Hi Camryn. I'm sorry about your abusive marriage. Don't take what anyone says here personally & to heart. I don't think it's intended that way by anyone. But everything AirAlert has said is correct. He's stating general facts, nothing that is personally directed at you or meant to attack you. It would be wise for anyone to consider his words of wisdom. One thing AirAlert mentioned was people need to help themselves (it makes you stronger), because when you look to others for help it only helps to weaken you and make you more dependent on others. You may have 2 young children at home to support, but you can still return to school for a degree in whatever field interests you. Find out what your strengths & interests are, and go for it. I know other single parents who have done it...you have to want it...alot! You are only 27, young & attractive...your whole life ahead of you. Make the best of it.
As for the subject ... bragging about one's wealth. Many do it, because it represents status to them. They want people to know what they have so people will think highly of them... Often they think it will help them make the right connections to help them in their own careers or business. Unfortunately, it usually has the opposite result.
Do you know some people live in million dollar homes, but can't afford to furnish them? or they can furnish, but they are house bound. In other words, they can't afford to go out, and the concept of taking a trip somewhere is not in the budget. All for status or the image of the status they think it gives them...did that make sense? Sad, because if they lived in a more modest house they could probably afford to go out more, and take one or two annual trips; thus enjoying life alot more! What's status if you can't enjoy life? lol
As AirAlert states...money has given him comforts that he enjoys. The desire for those comforts were his incentive to make enough money to provide him with same. These comforts provide him with some h...
Ok this is off the subject to an extent, but in ways not so i will share it. Some of you know that up until last summer I lived in Wilmington Ohio. A very small town. And though I worked at a job paying a massive $11.00 an hour I worked a ton of overtime and always had money in the bank. If I wanted something I saved for it simple as that. I also drove a 25 yearold vehicle, that frankly looked and acted 25 years old. But what alot didn't know was that I lived in a poor neighborhood by choice. There were children there who would not have eaten more than a school lunch without my neighbors and myself, durring the summer that too would have been gone. There were also teens with nothing to do and no one to care, an invitation for trouble. I knew by name each and every one of those teens, and spent as much of my off time as I could with them. You know all they wanted was to know someone cared. I am not telling you this because it makes me look good, quite the contrary, it is leading to my next. I never once met anyone from here while I was there. Men here would find out how I lived and immediately scream gold digger. Absolutely NOT. But I constantly got emails from men that spent all of their time telling me what they had. One even asked me if all of his wealth would overwelm me. And should I mention why I lived where i did, i got this answer... my company gave x amount of money to this charity or that one big grins for me. But not a one would take the chance of coming to my neighborhood... and do you know why.... I can't go there... what might happen to my car. Instant message to me that this was not the man I was looking for. I even had one on here shocked that at my age I did not have thousands of dollars in savings. Umm ya know i never had alot of money, but when i had money, so did anyone else that might need a hand up. There is a difference you know between a hand up and a hand out. One guy asked me would I be the same if i was rich. I said nope I would be be...
As an artist and a writer, I've often spent time just this close to being "homeless." It goes with the job title - "starving artist" and "starving writer." I used to forgo food in favour of spending my last dollar on paints, canvas, pens or paper. These are my "addictions," and are what my life is all about - pure creativity.
Other people are not blessed with creativity. They hit a down spiral in their lives and they don't know how to get out of it. They have no friends or family to help them, government programs are a myth and a joke. As it gets worse instead of better, they turn to drugs and/or booze to take the miserableness about their lives out of their minds. This is what their lives are all about - pure hell.
What's the difference between a politician or CEO who snorts nose candy or drinks like a sponge as compared to a homeless person who takes drugs or drinks? The difference is - the guy making $100,000 a year has the cash to clean up his life and get back on track ... but he just doesn't. The homeless guy doesn't either... but he can't.
Some people say that drug addicts and drunks "choose" to live like that. So do the rich junkies and lushes. It's just that the poor people are more hated and more easily bashed than the ones with wealth. It's a matter of "positioning" and "branding." Sad.
(continued) . . . . I think stating that millionaires brag is a subjective generalization, but can see Freedom's point. If a man has lured her in with promises undelivered, then she should be upset. But if peple EXPECT that millionaires are here to help others, then that is wrong also. That is how I understood her thread and was possibly mistaken. Some people brag because they have nothing else to offer. No personality, no charm, no intelligence, no adventure, etc. Money is their personality and they'll use it to their advantage. Ladies, if you're looking for substance in a man who is stable financially, I'd stay away from those who can only talk about work and money. That'll lead you to believing all rich people are assholes which most rich people are not. Money does make my life more comfortable, but it never changed who I am.
IntelligentBlonde, Didn't mean to get your ire up, but solutions to many people's problems can be handled within themselves and not from outside sources. Looking for a simple solution doesn't make a person stronger, just more dependent and weaker. Altough I understand outside sources sometimes do help. Alberto is also correct. I did get off the topic a little. We should stick to the topic at hand. The question was "Why Brag". Some will do it and some will not. If you're not a gold digger, then I'd stay away from the one's who brag. They're most likely defined by their money and that is all. And when I say brag, I don't mean simple conversation abut their work. I mean showing off. Sharp1 asked if I discuss my wealth with friends and others. NEVER. I decided to make money because I wanted a comfortable life so I can be who I am, but I don't brag about it. No point in that. I want people to know who I am and appreciate me for me. (see next thread) . . .
