Justaguywithoutaclue, You didn't offend me in YOUR so called advice, it was the bashing of women and myself who have thier own opinions an experiences. Im 39 yrs old, i know the KIND of guy im looking for an who to stay away from, if i don't...then i must need Therapy.... I also know plenty of men who have never been married with no kids, who in fact married a gal with several of her own. It does work, but it takes a very special man to do so.
007~.....anyone can work hard an have money & "things"....but i SO admire men who are raising kids...thats the toughest job in the ENTIRE world.....It says alot about you and your character.......thanxx SO much for posting an letting we women know that there are Special men in the world who do have clue!!!
Believe it or not there are men in the same situation raising kids as a single parent. So be it there are few. I happen to be in the few. I'm finding that it is difficult meeting women my age that are attractive , not already married, or have heavy baggage. I would like to meet a woman with or without kids. Does not matter. What matters is if they accept me and my two daughters(4 and 5) into their lives. Would be nice to share our lives with a nice,sincere and attractive woman who we all can grow with. The original poster and I have almost identical scenario/situation and feelings toward this except we are of the opposite sex.
VirginiaGirlie seems to be the only one that understood what I was writing. She specifically stated: "the secret is to NOT date these men..so-called men..that have never experienced the true joy of children". We have chosen not to experience that joy, rather we've chosen other joys. Did anyone bother to understand what I said or implied. I said MOST men over 35 who have never been married (and have chosen not to get married) and do not have children are more likely going to be more difficult to date and fall in love with than someone over 35 and is the opposite. I'm surprised that so many people became offended by that. You ladies criticize single men for never venturing into the world of marriage or children. That's a choice. To those I offended, I apolgize. But to those with thin skin, you need to absorb some advice sometimes before allowing your defenses to lash out and realize that there are others out there that don't live (or have lived) life as you do. And I must add, that there are a lot of women over 35 who don't desire marriage or children as well. It's funny, because when you hear of a woman that age never having had married, it's because "she's not going to settle", but with a man, it's "what's wrong with him."
I'm new to this site and perhaps I'm on the different side, but if the kids are well parented and the father is cool, I love women with kids. At 42 I'm late to the parenting game and it gives me a head start. Especially if the kids are young(under 10) and the situation is right, if things are right between me and my partner it can be like an instant family. Sure, some ifs there, but where aren't there some.
Ohh guys like that don't bother me...what bothers me is the fact that he feels the need to put others down to make himself look good...when he in fact has no clue about me or any of these women an their lives.....Just plain ole meaness..lol.....
Anyhow, thanxx for the compliment....Your quite gorgeous yourself...none of these women will have problems finding someone...it just takes Time an Patience.....and "BE PARTICULAR"...hehe....
JUSTAFUNGUY has a looong way to go girlfriends...I raise my munchkins on my own and still meet wonderful men....the secret is to NOT date these men..so-called men..that have never experienced the true joy of children ..such as the case of JUSTAFUNGUY...lol...Laina and Cassandra I cen understand your lifestyles..here to chat anytime...
NOTSOFUNAGUY!Whoops that needs to be your new name. I disagreed with EVERYTHING you said. 1 HM is very right in her determination of you. You are single,over 35 and no children. Sounds like those TV Dr.'s giving advice on kids and marriage when they are single with no kids. Such SOUND advice. That sounds like your opinion on parents with children so you need to stick to those single no kid women. You are advising on a topic without any knowledge except from men who probably have an axe to grind. It would be like me having a political debate with some governor or senator. Way out of my league and they would just tell me i was full of s*** not knowing what the hell i was talking about. And they would be dead on!!!
There are alot of men who would have a relationship with Moms with kids. What breaks that relationship is if at some point those kids can not accept him in her life and become friends with him. Then it will not survive. On this one the kids are the catalyst which will make it or break it. Lots of "Stepdads" running around. So you need to quit insulting all of these "ladies" as you basically just piss them off without saying anything knowledgable......
And BD as far as your situation as i understand it. You are saying this man gives your son the male figure he needs in his life.Yes But he is getting on your nerves.Yes? Well you just need to weigh the importance. Maybe he can see him away from you. Or take him out. If he has to stick close to home then sit him down and say something to the effect of i want you in his life. He wants you in his life. But i do not want you in mine. When you are through your time here then you need to leave. Our time is over and so either abide by my decision or maybe we need to rethink this visiting right. It a suggestion with many variations but hopefully you might find something worth using...S4U
Ummm Justafunguy....whatever gave you THAT conclusion?....I have MY opinion an entitled to it yes?.....Ive met plenty of great guys, just none that work for me.....AND furthermore, there are plenty of guys who don't want a gal with kids.....there are a Billion people in this world with a Billion differnet opinions.....and i have one of them....
Suggestion: Get your head out of your azz an wake up to the real World.....AND change your Nickname to Justaguywhodoesnthaveaclue!!!!!
Kisses from a HUGE distance~~
One more thing daaalin....Your 37 never been married NO kids....and your posting a comment on Single Parents?....AND bashing womens opinions an experiences about it?......hmmmm...your quite an handsome guy seemingly with a bit of sense.....Stop making a Dumbazz of yourself daaalin!!!!!
Well, I 've read all of the comments and agree and understand some and am confused by some.
