For you women who are beautiful or not and are in your 30s 40s and 50s single and frustrated with men in general. before you fully give up on men and seek a bisexual or even a lesbian lifestyle let me encourage you with this insight. Try looking at relationships in a very different way. Not the way you have been accustomed or brought up or exposed to by the social fabric or media. Try looking at a relationship as what you do and offer toward your partner and NOT what you think they can do for you. This is a huge deal with men. We men love to serve our woman and want to focus on them and keep them happy. But what kills this excitement is when we notice our woman are usually thinking, wanting or expecting us to do the next thing for them. If women are focused on their guy the way men should be focused on them, needs are being met on both sides. He will be happy to help out more around the house, take you out to your favorite place or just hang out with you. But you make him fell he is never doing enough or the right thing he should know he will eventually get burned out like many men do.
This is foreign to many women who expect men to put up, put out, and shut up in a relationship. Believe me it works for men and I can't wait to find a wife who supports this.
It was interesting to real the comments to this blog. Such a variety of opinions.
I think this:
Good looks are a valuable asset for short term relationships, one night stands, and hookers. However, for a long term relationship, good looks are a minor factor. I expect you can say the same about good looking men.
BECAUSE WOMEN ARE WISER BETTER INDENPDENT
IT GOOD TO HAVE A MILLION DOLLAR
BUT I THINK YA MONEY N YA LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT
WHAT A WOMEN WANT
IT ABOUT HER SECUIRTY TRUST VALUES
BEAUTY ON HER
LIST OF MEN WHO LOOK UP TO HER AND SHE FOLLOW HER HEART
WOMEN WANT LOVE LAUGHTERS FRIENDSHIP
MAYBE WHO KNOW MARRIAGE
LOVE N MONEY BUT IF U GOT THAT
MMM THEN I GUESS FREEDOM N DREAM
FRIENDSHIP STRONG SPIRIT
A MAN THAT DESIRE HER WIT
SENSE OF HUMOR NOW PLAY YA CARDS RIGHT! LOL
Great insight 4mylove about being happy with yourself both inside and out, before you can make someone else happy. I'm single and never been married. It was not because I did not want to marry,it was I had no clue of who I was and what I wanted in a relationship, so I chose the single life. Now in retrospect, it was a wise choice, given the fact that not a single relationship I had ever worked out. It was easy for me to blame the guy instead of myself. It took me a lot of soul searching and therapy to emerge victoriously as a complete person, as someone who is willing and able to share my life with that special man. My journey of self discovery is especially poignant now that I'm ready to change my status from single to...? I'm definitly open to the possibilities!!
You have to be happy with yourselve, inside and out. You can't make someone else happy if not! Self discovery is not achieved over night - it also takes looking very deep into your soul and seeing all the beauty and the warts. Ha! My own journey lasted years - the sudden death of my husband. I knew from past experience where I needed to go and yes it took the good part of 6 yrs. At some point - I was happy and content and ready to move forward. Because I practiced this before my marriage we didn't have issues. It was all quite natural and easy - B Failure is only because someone was "looking" for someone to make them happy therefore, disappointment follows. And no one can "make" you happy - maybe a quick fix but those don't last! Its patience that I think comes with age ha! Most important is honesty - with yourselve first ....
More thing since I havn't added to this thread in over a year. Being beautiful to me is more than about physical attractiveness. I have dated some women who need a lot of makeup to look visually beautiful but are beings of great spirit, personality and maturity and character. When a man stays happy in a relationship cause she treats him right and he treats her right, physical attractiveness or chemistry, that which was so strong a role at the start is not so much an issue later as the relationship grows. Just look at couples who have been together for many years and this is understood. My parents as one example going on 60 years.
Good post. I think men are guilty of the BBD too. I would love to settle down with a woman who is beautiful to me in every way. What others see as beautiful is less important to me these days. If I find she emasculates men in any way she is gone. Zero tolerance and for good reason. Men are wired to be affirmed and valued and stroked each day. Critizism will never help a relationship grow. Ladies it is just the way we are. We need that from our partner. To feel valued appreciated encouraged and supported. Funny many things you ladies need we need too but don't express it as well as you do.
It has been put to me quite bluntly that my appearance leads people's expectations one way, and when I open my mouth and reveal I am not a moron, it can scare guys away. Needless to say; if my appearance was all that interested them, I am ok with staying single until someone more interesting comes along.
