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what do men want?
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Posted on Sun, Apr 23, 2006 07:08

what do men really want?



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Posted on Sat, Jun 03, 2006 22:57

Lombard write:
Is this cultural? Were our father different? Is this a result of the sexualization of our culture? So many questions, and no answers. If you look to nature, you see a lot of example of harem societies. Dogs, deer, monkeys and Mormons all have harems. There certainly is an evolutionary advantage to the Alpha male and harem family unit.

Other critters have serial monogamy. They used to say that doves mate for life, but now we know they have a four year cycle.

Have we superseded our animal nature? Is mating for life a societal construct that is an advance, or is it just an unattainable myth that actually damages society?

I have $5.00, cash money, for anyone who can answer any of these questions.


2 cents for $5?
The shift occured when divorce became more socially acceptable as well as the incredible ease with which to dissolve a marriage. Prior to this, divorce was not an option or an option that a few would exercise.

Not many people enter into marriage today with the thought that it is going to last forever. Most think if it doesn't work out, I can always get a divorce. Not much thought required.

Once the infatuation is gone, they are left with someone who they do not know. At this point real love can grow or they find that they really do not like each other or they don't want to go through any pain, work or suffering. It's much easier to walk away, get a divorce so most choose that path.

Has pair bonding ended and rotation partnering started as an evolutionary event? That would occur to suppress population, but second and third marriages can produce more offspring. In humans, how does variety serve the species?

Certainly a lifetime marriage is attainable between two people who know and like each other on more than a superficial level. That requires intimacy greater than sexual. Happily married couples cannot imagine their lives without their mate. Nor do they want to.



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Posted on Thu, Jun 01, 2006 09:46

robtest write:
katiegrlK2B write:
I think everyone (women) should cut and paste and print out this post by Lombard. I think it's probably the best answer to the question ever posted! (Unless some of you other super-studs have a difference of opinion, or want to expand on it.


Yes, it was well said! I agree with the first part of it, however not the part of the not wanting forever. It seems my past few relationship got to a certain level but it was the females that didn't want to deepen it. They were happy with semi-frequent interaction and "good sex"...

Perhaps I only feel that way because I have never reached the depth I desire. What is the old MBA saying about "everyone reaching their own level of incompetance" ???


I'm glad you expanded with your ideas Rob. It's hard to "guess" or theorize about the opposite gender, when you've never been there. (Past incarnations don't count if you can't remember them).

It's a shame that the people who desire a loving, permanent relationship are so few and far between, or just really darn hard to find. I'm of a mind now that permanence is not as important to me as just having the love. (AND great sex).



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Posted on Fri, May 26, 2006 13:11

katiegrlK2B write:
Lombard write:
I can't imagine that any two men want exactly the same thing, but I will let women in on a few gender secrets.

The good news for women:
Men are simple folk. We all want a beautiful woman who wants us. Now, we all define beauty in a different way. Some things are fairly constant. In general, high cheekbones, a strong jaw line and expressive eyes are apealing. Also, we don't know why, but we like breasts. Some men like hard bodies, others like softer curves.

Just like women, we respond to good smells.

Emotionally, we are less complicated then women. We make decisions and stay fairly consistent. If a man seems complicated, it is because he is drifting away and wants to leave a relationship, but doesn't want to hurt you. Dump him like a hot potato. You'll both be happier.

Most intelligent men like intelctually challenging women. If your guy doesn't want you to have opinions, dump him. You deserve better.

Most secure smart men like women who know their own physical needs and act on them. If your man is intimidated by sexual aggresiveness, dump him. Either he's a weenie or doesn't find you appealing. In both cases, dumpable offenses.

Here is the bad news:
We want smart, funny, secure, beautiful women who want us, but it is terrifying to us that it might have to be the same person for the rest of our lives. We don't like it, but it's true. There is some chemical/neural thing that reduces the attractiveness of even the most alluring woman, over time. It really sucks.

Now, I know some men will say that they are the exception to this. It's possible, but not probable.

However, that doesn't mean that lifetime committment isn't possible. It's just really hard, and all those things men want, i.e. beauty, brains, humor and great sex, have to be replaced by shared dreams, hopes, values and hard work at the job of having a relationship.


