Is that a promise? A fervent hope? A cruel joke? A euphemism for "Don?t Hold Your Breath"?
I think I can say with certainty that I have never uttered those words to someone without the sincere intention of actually picking up a telephone in the not-distant future and dialing that person?s number. In fact, I can?t specifically remember a time when I said "I?ll call you." and didn?t do it.
So what?s up with guys who, apparently, make a lifestyle out of the insincere "I?ll call you."?
Is it safe to assume that men make that statement with the same sincere intent...and then for some reason change their mind? Perhaps there should be an ettiquette for letting the person, the callee, know that the plans have changed and that there will be no phonecall forthcoming. He?s thought it over and no longer intends to call, in spite of what he said at the end of the date.
Or maybe at least "I?ll call you" could be amended for accuracy. Maybe guys could end a date with "I?ll call you if I don?t change my mind." Or "Maybe I?ll call you."
Wow, that "maybe" just changes the whole meaning of the statement, doesn?t it? Now the callee knows that he might call but he might not. She knows the score.
Why obscure the score by saying you?ll do something and then not doing it?
My best friend Sissy has a boyfriend, Bill, who says there is an implied "B.I.D." after each "I?ll call you." Any time he says "I?ll call you." you can assume that he means "Before I Die." Lest Sissy get the wrong idea about the time frame associated with the expected phone call.
Still, B.I.D. implies that he does indeed plan on calling, eventually, right? What about when a guy intends never to call? How about "I?ll call you--I.Y.D." (In Your Dreams).
Remember that Friends episode when Chandler kept having to go out with Rachel?s boss even though he didn?t like her, because he couldn?t stop himself from saying "I?ll call you." at the end of each date? Is that what this is about? You can?t think of a polite way of ending a mediocre date with someone you don?t want to see again?
How about this--if you feel compelled to say "I?ll call you." to be polite, how about go ahead and call for the same reason, to be polite. Say thanks for the date, take care, hang up. You don?t have to ask her out again just because you called.
Or better yet, end the date with a polite "Good luck" or "Take care" instead. How about "Have a great weekend, hope all that works out for you with your boss." How about just "Good night."
We can take the kiss-off phrases a lot better than a false promise.
Really, if you?re ending your mediocre or bad dates with "I?ll call you." what do you say at the end of a really fantastic date?
This is my very first post on this forum and I must admit I've been quite entertained by what everyone has written. On this particular topic as well as on other forums I've been reading. I want to get in on the fun too, you guys all seem like so much fun! As for Katiegrl, I can understand where you are coming from and think that you are a beautiful woman. Being that I am rather curvy myself and tall to boot I need someone that can appreciate that. Also, Bodybyvictoria, you go girl!
Hey Sharp! 'Ssup? Catching some rays on your cruise? Catch a few and bring 'em back home! lol
I'm not down on myself as much as I'm able to laugh at myself. I used to weigh 227 pounds and am soooo much lighter than that now. But once you've been BBW, the unaffected humbleness you've been nurturing for years still stays with you and you don't get a big head just because your butt is shrinking. A little comic relief is risky 'cause it sounds like you need some major therapy but, it's always funny to those of us who have been on the scary side of the weight scales. lol
So, ..... why DO guys say they'll call and then don't? Could it be because what they really mean is, "Hey, I'll call ya ....... in my next incarnation on this Earth?" What if they come back as a free-range chicken?
I have that Book as well, "Hes Just not That Into you"...and every bit of it is true. But i must say, alot of Guys are intimidated by Strong, Independant women....Some guys feel the "need" to "rescue" women. Ive been told on numerous occasions that I "Intimidate"...well what the hell?.....Im just a normal gal who has her own Brain an uses it...LOL.....The way I look at it is, if they call fine, if they don't fine....if they are that insecure with themselves, then i certainly move on, no woman needs an insecure man...Im too busy with Life, that I basically just don't have the time to figure out why some guy hasn't called, Its just HIS LOSS .......LOL....Either he can Join Me in my life Or Not....I certainly don't lose any sleep over it.....
Katie...I read your post in another forum I think to Mas about he wouldn't be interested in you because of your swively hips, I forget the rest ... you were implying you were on the heavier larger side? Who cares...I see many slim men with large women...in all age groups. From your pictures you look lovely...and you are blonde! Trust me most rich men around here have blonde wives!!! (natural or dyed) LOL I'm a brunette...strike one! My hair is curly & frizzy, & almost impossible to style...strike 2!!! Can't think of a 3rd...so I'm not out of the running yet...I hope! :-)You seem to be really down on yourself...others, or men, can pick up on that. If you are, then you need to start feeling good about yourself. Head to the gym...it can feel intimidating at first, but eventually you meet people and may even find a workout partner. Where do you live? Many many years ago, I lived in Winnipeg. There were 5 females for every male...finding a boyfriend wasn't easy. Moved to Calgary and it was the opposite! Maybe where you live the male to female ratio isn't in a women's favour. Not to mention they say as we age there are fewer men to go around! Smile...you'll meet someone eventually...maybe on a vacation trip.
