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She's got young kids? Nah!!
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Posted on Sat, Apr 29, 2006 21:38

Hello out there. I am a single mom of 11 and 3 yr old boys. My question to the men out there--does it give you pause, maybe a scare, to learn of young children maybe involved in the scenario? I am certainly financially secure and not looking for just a second income. I am also not looking for a replacement father for my children, just a loving, caring father figure that will let us three enhance his life as he will ours. Bottom line, I must love that person deeply and feel that spark. He will be my husband foremost!! Enough of my wishes. So, men, do you tend to think "baggage" when you realize young kids are in the picture? Thanks for everyone's time.

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Posted on Sat, May 20, 2006 17:19

RapturousRed write:
But my experience is that men who are fathers seem less self-centered, more understanding of women and life in general. For me (of course assumes they've been active in their childrens' lives) it symbolizes that they, even though single, have not forgotten how to give or receive love. In other words, our life experiences are similiar as is our stage of life.

Despite what I wrote in my other post, I actually agree with a lot of what you said in yours. True, I run the chance of having to deal with all the "issues" I mentioned in my post if there are young kids involved, but at least if the guy's been married (kids or not), it means SOMEBODY loved him enough to want to spend the rest of their life with him, and that he wasn't averse to the idea of commitment either. Sometimes I think my idea person would a divorced guy with either no kids or grownup kids, because some of the never-married ones turn out to be completely socially inept when it comes to women, and are utterly incapable of interacting with them outside of a computer.



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Posted on Wed, May 17, 2006 16:01

Whomever would 'put you in the doghouse' would have to do something reaaallyyy bad to cause such a reaction. This subject certainly isn't (or shouldn't be!) it because you have a preference. With valid reasons.

Now, here I am, next week 49 (ARRRRGGHHHH!) and actually I prefer a man who has kids - mostly grown that is! At this stage of my life, I cannot begin to going back to pre-teen days. It's a completely different world. One I've lived (both myself and through my 17 nieces and nephews). But my experience is that men who are fathers seem less self-centered, more understanding of women and life in general. For me (of course assumes they've been active in their childrens' lives) it symbolizes that they, even though single, have not forgotten how to give or receive love. In other words, our life experiences are similiar as is our stage of life.

And so, chacun pour soi! Sorry, don't know Dutch!



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Posted on Tue, May 16, 2006 05:52

SweetAimee write:
Okay, this reply probably won't win me a popularitycontest...
Tho love can come from strange corners, I would prefer a man who doesn't have kids. I don't have any and I think starting a relationship with one person is hard enough to begin with. If he had two kids (I'm talking little, living at home... okay.. you don't see that often..)then you immediately have to build of a relationship with 3.
A friend of mine is now married to a man who already had 3 kids, now they got two of their own. Within 3 years her life changed from being single to sharing her life with 6! She loves her man, loves his kids, loves their kids but when I look at her I am so happy I'm not her.
It has nothing to do with being able to claim someone for myself. It has to do with the severe claim it would make on my life.
Think I'll be send to the doghouse now, remarks made by me are probably not-done, but hey, it's how I feel about the subject.


Well, you won't get reamed by me for your remarks (though I might by other people for mine), because I pretty much have the same preference. Even if I didn't have it myself, I wouldn't blame anyone else for having it. Some people just don't like kids enough to even want any of their own, much less deal with anybody else's. If I had to choose between two men, and they were pretty much equal as far as looks, intelligence, income, etc., but one guy has to schedule dates around times when his kids can be cared for by somebody else, has an ex-wife lurking in the background who wants him back, never has any money to take you out because it's all being eaten up by child support payments, won't take you out in public because he doesn't want his kids or their mother to know about you (or maybe you HAVE met the kid(s), and neither of you can stand the other), and the other man DOESN'T have any of those issues because he's childless, well gee, guess which one I would pick?



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Posted on Mon, May 15, 2006 13:10

Okay, this reply probably won't win me a popularitycontest...
Tho love can come from strange corners, I would prefer a man who doesn't have kids. I don't have any and I think starting a relationship with one person is hard enough to begin with. If he had two kids (I'm talking little, living at home... okay.. you don't see that often..)then you immediately have to build of a relationship with 3.
A friend of mine is now married to a man who already had 3 kids, now they got two of their own. Within 3 years her life changed from being single to sharing her life with 6! She loves her man, loves his kids, loves their kids but when I look at her I am so happy I'm not her.
It has nothing to do with being able to claim someone for myself. It has to do with the severe claim it would make on my life.
Think I'll be send to the doghouse now, remarks made by me are probably not-done, but hey, it's how I feel about the subject.