I think everyone (women) should cut and paste and print out this post by Lombard. I think it's probably the best answer to the question ever posted! (Unless some of you other super-studs have a difference of opinion, or want to expand on it.


Yes, it was well said! I agree with the first part of it, however not the part of the not wanting forever. It seems my past few relationship got to a certain level but it was the females that didn't want to deepen it. They were happy with semi-frequent interaction and "good sex"...

Perhaps I only feel that way because I have never reached the depth I desire. What is the old MBA saying about "everyone reaching their own level of incompetance" ???



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Posted on Fri, May 26, 2006 01:44

robtest write:
seattlesunshine write:
Brother Rob, Actually I am being serious. If men want to be more like women and women more like men it is true, but it is the differences that are intriguing. The discovery of who that other person is is exciting. It's nothing to be flummoxed about. Why should a woman change into something a man wants? It would be, at best, temporary.

To your recipe, I would add an equal or greater portion of love.


While being somewhat jovial, I am quite serious too! I don't want women to be more like men or visa versa. What I want is an even playing field, withOUT silly rules/ritual (ie. things that have been done so long that it isn't remembered why they are done, but still done nonetheless) imposed by society.

In that world, "the discovery of who that other person being exciting" would be based on the individuals themselves, not on stereotypes or flummoxes.

If it was easier to understand what the other wanted, it would be much less infinitely fascinating to discuss, but would be a somewhat easier goal to accomplish...

BTW IMHO, LOVE is the ultimate "great reward". Often sought, but rarely truely found... :o)


Big bro Rob, Your humble opinion acknowledged and appreciated.

On planet Triple S (or Trip for short), that's the way it is. It is the discovery of the individual. Unbiased, lacking preconceived notions, projection, who that person is, the discovery, is infinitely more interesting than anything I can dream up. A lot of this is on my profile, BTW.

Love, we all have that, it is not something that is given to us or earned, it is inherent. That which you seek, you all ready have for it resides within you.

Perhaps we should ask not what men want, but ask the person we are interested in, what do you want?

I don't want to kill the discussion. Let's keep going with this.



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Posted on Thu, May 25, 2006 22:41

Lombard write:
I can't imagine that any two men want exactly the same thing, but I will let women in on a few gender secrets.

The good news for women:
Men are simple folk. We all want a beautiful woman who wants us. Now, we all define beauty in a different way. Some things are fairly constant. In general, high cheekbones, a strong jaw line and expressive eyes are apealing. Also, we don't know why, but we like breasts. Some men like hard bodies, others like softer curves.

Just like women, we respond to good smells.

Emotionally, we are less complicated then women. We make decisions and stay fairly consistent. If a man seems complicated, it is because he is drifting away and wants to leave a relationship, but doesn't want to hurt you. Dump him like a hot potato. You'll both be happier.

Most intelligent men like intelctually challenging women. If your guy doesn't want you to have opinions, dump him. You deserve better.

Most secure smart men like women who know their own physical needs and act on them. If your man is intimidated by sexual aggresiveness, dump him. Either he's a weenie or doesn't find you appealing. In both cases, dumpable offenses.

Here is the bad news:
We want smart, funny, secure, beautiful women who want us, but it is terrifying to us that it might have to be the same person for the rest of our lives. We don't like it, but it's true. There is some chemical/neural thing that reduces the attractiveness of even the most alluring woman, over time. It really sucks.

Now, I know some men will say that they are the exception to this. It's possible, but not probable.

However, that doesn't mean that lifetime committment isn't possible. It's just really hard, and all those things men want, i.e. beauty, brains, humor and great sex, have to be replaced by shared dreams, hopes, values and hard work at the job of having a relationship.


I think everyone (women) should cut and paste and print out this post by Lombard. I think it's probably the best answer to the question ever posted! (Unless some of you other super-studs have a difference of opinion, or want to expand on it.

  


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Posted on Thu, May 25, 2006 21:37

Wow... thank you for sharing.

The obvious question that would follow at the end of such an enlightening post is: Why do so many men that are terrified of being with ONE woman also NEED that one woman to be faithful even when they aren't? Interesting little irony isn't it?

