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What about children scares men?
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Posted on Sat, Mar 12, 2005 08:38

Joemama, that was funny! But the worse part is, it's that it's true! I've seen it myself several times, especially in the US (just an observation here everybody, backed up by proof from very good friends of mine, I don't mean any offense to anyone). But on the other hand, I've seen are also a lot of women (like MOI) that will work at their couple and that means hitting the gym, taking care of themselves, staying healthy and pretty and sexy... all for the love of their man. So again, it's basically of question of the person being honest right from the beginning... as usual... AND, don't think that you men are getting off that easy... the same happens on the men's side too... ;) I've seen that TOO!! hehehe

  


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Posted on Thu, Mar 03, 2005 21:52

I have often been told by men that the fact that I have a daughter is a big plus in their books. She's 19 and beautiful!



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Posted on Thu, Mar 03, 2005 11:59

JoeMama ...

I read your prose and I must say that after all the negative mud-slinging,, yours was so refreshingly funny and articulate. Thank you for that brief respite ... lol!!!!!!

  


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Posted on Thu, Mar 03, 2005 10:47

Babeet, your right I dont think any of us would hope that a relationship ends but if it does its the kids that it hurts especially cause theres a tendancy to become attached to them. I woiuld hope to never have to go through that.



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Posted on Wed, Mar 02, 2005 16:33

I made my proud contribution to the gene pool.She is now grown and will make me a proud granny one day.The two most serious relationships I've had and the reason we didn't get married,was that both had two little girls{wonder what Freud would say}I helped both raise the girls but in the end just couldn't go through with a marriage.I was in Grad school during one..and the other was not divorced long enough.The point is,breaking up with the men was horrible but leaving those little girls behind broke my heart. I'll wear my helmet when I read the replies to this part.Over the years,yes age does change perspective,I have noticed that it seems more difficult for men to raise another mans child than the reverse.Having said that,I personally know some of the most stupendous stepfathers.The most loving,giving wonderful men in the world to me.So,before the men gather to attack,I am not speaking of all men.Only some men.I don't believe it's because they hate children either.I simply think it's because,who knows the reason,they can't deal with raising another mans child.Thats all.I don't pretend to know the feelings behind it.It's just something I have witnessed,with my own eyes,over the years.

  


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Posted on Tue, Mar 01, 2005 22:57

Children - Don't want to have any. Don't need to have any. If I had a biological clock, then I must have forgotten to wind it because it never went off. And I don't miss having kids of my own. Don't get me wrong. I love kids - Just not necessarily in my own house. My bags are always packed and ready to jet somewhere at a moments notice. This is the life I have chosen. No regrets for not having had children. NYC, here I come!

  


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Posted on Tue, Mar 01, 2005 19:44

Im not afraid of kids, matter of fact I have two of my own. My oldest lives with me i just dont want anymore.



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Posted on Mon, Feb 28, 2005 09:19

JoeMamma, Couldn't have written it any better. What you wrote is just one variation of similar instances. Power to those who take care of and rely on themselves and still remain young at heart.



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Posted on Tue, Feb 22, 2005 09:07

1hotmama: Sorry about the mixed signals - mtuom asked a question and I merely pointed out some of the 'pitfalls" a single man might view a woman with children as having.

Personally (and if you read my profile you'll see I state I have children) I have never had a problem dating women with children.
But I understand a man (or woman) may have trepidation dating someone who has children.



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Posted on Tue, Feb 22, 2005 05:28

Dear lovely lady
from San Diego,
I guess, it is simple for you in a way to find a good man, who would love you unconditionally : kids just ?filter? them for you much quicker then you could possibly do it yourself.



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Posted on Mon, Feb 21, 2005 07:13

Doesn't scare me one bit. As a matter of fact, I have finally gained full custody of my 2 children. My ex had an affair with her boss, which I finally figured out, so I kicked her out of my home. She tried to take my kids away from me permanently so I fought my heart out. I won the fight but I still let them be with their mother every other week for a few days. My kids need their mommy as much as their daddy.

  


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Posted on Mon, Feb 21, 2005 04:06

TexanPoker
That was a very nice post for "we" women with children. You are very mature and intelligent. Usually guys don't think about what kind of Daddy they will be until their wife/gf gets pregnant or with some until the baby is born. You will make some women in TX very happy and your children will be very lucky to have a Daddy like you.



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Posted on Fri, Feb 18, 2005 04:43

I love dating men that have children....not bratty ones, of course, but men that make their children their first priority in life. A man that adores his children is a trait I find sexy, sincere, and compassionate. I have had a couple long term relationships in which the man I cared about had no children of his own. In time, he would actually look forward to the weeks I had my kids. It made my heart melt to watch that bond grow....then again my heart broke when we broke up. After six years of being broken up with a man that I had a relationship with, he still calls them and sends them a birthday present every year. I think just because a man doesn't have kids doesn't make him selfsih. They just don't know what they are missing until they have them. If they don't, then they have made a life choice which they may be happy with or regret in time.