First of all, EuropeanQT; you're an idiot. To say that that children belong to their mothers is most absurd. I don't have children, but I've been around many male friends (married and divorced) who believe their children are their world. They look forward to their weekends and the time they spend with them. Sure there are some deadbeat dads but there are deadbeat moms as well. And if you're just worried about having "plastic" in your hand at all times, then good luck finding anything meaningful.
1HotMamma, I hate to say this, but it's very clear why men have no problem dating you even though you have children. I would be surprised if you've had very many long lasting relationships. I've read many of your posts and have a clear picture of you behavior. Substance is very vital for long term relationships. Doesn't seem like you want one. And being sexy and doing what you do is not a definition of substance.
Micoma, I don't quite understand why you would want to adopt an 18 year old. I may be missing something. Why not just be a good father figure and role model?
Babydol, I hear what you are saying and it seems that you may be a little envious of the relationship. It didn't work you, but it's working for your son. Or are you afraid that if this male role model sticks around, he'll ruin future relationships for you. If this man is building a relationship with your son to get to you, then I agree, end it. But if he truly and genuinely enjoys your son's company and your son enjoys his, then why ruin it. That's pretty selfish. You can always be friends with an ex. boyfriend. But after 8.5 years, it may be tough, so I can see where you're coming from.
BodyByVic, let me tell you something. Perfection is very subjective, not at all objective. You're already mentally predisposed to meeting a bad man. Hell, you think their all bad before you meet them. Give people a chance and don't take a microscope with you on your dates. Enjoy someone's company and I think you'll see that there are a lot of good men out there. You have to rid yourself of that gray cloud.
Now, as far as men wanting or not wanting to date women with children. Here's is what I think women should realize. The older grows with never having children is more likely to influence his decision desire being with a woman with no children. And the same goes for marriage. Men over the age of 35 who have never had children or have never been married is going to be an extremely difficult catch. Nearly, impossible. If you divorced women over 30 with children want a stable man with money, look for a many over 30 who's 1) divorced and 2) has his own children. A man who has chosen to be single up to and beyond 35 is not looking for a long term relationship. TRUST me on that. You're wasting your time if you want to grow old with him. Now, if you want to have a fling and some fun, that'll happen. That's most likely what's happening to 1hotmama. So, don't get emotionally upset if you find a nice looking, financially stable 35+ year old man who may date you a month and then end it. Look for men with children who have been married.
No man prefers that she has children. It usually means a forever interaction with her ex and a lot of work. But it is not a show stopper. It really depends on how you handle it. When a women starts off declaring that her kids come first, I'm outta there, I smell trouble. Others I have dated and scarcely knew she had children. The key to remember is that he is interested in you, and the idea of being the man in someone else's family is not very appealing.
If you get serious with the man, which should be the only circumstance he would ever come in contact with the kids anyway, he will eventually grow to love them just as much as you and they will become a draw instead of a minus.
I dated a woman for many years and after we stopped being lovers, I actually declared myself the father of her child just because I wanted that relationship with the child even though not mine by blood. So in my case the child, not biologically mine, is a draw.. But it took time.
I was going to adopt the oldest because she was 18 and didn't need consent of her father (who was in prison) and unlikely to give consent. The grandparents were very involved and because I didn't have any children I wanted to officially make her part of my family. I probably would have done the same for the other two if the marriage had lasted. Yes I know I might be missing out on that special person. But I have to be true to myself and I don't want to raise children. Being a granddad would be cool though.
While I completely understand and respect what you are saying micoma don't you wonder if maybe you could be missing out on someone really special. Everyone has a past and we come out of our pasts with different " baggage ". Some of us have kids, others have emotional scars, others have wonderful memories and good friends, and some have it all but either way we all have something we bring with us into the future. Are you being fair to yourself or the person who may be " the one " not even giving yourselves a chance just to aviod what MIGHT happen. I just think it is hard choice to make either way. But it would be a shame if you missed out on a wonderful forever because you were concerned about something that may not happen.
I would prefer someone without young children. Why? Because my ex had three girls (4, 7, 12) when I married her. I was even talking with the oldest about adopting her. When we got divorced the kids divorced me as well. Maybe my fault, maybe not. Point is I don't want to go through it again.
Not to worry there are men out there that will actually like you for you and accept your children. After all alot of them have children of there own that come home for the weekend. We would have to respect that so why not them ours.
I myself have 4. 2 are grown and on there own but still have 2 left. I have been chatting with a wonderful man lately and it doesn't bother him at all that I have kids at home. We all have to remember that if all goes right we will still be together long after the kids are gone. And then we will miss them when they're gone.
I know exactly what youare saying.My kids are 4 & 2 and I love them to bits but I must admit there are times when I put them to bed at night and as I sit there alone it feels like the silence is closing in on me. It would be nice to have someone to talk to or watch tv with or just sit there quietly and know I am not alone. That said I would rather go crazy from the silence than setle for someone I have no connection with just so I am have some company. I just want to find someone to love who loves me back, I'll worry bout everything else later!
Im 39...with 2 small children..6 & 3....Its very difficult finding someone. Not many men would take on that responsibilty, not that i blame them...lol....Not to mention that im very particular....So, I just enjoy my babies, my life, my family & friends and my business....Im not looking for a perfect man...they don't exist...just a perfect one who fits me....Many guys have come along in my life wanting me...but im not desperate an certainly not willing to settle.....What im looking for may not exist, so i'll just remain single...LOL...the only other option is to travel to Planet Zepton, where they do exist...hehe.....