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Men and their mid life crisis
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Posted on Sun, Sep 11, 2005 16:14

Is it me or does it seem like most men who are in the 45-60 age bracket are looking for 18-40 year old women? Am I that old? Do these men really thing an 18 year old will make a good mate?



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Posted on Wed, Mar 08, 2006 08:29

GrapesOfGoodHope write:
robtest write:

redhead524 write:
Gee, Rob, meow! Can sarcasm not be a form of cattiness?

I like 'evolved' - for both genders. I'm sorry you're choosing less evolved women. You're a good man with a big heart, depth of character and soul as well as a strong mind. You should have your equal.



I think sarcasm could certainly be "percieved" as cattiness, in perhaps a passive agressive way. ;o)

And I do ponder the theory may not be so much the communication failures of the past partners, but poor partner picking skills! I guess we shouldn't throw out the whole barrel simply because we seem to have enhanced skills at picking out the bad apples. LOL

What a greatly positive way to put it, Rob!

I honestly believe that I could have won Gold for picking out the bad apples!
The problem, though, was that I always seemed to think they were the absolute best! And then I wasn't perceptive enough to taste the rot after many bites! I've only given up when encountering the worm in the core!

Hahaha! I have to agree with you Grapes, Rob said it so eloquently! lol I can honestly say the man I was married to was not a bad apple. We're just completely opposite in everything. We were together 19 yrs. But I did manage to pick 1 really bad apple after my marriage. And he was the one that I fell hardest for! Go figure. That's when we need our friends to remind us to think with our heads, not our hearts. It's not gender specific to fall into that rut of thinking with our hearts. I think we do so, because during the initial months of being with that person, they are on their best behaviour, being so charismatic. Before you know it, you are in love. After that, you will overlook the character flaws that slowly begin to surface...character flaws that had you just met the person you would not have given them the time of day. That's my view.



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Posted on Mon, Feb 20, 2006 04:05

HI folks,
Can't resist adding my two bits..one thing that men and women have not learn well is the importance of cultivating platonic relationships /friendships before progressing to deeper more intimate romantic relationships. Given that a site like this tends to aim at romantic links, men and women need to approach relationships on a less intense basis. I have found over the months on sites like these that most men I encounter would drop you when you are not single minded about taking the relationship seriously. I have to again emphasize that I find it laughable that so many people come on this site declaring to be one-man woman or one -woman man..but let us accept the fact that there is no exclusivity once we enter these sites, not even after marriage could one expect 100% exclusivity. so on those basis it is all the more important that we accept that mid-life crisis or lack of commitment in serious relationship or faithfulness and exclusivity is not necessarily a gender issue but one that is universal in this day of disposal and transient relationships.
Finding that special needle in the haystack needs patience, lots of haystacks and a big magnet..



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Posted on Sun, Feb 19, 2006 12:07

redhead524 write:
Gee, Rob, meow! Can sarcasm not be a form of cattiness?

I like 'evolved' - for both genders. I'm sorry you're choosing less evolved women. You're a good man with a big heart, depth of character and soul as well as a strong mind. You should have your equal.


I think sarcasm could certainly be "percieved" as cattiness, in perhaps a passive agressive way. ;o)

And I do ponder the theory may not be so much the communication failures of the past partners, but poor partner picking skills! I guess we shouldn't throw out the whole barrel simply because we seem to have enhanced skills at picking out the bad apples. LOL



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Posted on Sun, Feb 19, 2006 09:03

robtest write:
Devoted,

I think Red is absolutely correct. Some of the cat fights on here certainly display a level of Emotional Strength that is well beyond my poor little Martian comphrehension !!!! And the fact that most of the men on here do not display such behaviour must be proof of our weakness. I have learned the hard way many times that if people want to wander through life with blinders on, it is often best to let them do so... :o)

Rob


All sarcasm aside, and without generalizing that the whole gender behaves in such a manner, I have found in my own personal experience that the last several women that I have dated seriously were less evolved in their own understanding of themselves, what they wanted from a relationship and how to communicate that with their partner.

