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Finding True Love and Being a Single Parent
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Posted on Wed, Feb 02, 2005 12:35

Justaguywithoutaclue, You didn't offend me in YOUR so called advice, it was the bashing of women and myself who have thier own opinions an experiences. Im 39 yrs old, i know the KIND of guy im looking for an who to stay away from, if i don't...then i must need Therapy.... I also know plenty of men who have never been married with no kids, who in fact married a gal with several of her own. It does work, but it takes a very special man to do so.

007~.....anyone can work hard an have money & "things"....but i SO admire men who are raising kids...thats the toughest job in the ENTIRE world.....It says alot about you and your character.......thanxx SO much for posting an letting we women know that there are Special men in the world who do have clue!!!

Kisses & other fun stuff~
Laina-

  


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Posted on Tue, Feb 01, 2005 15:25

Believe it or not there are men in the same situation raising kids as a single parent. So be it there are few. I happen to be in the few. I'm finding that it is difficult meeting women my age that are attractive , not already married, or have heavy baggage. I would like to meet a woman with or without kids. Does not matter. What matters is if they accept me and my two daughters(4 and 5) into their lives. Would be nice to share our lives with a nice,sincere and attractive woman who we all can grow with. The original poster and I have almost identical scenario/situation and feelings toward this except we are of the opposite sex.



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Posted on Tue, Feb 01, 2005 12:13

VirginiaGirlie seems to be the only one that understood what I was writing. She specifically stated: "the secret is to NOT date these men..so-called men..that have never experienced the true joy of children". We have chosen not to experience that joy, rather we've chosen other joys. Did anyone bother to understand what I said or implied. I said MOST men over 35 who have never been married (and have chosen not to get married) and do not have children are more likely going to be more difficult to date and fall in love with than someone over 35 and is the opposite. I'm surprised that so many people became offended by that. You ladies criticize single men for never venturing into the world of marriage or children. That's a choice. To those I offended, I apolgize. But to those with thin skin, you need to absorb some advice sometimes before allowing your defenses to lash out and realize that there are others out there that don't live (or have lived) life as you do. And I must add, that there are a lot of women over 35 who don't desire marriage or children as well. It's funny, because when you hear of a woman that age never having had married, it's because "she's not going to settle", but with a man, it's "what's wrong with him."



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Posted on Tue, Feb 01, 2005 11:54

PPS - And I may get blasted for this...but I think MOTHERS have more to offer men than women without kids. I would elaborate, but I don't want any ticked off women......:-)

  


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Posted on Tue, Feb 01, 2005 11:46

Ladies...... thank you for the support and compliments! The main reason I am still on this site is because of wonderful women such as you.....oh, and to post in the forums - it's just so much fun!! ;-)

SpeedDallas.....thanks for proving my point! You seem like a great guy and will have good luck on the site.

YES, my kids are parented well. I think that's key in a new potential step-parent relationship. They are extremely well-behaved because they are extremely LOVED by my Ex and I. My Ex and I are co-parenting well and in fact, are still friends... (95% of the time ;-) It certainly helps that my kids are 9, 5, almost 4, and 2. So they are young enough to still be flexible in regard to a new partner. In fact, they LOVE my boyfriend and ask about him all the time. :-) And in turn, he loves them too.....that's essential.

PS - In regard to kids and dating: my policy is that no one meets my kids. This man is the only one they have met because it's a serious relationship. I don't want traffic in my kid' lives....it just confuses them more! ;-)

  


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Posted on Mon, Jan 31, 2005 17:21

I'm new to this site and perhaps I'm on the different side, but if the kids are well parented and the father is cool, I love women with kids. At 42 I'm late to the parenting game and it gives me a head start. Especially if the kids are young(under 10) and the situation is right, if things are right between me and my partner it can be like an instant family. Sure, some ifs there, but where aren't there some.



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Posted on Mon, Jan 31, 2005 16:23

1hotmomma~
Ohh guys like that don't bother me...what bothers me is the fact that he feels the need to put others down to make himself look good...when he in fact has no clue about me or any of these women an their lives.....Just plain ole meaness..lol.....

Anyhow, thanxx for the compliment....Your quite gorgeous yourself...none of these women will have problems finding someone...it just takes Time an Patience.....and "BE PARTICULAR"...hehe....

Huggs~
Laina-



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Posted on Mon, Jan 31, 2005 13:00

JUSTAFUNGUY has a looong way to go girlfriends...I raise my munchkins on my own and still meet wonderful men....the secret is to NOT date these men..so-called men..that have never experienced the true joy of children ..such as the case of JUSTAFUNGUY...lol...Laina and Cassandra I cen understand your lifestyles..here to chat anytime...