Heres a theory for you - one I have known since High School - Its called the " BBD Theory. "
BBD ? simple - The Bigger Better Deal - thats why some of you woman beautiful, average looking, smart, educated, brilliant, wealthy, whatever your story is are still single. You find a man or two or three and you cant settle down with a guy because you are always Looking for the BBD - the Bigger Better Deal. A guy that is better looking, makes more money, can support you financially, can support you emotionally. SURE - as men we would Love to be all these things and even more to the women we find of interest , attractive or feel we could love. But why do you shoot us ( men) down, or leave the relationship at some point. Because you find out we are human and have flaws, just like you do. Personally I have done a great deal of self-reflecting on myself and my life with the help of a professional, with the help of friends, with the help of close family. I am aware of my flaws and character defects, are you aware of yours? Please dont get the wrong impression, I am not on the attack here, I LOVE Women. I have loved a few in my lifetime. I have been married and loved my ex. But things went south ( completely another story. ) - Why are some of you women still single, the BBD. At some point you have to get real and take life on life's terms. The BBD is not just around the corner. The opportunity to be in Love, should it happen to you is rare and will happen just a few times in a lifetime, if you are lucky, ( my opinion.) No one is asking you to "settle." But think about if you are chasing the BBD or not. The Bigger Better Deal is not always what it appears to be. - HTG1961
Because what we want is hard to find. I can only speak for myself and all I really need and want in a guy is quite simple- A happy partner who loves life and has acceptance,enthusiasm, and enjoyment for his partner or companion and joy in everything he does.Believe it or not it's very hard to find.
The original poster of the question asked about 25 to 45 year old single women?
Well, check your working statistics- all people (male and female) are staying single longer and getting married much later in life. That's also why you can see a rise in the latter life pregnancy rates and see so many women in the 40s having their first children.
People are waiting longer to get married because of the increased need/desire to establish themselves in a career before settling down. I for one have 2 undergrad degrees and finished my MBA last year (Age 30). During the last few years I needed to establish my education and career goals in ensure that I can provide for myself and so that I can achieve my personal life aspirations beyond and husband, home, and 2.3 children.I didn't even have time to consider a serious relationship and I never knew how long a company would allow me to stay in a location or force me to move for a promotion. I couldn't see finding a man and then telling him that he has to move for my career- how many men out there would pick up and move for their woman's career goals? If you are out there- contact me! :)
You simply cannot compare the status of single women today with the age of marriage in the past. The roles of men and women have dramatically changed in the last 40 years. Men seem to forget that yet they still want an "independent" woman who can provide for herself. In reality, if you want a woman to sacrifice her career aspirations to move and follow your career she will be in many ways dependent on your provider-ship. Otherwise, a woman needs to establish herself well enough that she has control over her career so that she has the power to find a equal compromise with her goals and that of her husband.
This happens at a older age than in times past. So.. let's get out of simple stereotypes like "high-maintenance" and "golddigger". This conflict is rooted deeper in social changes than in simple stereotypes.
Some us made bad choices in mate when we were young. I think infidelity and trust is a big factor in any relationships today. Once said always date or marry a best friend type with a lot of common interests, not to mention good physical chemistry!
1. Is completely loyal- if only for personal health reasons- Did you know that the in the US 1 in 5 (or 20%) of all adult have some sort of STD? I can get over a guy who breaks my heart but I can't get over AIDS, herpes, etc. If you are interested in someone else.. tell me.. I'm friends with 90% of my ex-boyfriends- the ones that follow this rule. Sleeping around in these modern times is more than unethical- it's just reckless and idiotic.
2. Have some ambition in life and a good work ethic- if you hate your job and you do half-assed work out of some passive aggressive deal- you're hurting others you work with. I judge people on how they treat others as much as how they treat me. I don't care if you are a garbage collector- but have a passion to be the best garbage collector of all time.
3. Be generally healthy and able to participate in occasional activities. I'm not looking for Superman. I've dated bald guys, barrel-chested guys, emerging pot belly guys, skinny guys, gray haired guys, etc. Just keep it in check and don't fall of the end of the health scale and develop unnecessary health problems we shouldn't have to deal with.
Times have changed. Both men and women don't know what they really want from a relationship. What are the roles for today. Independence is the buzz word, but independence and living on your own at 60 is not quite the same as 21.