Your EXPERIENCE required for opinion or advice Romance

  • View author's info posted on Feb 23, 2005 10:06

    Alberto...have had some experience with being female in a small town and running into the "old boy network"even though I've known these lawyers and judges since we were kids.I have an opinion and if you are interested drop me a line.I'm not in the mood to start something by inadvertantly insulting someone.....write and I'll tell you what I experienced....
  • 4Comments

  • View author's info posted on Feb 24, 2005 20:35

    Yes Sharpe 1 we are looking at it from 2 different sides of the coin. I still think from the info Alberto did have, he left and is playing her and her feelings, trying to give her the slight hope of geting back together.

    But yes Alberto more info on the marriage situation is needed and the guy. Is he controlling? Is she scared of him in any way? But then forgives him all the time? That would help. But still get her butt to a lawyer!
  • View author's info posted on Feb 23, 2005 22:34

    I don't know, Alberto, something about that story just doesn't ring true. But I'm not an expert on this stuff. I was separated a long time before divorcing (you have to find them to serve them with papers!!) and finally had to selttle for half what I wanted in support because here in CA, as a community property state, if I hadn't taken the offer, one - it would have meant a jury trial, and two -- I would have had to take half his debt and he's not fiscally smart.

    I can never understand a man who won't support his own child, that 's just wrong and why CA has court enforced child support. We attach everything they've got to make them pay.

    But I do wish your friend a solution...I too would advise legal assistance, definitely good advice!
  • View author's info posted on Feb 23, 2005 17:22

    Last month I got a big $56 from my son's father, whoo whoo! And just paid for my son's new glasses this week for $215.....that went far eh?
    Try heating bills in Canada! LOL
    Already spent $500 in Oct and Nov!

    But she must help herself first, for her and her daughter. Even if it means going to a shelter to learn how to start over by yourself and get the self esteem back to not allow him to continue this game.
    She's probably entitled to alot more, but only a lawyer and judge would know for sure. In the meantime, it may mean she has to live with relatives, find a bigger place and have a boarder, or get a better job. Or borrow it off a friend, but I don't recommend that, because it can lead to being unable to pay back, then resentments etc.

    When you can't count on the father for anything, just have to suck it up and do it yourself!
    I've done it and so have alot of other ladies, on here and in life in general.
    After all the best revenge is living well when they aren't!
  • View author's info posted on Feb 23, 2005 17:13

    Alberto, this is not uncommon as it sounds. First he is playing her, the old come here go away game, and she's falling for it. That's why the trip together to visit relatives......had to look good for them......but once back home it's go bad to your hovel, while I party on, sleep around....whatever. He is keeping the hope in her alive, that he will come back permanently.......which he won't just wants her to think that.
    Second, tell her to be a detective and get the numbers of bank accounts, tax /social incurance numbers of his, and copy of his last income tax statement (if she can). Then get the butt to a lawyer. Every country has some sort of legal aid, or lawyers doing pro bono work. Contact a women's shelter, for information and support.
    And yes men pay as little as that......they even when there is a court order know how to play the system. And if she doesn't have a court order, he can give her nothing if he wants.
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