I personally think that being faithful isn't supposed to be a job but a desire. When you meet the right person, it isn't about how they look or how much they turn you on. I think the right person allows us to reach our highest potential. Coming home to that person is our sanctuary. We know that the loyalty and unconditional love that we feel is genuine. They "get" us and we return the favor. Their needs are as important to us as our own.

Once that type of relationship is found and cultivated, who in their right mind would risk it? Loyalty is easy because not having that person in our lives is not an option.

Rare? Yes. Possible? Only for the lucky ones. The rest have to settle for just having fun.

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Posted on Thu, May 25, 2006 17:38

seattlesunshine write:
Brother Rob, Actually I am being serious. If men want to be more like women and women more like men it is true, but it is the differences that are intriguing. The discovery of who that other person is is exciting. It's nothing to be flummoxed about. Why should a woman change into something a man wants? It would be, at best, temporary.

To your recipe, I would add an equal or greater portion of love.


While being somewhat jovial, I am quite serious too! I don't want women to be more like men or visa versa. What I want is an even playing field, withOUT silly rules/ritual (ie. things that have been done so long that it isn't remembered why they are done, but still done nonetheless) imposed by society.

In that world, "the discovery of who that other person being exciting" would be based on the individuals themselves, not on stereotypes or flummoxes.

If it was easier to understand what the other wanted, it would be much less infinitely fascinating to discuss, but would be a somewhat easier goal to accomplish...

BTW IMHO, LOVE is the ultimate "great reward". Often sought, but rarely truely found... :o)



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Posted on Thu, May 25, 2006 10:51

robtest write:


But since we are well past Y2K, in a time when both men and women should be equals, "Isn't it a man's prerogative to change his mind!!!" Or do we still live in a world of double standards??? :o)


Absolutely, change your mind minute by minute if you like. What men want remains, as always, undefined though infinitely fascinating to discuss.



ROFLMAO... I guess that in itself would make the sexes peers!!!

Relationships = hard work with great rewards, composed of communication, negotiation, and compromise (but never settle) ...


Brother Rob, Actually I am being serious. If men want to be more like women and women more like men it is true, but it is the differences that are intriguing. The discovery of who that other person is is exciting. It's nothing to be flummoxed about. Why should a woman change into something a man wants? It would be, at best, temporary.

To your recipe, I would add an equal or greater portion of love.



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Posted on Thu, May 25, 2006 08:39


But since we are well past Y2K, in a time when both men and women should be equals, "Isn't it a man's perogative to change his mind!!!" Or do we still live in a world of double standards??? :o)


Absolutely, change your mind minute by minute if you like. What men want remains, as always, undefined though infinitely fascinating to discuss.


ROFLMAO... I guess that in itself would make the sexes peers!!!

Relationships = hard work with great rewards, composed of communication, negotiation, and compromise (but never settle) ...



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Posted on Thu, May 25, 2006 05:13

Lombard write:
I can't imagine that any two men want exactly the same thing, but I will let women in on a few gender secrets.

The good news for women:
Men are simple folk. We all want a beautiful woman who wants us. Now, we all define beauty in a different way. Some things are fairly constant. In general, high cheekbones, a strong jaw line and expressive eyes are apealing. Also, we don't know why, but we like breasts. Some men like hard bodies, others like softer curves.

Just like women, we respond to good smells.

Emotionally, we are less complicated then women. We make decisions and stay fairly consistent. If a man seems complicated, it is because he is drifting away and wants to leave a relationship, but doesn't want to hurt you. Dump him like a hot potato. You'll both be happier.

Most intelligent men like intelctually challenging women. If your guy doesn't want you to have opinions, dump him. You deserve better.

Most secure smart men like women who know their own physical needs and act on them. If your man is intimidated by sexual aggresiveness, dump him. Either he's a weenie or doesn't find you appealing. In both cases, dumpable offenses.

Here is the bad news:
We want smart, funny, secure, beautiful women who want us, but it is terrifying to us that it might have to be the same person for the rest of our lives. We don't like it, but it's true. There is some chemical/neural thing that reduces the attractiveness of even the most alluring woman, over time. It really sucks.

Now, I know some men will say that they are the exception to this. It's possible, but not probable.

However, that doesn't mean that lifetime committment isn't possible. It's just really hard, and all those things men want, i.e. beauty, brains, humor and great sex, have to be replaced by shared dreams, hopes, values and hard work at the job of having a relationship.


