I agree with the tough love approach. If you were my best friend, I'd tell you to stop feeling sorry for yourself. While I personally would say its likely some combination of real and imagined prejudice, you have to decide what is within your realm of control. You can't change your skin color, you can't change that some men wont date you because of your race. So what's left? Change your approach, your view of the situation. If a white man snubs you SPECFICALLY and says it is because you are black, then I would check my program to see if I really want to be involved with that type of person.
Focus on you, what you can change. Stop worrying about other people. You cannot control them, and analyzing their behavior will only leave you more exhausted and less successful.
There is a site specifically for interracial dating. If you are looking to date outside your race, you will find someone. If you are specifically in search of a "rich" man, you may have trouble on that site.
FYI, there are good men out there who are not wealthy financially, but are truly wealthy in other ways. Men with money are not always the best choice. However, if you find a "good" male who happens to be financially ok, go for it. I must say that the "media" has played a role in
what a "wealthy" lifestyle looks like and unfortunately some people accept that vision.
Good luck to you.
This is a really, really simple question that has three really, really simple answers:
If a guys not attracted to you, he's not attracted... doesn't matter what color you are or what color he is, if he looks at you and thinks "yeah, that's never gonna happen" then it all stops right there.
If a guys not attracted to you, he really just doesn't care how nice/wonderful/smart/sexy etc. you may be. Now you can say anything you want about men being shallow etc. but honestly, women are the same way... just look at how many great guys have emailed you and you've not responded to!
Guys like things simple and if dating you, no matter what color/age/religon you are, will be complicated (no matter what the reason) then he's not going to go there. Example: Maybe he's attracted to you, you're the right age etc. but he works for a boss who's extremely prejudiced and he has a lot of social interaction with that boss and he really needs his job. He may want to date you but doing so means leaving his job, maybe moving to a new city for a new job etc. Tooo many complications to take on just to start a relationship you don't even know will work out (I actually knew a guy that was in that very situation).
I wrote a really nice article in the Dating Tips section under 'rejection' called The Cookie Theory, you should read it!
I have to agree with "Lotus". Although, she does indeed come across quite harsh, it may have been needed. I find it hard to stomach when SOME black women whine that "white" men don't contact them or find them to be what they want. Every post in the interracial section is on this same question. Why complain that a man isn't interested in you? Focus on a man who is interested. Seeking and chasing something/one that doesn't want you is extremely weird and desperate. You are obviously setting yourself up to be used and looked down upon. You can't make or force a man to want you. Obviously, if you aren't being contacted by a certain type of man, it's because YOU aren't what he is attracted to. They are entitled to their preferences. There are men of all races that have no problem going after what they WANT. It doesn't necessarily means its because you're black. I have no problem with white men or any man of any skin tone or social status attempting to be a part of my life for long term. Could it possibly be that the white men on here or elsewhere are attracted to a certain type or style of black women that they ARE contacting? Just like they are attracted to a certain style or look of a woman of any color?
Excuse me if I, myself, have been less than tactful.
I'm honest with her, and I'm sick of the coddling. These women need to hear the truth. If a lot of men don't have black ticked, it doesn't matter, you keep striving for what you want. Just don't complain about it...know your plight is harder but the reward much sweeter.
I have not read all the comments on this post, but I can't help but notice your comment on this post and a similar post by Coconut or something along that line - I don't mean to be judgemental, but I think you should ease up a bit on your overtly harsh criticism! You give good advice, but you need to choose your words carefully so you don't cause great upset to someone who is obviously feeling quite hurt. You talk about tact, but that's just what is missing from your commentaries. From where I am sitting, I think the author feels bad enough and being this harsh isn't going to help. You choice of words such as 'desperate', 'needy', 'unintelligent', 'unattractive' etc to describe this lady is very harsh, condescending, and bothers on insulting. She wrote her blog because that is how she feels. You may not agree with her, you may want to advise her, but do it with class, aplomb, tact and diplomacy! Most of all with love.
I do not necessarily agree with Creegan, but I must confess that I have seen a lot of profiles where all the races are ticked and the Black/African isn't - very many indeed. But that doesn't bother me, everyone has their preference and they should be allowed to - period. There are a lot of certified millionaire white men who absolutely love women of colour
This is an old post and I hope Creegan comes back here to read these responses - I would say, I wish you success in your search Creegan!
