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can someone tell me why without being hurtfull
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Posted on Tue, Jul 03, 2012 01:14

why is it so easy for black men to date outside there race and dont care about looks weight just as long as she is white or any other race than black but when it comes to white men dating black women its few and very far between. Its as if black women are shunned by black,white and asian men



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Posted on Sat, Jun 14, 2014 13:20

He has a point!!



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Posted on Sat, Nov 10, 2012 05:15

As the "black" actually Jamaican half of an interracial couple, I have never had any problem with white men looking to take me out and even date me. But let's say of of 10 white men that would take me out, 6 of them would actually be open for an actual relationship rather that me being their fantasy hookup. Out of those 6 that would date me on a regular basis, only 3 of those would bring me home to meet friend and family. Out of those 3, maybe one would have a family and friends that look past the color. I'm ok with most of that. It is what it is and at times- I am only looking for a hookup as well. :)
As for the comparison of black men being open to date a white woman regardless if they are heavy or not and not so much for a white man open for a heavy black woman. That lies soley on the shoulder of the black man. In my experience(and had plenty of that too before I realized white men treat you so much better) they do not only hook up with heavy WHITE women- they will hook up with heavy, skinny, medium, etc of ANY color woman.
All I can tell you- is be yourself. Talk to white men at work, talk to them when you go out, make friends with them and be comfortable. Unless you are a smoking hot model- white men will not just approach you(yes, black women do intimidate white men) but if they see you comfortable with the white men in your group- it makes you much more approachable.



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Posted on Sat, Oct 06, 2012 14:35

I don't seem to be having an issue with being looked over because of my race. I get more likes and chats from more white men than black men. I beleive men are attracted to women who show a softer personality and sometimes I think some of us black women may seem to be too agressive.



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Posted on Fri, Oct 05, 2012 17:32

Superior, you're dead on and several of us have pointed these very things out as reasons why black women are, as you say, "get the short end."



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 Chat now 
Posted on Thu, Oct 04, 2012 02:35

Whether or not the term "race" has any actual biological significance, it still has real CULTURAL consequences on how we interact with each other on a day to day basis. As to the original poster's question; I honestly think sexism is more of the issue than racism. Let's face it, women are commodified to a certain extent in our culture, and men's psyches are deeply effected by this. Anyone who denies that black women, as a whole, get the short-end of the dating stick in the USA need to look at statistics. It is an issue of both supply and demand. Black women often times do not make themselves available to elgible bachelors of other races i.e. I have alot of friends who won't "dip in the other pot" for various reasons, most of them ridiculous, but some of them very real (the preservation of the black family structure). But there is also a demand issue--black women's natural hair, complexion and curves can be rejected by some circles. So unless she chooses to change these things (nothing wrong with either choice), even the most poised black woman might be passed up by elgible bachelors.



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Posted on Sun, Sep 30, 2012 15:38

Quoting DeVawn:

Geez...you people make it so complex!!! I have no idea where you meet the individuals some of you reference in your stories!!! All I'm reading are stereotypes!!! First of all GET RID OF THE TERM RACE!! There's only one RACE and that's the HUMAN RACE!!! Secondly, some of you make it sound as if others are different SPECIES!!!
 PLEASE  stand-up, walk away from the computer, grab your keys and leave the house. Take time to enjoy the wonderful variant human flowers in Gods' great garden!!

Wow Devawn, why are you upset?  I think everyone handled the topic with honesty, sensitvity and a great deal of respect. 

Was there something specific that bothered you beside the very common use of "races" which was used minimally?



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Posted on Tue, Sep 11, 2012 17:19

Geez...you people make it so complex!!! I have no idea where you meet the individuals some of you reference in your stories!!! All I'm reading are stereotypes!!! First of all GET RID OF THE TERM RACE!! There's only one RACE and that's the HUMAN RACE!!! Secondly, some of you make it sound as if others are different SPECIES!!!
 PLEASE  stand-up, walk away from the computer, grab your keys and leave the house. Take time to enjoy the wonderful variant human flowers in Gods' great garden!!



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Posted on Thu, Sep 06, 2012 17:17

I've avoided this thread for quite a while... maybe the rum/cokes have numbed my judgment... so, here goes:

My first love was a black woman.  This was 30+ years ago and the racial prejudice of her father killed the relationship.  Since then, I have dated several black women and been asked out by dozens more and here's my experience:

Attraction is a funny thing.  I like brunettes more than blondes, prefer brown eyes over blue, like darker skin over pasty white.  For instance, I do well with latinas but not asians and I'm certainly not attracted to all women (I generally don't find round faces attractive).  I would date Hallie Berry long before I'd date Rosanne Barr.