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Posted on Thu, Feb 17, 2005 13:08

I know you asked for men's opinions on this subject, but even us women who are also moms, have our viewpoints too. Before my daughter was born, I could never imagine having kids for some reason. Maybe like Mas said, I'd 'hear' them screaming in the department stores or restaurants, and I'd think to myself, "How can a mother love that?" Or like the song by Kenny Rogers where he sings, "the closest thing to heaven is a child." (some days you could swear it's the closest thing to hell LOL) Anyway, I just couldn't understand. Once I had my daughter, I realized the greatest love I will ever feel for another human being. BUT.....raising a child/children is the HARDEST job on the planet. There's tremendous responsibility involved and total committment on the parent's part to raise them till they're grown. That includes total sacrifice, putting them before yourself. Let's face it, truthfully your life is not your own again until they are grown and have moved out. And from what I'm hearing from others who's kids are already grown, even then you're not finished. You'll always worry about them, no matter how old they get to be. I love my daughter more than life, and she means everything to me. But I will not sugar coat it by saying it's 'all good' all the time. And knowing how hard it is to raise even just one, I don't think I would want to meet a man who already has kids and is raising them too. That thought is too scary to even think about.

  


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Posted on Thu, Feb 17, 2005 10:27

mtuom.......Ive known men who don't have any kids, who fell inlove an married a women with kids.....It does happen......But not often....it takes a very Special man with or without kids to take on the responsibilty of parenting someone else kids.....I have 2 of my own, who are the Loves of my Life an one day I'll meet someone who will Love me enough that having Kids won't matter.....thats the kind of man to Look for.......In my own Personal Opinion ....if a man is over 40....no kids....Run!! Run!! Run!!...hes to selfish an set in his own ways to Share his Life or Alter it....and of course We wouldn't want him to need Therapy over "Culture Shock'.......LOL........

Air?...Or whoever you are this week.....It wasn't Your Opinion that upset me...to each his own.....But when Personal attacks are made on me....because of MY Opinion...I tend to get pissed off.....Don't piss off a Southan Gal daaalin....it really isn't to your best interest....wink, wink....Have a Great Day!!!
Laina-

  


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Posted on Wed, Feb 16, 2005 16:18

I'd like to offer my opinion....not to say it is THE answer, but just my perspective on this issue. Most men that are in your age range (within 7 years one way or another) either DO NOT have children yet (and are concerned about inheriting the responsibility of supporting them), or DO have children of their own (and are concerned about inheriting the responsibility of supporting them)......I think you can see the common theme here!
One of your pictures show 4 children and the truth of the matter is that that will scare off an awful lot of men...not because men are immature or commitment-phobic or anything like that....just because men know what their limits are and 4 kids will push most mens comfort zones.
I hope you can appreciate this message in the way it was intended....not to make you or any other woman with children feel bad/guilty about anything, but rather as one man's humble opinion!



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Posted on Wed, Feb 16, 2005 12:15

Having dated/lived with several women with children (at 38 years of age try finding women who DON'T have children) so I speak with some experience.
Children are a responsibility. Children are a burden. Children can be a pain in the ass. Children are messy. Children don't always behave or listen. Children prevent adults from having fun whenever they want. Children vie for the attention of the parent and take away time/effort/affection that should be spent on the man. Children are the difference between a 2 door sports car and a 4 door sedan. Children can be...childish. Think "children" and envison every restaurant you've been in where there is a bawling brat.
Did I miss anything or leave anything out? I think I hit all the major issues.

Now - the statements above can't be argued, can they? So you have your answer.

The big question is - do you really want to be involved with a person who is so self involved that they can't, or don't want to share? Because that's what it is - sharing. Time, effort, love, knowledge, patience...
And as you know it's all about responsibility and being responsible...children aren't like goldfish where you just feed them once a day and can ignore them.

Fear not - there are a ton of men out there who won't/don't bat an eyelash over the fact that a woman may have children. My personal thought is if I see good children...a good mother is obviously behind them.

But can I blame anyone for the personal choice of NOT wanting to date someone who may have children? Of course not! Parenting is a personal choice, and accepting someone's children is a MAJOR responsibility and commitment. "Insta-Family" is a daunting thought - ideally two people fall in love and then discuss having children which gives them time to
grow into each other and become accustomed to the thought of a family.
Dating someone with children is a huge shortcut in that process.
Any man or woman who steps into a relationship where the other pe...



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Posted on Wed, Feb 16, 2005 11:31

Well, this topic came up before and I gave my 2 cents from a single male, having no children perspective and boy did I hear from the women who do have children. They seemed to criticize men without children not wanting to date women with children. But it happens. Let me ask, would you (in ALL honesty) consider dating a man with children if you had never gotten married and had children. Men (let me say MOST men before the same women start trashing me again) who have grown to become independent with their lives , have chosen to never marry or have children are less likely to date women with children. They most likely want to maintain the independence or simply don't want children. You are a pretty woman and you'll find what you're looking for. Don't get discouraged. There are men without children who will fall in love with a woman with children, but not all of them. I'm sure someone will call me close minded and again say that "I don't have a clue", but to the women who believe this, then I believe it's you who don't have a clue about the older, single stable guys out there. Just because fun, flirtation and flying free is more fun to us than love, commitment and the same old day to day grind doesn't mean we're not intelligent and practical.



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