No fun to be put on the spot and have to say "I'm not into you." I guess my usual answer to this is to say "To be honest, I see some compatibility issues that probably couldn't be overcome between us in the long run and it wouldn't be right for either of us to waste our time." If they press for more...such as exactly what compatibility issues, I usual play the Religion card, since my religion is often a turn-off to conservative men. If they insist that my religion doesn't bother them, then I might say "Well you say that now but how will you feel when you've pissed me off and I have no choice but to cast a spell on your manhood and make you impotent for all time?" That usually kills it, for no man wants to take the chance that I might not be joking...
I wrote in "Worst Dates" about a guy who didn't say he'd call me but just kidnapped me and started to take me to his place! I got away. Then there was the guy who, after the third date, I kissed goodnight, perhaps a bit too sensuously and he got mad at me and told me I made him hard and he never called me again! I don't get men telling me they'll call me but I DID have one guy tell me at my door that he felt really close to me and wanted to see me again. Then, when I checked my email the next morning, he had written to me to say when he got home he felt guilty for liking me and couldn't stop thinking about his dead girfriend and how she must be watching him so he didn't feel comfortable going out with me anymore. Man ... talk about feeble excuses! Maybe it's a Canadian thing, to NOT say they''ll call. Maybe they just make dumb excuses to NOT come back.
One other web date ... the guy met me for coffee, we talked for two hours, had a ton of things in common, he said he could use my expertise in writing and publishing for his businesses, said he'd love to take me sailing some time and then NEVER called me again. That's what I don't understand. When men make a verbal commitment and then don't follow through. Fortunately, I've met men who had a conscience and did what they promised to do. But I'm still not dating anyone exclusively! Hmmmm, is it me?
Alberto...if I wasn't used to Italian men I would have said something...lol...ur comments make sense most of the time, however, sometimes it reads like you are looking for that challenge to get in conflict with others just for the sake of it... is that what stimulates ur mind? I have to admit that if anything...I don't regret the money I spend here just to read some people's comments...lol
The only time someone ever said "I'll call you" was when I was in a long term relationship...and he always called. When I meet new people, they have asked "can I call you?" (sounds more positive) If I said 'yes' they always did.
I've got the book "He's just not that into you..." it's great, and so true to form. lol
Now here's a scenario ladies...last evening I met a fellow, first time, for an hour over a drink. Finally I said, "well I should let you go you have to get up early." He then asked me "what did I think?" hahaha...put on the spot, didn't want to be rude, hurt his feelings and say "I'm not attracted to you...I'm just not that in to you..." I was a chicken and beat around the bush! "I don't know...I guess we could take in a movie sometime!" I SO DID NOT want to! Then I put it in his ball park..."what do you think"...he said, "I don't know, maybe I should sleep on it." lol I don't think I'll be hearing from him, and I think he knows he won't be hearing from me....NOW is that being like a man according to this book? :-)) hehehe
I think they also like to keep as many doors open as possible. Not so much that they think we will go bonkers if they say they're not very interested in dating you, but they'd rather keep that opportunity there just in case something better doesn't come along.
Sao i read the book several months ago and it was so right on the money. In answer to your question why they say it if they are not really going to. I think in his book several times Greg says that a guy will say anything you want to hear(we all know that one) But he is a "chicken" to tell you that's it and uses what will ever get him out of a spot. They don't like any kind of confrontation. They think if they just say. I like you but i was not attracted to you as in dating, we will go bonkers. Saying it right up front saves a lot of time and trouble but they don't seem to have a clue. It's great to meet someone who does.S4U
saoirse.....Thankfully, every time I have been told "I'll call you", he has. I do know, hoever, that it may not happen again, so I shall steel myself against disappointment, just in case. I did LOVE your post tho. It is all true, but next time you end that date, YOU say, "I'll call ya", then don't. See if it makes them feel like crap!!! LOL
I hear you "saoirse"...I feel the same about "I'll call you"...or about excited letters that show so much interest and then they stop as if the person just fell off the face of the earth. Ok, I get it when someone's not really into me...lol...but what has that to do with being considerate or polite. Anyways...whining and complaining does nothing more than attract the same, so I should know better than do that...Let's say, I'm just observing human behaviour and hear other people's call for common sense.
Oh yeah, I've got that book. I get the concept, if he doesn't call it's because he's not into me. Duh. But my point is...if he's not into me, then why bother saying "I'll call you." I mean, it's not like I'm pining away over it, staring at the phone, waiting for it to ring, but I hate thinking...he had a nice time, sure, we'll go out again maybe....if that's not what he's thinking. If you're aren't into someone after a first date and you don't think you'd like to see them again...why would you want them to think you're going to call and see them again?