Additionally, due to their inability to be introspective and accepting of their own participation/actions in their previous relationships, they were unable to progress their current relationship with me to deeper levels. I do not know if that defines as emotional strength or emotional weakness, but I did find it unacceptable...

They certainly did not show any of the characteristics that Red is talking about. That is not to say that they were stereotypical women or that I am a stereotypical male, but it does lead crediance to the concept that gender biasing can make you a bit shortsighted.

Gee, Rob, meow! Can sarcasm not be a form of cattiness?

I like 'evolved' - for both genders. I'm sorry you're choosing less evolved women. You're a good man with a big heart, depth of character and soul as well as a strong mind. You should have your equal.



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Posted on Sun, Feb 19, 2006 07:43

Devoted2FindingU write:
Red, I don't think I follow you here. You are saying women are emotionally stronger, and men are only stating what the differences are in expressing themselves. Right?

"men hang on to old stuff or ignore emotional issues", "women are generally more open emotionally" - Yes this is what Rob was eluding to with John Grey's book. I read it, a good lady friend gave it to me. It really comes down to Men think differently!!

Most men are less emotional because of the way they think and more analytical. I am a trained negotiator (a learned skill) I was taught that removing negative emotions from decisions etc. you have more brain processing power. If you are emotional and your brain is bouncing between both polar regions it is not as efficient as removing the emotions. Yes this makes a person more analytical and less emotional.

Second thought if a man were as emotional as a woman would you be as attracted to him? I am serious give that some thought. Have we come to an agreement that MOST women are emotionally stronger because Men think differently. Thinking differently is what makes us MEN. If women were so concerned about how emotionally deficient men are then they would be dating women. So do we MEN have permission to be MEN with less emotions?

Is the real question why can't MEN understand / acknowledge a woman's emotions?

You're a negotiator?! How fun! What do you negotiate? Okay, on with the shew as someone once said...

I don't disagree that men are generally more left brain than women. What if we separate how someone thinks - mental - from matters of the heart - emotions?
If, as you agree, men are less emotional than women, then how does a man build emotional strength? Back to one of my earlier statements: I don't think not exercizing emotions builds strength. It's similiar to if muscles don't get used, they go into atrophy...

I absolutely agree that men and women are different. It is as was intended. I wouldn't like a blubbering man, but then I don't like blubbering women either. Would I like a man who is able to cry when deeply hurt? Yes. I do not want a man who is stone cold. It is - for both genders - about balance.

It is about both genders gaining better understanding how the other thinks, feels, acts, reacts, etc. so we can fit together better. In doing so, maybe there would be less divorce.

I applaud all the men here who obviously have taken the time to try to understand a woman. We are complex creatures. It shows you care and by gosh, I believe that's an emotion!



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Posted on Sat, Feb 18, 2006 06:18

Devoted,

I think Red is absolutely correct. Some of the cat fights on here certainly display a level of Emotional Strength that is well beyond my poor little Martian comphrehension !!!! And the fact that most of the men on here do not display such behaviour must be proof of our weakness. I have learned the hard way many times that if people want to wander through life with blinders on, it is often best to let them do so... :o)

Rob


All sarcasm aside, and without generalizing that the whole gender behaves in such a manner, I have found in my own personal experience that the last several women that I have dated seriously were less evolved in their own understanding of themselves, what they wanted from a relationship and how to communicate that with their partner.

Additionally, due to their inability to be introspective and accepting of their own participation/actions in their previous relationships, they were unable to progress their current relationship with me to deeper levels. I do not know if that defines as emotional strength or emotional weakness, but I did find it unacceptable...

They certainly did not show any of the characteristics that Red is talking about. That is not to say that they were stereotypical women or that I am a stereotypical male, but it does lead crediance to the concept that gender biasing can make you a bit shortsighted.



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Posted on Sat, Feb 18, 2006 05:17

redhead524 write:
GrapesOfGoodHope write:
BQ, Rob and Devoted! You're all ok!!!

I'm South African and have been living in Switzerland for almost 10 years now. I based my comments on observations from my youth (like you, BQ), but was compelled to take a part time job as a barkeeper for 1 year here, 3 years ago, and was amazed to find that these middle aged Swiss guys were acting similarly to the 20/30-somethings of Cape Town!

