Real Talk: Are You Afraid Of Being Alone? Long Term Relationship

  • View author's info posted on Aug 07, 2006 at 16:18


    I actually love having my space. I have been single for 8 1/2 years now and am such an incredibly independent woman. I don't need someone in my life all the time to make me feel secure. I have been able to hang with the guys at the local sports bar or out in NYC at the NETS games. Things I enjoy. Having 3 brothers and being raised around sports landed me a great deal of friendships with the opposite sex and we have a blast. There is no pressure to be anything other then who you are. That is awesome. Not too mention you can hang with life long friends and no man is going to get jealous and flip out. If I am feeling lonely some night and want the pleasure of adult company all I have to do is call. If we are both single, there is one that I am very close with but don't date but at times we curl up and watch a movie or the game. Just depends. Neither of us have ever over stepped our boundaries though and have kept it very platonic, which has made it great for both us.

    Being alone isn't so bad. We are conditioned, though, not to be, which makes it rather stressing for some. I guess part of it for me is that I don't ever want to have to be dependent on someone else. Yes, have someone to love and cherish and I would surely die from a broken heart when I'm 90 and they pass away, but I like being self reliant and sufficient.
  • View author's info posted on Jun 20, 2006 at 16:05


    I know I was very, very fortunate.
    I have experienced love that will carry me through for the rest of my life, two times: from my dear late Mother and my dear late Wife.
    I have lost both: my dear Mother in September 2001 (from ALS and MRSA), and my dear Wife in February 2004, (from metastasis of inflammatory breast cancer, she fought bravely for over 3 years).
    I know I did my best to take care of them till the end.

    It has been over 2 years that my dear Wife passed away.
    I feel emotionally ready to start venturing back into the world of dating.
    I know that it can be a bumpy road, and I don?t know if I?ll be lucky enough to find another Soul Mate.
    However, I feel optimistic that there is a nice, caring, loyal, intelligent, active, attractive, professional woman with integrity to share a new life.
    Until then I am not afraid, as I have experienced love that will carry me through for the rest of my life.

    What I am afraid of is who will advocate for my well being when I am sick and/or old.
    We married late and we had no children.
    After taking care of my Mother, Wife, wife?s Godmother (d. April 2005), Mother-in-Law (86), and Father-in-Law (91), I know how much time and effort it takes to advocate for their needs to be met.

    I am not a very religious person, however, I have found the following very helpful:
    ****************************************
    God grant me:
    The serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
    The courage to change the things I can; and
    The wisdom to know the difference.
    ****************************************
  • View author's info posted on Jun 19, 2006 at 22:03


    robtest write:
    katiegrlK2B write:

    I've never been loved like that and I want it so bad I can taste it. The only person I love that much is my daughter. Other than my girl, I'm alone. Although I'm not afraid of my singular status, I'm still very reluctant to waste one more day of my life not loving a man who loves me back. Life is too short, and every hour that passes where I'm alone is weeks worth of love not shared.


    Certainly, unconditional love is extremely hard to find, but it is never wasted and comes from a bottomless pool. When you do find the right one, you have the rest of forever to live it... Until then, share your inner light freely, and if it is not returned, move along... It is a hard road, but life is much too short to settle.


    Thanks Robbie. You answered a very important question that's been plaguing me lately. Go figure ...
    out of the mouths of babes!

    (and I don't mean toddlers) :D
  • View author's info posted on Jun 16, 2006 at 09:27


    katiegrlK2B write:

    I've never been loved like that and I want it so bad I can taste it. The only person I love that much is my daughter. Other than my girl, I'm alone. Although I'm not afraid of my singular status, I'm still very reluctant to waste one more day of my life not loving a man who loves me back. Life is too short, and every hour that passes where I'm alone is weeks worth of love not shared.


    Certainly, unconditional love is extremely hard to find, but it is never wasted and comes from a bottomless pool. When you do find the right one, you have the rest of forever to live it... Until then, share your inner light freely, and if it is not returned, move along... It is a hard road, but life is much too short to settle.
  • View author's info posted on Jun 16, 2006 at 01:58


    mahoganyangel write:
    I overheard this discussion on the train between two people last week, where two women were discussing being alone, dating, etc.

    One woman said, "Me being a widow, I'm not so much afraid of being alone because I have my children and grandchildren. My husband's love was so deep for me and there was never a doubt in my mind how deep his love was. If his love was a ocean I could sail forever, If his love were money I would be the richest women in the world, If his love was life I would live forever...I am the luckiest person in the world to have been loved so much by one person yet sometimes the saddest person because I can never again tell him how much I love him & thank him for loving me..."
    She went on to say, " ...the love I recieved from my late husband will be enough to carry me on throughout my life! I may seek companionship yes, but probably not another love like the one I once had..."


