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Men and ex-military women
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Posted on Sun, Dec 04, 2005 21:48

I have found it very hard to meet men. They ask about my past, and once they find out I had been in the Army, they back out of meeting me. Some have told me that there is a certain "stigma" to military women...that we are somehow "damaged goods". One man told me that the only way I will ever find a lasting relationship with a man, is to omit that part of my life from any conversations.

Another man told me that "real women" do not join the military. I'm as "real" as they come and I'm a true lady!

I'd like to know others perspectives on this.



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Posted on Wed, Dec 28, 2005 16:19

kikig write:
I have found it very hard to meet men. They ask about my past, and once they find out I had been in the Army, they back out of meeting me. Some have told me that there is a certain "stigma" to military women...that we are somehow "damaged goods". One man told me that the only way I will ever find a lasting relationship with a man, is to omit that part of my life from any conversations.

Another man told me that "real women" do not join the military. I'm as "real" as they come and I'm a true lady!

I'd like to know others perspectives on this.

"run don't walk" away from the ones who do not value any good you have done with your life.... I too have been in the military and enjoyed my time there, the adventures, the strength etc. If a man says negatives about your stint in the military then he definitely will not be able to handle a progressive woman. When you see value you in yourself then you are able to see value in others. Obviously these men can't see past there beer belly's & chauvenistic attitudes.

Humor is the best medicine & I had to laugh at the joke made earlier on taking orders - it was funny.

  


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Posted on Sun, Dec 25, 2005 08:36

I was enlisted in the Navy for one year, 1992-1993.
I was an abused child, my mom forced me to go, and I was scared, lost and confused. I did complete Basic Training, and I completed MS "A" School. Got a nice achievement letter for my top grade too. I was proud of that. I always loved cooking from when I was a young child.
Anyway, after Mess Specialist School I went to Norfolk, VA for Damage Control and Fire firefighting School. Then, I got depressed, and went AWAL. I came back, and them I had captain's Mast, and I was dishonorably discharged.
My Life since then has one of hard, hard work, I am a single mom of a 9 year-old and I worked very hard to learn skills to take care of us. Mostly Administrative skills, but, 8+ years. So Now, my son is getting older, he loves to visit his dad, and I was wondering if I would be able to re-enlist, and honor my Country and complete my tour of duty that I had sworn to back in 1992. I had such a horrible childhood, and at that time, I just wanted to be free, and going from my abusive household, to the strict, uniform ways of the military, was just a bit overwhelming for me. But I did managed to travel, and I married(now divorced) a navy guy, and we lived in Bahrain for 2 years 1994-1996 That is where my son was born. It was the best time of my life. I learned so much, and I was proud.
But, always, in the back of my mind, and in my heart, I feel, that if I would have stayed in the Navy, I would have really done well.
I was just looking for some input, and I was really happy when I saw the age limit of 35, because I am actually 32, I hope my dishonorable won't interfere with my thoughts of re-enlisting. I would like to hear from someone.

My son is visiting his dad today for Christmas, he?s all the way in VA and I am alone here in NJ. It was alright getting up this morning, just another day, but it sure is strange not having wrapping paper thrown everywhere. Makes you appreciate the small things in life.

I would really like to come into some type of officer program. I would love to be in Intelligence. I have been looking into the testing credit program, as well, due to fact that I have some accumulated college credits, from courses I have taken over the years. I believe CLEP is the test, I am speaking of.

Thank you for your time,
Sincerely,
Marie Citarella
From the South Jersey Shore Area

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Posted on Sun, Dec 25, 2005 00:02

with the risk to get yelled at: The proffession DOES change a person.
Ther eis a difference in the way millitary women behave( taht si a personal experience, i worked for a while in amillitary hospital).
BUT!
Whatever the difference is that our jobs make, they are part of who we are. Being millitary has probably made you sturdier than many , besides soemother good quilities. A bit more solid that "the REAL" women are(LOL)... so if a guy is looks for strenght, there you are right on the tarfget! The machos might be intimidated. So teh question is what YOU rae after- a macho or a baby? or?
Then you will know if you have to change what you have become being in teh Army... And after deciding if you have to change then you'll have to decide if that particular guy is worth teh effort...
And BTW, ANY job changes...no exeptions to teh rule(LOL)



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Posted on Wed, Dec 21, 2005 21:15

kikig write:
I have found it very hard to meet men. They ask about my past, and once they find out I had been in the Army, they back out of meeting me. Some have told me that there is a certain "stigma" to military women...that we are somehow "damaged goods". One man told me that the only way I will ever find a lasting relationship with a man, is to omit that part of my life from any conversations.

