Roses are red, violets are blue, I like you and you like five others too. The truth is with so many options available these days it’s no wonder that in an urban city of 4 million people I still can’t get a date. A little alarmed, I decided to ask others their opinions. Guess what, it is a common consensus: we’re all single and searching. The old adage of “oh it will come when you least expect it” is something of the past, because I find it now that if you don’t look, you might just never find it. Nowadays it’s harder to find a good SINGLE, the key prerequisite, man or woman, then finding a needle in a hay stack. Let’s experiment, perhaps it might be faster.
Bars, night clubs, restaurants, work, barbeques, sporting events, the gym, they all don’t seem to cut it anymore. Hence the first and last dates, the texting games, the race to the boudoir, the chase is over, and it all ends with the same story, the grass is always greener on the other side. Is it something in the water, or is it in the air? Have chivalry and courting died? If so, someone please give them CPR! So what’s left? Hold be hold, online dating:the new way to meet, greet and cheat. Exactly what we’ve all been looking for: selection based on physical appearance. So nothing has changed! Though there is some insight on the person, it sort of beats the loud music and reading of the lips encounters. So now I get poked on Facebook, messaged on My Space, and given a supermodel five on HI5. I guess it is easier to face rejection if you don’t ask out loud. Problem solved: no encounters,no shaky approaches, no lame conversations, no numbers nor phone calls, no texting, no three day rule, no wondering if they like you or not, because quite frankly you may never be face to face and you really don’t care.
Times have changed, morals and ideals have transgressed into mere protocol, and values once taught to honour, cherish and hold till death do you part, now end before they even start. With an alarming 52% divorce rate within the first two years of marriage, it’s no wonder why we no longer race to the altar. With the 30s being the new 20s,men don’t need to commit till they’re 40, yet women’s biological clocks are ticking for boys who in their 30s are “still trying to find themselves”. Women’s rights liberated the “you are intimidating” statement, so now we’re in a catch 22. To play innocent, poor me act or to speak and yell freedom, because quite frankly whichever way you want to turn it, there really isn’t much in between. So us single women, I ask you, is our strength our greatest weakness in this so called dating game?
Don’t get me wrong, us women are not so innocent either. For myself, fed up with all the rules, I have become indifferent to the whole process. Trying to make excuses, it’s a waste of time. Thinking about why they didn’t call, you might as well read a book, and definitely quit staring at your phone or checking your voice mail, it works, they just didn’t call. Stop reading between the lines, just face it, it is what it is and nothing more. He’s just not that into you or he’s just there for a briefing. There is no such thing as being too busy to call: there are email, blackberries and text messages. I’m not ready or looking for a relationship: I’m just looking for a quick fix and maybe a friend, but the rest, not you. I might be too tired to see you tonight, translation: I might have another option to take out, so let me figure it out. I don’t want to be interrupted by phone calls while I am with you: my girlfriend might call. Want to come upstairs for coffee, tea, or a “rumble in the sack”? Want to go for dinner and drinks: let’s see how drunk we can get….maybe…I might get lucky. This unfortunately does apply to both sexes; it is the millennium after all. Result: single and searching for the impossible.
With all this in mind here are the newmillennium dating rules from us single women:
pick us up on the first date, don’t let us drive you around
open doors, pull out chairs, order the wine, pay for dinner, read the manual on chivalry before our date
compliment us, save the dislikes for a second date and for god’s sakes don’t talk about yourself , money or other girls you think are hot
please learn how to use cutlery, eat your food, not mine, try not to get annihilated at dinner
don’t make me meet your friends and drag me to a club, your chances of a repeat date are slim to none
if the night went well, end it with a kiss, but don’t fumble for more, you are becoming a nuisance and a turn off
keep it brief, don’t ask testing questions you know the answers to, just go with the flow
be honest about the fact that you are indeed “DATING”, and for god’s sakes if you do have a girlfriend just tells us that you won’t call next time
dating doesn’t mean a date today, one next month and another when I’m off my rag
contrary to belief if we do like you, we won’t get all psycho, clingy and obsessive, so
don’t screen our calls, make up elaborate stories, or make excuses, we know…call it a sixth sense
there’s no such thing as the “3 day rule” and please whenever your waiting period is over, whatever you do don’t text CALL
if you ask us upstairs it doesn’t mean green light to hit a home run, it means I want see your place so I can psychoanalyze you to death
don’t pull the “oh I forgot my wallet” move, we might just surprise you and walk out
remember my name, it would increase your chances of getting desert
As a man, if you are reading this, you probably think I’m crazy, but subconsciously you are relieved for this piece of information. As a woman, you are probably rolling on the floor of laughter remembering your last date. So if both sexes can take anything away from my two cents, “remember what your parents taught you!” Just because Ashley Madison says it’s ok to cheat and porn is free on the internet, it doesn’t mean that deep down inside of us there isn’t still that child that believes in happily ever after. Do you get my point? Maybe now I can find a date, even if it’s off Facebook.