  


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Posted on Mon, Jan 31, 2005 08:50

NOTSOFUNAGUY!Whoops that needs to be your new name. I disagreed with EVERYTHING you said. 1 HM is very right in her determination of you. You are single,over 35 and no children. Sounds like those TV Dr.'s giving advice on kids and marriage when they are single with no kids. Such SOUND advice. That sounds like your opinion on parents with children so you need to stick to those single no kid women. You are advising on a topic without any knowledge except from men who probably have an axe to grind. It would be like me having a political debate with some governor or senator. Way out of my league and they would just tell me i was full of s*** not knowing what the hell i was talking about. And they would be dead on!!!
There are alot of men who would have a relationship with Moms with kids. What breaks that relationship is if at some point those kids can not accept him in her life and become friends with him. Then it will not survive. On this one the kids are the catalyst which will make it or break it. Lots of "Stepdads" running around. So you need to quit insulting all of these "ladies" as you basically just piss them off without saying anything knowledgable......

And BD as far as your situation as i understand it. You are saying this man gives your son the male figure he needs in his life.Yes But he is getting on your nerves.Yes? Well you just need to weigh the importance. Maybe he can see him away from you. Or take him out. If he has to stick close to home then sit him down and say something to the effect of i want you in his life. He wants you in his life. But i do not want you in mine. When you are through your time here then you need to leave. Our time is over and so either abide by my decision or maybe we need to rethink this visiting right. It a suggestion with many variations but hopefully you might find something worth using...S4U

  


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Posted on Sun, Jan 30, 2005 17:55

Laina - Don't listen to the close minded NOTFUNGUY....you are a beautiful woman and I didn't see any of what he concluded in your post....he is bitter because he is so damned ugly and that no one has wanted him yet! He is the kind of small man that would NEVER say these things in person for fear of getting the sh*t kicked out of him by a woman! :-)

I loved your post ;-) I think you are hilarious!
-Cassandra

  


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Posted on Sun, Jan 30, 2005 17:26

Justfunguy?? I think not! :-) I agree with the other lady about changing you screen name! Now for what you said that I want to comment on:

"Men over the age of 35 who have never had children or have never been married is going to be an extremely difficult catch. Nearly, impossible. If you divorced women over 30 with children want a stable man with money, look for a many over 30 who's 1) divorced and 2) has his own children. A man who has chosen to be single up to and beyond 35 is not looking for a long term relationship. TRUST me on that. You're wasting your time if you want to grow old with him. Now, if you want to have a fling and some fun, that'll happen. That's most likely what's happening to 1hotmama." -end of your moronic quote

You have the complete wrong impression of me mister! Then again, you don't know a single thing about me. No long term relationships in my life? Wrong! Get ready to be surprised.....!! Long term relationships are all I have had....I just recently ended a 13 year marriage; we separated last May.....I had been having A LOT of fun dating many different men. Most of which wanted a relationship that I was not ready for at the time.

That changed 5 months ago when I met a man, from this site no less. :-) Exactly the kind you described would NOT want to be with someone like me, and we have been happily in a relationship ever since. :-) He is 38, single never married, with no kids of his own, extremely successful in business; yet he loves me and wants to be with me. Hmmmm so much for your theory....we even discuss marriage because HE is ready to get married. Doesn't that just blow your simple mind?? Impossible to catch? I think not, how ridiculous that you would even say that!! Just a month long playtoy? Hardly! We are highly compatible and have a huge amount of fun together. This relationship has EXCELLENT potential for growing old together.

FY I- I absolutely LOVE long term relationships, but my point to the women on this site is that they need to 'date around' before really KNOWING what they want in a long-term partner or before settling down with someone. Your theory is without merit and there are men out there that want to be with single mothers. Especially the ones that concentrated their lives on growing successful businesses and didn't stop to settle down, so to speak. Find out the facts before you start spewing out crap.....the women that you so thoughtlessly trashed are all wonderful women and I personally know some of them. Go crawl back under the rock from which you have ventured.....no one cares about your factless opinion. Beside the fact that you are single, never married (and not very attractive I might say) and have no children; so why are you on here posting about single mothers anyway?? Go to some other forum for: Men over 35 NOT LOOKING for a relationship.
Out of the horses' azz' mouth....."A man who has chosen to be single up to and beyond 35 is not looking for a long term relationship." I believe you fit into that pathetic category....but don't drag other decent men down with you by generalizing. I can see why it is that you are still single in the first place and thanks to your thoughtless post, so can many other women!! :-)

  


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Posted on Fri, Jan 28, 2005 08:00

wow, justfunguy, I really liked what you said, :)

  


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Posted on Fri, Jan 28, 2005 07:32

Ummm Justafunguy....whatever gave you THAT conclusion?....I have MY opinion an entitled to it yes?.....Ive met plenty of great guys, just none that work for me.....AND furthermore, there are plenty of guys who don't want a gal with kids.....there are a Billion people in this world with a Billion differnet opinions.....and i have one of them....
Suggestion: Get your head out of your azz an wake up to the real World.....AND change your Nickname to Justaguywhodoesnthaveaclue!!!!!
Kisses from a HUGE distance~~
Laina-

One more thing daaalin....Your 37 never been married NO kids....and your posting a comment on Single Parents?....AND bashing womens opinions an experiences about it?......hmmmm...your quite an handsome guy seemingly with a bit of sense.....Stop making a Dumbazz of yourself daaalin!!!!!