But, of course, the 3 of you don't go out to get drunk when relationship stress raises its unwelcome head?!!!

Three kisses!

PS And BQ, of course I knew I was leaning way too far out the window by stating that women are emotionally stronger! But I honestly believe it ito be true ....

PPS Devoted, your threats are more than welcome!

I'm with you, Grapes. Women are the stronger emotionally gender. Most of what the men are citing are short term difference examples of how the genders express themselves. I would agree that women are generally more open emotionally, but it's the long run that counts. It's been my experience that, again in the longer run, many men hang on to old stuff or ignore emotional issues. Neither is a sign of emotional strength. True strength comes from facing the matter, working through it (however one does that, whether it's with a friend, alone, a beer or ice cream)and then move on and willing to take another emotional risk. Men will - generally speaking - stay in a safe zone. Women are more likely to take risks in matters of the heart, regardless of the outcome. Therein lies just one of the ways women have built more strength than men in this area.


redhead524

"Men will - generally speaking - stay in a safe zone."

Yup ! the tried and proven zone with some variance but not extreme.


"Women are more likely to take risks in matters of the heart, regardless of the outcome. Therein lies just one of the ways women have built more strength than men in this area."

Yup ! just what I figured the Claynore Zone.

See GrapeofHope..she has admitted to it. sigh !!! lol

BQ



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Posted on Fri, Feb 17, 2006 09:17

Red, I don't think I follow you here. You are saying women are emotionally stronger, and men are only stating what the differences are in expressing themselves. Right?

"men hang on to old stuff or ignore emotional issues", "women are generally more open emotionally" - Yes this is what Rob was eluding to with John Grey's book. I read it, a good lady friend gave it to me. It really comes down to Men think differently!!

Most men are less emotional because of the way they think and more analytical. I am a trained negotiator (a learned skill) I was taught that removing negative emotions from decisions etc. you have more brain processing power. If you are emotional and your brain is bouncing between both polar regions it is not as efficient as removing the emotions. Yes this makes a person more analytical and less emotional.

Second thought if a man were as emotional as a woman would you be as attracted to him? I am serious give that some thought. Have we come to an agreement that MOST women are emotionally stronger because Men think differently. Thinking differently is what makes us MEN. If women were so concerned about how emotionally deficient men are then they would be dating women. So do we MEN have permission to be MEN with less emotions?

Is the real question why can't MEN understand / acknowledge a woman's emotions?

.



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Posted on Wed, Feb 15, 2006 15:40

GrapesOfGoodHope write:
BQ, Rob and Devoted! You're all ok!!!

I'm South African and have been living in Switzerland for almost 10 years now. I based my comments on observations from my youth (like you, BQ), but was compelled to take a part time job as a barkeeper for 1 year here, 3 years ago, and was amazed to find that these middle aged Swiss guys were acting similarly to the 20/30-somethings of Cape Town!

But, of course, the 3 of you don't go out to get drunk when relationship stress raises its unwelcome head?!!!

Three kisses!

PS And BQ, of course I knew I was leaning way too far out the window by stating that women are emotionally stronger! But I honestly believe it ito be true ....

PPS Devoted, your threats are more than welcome!

I'm with you, Grapes. Women are the stronger emotionally gender. Most of what the men are citing are short term difference examples of how the genders express themselves. I would agree that women are generally more open emotionally, but it's the long run that counts. It's been my experience that, again in the longer run, many men hang on to old stuff or ignore emotional issues. Neither is a sign of emotional strength. True strength comes from facing the matter, working through it (however one does that, whether it's with a friend, alone, a beer or ice cream)and then move on and willing to take another emotional risk. Men will - generally speaking - stay in a safe zone. Women are more likely to take risks in matters of the heart, regardless of the outcome. Therein lies just one of the ways women have built more strength than men in this area.



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Posted on Wed, Feb 15, 2006 09:45

GrapesOfGoodHope write:
BQ, Rob and Devoted! You're all ok!!!