    I dwelt on that woman's words for the remainder of my train ride. I'd like to know how many of you have experienced a love that will carry you through for the rest of your life and are now looking for companionship?


    I've never been loved like that and I want it so bad I can taste it. The only person I love that much is my daughter. Other than my girl, I'm alone. Although I'm not afraid of my singular status, I'm still very reluctant to waste one more day of my life not loving a man who loves me back. Life is too short, and every hour that passes where I'm alone is weeks worth of love not shared.
  • View author's info posted on Jun 15, 2006 at 09:10


    ..........CRY..............
    grama, she always saw the good in me,
    even when i was bad, she just let me be,
    and grampa always looked at her with love, and spoke so kind,
    one fine son, my daddy,
    taught me to speak my mind,
    and a grandgirl and a grandson,
    to them i did tide,
    i did the best by them,
    oh god you know i tried,
    now i hold the keys
    to the family memories,
    but everyone's gone now,
    and all i do is cry

    I live in the house
    that grampa built in '42,
    i keep daddy's boat shinin'
    just like it was new,
    my baby girl's grown now,
    i'm scared she's just like me'
    i can't believe that little boy,
    he's taller than a tree,
    and i havent seen true love,
    even new love has died,
    no one to wipe the tears from my eyes,
    life passed so quickly,
    no chance to say goodbye
    everyone's gone now, and all i do is cry

    all i do is cry, i catch my reflection,
    can't hide the pain in my eyes,
    i wear grama's ring
    i can still see her smile, but everyone's gone now, and all i do is cry.

    no one to hold me,
    no one and only,
    i sit here lonely,
    and all i do is cry.

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  • View author's info posted on Jun 14, 2006 at 20:57


    beautynbrains4u write:
    I'm not afraid of being alone, I am. What I'm afraid of is becoming accustomed to being alone.


    Ditto!!!

    I can always find things to do, and friends to do things with filling up my day, or week. Therefore, I am only alone when I choose to be. Mind you I still have my 17 yr daughter living with me, so I'm not truly alone yet! That will change in 2 months. I'll miss her dearly, but I will fill my days.

    But yes, getting used to being alone, as in 'single', is something I don't want to happen to me. Good point BnB.
  • View author's info posted on Jun 14, 2006 at 09:17


    I walk around in the dark at night,
    I dont even turn on a light.
    I have become comfortable being alone...
    but my heart aches for my only one.
  • View author's info posted on Jun 14, 2006 at 07:58


    I think loneliness affects us all, this is particularly true the older one gets, kids grew up and move away, parents die, and suddenly you've become a loner. the conversation that was overheard was a wonderful tribute to her late and obviously great husband , very touching, those feeling will never be lost, but in truth , how many of us want to live the rest of our lives alone feeding of those memories, i think not many.
    This subject is very very , close to my heart. My new sweetheart went thro' watching her dear husband die slowly from a very nasty cancer over many years, she had a very happy marriage, but feels she cant stay in a box for the rest of her days, she,s a vivacious, fun loving, sweet natured girl, full of life and vitality.
    She has done her grieving. i said to her, you have lived one life, its like a good book. Close it now , put it on the shelf of memories, and start a new good book, hopefully to be filled with love and fond memories, true friendship, respect and decency. With tenderness and caring from both of us, we hope this will evolve
  • View author's info posted on Apr 07, 2006 at 19:34


    I'm not afraid of being alone ( I have a good alarm system in my house lol I love to joke)

    Yes, I have loved before and it will not carry with me for the rest of my life-because I'm not in love with them anymore!!
    I care about them-meaning that I wish them the best in their journey, regardless of what ever obstacles happened>> I am looking for companionship for the reasons that I want to start fresh and share quality time with that to be significant other, I move on and I personally think that the past forever will be.
    I am the love of my life.
  • View author's info posted on Apr 03, 2006 at 16:13


    Yes, I am very afraid of being alone. I have been loved by a wonderful man that I had met after a very painful and hurtful marriage...He loved me as no other before or since, we were engaged to be married only after 10 months and he died of a heartattack...
    So, once again, I am alone, afraid, that I will never find another to love me as he...I am ready for love, I have such a big heart, I want to loved and be loved....I am your classic Cinderella Story, I don't have a lot of worldly goods, all I have is myself, my heart, and my soul.
    I love faithfully and forever. I love life and doing all kinds of things, I can only hope that my heart does not get played with.

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  • View author's info posted on Dec 20, 2005 at 06:21


    Only if I had a mirror.
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