I think the idea of staying with one person for a lifetime is a daunting thought for many women too. As far as the chemical/neural thing reducing the attractiveness of a women...its called the aging process and men are susceptible to it too. Brains and humor may not be affected by aging, sexual drive my decrease as both partners age, or may not. While some aspects of physical beauty may change a bit with age, in a committed relationship it's often other attributes that keep partners together even in the short run.I think its more probable that a mature man will remain attracted to a women he loves for her laugh, intelligent conversation and banter, charming quirks,the confidence she exudes, the spark in her eye, providing a safe place for him to fall,sharing in adventures, hopes and dreams. We don't replace beauty, brains, good sex,and humor with shared dreams, hopes and values...these aspects are added to the equation. Hard work? You bet!



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Posted on Thu, May 25, 2006 02:23

robtest write:
seattlesunshine write:
Men don't give it any thought. They have a good idea of what they don't want, but as far as what they want, they think they will know it when they see it.

Exceptions, yes. My friend has a list of 130 criterion written in pen on a paper napkin. (Would think that much effort would be in a more permanent form...) After reading it I asked, and what do you have to offer oh great detailed one!


But since we are well past Y2K, in a time when both men and women should be equals, "Isn't it a man's perogative to change his mind!!!" Or do we still live in a world of double standards??? :o)


..................... Angyson?

  


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Posted on Wed, May 24, 2006 23:10

robtest write:
seattlesunshine write:
Men don't give it any thought. They have a good idea of what they don't want, but as far as what they want, they think they will know it when they see it.

Exceptions, yes. My friend has a list of 130 criterion written in pen on a paper napkin. (Would think that much effort would be in a more permanent form...) After reading it I asked, and what do you have to offer oh great detailed one!


But since we are well past Y2K, in a time when both men and women should be equals, "Isn't it a man's perogative to change his mind!!!" Or do we still live in a world of double standards??? :o)


Absolutely, change your mind minute by minute if you like. What men want remains, as always, undefined though infinitely fascinating to discuss.



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Posted on Wed, May 24, 2006 05:25

seattlesunshine write:
Men don't give it any thought. They have a good idea of what they don't want, but as far as what they want, they think they will know it when they see it.

Exceptions, yes. My friend has a list of 130 criterion written in pen on a paper napkin. (Would think that much effort would be in a more permanent form...) After reading it I asked, and what do you have to offer oh great detailed one!


But since we are well past Y2K, in a time when both men and women should be equals, "Isn't it a man's perogative to change his mind!!!" Or do we still live in a world of double standards??? :o)



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Posted on Wed, May 24, 2006 02:00

I think Lombard is correct....at least in the important areas....

I myself would love to have a mate right now, I miss the lovemaking, comfort and companionship.

I feel as well that you must both have those shared common goals, to last you through the difficult times in the relationship. Both must be commit ed to making the relationship go forward...
Otherwise I fear that when the goin' got tough....the relationship would crumble.....

Attraction...common goals...trust and commitment....for both...AS much as I would love a mate...these cannot be compromised.

As to what else men want....I think the same things as women...

  


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Posted on Fri, May 19, 2006 19:05

Men are simple creatures, to continue. they are obsessed with pleasing US girls. I am almost certain 99.9 percent. so lets just enjoy them!!



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Posted on Fri, May 19, 2006 18:56

Lombard is right, Sex is the main thing on their minds especially when they are young and virile. Sadly because of this they miss many things and realize it later in life. Dirty trick nature played on us



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Posted on Sat, May 13, 2006 09:59

Men don't give it any thought. They have a good idea of what they don't want, but as far as what they want, they think they will know it when they see it.

Exceptions, yes. My friend has a list of 130 criterion written in pen on a paper napkin. (Would think that much effort would be in a more permanent form...) After reading it I asked, and what do you have to offer oh great detailed one!



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Posted on Sat, May 13, 2006 03:36

graziegirl write:
mamacitarica write:
They want everything

you said it girl! i believe you...

So true....and yet they don't even know what it is they want honestly....even when it is right under their noses.. Go figure.



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Posted on Sat, May 13, 2006 03:06

If you can figure out what men really want, then you would no longer be interested, it would be too boring and no challenge. Besides you may go crazy in the process.