  


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Posted on Fri, May 12, 2006 14:46

hondo1952 write:
RapturousRed write:

hondo1952 write:

Ella10 write:
hondo1952 write:
adoracie write:
Hello out there. I am a single mom of 11 and 3 yr old boys. My question to the men out there--does it give you pause, maybe a scare, to learn of young children maybe involved in the scenario? I am certainly financially secure and not looking for just a second income. I am also not looking for a replacement father for my children, just a loving, caring father figure that will let us three enhance his life as he will ours. Bottom line, I must love that person deeply and feel that spark. He will be my husband foremost!! Enough of my wishes. So, men, do you tend to think "baggage" when you realize young kids are in the picture? Thanks for everyone's time.


First off welcome to the forums. Have fun and don't take anything too seriously if you can help it.

I have said before here that anyone that would consider children to be baggage probably isn't worth having anyway. I don't understand how anyone could think of them as baggage. To me it would be an opportunity. I have four sons, the youngest is 12. I want no more of my own but would welcome someone elses into my home and raise them as my own.

My hat off to you Hondo! That was one of the kindest messages I have seen written on the forum.

We should clone you!



Thank you for the complement. I have four little (not so little) clones already. I'm not sure the world could stand any more.


You're so right, hondo. How could the world stand so many fine men?! What wooooooodddd we do?! Oh, probably have a lot more harmony and joy? Well, that alone is reason enought to stop! NOT!!! lol...

I think you should go make and mold many more children.

smooches & smiles


Teri if that's an invitation I accept. I'll even volunteer to drive to Michigan and go play golf with you.

big smooch on the thought, but alas no longer interested in having babies, hondo. I did it right the one and only chance I had. But although I seem to be working on re-gaining my virginity, in spirit i will never give up the practicing part!! As for golfing, we will do that. I'm not that good, but I'm not just the 'ball watcher', either (smiles).


Altru, so on target. People wonder why I've been single for so long. Not the entire reason, but a major part was that I had a child to raise and he was my first priority. I didn't date much for a very long time. And as you said, those who didn't understand what that means were not worth my oh so very precious time. God gave me only one chance to do it well, and when I pass, if all "they" can say about me is that she was a good mother - just look at her son - then mission accomplished. No regrets about lost years, men, etc. From the start, I decided (key word here!) that there would be nothing more important I do in this world than raise a good person.

I do think women (sorry...) with children sometimes complain too much about the dating with children situation. It is what it is. The choice is yours ladies. Balance or choose between a man and your child/ren. Sometimes it takes longer than you'd like to get all you want.



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Posted on Fri, May 12, 2006 01:12

Altruisticman write:
For what it's worth I agree with Hondo and the others. People who feel that way are usually very selfish and not worth the time because they will never care about anyone's needs other than their own. Furthermore children are more spiritually in tune than adults and are great judges of character, so they won't be easily fooled.

By the way single fathers have the same stigma's attached. People assume that if you have young children living at home, that you must have "Baby Momma Drama" or they get frustrated when you can't just go at the spur of the moment without getting a sitter or if you don't make time for adult company until after your child(ren)are in bed. Anyone who can't understand that parental responsibilities are a priority instead of an inconvenience is not worth your time. Your children are yours forever while relationships on the other hand, tend to be temporal.


Spoken like a true gent in my eyes,
Keep on rocking..

  


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Posted on Thu, May 11, 2006 20:43

For what it's worth I agree with Hondo and the others. People who feel that way are usually very selfish and not worth the time because they will never care about anyone's needs other than their own. Furthermore children are more spiritually in tune than adults and are great judges of character, so they won't be easily fooled.

By the way single fathers have the same stigma's attached. People assume that if you have young children living at home, that you must have "Baby Momma Drama" or they get frustrated when you can't just go at the spur of the moment without getting a sitter or if you don't make time for adult company until after your child(ren)are in bed. Anyone who can't understand that parental responsibilities are a priority instead of an inconvenience is not worth your time. Your children are yours forever while relationships on the other hand, tend to be temporal.



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Posted on Thu, May 11, 2006 16:17

RapturousRed write:

hondo1952 write:

Ella10 write:
hondo1952 write:
adoracie write:
Hello out there. I am a single mom of 11 and 3 yr old boys. My question to the men out there--does it give you pause, maybe a scare, to learn of young children maybe involved in the scenario? I am certainly financially secure and not looking for just a second income. I am also not looking for a replacement father for my children, just a loving, caring father figure that will let us three enhance his life as he will ours. Bottom line, I must love that person deeply and feel that spark. He will be my husband foremost!! Enough of my wishes. So, men, do you tend to think "baggage" when you realize young kids are in the picture? Thanks for everyone's time.


First off welcome to the forums. Have fun and don't take anything too seriously if you can help it.