I'm South African and have been living in Switzerland for almost 10 years now. I based my comments on observations from my youth (like you, BQ), but was compelled to take a part time job as a barkeeper for 1 year here, 3 years ago, and was amazed to find that these middle aged Swiss guys were acting similarly to the 20/30-somethings of Cape Town!

But, of course, the 3 of you don't go out to get drunk when relationship stress raises its unwelcome head?!!!

Three kisses!

PS And BQ, of course I knew I was leaning way too far out the window by stating that women are emotionally stronger! But I honestly believe it ito be true ....

PPS Devoted, your threats are more than welcome!


GrapesOfGoodHope,

From South Africa, my neighbor was from I think it was Cape Town or Johansburg...a halirious and comedic man, I know his sister lives in Cape Town...met his relatives and real nice people.

"I based my comments on observations from my youth (like you, BQ), but was compelled to take a part time job as a barkeeper for 1 year here, 3 years ago, and was amazed to find that these middle aged Swiss guys were acting similarly to the 20/30-somethings of Cape Town! " Isn't experience blissful? lol

I won't hold it against you believing women are stronger emotionally o.k. I think it is varied across the spectrum.

A kiss for all of us, you just dandy.

BQ



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Posted on Mon, Feb 13, 2006 12:46

Mars/Venus by John Gray goes through the troubleshooting methodology of both males and females... Men tend to solve the issue in their head, then seek out communication with other Martians to validate that they problem solving. Women on the other hand tend to seek empathy for the feelings they are experiencing and will seek the communication first, and then problem solve on the tail end...

Beers/Bars are not a problem solving methodology, but rather a way to delay the process, plus sometimes men do try getting empathy first (aka. talk to the bartender)...



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Posted on Mon, Feb 13, 2006 12:10

GrapesOfGoodHope write:
BQ write:
GrapesOfGoodHope write:
I'm too tipsy to read through the whole blah blah, but since Goodlife, Devoted, BQ and Ready posted, I trust that many a thruth was spoken. At the end of the day I say: leave the men to their mid-life crisises, us women have them too! And of course we cope better, and so we should; we are after all the emotionally stronger sex. But everyone has the right to have a mid-life crisis! After all, it is a passing phase ...


GrapesOfGoodHope

What ??? stronger emotionally..Holy Smoke when did you discover that? When a woman has a problem or she is under stress the first few things she does is phone her friends to talk about it or makes a big thing out of nothing " like a drama play " depending on the situation, a man will mostly sit down and think about it, some will have a beer,watch T.V.,go for a ride or have a smoke..that is strong emotionally..strong emotion don't go in a flare and out of control emotional trauma that you have to talk about what is bothering you..strong emotion is a person who can collectively refers to his intellect and make sense of the situation and gain back self control over his or her soul.

While the emotionally weaker one can't do it and needs a fix of chatting to bring back those emotion under the intellectual control again and gain his or her peace collectively ..works for both gender though as I have seen it in men. Also some will take physical action to satisfy this lack of self control with revenge for a dose of feel good.

Saying women are stronger emotionally I think you have stepped on a claymore. lol

BQ

BQ, respecting the fact that you have 1 year's more experience than I do, I do not think that I have stepped into anything! If at all, I hope into a heated debate!
Yes, women phone their friends and they get together at home to talk things over. Men, on the other hand, as you said, drink beer. They might or might not phone a friend to meet them in a bar, point is: they head straight to the bar! Then they bore the poor bartendender with their stories of woe, or some other stranger propping up the bar, or; the absolute ultimate: they try to score a one night stand with any one who is too drunk/desperate to be really willing! But what the heck, "the ex was a slut, so .... "
Now, put that in your pipe ,,,,

PS This is my personal as well as observed experience. I would love to change my view!


Hope - you really should not be smoking what you just stepped in. Put the pipe down dear. I sure wish you had observed and lived some better life experiences. Come on, there are some exceptions that you would admit would change your view. Now fess up before I send you a private email !!! LOL.



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Posted on Mon, Feb 13, 2006 09:02

GrapesOfGoodHope write:
BQ write:
GrapesOfGoodHope write:
I'm too tipsy to read through the whole blah blah, but since Goodlife, Devoted, BQ and Ready posted, I trust that many a thruth was spoken. At the end of the day I say: leave the men to their mid-life crisises, us women have them too! And of course we cope better, and so we should; we are after all the emotionally stronger sex. But everyone has the right to have a mid-life crisis! After all, it is a passing phase ...


