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Posted on Mon, Sep 11, 2006 13:21

hey beauty, yes, the wine tasting and biking venue is on mountain bikes and it should get pretty funny. We're going with a few couples. My new gf and I went mountain biking on an island here, it was a pretty amazing trip. We spent the entire weekend together. More friends met her and boy, like everyone else they keep telling me she's the one. We're so natural together, I feel like I've known her for years. I still have to be onguard for the BPD GF though and I'm finding good support at the online group. It's interesting to see all the lines these sick people use. Other BPDs use exactly the same lines on their victims as mine does on me. Here are the lines people need to watch our for...



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Posted on Mon, Sep 11, 2006 06:07

beautynbrains4u write:
Blue, I'm never gonna live down that (true) tic tac incident, am I...LOLOLOL. I guess I'll never be able to tell you about the stud finder I received as a gag gift from my fam last christmas. And here I thought you were supposed to tape it to your forehead. LOLOLOL!!

But why distract men hard at work??

now that was funny!!!!!! I think you just slide down and across the appropriate area and when the light grows you know you've hit paydirt. putting it on your forehead would work too, and you'll need help you perfect your technique regarding that approach!!



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Posted on Sun, Sep 10, 2006 20:51

beautynbrains4u write:
I'd put up my dukes, but those guys in the white suits have got me all tied up, LOL! (finally, my fantasy come true). LOLOLOL!!


Oh BnB, if I had only known. Women!! Such terrible communicators.

lol



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Posted on Sun, Sep 10, 2006 20:28

beautynbrains4u write:
Bernie,LOL, I'd put up my dukes, but those guys in the white suits have got me all tied up, LOL! (finally, my fantasy come true). LOLOLOL!!

you can distract them by shooting a few tic tacs out your nose when they restrain you to get those tie downs on you BB4



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Posted on Sun, Sep 10, 2006 17:25

U are oh so right I agree totally



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Posted on Fri, Sep 08, 2006 20:59

BeautynBrains,
I am from earth. Everyone else is not.

I am sane, everyone else is not.

I am a perfect example of handsome and smart. Everyone else, especially those hunks, are really ugly and dumb as a stump.

And I am easy going, and if you don't think so, just put up your dukes and I will make you believe me.

I think I am beginning to see a pattern here.

Gota go, the guys in the white suits are calling me.

lolololol



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Posted on Fri, Sep 08, 2006 06:21

Beauty...it's more than common sense and love. I'm not going to lead the new girl I'm seeing astray like I did earlier when IT came back into my life. I have to see her friends and family and face them and they know that I took IT back and dumped her. So my character would be ruined if I take her back.

I look at the BPD lifestyle, and it's one of destruction and ruin. In a normal healthy relationship a couple works together to build a nest and net worth. To move forward with a common goal of improving their life. I look at my BPD as she lives now, and the life she lives with her "ex" (oops, not an ex this week) has been totally destructive...they have pulverized their net worth, lost their house...and they live in a junkyard in the armpit of this town. She calls him a Porn King. Over the three years I've been seeing my BPD she has been nothing but destructive to my life as well.

Only thru my developing relationship with my new gal am I finally seeing what I've been missing...trust, real beauty, honesty and someone who will be there tomorrow when I wake up who is looking out for my best interests as well as their own. And not go sleep with another guy. This week I took my new girl to an island to jog, I also want to do an island mountain bike adventure with her later that I've been dreaming of.

We've booked a mountain bike wine tasting day where we ride from winery to winery on our mountain bikes. So we are building, planning and sharing memories. Healthy, normal memories and accomplishing my dreams together. And she is the best cuddler I've ever been with...that's a bonus! The more time I spend with her the more worthless and "not so special" my BPD GF appears to be.



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Posted on Wed, Sep 06, 2006 08:33

My new GF and I have now made plans for the fall...including taking her to my high school reunion. What my new GF is giving is real. It's funny because "real" is so important to me and she does not even understand that. Real feelings. I think I'm setting up effective barriers to block the BPD from coming back...for me to take her back now would totally devoid me of my character as I've made future commitments. So I've set the stage for the impossible. I could never do something like plan to take my BPD to a HS reunion...you'd never know if she would be around. Everything has to be spontaneous because there is no other choice. The sad part is that she would have really enjoyed it.

I've found a good place on the internet to share my problem. So many people impacted by these devils...and they all have exactly the same story I have. So far, it seems, the most successful survivors seem to be the ones who move away and stay out of contact. It's amazing really...they all say RUN, don't look back, get away, get out of there. Let her find a new victim. Save yourself. None of it makes sense...why would anyone choose to live in a junkyard (really, that is where she lives) with a pennyless Joe who works for Daddy and pretends to be an entrepreneur who has no friends except from adult web sites instead of on a yacht, a beautiful waterfront home, tons of real friends and is a genuine self made success? Why would she choose to live with a guy who degrades and abuses her constantly and in public instead of someone like me who treated her with love and respect? Either she is ill or she just plain and simple loves this guy to death and is just using me for sex.

These horrible creatures make a joke out of love and sex. May you never experience the trauma of one of these animals.