Another man told me that "real women" do not join the military. I'm as "real" as they come and I'm a true lady!

I'd like to know others perspectives on this.



sometimes men are stupid creatures! And the stupider they are the dumber they can act. I am damn glad that I don't have to date them... LOL...



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Posted on Tue, Dec 20, 2005 11:27

BurgundyBlaze write:
billzeke write:
Who would not want to meet a good looking woman that has been trained to take orders? lol.

You are assuming "we" never earned rank. I was giving the orders before I got out, I am sure she did to. And not only were we trained to respect but also know how to take out your balls with one swoop of a Kabar. YOu may have not meant anything by your comment...but it was far from as amusing as you intended. GOD BLESS THE TROOPS

Even I knew Bill was being humourous. Hence the emoticon clunking him on the head. Lighten up, have fun with it.
Hondo is probably correct in saying that it probably intimidates men. Then again, I really think it is how masculine and tough a military woman or any woman for that matter, comes across.



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Posted on Tue, Dec 20, 2005 06:49

TamaraT write:
billzeke

Good 'back peddling' job.
I found that the 'not monetarily successful men' usually want to give orders to their women and the 'monetarily successful' men, usually want to take them. lol
BTW - I did Air Force Reserves. 6 mos 'active' and 'TDY' all over the world, didn't make me want to take orders. I am known for saying, 'I took my last order in the military, now I take requests'.


It's not back peddling. In the military, I think they call it: "Taking cover." lol. It was never my intent to offend anyone. Sorry if I did.

  


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Posted on Mon, Dec 19, 2005 20:36

billzeke

Good 'back peddling' job.
I found that the 'not monetarily successful men' usually want to give orders to their women and the 'monetarily successful' men, usually want to take them. lol
BTW - I did Air Force Reserves. 6 mos 'active' and 'TDY' all over the world, didn't make me want to take orders. I am known for saying, 'I took my last order in the military, now I take requests'.

  


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Posted on Mon, Dec 19, 2005 12:14

Kikig, the man that said this comment to you, really lays heavy on your mine, I believe that men and woman make comments without knowing a
person sometimes, and they do get a wrong impression of you, be that as it may, you either blow it off or set this person straight!!! that this bugs you and you don't care for his comments. And thanks for serving our country there are many of you that took care of this while we stayed home to take care of our babies.



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Posted on Mon, Dec 19, 2005 09:40

BurgundyBlaze write:
billzeke write:
Who would not want to meet a good looking woman that has been trained to take orders? lol.

You are assuming "we" never earned rank. I was giving the orders before I got out, I am sure she did to. And not only were we trained to respect but also know how to take out your balls with one swoop of a Kabar. YOu may have not meant anything by your comment...but it was far from as amusing as you intended. GOD BLESS THE TROOPS



I am not assuming anything. Looks like I hit a nerve. Sorry you are so sensitive. Last time I checked the President was the Commander and Chief which means everyone in the military learns how to take orders. I never questioned anyones qualifications or whether or not anyone here could give orders. I am quite sure that the military teaches people how to take orders way before they let them give orders. I do agree with you when you say GOD BLESS THE TROOPS.

  


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Posted on Fri, Dec 16, 2005 09:07

kikig write:
I have found it very hard to meet men. They ask about my past, and once they find out I had been in the Army, they back out of meeting me. Some have told me that there is a certain "stigma" to military women...that we are somehow "damaged goods". One man told me that the only way I will ever find a lasting relationship with a man, is to omit that part of my life from any conversations.

Another man told me that "real women" do not join the military. I'm as "real" as they come and I'm a true lady!

I'd like to know others perspectives on this.


Were those guys on substance abuse or drunks ? What nasty comments they had for you. Got 2 fine cousins in the military and they both are sweet ladies. I'm sure you will find a good man as they are both married; so there is one for you. Cheer !!! don't lose hope not everyone is like the men you met.