GrapesOfGoodHope

What ??? stronger emotionally..Holy Smoke when did you discover that? When a woman has a problem or she is under stress the first few things she does is phone her friends to talk about it or makes a big thing out of nothing " like a drama play " depending on the situation, a man will mostly sit down and think about it, some will have a beer,watch T.V.,go for a ride or have a smoke..that is strong emotionally..strong emotion don't go in a flare and out of control emotional trauma that you have to talk about what is bothering you..strong emotion is a person who can collectively refers to his intellect and make sense of the situation and gain back self control over his or her soul.

While the emotionally weaker one can't do it and needs a fix of chatting to bring back those emotion under the intellectual control again and gain his or her peace collectively ..works for both gender though as I have seen it in men. Also some will take physical action to satisfy this lack of self control with revenge for a dose of feel good.

Saying women are stronger emotionally I think you have stepped on a claymore. lol

BQ

BQ, respecting the fact that you have 1 year's more experience than I do, I do not think that I have stepped into anything! If at all, I hope into a heated debate!
Yes, women phone their friends and they get together at home to talk things over. Men, on the other hand, as you said, drink beer. They might or might not phone a friend to meet them in a bar, point is: they head straight to the bar! Then they bore the poor bartendender with their stories of woe, or some other stranger propping up the bar, or; the absolute ultimate: they try to score a one night stand with any one who is too drunk/desperate to be really willing! But what the heck, "the ex was a slut, so .... "
Now, put that in your pipe ,,,,

PS This is my personal as well as observed experience. I would love to change my view!


GrapesOfGoodHope,

Saying "BQ, respecting the fact that you have 1 year's more experience than I do " you sounded very sweet, thanks..

You gave a well seasoned response, I guess I have been out of those realm of experiences for some 28 years, you gave a good observation and one I had quite forgotten as I don't frequent bars so I was re-enlightened with your comment. It was sure good to know my christian walk has been progressive and walking the good path and staying out of bars and skid row areas lol..

I am aware these things goes in both genders but saying women are emotionly the strongest was something I had to add my 2 cents ..lol..

BQ



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Posted on Sat, Feb 11, 2006 05:32

GrapesOfGoodHope write:
I'm too tipsy to read through the whole blah blah, but since Goodlife, Devoted, BQ and Ready posted, I trust that many a thruth was spoken. At the end of the day I say: leave the men to their mid-life crisises, us women have them too! And of course we cope better, and so we should; we are after all the emotionally stronger sex. But everyone has the right to have a mid-life crisis! After all, it is a passing phase ...


GrapesOfGoodHope

What ??? stronger emotionally..Holy Smoke when did you discover that? When a woman has a problem or she is under stress the first few things she does is phone her friends to talk about it or makes a big thing out of nothing " like a drama play " depending on the situation, a man will mostly sit down and think about it, some will have a beer,watch T.V.,go for a ride or have a smoke..that is strong emotionally..strong emotion don't go in a flare and out of control emotional trauma that you have to talk about what is bothering you..strong emotion is a person who can collectively refers to his intellect and make sense of the situation and gain back self control over his or her soul.

While the emotionally weaker one can't do it and needs a fix of chatting to bring back those emotion under the intellectual control again and gain his or her peace collectively ..works for both gender though as I have seen it in men. Also some will take physical action to satisfy this lack of self control with revenge for a dose of feel good.

Saying women are stronger emotionally I think you have stepped on a claymore. lol

BQ



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Posted on Thu, Feb 09, 2006 21:36

GeminiDi write:

weelassy1 write:

GrapesOfGoodHope write:
I'm too tipsy to read through the whole blah blah, but since Goodlife, Devoted, BQ and Ready posted, I trust that many a thruth was spoken. At the end of the day I say: leave the men to their mid-life crisises, us women have them too! And of course we cope better, and so we should; we are after all the emotionally stronger sex. But everyone has the right to have a mid-life crisis! After all, it is a passing phase ...