I get asked out by black women quite often and many times, they are physically too heavy for me and/or they simply are not groomed to the level that would fit within my work and social circles.  The reality is, I would turn down any woman for these same reasons... but if I have to buck trends, I'm going to have a good reason for doing so.

The intellectual attraction is often easier to resolve, a woman either is educated (formal or self) and intelligent or she's not (educated doesn't mean intelligent).  I meld best with someone who is intelligent, speaks well and has a good thought process... same applies to all colors/races.

The heart is next and I get along best with women who are strong but not pushy... they don't let me push them nor do they push me, things are handled with kindness, compassion and in a loving way... this is hard to find no matter what the skin color but I find few black women fit well with me, they tend to be extremely pushy and agressive (grabbing my phone to see who I'm talking to - I don't take that crap from anyone)... far beyond what I would ever see in a white woman or a hispanic.

When you happen to find someone who meets the above criteria, then you have to date them.  As luckysteve pointed out, you have the cultural acceptance issues and oddly enough, my experience tells me that the black culture has a bigger problem with interracial dating than the white culture.

I have had black men walk up to the table and tell my date "if you want to date a real man, drop this honky and come with me" (no shit, happend at a jazz bar in Atlanta in a primarlily white and upscale section of town).  I have had black women walk up and raise hell at my date for betraying their own race.  Obviously it takes strength to handle these situations and most black women I've dated crumble under the pressure... never during the confrontation but at the end of the date or the next call... had a black trial attorney tell me she couldn't deal with the public pressure.

There have been numerous studies done on this topic and a couple of us have referenced those studies in other posts.  Bottom line is that for attraction to occur, cultural differences between the races must be minimized... this includes dress, language and behavior (trust me, an ebonics based email will NOT get an answer from me no more than a white girl using text speak - u no wht I mn?).

Bottom line is, it's hard to date interracially and if it's going to be hard then it's got to be worth it...  I suspect most black women on here are encountering this same mindset.



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Posted on Sun, Aug 05, 2012 13:40

Black women are generally intimidating, especially the successful one's. Being outspoken can be percieved as aggressive. Men still like to chase but a woman's response or demeanour is easily felt. Just be feminine when being admired or chased.



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Posted on Wed, Jul 04, 2012 09:20

Quoting LotusBudForever:

Cokeohnut, it's nice that you notice a disparity so maybe that means that there are personality issues that seem to be holding some black women back. If you're frustrated trying to seek an interracial relationship, consider really looking at yourself and picturing the kind of man you want who is non-black. You clearly have a taste for sophisticated men since you're on this site, so do you think your style reflects the kind of man you want to attract? I recommend double checking. I do it too, to ensure that I am on the right track and to learn how to reflect my taste and personality more effectively. Do some research on looking elegant and polished and see how your image falls in line with what's recommended by style and image experts. I can tell you that weight loss should be a priority. I have lost weight too. Nothing you want will come without hard work, flebility to change, and a smart strategy. I would get a book on good ettiquette to ensure I'm hitting the mark on what's appropriate, especially for higher society culture.  Non-verbal behavior is half the battle the other half is based on the physical. Master both and the world will be your oyster.

Excellent response Lotus.  In short, you have to "be", what you "want".



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Posted on Sun, Jun 10, 2012 15:37

Well, don't move to Southern California, because you would really be disappointed. These men here want arm candy Barbies, and it doesn't matter the race as long as the woman is thin.
Blame it on television, fashion, and just plain old cultural differences. Thick black women have been seriously stereotyped in American culture as being aggressive. It's not true, but I still think some view it as the woman will be difficult and there will be constant drama. I think the person above had it right. Black men just love women and are not afraid to date a woman because of weight. Vogue, Vanity Fair, Cosmo, etc. promote being thin. White guys have grown up with a different view of weight since white women worry more about their butts being big and whether or not they have gained too much weight. Black women embrace the weight and white women do not. I could be wrong but this is what I have noticed living in a community that is about 85% white in the most vanity loving region of the country.



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Posted on Wed, Jun 06, 2012 10:31

I would second the comment that it is different in the UK. Though the UK till has quite a set class system.  So it is not so much races wont date out of their race.  Its often that someone two class levels above another person, does not want to date way below their class.
Of course there are exceptions to the rule.  But this seems the case 90% of the time with SD/SB dating.