  


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Posted on Tue, Jan 25, 2005 16:32

Well, I 've read all of the comments and agree and understand some and am confused by some.

First of all, EuropeanQT; you're an idiot. To say that that children belong to their mothers is most absurd. I don't have children, but I've been around many male friends (married and divorced) who believe their children are their world. They look forward to their weekends and the time they spend with them. Sure there are some deadbeat dads but there are deadbeat moms as well. And if you're just worried about having "plastic" in your hand at all times, then good luck finding anything meaningful.

1HotMamma, I hate to say this, but it's very clear why men have no problem dating you even though you have children. I would be surprised if you've had very many long lasting relationships. I've read many of your posts and have a clear picture of you behavior. Substance is very vital for long term relationships. Doesn't seem like you want one. And being sexy and doing what you do is not a definition of substance.

Micoma, I don't quite understand why you would want to adopt an 18 year old. I may be missing something. Why not just be a good father figure and role model?

Babydol, I hear what you are saying and it seems that you may be a little envious of the relationship. It didn't work you, but it's working for your son. Or are you afraid that if this male role model sticks around, he'll ruin future relationships for you. If this man is building a relationship with your son to get to you, then I agree, end it. But if he truly and genuinely enjoys your son's company and your son enjoys his, then why ruin it. That's pretty selfish. You can always be friends with an ex. boyfriend. But after 8.5 years, it may be tough, so I can see where you're coming from.

BodyByVic, let me tell you something. Perfection is very subjective, not at all objective. You're already mentally predisposed to meeting a bad man. Hell, you think their all bad before you meet them. Give people a chance and don't take a microscope with you on your dates. Enjoy someone's company and I think you'll see that there are a lot of good men out there. You have to rid yourself of that gray cloud.

Now, as far as men wanting or not wanting to date women with children. Here's is what I think women should realize. The older grows with never having children is more likely to influence his decision desire being with a woman with no children. And the same goes for marriage. Men over the age of 35 who have never had children or have never been married is going to be an extremely difficult catch. Nearly, impossible. If you divorced women over 30 with children want a stable man with money, look for a many over 30 who's 1) divorced and 2) has his own children. A man who has chosen to be single up to and beyond 35 is not looking for a long term relationship. TRUST me on that. You're wasting your time if you want to grow old with him. Now, if you want to have a fling and some fun, that'll happen. That's most likely what's happening to 1hotmama. So, don't get emotionally upset if you find a nice looking, financially stable 35+ year old man who may date you a month and then end it. Look for men with children who have been married.



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Posted on Mon, Jan 24, 2005 20:27

I say children belong with their mother.

Okay, okay! Maybe the father can see them like one weekend a month. I guess it's good for the kids. But he better give me the Platinum plastic and send me to a spa in La Jolla that weekend...

  


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Posted on Sun, Jan 23, 2005 23:32

We have all been bitten
by the mystery of Virtual Places
Love was discovered...
Friends were found...
But most of all
To everyone of us
Memories were bound...

How you choose
To grow these memories
Will separate
The light from the dark
For if you let love
Walk inside
It will waltz forever
Within your heart...



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Posted on Sun, Jan 23, 2005 08:19

I am glad there is still hope for us single mothers. I haven't given up finding someone yet!



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Posted on Fri, Jan 21, 2005 18:10

No man prefers that she has children. It usually means a forever interaction with her ex and a lot of work. But it is not a show stopper. It really depends on how you handle it. When a women starts off declaring that her kids come first, I'm outta there, I smell trouble. Others I have dated and scarcely knew she had children. The key to remember is that he is interested in you, and the idea of being the man in someone else's family is not very appealing.

If you get serious with the man, which should be the only circumstance he would ever come in contact with the kids anyway, he will eventually grow to love them just as much as you and they will become a draw instead of a minus.

I dated a woman for many years and after we stopped being lovers, I actually declared myself the father of her child just because I wanted that relationship with the child even though not mine by blood. So in my case the child, not biologically mine, is a draw.. But it took time.



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Posted on Thu, Jan 20, 2005 08:43

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THERES HOPE! THANK YOU:)

~new single mommy



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Posted on Wed, Jan 19, 2005 00:20

Keep your hopes up even with small children! I have 4 small kids, 9, 5, 3, & 2 and have had no problems in the dating arena! I have been really surprised at the amount and quality of men that have still wanted to date me. Even those with none of their own.....times have changed. The trick is to not search them out, I only let the men find me, that way if they email me....I know that they know I have 4 kids and were still interested enough to email.

Best of all, just have fun with it! Men love to be around women that are strong, confident and sexy! Don't be afraid to be sexy just because you are a mom! :-)

Good luck!!