Gosh, women like you make life hard for all of us. You seem so desperate and really don't know what the dating game and attraction is about. Take a business strategy course, that'll help. If men aren't interested, then switch things up. You should learn that people do things genuinely out of influence not manipulation or guilt. If I were a man and came accross this type of behavior, I would snob you too because you are not savvy as a woman. Why would a quality man want to waste his precious time with a needy, unintelligent, as well as unattractive woman? A college degree doesn't mean that you're intelligent. It means you follow instructions well and can learn on a basic level. Attractiveness is intellectual as much as it is physical, so learn to be more cognizant with what you say and do.
Look, women and men are on the market like products. You can do three things: either you can learn your target base and offer a product that is sellable; If it's not moving, you can reinvent the wheel and offer something unique and desirable to shoppers; or simply go out of business. You pick which one is best for you but learn to get what you want with with dignity and tactfulness. These things should not ever be compromised.
You are so right. People have lots of money , but inside they are so miserable. I feel Its not about the color of our skin, its whats in our heads, and the way us as women carry our selves. Times have changed so much with color issues. Diversity is very much needed in our society if we are to survive. nice ????
Rejection is an integral part of love.And in love as in life you are going to get tons of rejections.This I believe has nothing to do with being black,white,chinese,asian and so on.The thing is we are all humans and so free to communicate and fall in love with whom ever we like.Sure enough some of us might have the "oh what would my parents,friends,think?" type of feeling.But in today's Global world i don't think anybody reason's that way anymore.People go for what makes their heart beat keeping aside customs, taboos and so on.It's one life So why waste time on one or two rejections or snobs.There's a lot of guys to choose from ,get past the snobs and pick the next guy that makes your heart beat.
I've been on the site less than 2 weeks and I have received nice comments and contact from white men. Everyone is entitled to their own preference, but I agree with the comments of easymantoloity more than black men from my personal experience.
If a person truly wants a interracial ve. In fact, I find that white men embrace my beauty, thirst for knowledge, and adventurous personalrelationship, or any relationship, it's important to be patient and be yourself. No one is every man's type but there are many men that recognize that beauty is skin deep.
BTW: People want to see who they are interacting with...I know I do so that may be part of the issue as well.
I think it's a person's preference. I like all men all races, colors and creeds. If he's sexy and have respect for me, it's game on.
My sister only prefers middle -eastern men, one sister loves only white men.
I agree witht he majority of the people on this forum. It all comes down to people's personal preferences. Don't get me wrong alot of it may have to do with race; but the majority reason is because, maybe that specific black woman or black women as a whole is not what the "white man" wants in his life. This doesn't make him racist, prejudiced, or anything else of the sort. Some times we have to stop looking at everything so deeply and take things for what they truly are.
Girlfriend, let me tell you, Im a african american woman who has been loved by the best and I might have been snubbed by the best but if so I havent noticed and if there had been something better out there I couldn't tell. I was too busy standing on cloud nine to even care. This man that loved me and I loved him was truly the best and there hasn't been and as far as I'm concerned never will be another he. And I'm ok with that.
How can I describe him, we both were young he was 22 and I was 18 when I met him. He was all that I ever wanted and then some. Like I said no one has compared to him ever since not to his wit, his charm and nor to his sophistication. He was the most sophisticated man I've ever known. Sure Ive seen sophicated men but none compares to him his love nor his personality. And He taught me self dignity, self worth and how to value myself as a black woman. When we were together I had all his time and undivided attention. He was just beautiful to me, and I didnt get tired of him telling me how gorgeous I was to him, am sure he did most of that to build my self esteem now which in fact I had very little of, his pockets were fat.if you know what I mean lol and he had all the material things that he needed and then some. Not only did the women all nationality of women flock to him but the men wanted to be his friend. In my small town where we were it was cool to be cool right lol, and He was the coolest you feel me in every way lol along with smooth and handsome and even his siluete left me breathless girlfriend let me add lol. And me being from a small town myself (I'm origanally from and had just came from the south when I met him) I thought the people in this town were cool but it wasnt until I met him (he being from chicago) realize they were jokes, lol. And yea in my small town I had met my big time hollywood, ok! hehe. We were suppose to go to california and there he would open his own entertainment business (a nightclub, no doubt, but hey we were young and adventurous,lol) but I had visions of him being killed. He was so charismatic and goal oriented that I thought he would rub people the wrong way basically I'd thoguht he'd step on a few toes. I was 21 by then and just had his baby our plans were to leave here after I had, had the baby and exactly three weeks later after the baby was born he was killed. And by some busters.
