Do expectations hinder relationships? Romance Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Jan 26, 2005 at 06:44 PM

    The reason I ask is because I mentioned to an employee that we have good rapport and that it is hard to find that when dating. (No I don't date or have flings with employees. Can you spell lawsuit?) Her thought was that when a relationship is not the goal then you are free to be who you are - you don't have expectations.

    It got me to thinking. If a relationship is not the goal then you get past the minor things that might have hindered development of a relationship. You get to know the other person without wondering if this or that is what you want. Of course there are some expectations that dampen any relationship. But I wonder if I expect to much from first contact. If you are looking for a romantic relationship how do you overlook the minor things that you are afraid might be major in the future? Or is it as simple as with the right person you will develop the rapport because they meet your expectations? Don't know if it's worthy of discussion. Just something I've been pondering.
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  • View author's info Posted on Jan 28, 2005 at 05:22 PM

    Micoma that is a good discussion. All the post are wonderful answers.I believe there is only one expectation at first site. and that "is he attractive to you in person". The rest should come naturally. You do not even need the chemistry right off the bat. That might come one night while you are walking into a dinner and holding the door and she has a stance that just looks so beautiful to you and voila there comes the attraction. He (she) might have that wonderful personality. Laugh like and angel(don't know a description for a man):O). talk comfortably and with ease or could be a little shy and takes 3 dates to open up. Most people are a little nervous on their first date. If you as a person go into this with those expectations chances are you will miss what might be right under your nose. No one will have all the qualities you want but if you can say they have most then that is progress.The qualities we want do not exist in one person. As long as we do not dislike the quality that does not match what you think, it will probably grow on you and make that quality a unique one. So many go on a date and never meet again because their likes were not the same. Who in the world wants to have the exact same likes. If there are a few on both sides then learning to tolerate or like that particular activity,which in all probablity you have never done, could be a new experience. If you still don't like it after you have tried it just make sure you don't do it too often:) I find most of these guys ask you what is it you like to do.I personally have done very few but would love to do many things and i will try almost anything once. But they are not interested in that. My favorite thing is what is it you want in a man. I want to answer so bad well when i find it i'll let you know ::). You don't sit there and count off well he is intelligent, sincere,polite,energetic, has agreat personality but you know the drill. I don't know anyone who does that. It is something you feel when talking and laughing. It would be more than nice to get more than one meeting with you.
    But as we are on a site where you have to travel to meet most tried to categorize it in one quick swoop. It doesn't work well so i wish i had a solution to this dilemma.
    Ok here is when i wish i was a salesman. Say what you want in as few a words as possible. Never did learn the knack of that one. Did you make it to the end????
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 27, 2005 at 04:58 PM

    micoma.......I can safely say when I go out with someone, I have no expectations. My only goal is to learn about this particular individual. If he is someone I think I COULD start a relationship with, then I just go form there. I think if you have too many expectations, then that is all you concentrate on. You can't really be yourself, because you are working too hard trying to figure out if this is "IT"....... If you go into a date without any expectations, you can be yourself, laugh, talk, just enjoy the time together. Then, when the date ends, you can look back on it and see if that date could evolve into something more!!!
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 27, 2005 at 06:48 AM

    I've gone out with a number of guys who actually had written checklists of what they were expecting of a wife.

    The candidate must play golf, like camping, and be into alternative music. Must be (Jewish, Catholic, or evangelical).

    Words like chemistry and communication are never on the checklist. Once you find yourself evaluated by the checklist the communication just isn't natuaral anymore.
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