my PollyAnna theory. lol

    I don't think I would. If someone has the SLIGHTEST doubt that I don't love him for himself, he doesn't need to marry me and vice versa. Marriage to me is VERY serious, and I don't think I could enter into it with the "business arrangement" made beforehand. It somehow taints the sanctity and beauty of that blessed union and spells distrust -- at least in my eyes and in my heart.

    I think it would haunt my marriage and would be in the back of my mind throughout. Where is the faith??? Where is the trust???

    Yes, I realize that people have been burned by greedy ex-spouses. Others of us have been hurt in other ways. Does that mean we go about life with distrust in our hearts? I can't. I just approach this thing called "love" a LOT more cautiously than I did in my youth!!

    Yep, yep, yep! Call me a PollyAnna. I'm used to it. LOL

    (No offense to anyone here!!!) But, I prefer my outlook to the bitter cynicism I have encountered from those with an opposing view.

    Gem


    IT was how I believed when I got married, the sanctity of those words were pure when I was at the altar and making my vow but it was not the sane for my ex...I surely know what you are saying Gem, it is what you say is what you mean and it is not legal sense game, like some people like to play.

    BQ
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 29, 2005 at 06:01 PM


    if it is the real deal, then why dispute?? its just a lil' ol' piece of paper to protect everybody all around, right?? unless you've got something to hide????
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 29, 2005 at 05:47 PM


    Here's why I'd do it.

    When two dreamy-eyed people are ready to tie the knot, they are probably feeling the most charitable toward one another that they EVER will for the rest of their lives. Baby, this is the best it will ever get, from there it's all downhill when reality sets in (LOL, can you tell I've been married before?). Anyway, NOW is the time to settle the terms under which you'll split, in the unfortunate and unlikely event it ever happens. NOW is when you're most likely to do right by one another!

    During a divorce, people get bitter and greedy and mean, and both men and women tend to go out of their way to screw each other over.

    Fortunately, my divorce was as amicable as they come; we just split everything down the middle, even child custody, with NO child support involved. To this day we're still friends. My situation is extremely rare. Still, I was A MISERABLE ZOMBIE during that time period, and I CANNOT IMAGINE what it would have been like, had we fought about money, hid assets from one another, stole from one another, or god knows what. So, if I were to marry again, I'd want a prenup FOR MYSELF, because a prenup would nip much of that crap in the bud.

    Ladies, you might think you're being screwed by a prenup if your love has more assets than you . . . but don't be so sure. True story: I know a man whose father hid his son's assets and paid off his (son's) wife's attorney so she wouldn't get what she was entitled to during their divorce. That attorney eventually went to jail, but she never did see the money. Now, this was not a good woman: She was a cheater and a thief and it's easy to laugh at her predicament, but still, it's scary and creepy and sad that people with a lot of money and power can just pay people off to get their way and screw you over. Don't you think she's kicking herself today, wishing she'd signed a prenup?
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 29, 2005 at 05:30 PM


    GeminiDi write:
    LOL Niceguy.

    Here comes my PollyAnna theory. lol

    I don't think I would. If someone has the SLIGHTEST doubt that I don't love him for himself, he doesn't need to marry me and vice versa. Marriage to me is VERY serious, and I don't think I could enter into it with the "business arrangement" made beforehand. It somehow taints the sanctity and beauty of that blessed union and spells distrust -- at least in my eyes and in my heart.

    I think it would haunt my marriage and would be in the back of my mind throughout. Where is the faith??? Where is the trust???

    Yes, I realize that people have been burned by greedy ex-spouses. Others of us have been hurt in other ways. Does that mean we go about life with distrust in our hearts? I can't. I just approach this thing called "love" a LOT more cautiously than I did in my youth!!

    Yep, yep, yep! Call me a PollyAnna. I'm used to it. LOL

    (No offense to anyone here!!!) But, I prefer my outlook to the bitter cynicism I have encountered from those with an opposing view.

    Gem


    Wouldn't that be PollyDiAnna ? :o)


    I am with you on the Trust, or lack thereof. If we have to have an additional contract outside of our word to each other, then let's just forget the whole deal. Perhaps if we just went back to "'til death do us part" thing, people would take marriage with a proper seriousness.

    "I would climb any mountain, swim any ocean, fight any wild beast, but keep your hands off my wallet" just has a hollow ring to it...

    Of course, you know what they say about dreamy pisces and money... LOL
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 29, 2005 at 01:54 PM


    thegoodlife2005 write:
    Saw this topic come up on another thread and thought I'd start a new one here.

    Seems some women seem hurt and offended by the very suggestion of a prenup. I, on the other hand, think it's a sensible move because it protects BOTH parties.

    What do YOU think?



    I would sign one in a second. Now all I have to do is find a rich woman ! LOL
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 29, 2005 at 04:17 AM


    thegoodlife2005 write:
    Saw this topic come up on another thread and thought I'd start a new one here.

    Seems some women seem hurt and offended by the very suggestion of a prenup. I, on the other hand, think it's a sensible move because it protects BOTH parties.

    What do YOU think?


    I agree with you it is the real deal and who would want to con or steal from a charming lady like yourself ?

    BQ
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