Air Alert - You answered my question with your reply to katiegirl. Also, forgot to say I agree with you about not giving money to people who have dug themselves into a hole, because they would probably repeat it after being bailed. And millionaires have worked hard...long days, lots of stress at times.
I also agree with you about never doing business with family & friends...the fastest way to end a relationship. I've heard of it happening many times.
Katiegrl, I do get requests from some friends and distant relatives but it is very rare. The requests aren't for handouts but for investments into business ideas. I don't believe friends and family should ever do business together, so I mostly turned them down and they understand why. Women rarely ask for money and that's because I am a down to earth, modest person. I don't talk about my company, my money or my assets. I don't generally date women that I sense are out to "keep up with the Jones" and that's probably why I don't get asked that often. I don't have a "scam-dar" up and running either. I try not to be paranoid. Most gold diggers give themselves away without me having to figure them out. Like I wrote before, I don't mind fitting the bill for a lot of things, but if one EXPECTS me to, I feel I'm being used and it doesn't happen. And you weren't being too invasive by the way.
Part 2 -- AirAlert ... So tell me, amongst your circle of friends...do you discuss how much you are worth, or exactly how much you earn in a year to a complete stranger? Is that the norm in NC? Because my grandmother was from Iowa, and she taught me never to discuss money or your income with anyone...excluding husband, significant other... Just curious...I felt it was a scam...putting on a show of wealth they probably didn't have. Because the wealthy I know, never discuss it.
Part 1 -- AirAlert... a year ago, I went to NC to meet a man...not frm this site. I did so, because I liked his involvement with his kids...the way to my heart! lol Anyways, while I visited we did things with his sons ages 14 & 16. Conversation revolved around his new business he was supposedly bldg, and the potential for his sons to earn $100,000. Then we went to a house party at someone who was going to work for him. Other business associates were there to. A nice, but average house...say $250,000 to $300,000 value (not sure what the real estate value is there) Anyways, this guy took a group of kids outside to see his Hummer. While he was away, 2 fellows either going to work for him, or invest, began talking with me. Again about money!!! They told me Bill is worth millions! I'm only worth a few hundred thousand (not impressive, that doesn't go far). I never disclosed my worth. I just nodded in acknowledgement that I heard with they said. Bragging! Ugh! So distasteful, they thought they were impressing me...NOT... because...
AirAlert.....Of COURSE you don't owe anyone anything. Of course not! You have the right to decide how, when, where, and how much of your money is spent, and on whom. You're right, there are some people who pretend they're in need, just so they can get a handout. Everyone knows this.
Camryn(Fighting) did not 'dig a hole too deep to climb out of.' She got married to a man she loved and they had 2 children. Pretty normal stuff. He just happened to turn out to be physically and emotionally abusive against her. Is that the hole she dug too deep? He beat her up and caused neurological damage to her. Some may be permanent damage. And that's her fault?? Get real!
She's offered to show proof of doc reports, medical bills, etc. to anyone who would be kind enough to help her. If you don't want to help her, fine, that's your right. But don't sit there and blame her for what a so-called man did to her. It's time victims stop getting the blame.
I recently screwed up overpaying a bill for my business, to the government yet! When I first found out I was Im-ing with a friend from here and he immediately offer to help "in any way", I turned him down, because it was more important to me that he just listened to me than wired me some cash to cover the error. It will work out their sending it back .
And I've been in alot worse situations. But I didn't expect someone to bail me out, I had to, to learn and grow as a person. Expect little and you will gain lots!
F4F, in another thread BFD made the remark that men mention how much they have not to give it away but to show how accomplished and what a good provider they can be. Doesn't mean after talking with them for a couple of weeks they are going to put you on the payroll, unless of cousre you could be their accountant or some other job in their business.
Go for the man and the qualities of their personality not the dollars sign.
. . . and let me clarify that I was being sarcastic when I wrote that millionaires don't have to give to those "truly in need". Of course, those truly in need need donations. For example, the tsunami victims and people with unforeseen, traumatic events need help to which I do share some money or my time. But people who happen to dig holes too big to climb out of in my opinion is not "truly in need people". And to giving money to the homeless, well, I do that from time to time. I don't generally give money rather I offer the homeless a nice dinner with me on occasion only to be turned down. I've offered them to help me with jobs before I pay only to be turned down. Giving money to the homeless is not an act of generousity in most cases. It's an act of supporting someone's alcohol or drug habit. At least around here anyway.
I think it's great that many of us know men in the seven figure bracket because, regardless whether we've reached that pinnacle yet ourselves, at least the gentlemen here know we aren't all "Pretty Women," poorer than Mother Theresa, looking for Richard Gere.