Lol...could not have said that better My Grapesofgoodhope...Or maybe I could of added more however HICCUP HICCUP...The brews are slowing me down...lol



LOL weelassy.

Did you drink Bob under the table? Poor Bob.

Bobbie Boy is still trying to get me to tie one on...Poor wee Lad. He will never WIN as he is nothing but talk (he loves to hear his own voice)

SLUUURPPPPPP>>>>>>HICCUP

  


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Posted on Thu, Feb 09, 2006 11:57

GrapesOfGoodHope write:
I'm too tipsy to read through the whole blah blah, but since Goodlife, Devoted, BQ and Ready posted, I trust that many a thruth was spoken. At the end of the day I say: leave the men to their mid-life crisises, us women have them too! And of course we cope better, and so we should; we are after all the emotionally stronger sex. But everyone has the right to have a mid-life crisis! After all, it is a passing phase ...

Lol...could not have said that better My Grapesofgoodhope...Or maybe I could of added more however HICCUP HICCUP...The brews are slowing me down...lol

  


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Posted on Sun, Feb 05, 2006 17:10

GrapesOfGoodHope write:
I'm too tipsy to read through the whole blah blah, but since Goodlife, Devoted, BQ and Ready posted, I trust that many a thruth was spoken. At the end of the day I say: leave the men to their mid-life crisises, us women have them too! And of course we cope better, and so we should; we are after all the emotionally stronger sex. But everyone has the right to have a mid-life crisis! After all, it is a passing phase ...


Oh my Hope, you are the cause of my mid-life crisis! How can I make it through another day without you?

Oh wait that phase just passed! - Love Ya Way To Much. LMAO.

-D.

  


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Posted on Sun, Feb 05, 2006 16:26

beautynbrains4u write:
Well this 40+ woman has got all the bases covered....prozac for my depression, I don't have to worry about my bio clock ticking being that I'm post menopausal, but you needn't worry, I've got black cohash to take care of my hot flashes and 10 kids to share should you be interested in having any! I've completed anger management courses and even passed it on my 5th go around!! I have an oversized rucksack in which to carry my own baggage...yes siree I'm good to go!


You sound like a dream come true.



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Posted on Fri, Feb 03, 2006 11:05

thegoodlife421 write:
Hey, bitter, grumpy men are a drag too!

It's hard NOT to be bitter as a 40+ year old woman in this society, given the way women are treated when we're no longer nubile.

And I'm talking about more than just dating; I'm talking about finding (and keeping) a job, getting a good table in a restaurant or even just hailing a cab. At a certain point older women become invisible.

So, men: It's really, really ANNOYING to find that our worth in society hinges solely upon our percieved worth as sex objects - - and DOUBLY ANNOYING when we figure it out years too late to do anything about it.

Still, DWBs (for both genders) should be against the law (Dating While Bitter). If you're bitter, folks, don't date! Get a pet. Heck, get two. And some friend, lots of friends, until you're happy again. Because bitter people only find other bitter people to date, with predictable consequences.


thegoodlife,

You sound a tad depresseed, is everything going well with you ?

You wrote "At a certain point older women become invisible." I don't agree with this..I think it all depends on your attitude. As much as men.

You wrote "So, men: It's really, really ANNOYING to find that our worth in society hinges solely upon our percieved worth as sex objects"

Nah ! nah ! wrong perception..it is not true ..perceived perception for many males is the company of an intelligent,interesting, well conversed,responsible and beautiful female over only a sex object...what happens when the sex is stagnant not because you aren't attractive and sexy but because it is the way nature works after being together for some time, especially after the 5 years zone, your brain chemicals changes after the 3rd year in a relationship and some it is up to 5 years average. Science has proven it.

You still enjoy each other companny because you can talk about this and that..laugh around do things together,walk,swim.horseback riding and the various activities..all our life is not only a hanky panky ride in bed, if you believe that then I think you have been hanging out with the wrong type of people or areas..there is much more value to a woman than only her sex organs and tingling ding ding around.

Lack of experience produces greater bitterness for the soul as well as a lack of forgiveness.

BQ



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