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Posted on Mon, Apr 23, 2012 08:47

I date all races but tend to date black women more than others. I agree that it is hard to get around the stereotypes. What impossible for me to get around is some of the actions that I have been subjected to by black women that they seem to think are perfectly all right. Several have ask me to pick them up away from where they live or have hidden when they got into the car so that their friends/neighbors did not see them with a white guy. When I ask them why they tell me that their friends/neighbors will think they are prostitutes if they see them with a white guy. That tells me real quick that the relationship is going no where and I wonder why they agreed to go out at all.
Next is the idea of being constantly late. I arrange a time to meet someone. They arrive 45 minutes to two hours late without giving me a call. or call ten minutes before the date to cancel. or just do not show up at all. The worst example is a lady that calls me 20 minutes before we are to meet to go to a concert to tell me she is 600 miles awqay with her sister. She had been gone for three days and knew that she would not be back in time to go with me. Then email me the next day and the email always starts "please do not be mad..."
the last is always putting family members before everyone else. I understand family emergenies but canceling a date to take your cousin to the grocery store is not an emergency. I know that there are some cultural differences and family is important but give me a break.
Luckily a lot of black women do not act in this manner and I have had some really great relationships with black women. But when you are treated with this lack of respect it does tend to sour you on taking a chance again.
Can anyone explain any of this to me?



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Posted on Sat, Apr 21, 2012 20:46

Hello all...

I deal with this conversation with a coworker friend of mine.  I date interracailly exclusively,  I haven't had an issue.  Yes, I feel that way sometimes.  Especially when the majority of profiles don't list black women as an option.  That doesn't stop me. 
Every man.. literally every one has said that they wouldn't approach me first.  Why?  Black women are known to not date outside the community.  Statistics show it.  However, when we get the conversation going.. it's great. 
As to the not getting married to a man outside the community, no one has told me that.. ever.  I'm divorced so that obviously isn't true.  Honestly, if a man isn't interested in you, for whatever reason.. move around.  It's not worth the time or effort to deal with , 
And the "across the pond" deal is very true.  America is just backwards.  We just aren't that far out from segregation for there to be a huge amount of change.  If you look at other countries that are relatively new, they have this big push to marry within their communities.

Do you own thing.  When the right guy comes along you'll be ready.  Invest in yourself so that you will be ready.



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Posted on Wed, Apr 18, 2012 00:59

Quoting Cocoalady2011:

Honestly, I think that stereotypes about black women do us more harm than anything else. Once people have a certain idea about black women in their heads, its hard to get it out. Furthermore, the fact that some black women have internalized these stereotypes and act on them, do not help either.

Then there is also the fact that many black women "seemingly" aren't open to other races of men the way other groups of women sometimes are. From my travels, the top 2 questions men of other races always ask me are:
1.) Do black women ACTUALLY like (insert race here) men?
2.) Why do black women think that (insert race here) men don't like them?

I think we've all heard some of the toxic things that have been said about black women in our community, "you'll never get married", "non-black men will have sex with you, but won't marry you", "the world thinks you're unattractive"...

and so we've allowed these things to affect our self-esteem. From my own experiences and I'm generally pretty, I've found that tons of men of all races will appreciate a good woman regardless of our race. We've just got to stop listening to the bs, take care of ourselves, and get out there.

I think we've all heard some of the toxic things that have been said about black women in our community, "you'll never get married", "non-black men will have sex with you, but won't marry you", "the world thinks you're unattractive"...

it is sad but true.



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Posted on Mon, Mar 19, 2012 16:07

@Jaydeskiss-Very nicely said!



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Posted on Mon, Mar 19, 2012 16:06

@ LotusBudForever....Wow sis, that comment was deep. I like that!! I also needed that advice as well. Thank you!!



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Posted on Sun, Mar 11, 2012 13:09

I dont think that is true of black men. I think they just like bigger or curvier women and white men generally like smaller women...just ends up that our ethnicities give us certain things that sometimes our men do or dont like :/



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Posted on Wed, Feb 22, 2012 23:53

I am a black female, I have gone out with black men, but never date a black male long term. My mate of 17 years was a white male. I just think it is about preference. The other thing was that we had things in common (education and social causes). It didn't hurt that I was 38/24/36 when we met; those are not my measurements today.


I do understand what you are referring in regards to black males and larger white females. But as I have said the media has played a role in the negative stereotype of African American women. The reality is that there are black females out there who just don't care and that is who America think we are, but the camera never find those of us who do care and are not loud and negative.

I wish you well.



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