And Alert? When you made your first million, did you find that people came out of the woodwork at you? I mean, have you developed a sort of "scam-dar" where you can sense when someone is only interested in you for your wealth, and you know how to avoid them? I've heard of people who achieved wealth and suddenly discovered they had relatives they'd never heard of before! Do you worry, when you date a woman, whether she's sweet as sugar but fertile as a rabbit? That would be another scary prospect for a prosperous man...
I know I don't know you personally, Air Alert, but I've always wanted to ask a man of means if these things go through his mind. Ignore me if I'm being too invasive
BTW - You're a really down-to-earth guy. Kudos to you.
Once again , KG, you've hit it right on. I was on a date with someone last week. We were standing talking at my car, when a homeless person came up and asked for money. He took out his wallet and gave her some money. I don't know if it was a 5,10, or 20. But it told me volumes about the man.....that he was willing to share, that he had compassion, and all that good stuff. BUT one thing to keep in mind, if you find someone with lotsa dollars in that situation where you see him refuse to help. Sometimes people with money can spot a scam better because they've been approached so often....or they're knowledgable about that type of person. Just a thought from lil ole me. I like to give them another chance.
Now katiegirl is right when alluding to the fact that some guys with money are stuck on themselves or paranoid. Some guys will think that a woman showing an interest in something such as cars (which he brought up) is fishing for gold. Those people need to wake up and realize that genuine women will try to show a genuine interest. Katiegirl seemed to like this guy and wanted to share a commonality. Some guys are way too proud and prejudice (that was good by the way) and those guys you should be able to read like a book. And the smart millionaires who aren't too pround can see right through someone with unrealistic expecations. On your next date, Fighting4Freedom, I wouldn't tell someone how much you "truly need". Show someone how much you are interested in them and maybe the good will will come.
Fight4Freedom, I am not sure clearly what your expectations are? Looks like you're looking for charity. Can you "spare a couple hundred?" Give me a break. Being a millionaire doesn't mean that we give handouts to people just because they may "truly [be] in need". The women and people I spend time with and my money on are women who I generally care about and who care about me. It makes me feel good to take a woman that I care about out for a nice meal or vacation because I know they're with me and not for ammenities. But being at a bar and somone knowing how much money I make doesn't entitle them to having me cover their check or mortgage. To make comments like we "don't know how to share" is ridiculous. Just because most on this site (males and females) have worked hard and earned their money doesn't mean we give it out just because you need a little help. And I don't think many of us joined to show off our money and reel the opposite sex in. Some may, but I don't think most do. You've got a pretty twisted mind if you think millionaires are just supposed to give their money away because someone asks for it.
And I'm sorry that you "think the human race is a lost cause" just because you can't convince someone to give you money. We know who are genuine and who are not. You don't seem to want to solve your problems yourself. Seems like you want someone with money to solve them for you.
Pt 3 --- I think I'm making a safe assumption that any man on this site who claims/may well be a millionaire and says he wants to spoil and shower you with gifts...isn't looking for a life long loving partner. They are looking for fun...a play thing. And when they get bored or she gets to clingy, & demanding more affection and commitment from them...wellllll... "NEXT" ... she's gone and they'll be on the prowl for a new play thing.
If you want to find that lasting relationship, don't search based on a man's pocket book, because you may miss out on someone very special who is right for you. Look for someone with admirable qualities in their personality...how they treat & interact with others for starters, what do they have in common with you...do you make each other laugh? Can you talk into the wee hours of the night without any uncomfortable pauses?
The say opposites attract...very true, but statistics also show that opposites never last. Because their needs in all areas are very different and eventually one's needs are never met and can never be met without stressing the other person out trying to meet them. So look for someone with a similar personality to yourself and some common interests.
Pt 2 --- I've rubbed elbows with alot of millionaires. One I know is worth well over $100 million...baulked over
a $5.00 refund that the Toronto Zoo wouldn't give him for the wagon, because we gave it to someone else first. So I ran & got the wagon back to show them so he could get his $5.00. To him, it wasn't the $5.00...it was the principle! Poor or rich, the principle is the same! I myself would have just shrugged it off. That's the business side coming out in him I think! :-)
This same man is married to a wonderful lady. Worth millions, can send their kids to the best private schools in the World, and she home schooled her girls till gr 8 when each of them wanted to experience public school. If you saw her in the grocery store you would never know she was a millionaire. She doesn't put on aires, nor does her husband.
Eg. #2...A very good friend of mine is a Dr. also in the millionaire category...a month ago we went shopping at Holt Renfrew for a cocktail dress for her. HR was having a 70% off sale. Even with the discount it was still going to cost her a minimum of $600.00 for a dress! She's a practical person, not materialistic. She refused to pay that and took me to Winner's to look. We didn't find anything there either, but did at The Bay = to Macey's or J.C. Penny's in USA.
Then there is an acquaintance I haven't seen in years...considered "nouveau money". She let's everyone know what she has. So uncouth. I remember someone asking her if she belonged to a golf club...she replied in a very snobbish tone, "Oh yes, we belong to...___ (not a great golf club), but we will be joining another very soon!" As she ended her sentence, I watched her nose raise in the air. I don't associate with her anymore.