I have said before here that anyone that would consider children to be baggage probably isn't worth having anyway. I don't understand how anyone could think of them as baggage. To me it would be an opportunity. I have four sons, the youngest is 12. I want no more of my own but would welcome someone elses into my home and raise them as my own.

My hat off to you Hondo! That was one of the kindest messages I have seen written on the forum.

We should clone you!



Thank you for the complement. I have four little (not so little) clones already. I'm not sure the world could stand any more.


You're so right, hondo. How could the world stand so many fine men?! What wooooooodddd we do?! Oh, probably have a lot more harmony and joy? Well, that alone is reason enought to stop! NOT!!! lol...

I think you should go make and mold many more children.

smooches & smiles


Teri if that's an invitation I accept. I'll even volunteer to drive to Michigan and go play golf with you.



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Posted on Thu, May 11, 2006 15:40

hondo1952 write:

Ella10 write:
hondo1952 write:
adoracie write:
Hello out there. I am a single mom of 11 and 3 yr old boys. My question to the men out there--does it give you pause, maybe a scare, to learn of young children maybe involved in the scenario? I am certainly financially secure and not looking for just a second income. I am also not looking for a replacement father for my children, just a loving, caring father figure that will let us three enhance his life as he will ours. Bottom line, I must love that person deeply and feel that spark. He will be my husband foremost!! Enough of my wishes. So, men, do you tend to think "baggage" when you realize young kids are in the picture? Thanks for everyone's time.


First off welcome to the forums. Have fun and don't take anything too seriously if you can help it.

I have said before here that anyone that would consider children to be baggage probably isn't worth having anyway. I don't understand how anyone could think of them as baggage. To me it would be an opportunity. I have four sons, the youngest is 12. I want no more of my own but would welcome someone elses into my home and raise them as my own.

My hat off to you Hondo! That was one of the kindest messages I have seen written on the forum.

We should clone you!



Thank you for the complement. I have four little (not so little) clones already. I'm not sure the world could stand any more.

You're so right, hondo. How could the world stand so many fine men?! What wooooooodddd we do?! Oh, probably have a lot more harmony and joy? Well, that alone is reason enought to stop! NOT!!! lol...

I think you should go make and mold many more children.

smooches & smiles



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Posted on Thu, May 11, 2006 07:40

Ella10 write:
hondo1952 write:
adoracie write:
Hello out there. I am a single mom of 11 and 3 yr old boys. My question to the men out there--does it give you pause, maybe a scare, to learn of young children maybe involved in the scenario? I am certainly financially secure and not looking for just a second income. I am also not looking for a replacement father for my children, just a loving, caring father figure that will let us three enhance his life as he will ours. Bottom line, I must love that person deeply and feel that spark. He will be my husband foremost!! Enough of my wishes. So, men, do you tend to think "baggage" when you realize young kids are in the picture? Thanks for everyone's time.


First off welcome to the forums. Have fun and don't take anything too seriously if you can help it.

I have said before here that anyone that would consider children to be baggage probably isn't worth having anyway. I don't understand how anyone could think of them as baggage. To me it would be an opportunity. I have four sons, the youngest is 12. I want no more of my own but would welcome someone elses into my home and raise them as my own.

My hat off to you Hondo! That was one of the kindest messages I have seen written on the forum.

We should clone you!


Thank you for the complement. I have four little (not so little) clones already. I'm not sure the world could stand any more.



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Posted on Tue, May 02, 2006 04:46

Kids are blessings, regardless of how someone else sees them, to their mother and father the are god's blessings....and like hondo said, don't look at the guys that think otherwise twice, they are not worth it,...
One thing that bugs me is that men get married they get divorced...and they leave their kids with their exes, ...she becomes a single mum, now tell me how would they feel if another man coming into their ex-wives, ex -girlfriends lives, sees his kids as a baggage???.........does it makes sense?, just because a woman has had kids doesn't mean she is not a girlfriend or something more; material, they still have something to give.

  


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Posted on Mon, May 01, 2006 11:50

adoracie write:
Hello out there. I am a single mom of 11 and 3 yr old boys. My question to the men out there--does it give you pause, maybe a scare, to learn of young children maybe involved in the scenario? I am certainly financially secure and not looking for just a second income. I am also not looking for a replacement father for my children, just a loving, caring father figure that will let us three enhance his life as he will ours. Bottom line, I must love that person deeply and feel that spark. He will be my husband foremost!! Enough of my wishes. So, men, do you tend to think "baggage" when you realize young kids are in the picture? Thanks for everyone's time.


First off welcome to the forums. Have fun and don't take anything too seriously if you can help it.

I have said before here that anyone that would consider children to be baggage probably isn't worth having anyway. I don't understand how anyone could think of them as baggage. To me it would be an opportunity. I have four sons, the youngest is 12. I want no more of my own but would welcome someone elses into my home and raise them as my own.



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