BQ



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Posted on Thu, Dec 08, 2005 22:06

the guy that told you that is a jerk,and probly has a past that has abuseive tendancey's and the thoght of you being trained to defend youreselve scares him.he won't be able to control you because he knows you can take him out.



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Posted on Thu, Dec 08, 2005 14:15

jamajap write:
From my experience..Many men want a "good looking" woman..But intimdated as hell when they get one. Especially one that is beautiful, smart, and can hold their own!!!


Jam, clearly you have been seeing the wrong guys.



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Posted on Thu, Dec 08, 2005 00:24

kikig write:
I have found it very hard to meet men. They ask about my past, and once they find out I had been in the Army, they back out of meeting me. Some have told me that there is a certain "stigma" to military women...that we are somehow "damaged goods". One man told me that the only way I will ever find a lasting relationship with a man, is to omit that part of my life from any conversations.

Another man told me that "real women" do not join the military. I'm as "real" as they come and I'm a true lady!

I'd like to know others perspectives on this.


They are intimidated by you. I'm retired Army and that's the only reason I can come up with for you. I've never heard anyone say that before about military women. Anyone should be so lucky to have a lady that is motivated, strong, intelligent and supportive.

Whoever said that is an idiot. Not just for saying it but for using generalizations like that. That is just another example of a narrow minded pin head. Ignore him...or kick his a$$.



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Posted on Tue, Dec 06, 2005 10:17

From my experience..Many men want a "good looking" woman..But intimdated as hell when they get one. Especially one that is beautiful, smart, and can hold their own!!!

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Posted on Tue, Dec 06, 2005 09:34

billzeke write:
Who would not want to meet a good looking woman that has been trained to take orders? lol.

Don't mind him! LOL

  


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Posted on Tue, Dec 06, 2005 06:02

Who would not want to meet a good looking woman that has been trained to take orders? lol.

  


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Posted on Tue, Dec 06, 2005 01:40

"stigma" to military women...that we are somehow "damaged goods". One man told me that the only way I will ever find a lasting relationship with a man, is to omit that part of my life from any conversations..
________________________________________
I am not sure of the men you are meeting.BUT!!! damn..they are a bit twisted!!.
I have been modeling since I was 14 years old..I went INTO the ARMY at 17 yrs old, I did SIX years. I did not have to go in their, my mom was a psychotherapist her office in the Twin towers, and my dad a Jeweler working in Manhattan making the
Big Bucks".. I went into the Army because my older sister went and I wanted to go.
I continued my model ling behind the army's back. I took assignments in Germany,Korea, and Augusta Georgia (this assignment was for the Army), and continued doing so many years after and am still doing it part-time. I tell you that... to say this... "Having served in the military, does not necessarily mean a woman have a "hard Front". What it means is a Woman was brave enough, smart enough to go into the Service so idiots like them can sit back and scrutinize every aspect of a woman's life and make ignorant comments such as those.So, to me in no uncertain terms for them to say those remarks to you they are the ones that are "Damaged Goods". After six years in the Service the only thing damaged about me is wishing that I was still in ..

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Posted on Mon, Dec 05, 2005 07:05

Maybe they envision you as a tough lady working on the front lines as a fighter. My niece is in the US Navy...she was becoming a Medic. She gets out in July, and will continue on to become an RN. Their are lots of reasons why people join the military.
Niceguys right...you haven't met the right one. You should never have to leave a part of your life out. A man who is genuinely interested in YOU, will want to know everything about YOU!
Good Luck!



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Posted on Mon, Dec 05, 2005 04:30

kikig write:
I have found it very hard to meet men. They ask about my past, and once they find out I had been in the Army, they back out of meeting me. Some have told me that there is a certain "stigma" to military women...that we are somehow "damaged goods". One man told me that the only way I will ever find a lasting relationship with a man, is to omit that part of my life from any conversations.

Another man told me that "real women" do not join the military. I'm as "real" as they come and I'm a true lady!

I'd like to know others perspectives on this.



You just haven't met the right guys yet. I'm sure some guys who are insecure might think that way, but alot of guys won't. Hang in there..



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