I'm sure you can just imagine what that did to me, in fact it hit me so hard that it took me exactly 17 years to get over him. He was very mature for his young age and was old school from the heart as he had been schooled by some original old schoolers when he grew up in the seventies in chicago. Those days are far gone, It was 1983 when we met and I think he was last of a dying breed and if you're wondering he was a black man. Although I won't even compare any of todays black men with him. I don't think most have a clue what it means to be a man let alone how to be loyal and loving or how to satisfy and be with a good black woman. If I had never met him I'm sure I would have never have known what I would have been missing and would have settled for way less than what I deserved all because of the way I was raised and the community I had grew up in. I would have thought I would have to had stayed loyal and loved the one that I was with despite how bad the relationship might have been. It is true that some men just dont know how to be men and that's a shame but that's life and it's a shame that is what it would take wake some of us up and send us looking outside our comfort zone to try and find love and hapiness. But we first must be happy with ourselves and love ourselves and treat others as we would ourselves. Eventhough, I know you know this, And if we can't love ourselves first and have some dignity and peace about ourselves, who can we give love too?
Now do I say all this to boast on what I had? No, not at all girfriend I only say this to tell you that just because someone don't seem to be that in to you it may have nothing at all to do with you but all to do with them. Even hating someone because of the color of their skin to me sounds like a personal problem or it may even have to do with the pressures of family and friends , co-workers maybe and even the community he lives in and or even his geographical location. In other words his enviroment may play a big part in who he chooses for a mate and even who he's use to dating and being with. Even his own way of thinking may play a big role in who he chooses. A lot of the older men may be widowed or divored and thier wives may have been the same color as they perhaps they never got over thier wives and look for someone similar to her. My man he called himself "Ricky Rose" by the way, and again I say he was a dying breed I was lucky to have ever met him and luckily he had some older men to school him and run the game down to him, lol so to speak and to show him how to be self reliant and to be a man.
He had skills and taught me how to love and gave me love even gave me a glimpse at the glamorous life he taught me style and sophistication but most of all how to take pride in myself have self dignity, self worth and some self esteem most of all be proud of who I was and learn how to be comfortable in my own skin. I've stayed out of the dating game for a long long time but knew I had the skills and the experience of what it took to know what to look for and to expect in a man and the patience for him to find me if I wanted him to find me, which I didnt. Because the best to me had died and I thought I had died with it. I wasn't even trying to be picky and when I did open my heart to love eleven years ago, and up until then I thought that that spark was dead but I had it that day I laid eyes on my new flame. I could have sworn It was love at first site But of course as it turned out it was'nt at all what I hoped it would be he just didn't live up too and couldn't compare to what I had gotten use to in Rick and not that I was even trying to compare him. I just couldnt settle for the imature nonsense and retoric.
I can be comfortable in almost any situation because I've been loved and cared for by the best, Up until now and a few years back I felt I owed much of growth as a woman to him but now realize I owe it alll to the Lord. And He has taught me a better way to love and to grow. So again it may not have anything to do with you who snubs you and who don't. Just be willing to do you and to love you and love others with the same love bringing the best you
Also, realize that when people are driven and even motivated by several things in thier lives that it may not always just one thing. Im not saying these are all good things nor am I saying they a bad thing but what I am say is to each thier own, right. on that note I wish you find your true love peace and joy
By the way take a look at some of the geographical location of these men and many of them are in the south. A lot of these men are old and in thier younger day may have been a part of something that you may not have wish to have taken part in to me those men can keep on trucking as well as the ones who have no clue as to how to be men. Could you imagine sitting down and trying to find something in common with these men when some of thier favorite words might be geared toward some ignorance they are use too. I can't imagine that girlfriend. Now I'm not trying to be bold or insulting what I've said I believe to be the truth. So just do you girlfriend. There are many children in this world who go hungry or who just need a voice. Go check them out. They too need love and for someone to care for them. I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket as the old saying goes. If love is here that's great if its not I can move on I don't need a man and his money to make me happy. And besides that who know's maybe the Lord has other plans and other ways for you to meet your Mr. Right.