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Posted on Tue, Sep 05, 2006 13:07

Teresa as much as you like to think it's me...I don't have issues of infidelity when I'm in a committed relationship. I don't make promises and then walk away from them 50 times....minutes, hours or days later. One of the toughest things about being normal and being with a BPD is being trusting in what people say. From last year, she wrote this...

"The only person I am thinking about is you. You...that's it. Your gone now on your trip....and all I think about is you. Look at pictures of you....think about when you're coming back, I think about what you're doing. I talk about you....to my family. I watch TV and think of you...

That's it...simply put. I love you. I'm not that person anymore...not anymore. I am doing everything now to make that person die...go away forever. I'll show you...through work and through us...that old person is history. It's all history....I love you"

How many times does the BPD beg one to give them another chance and they will show you that they can be normal? Probably the best BPD line is "how can I show you if you wont give us a chance." And as soon as you give them a chance, they have sex with you and run back and have sex with their partner. So when the BPD tells me things are going to be different each time, they are going to prove that they are good and decent and honest, they are lieing. They will trick you with every word, say anything to get you to accept them and get them out of their perceived "life". My BPD would go back to her partner and grab onto his ankles and cry and beg him to take her back...I asked her how come she never does that with me if she loves me so much (not that I want that)...and she said that I wouldn't put up with her acting and that she would be too embarassed to pull off that nonsense with me. Although one time she did actually try that two years ago and I just pushed her out the door. So she does learn new tricks...



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Posted on Tue, Sep 05, 2006 04:52

I agree wwww, blaming and accusations only takes place in disturbed or unhealthy relationships. I've never been blamed or accused (nor accused or blamed) in any relationship I've been in my whole life...Until the BPD. I've never talked badly to a woman, until the BPD. When I would accuse or blame the BPD, I was right to do so just about everytime as she would later on admit she was up to no good...sometimes a year later. Healthy and successful relationships are built and based on trust - honesty - loyalty and good communication, so there is no room for blaming and accusations. Each time my BPD comes back to me, I make that clear. But she has only known untrusting, dishonest, no fidelity and poor communication relationships all her life, so that's all she knows.



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Posted on Mon, Sep 04, 2006 19:28

Teresa "
And you state that a normal healthy relationship has blaming and accusations occurring rarely if at all. what planet were you born on? "

***********************

I don't think healthy people in a relationship do any of this, or any other type of bad behavor.

I was born on planet Earth. And you??



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Posted on Mon, Sep 04, 2006 17:37

well beauty it sure is nice waking up in disneyland. the problem is I only wake up in disneyland a dozen times a year with the BPD. anyway...now I'm waking up with someone normal and decent. it may not be disneyland yet, but I'm working on it. no chaos, no turmoil, no accusations, no lieing, no indecent behavior and no interest in going back to the ex or seeing anyone else. And it's nice to actually make real plans with someone for trips. To be honest, I don't expect to ever go back to disneyland again...the cost was way too high. My new GF kept asking me this weekend "so what do you want Bob?" I said, "just a good woman....just a good woman. that's it." The impact of the BPD on so many people...my new GF, I dumped a month ago for my BPD GF, well her friends and family were not happy with me. They couldn't understand how anyone could dump such a beautiful nice person. Besides, she always does the dumping. I'm beginning to think I'm a huge challenge for her. She can get any man she wants, but she was having trouble getting me...



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Posted on Mon, Sep 04, 2006 17:11

Doctor Bob is in the house and if you do not comply or feel sorry for him then he will label you a BPD sufferer and its not based on facts or evidence, it's merely based on whats going on in his own mind.

Bob there is no excuse to manipulate 2 women which you have done and not actually cared for either of them because if you cared you would not have the two at one time or lead them both up the garden path eh! Thats you simply being selfish to your own needs at their expense playing one off against the other.

And because I wont accept that behaviour because i think its a very weak thing for you to do to both those women, you say Im BPD to distract from your own issues.

When you learn how to treat women with respect you may just meet the right person for you.



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Posted on Mon, Sep 04, 2006 16:53

ha ha ha Bob

The BPD label is usually denied by BPDs...look at Terasa blaming me and calling me the sick one. This is a typical BPD maneuver. Blame and accuse the normal partner. A normal healthy relationship has blaming and accusations occurring rarely if at all.


You admitted you was horrible to everyone around you when you suffered BPD yourself and yet you condemned all other BPD sufferers but not yourself.

Do not assume Bob that just because you take that bad stance when its the pot calling the kettle black that you can then throw your own issues onto me by blamming me and accusing me of being a BPD sufferer just because thats your only way out of your own behaviour by trying to discredit my intentions and turn me into a BPD because thats the best you can come up with. And to accuse me of being BPD also shows that you have an illusive mind that is paranoid and feels the need to bring everyone to your level of thinking.

And you state that a normal healthy relationship has blaming and accusations occurring rarely if at all. what planet were you born on?

Every relationship has its ups and downs and accusations or blaming and no relationship is perfect by any standards. You however feel the need to assume that everyone has PBD and you never had it confirmed your ex come bit on the side come g/f has it and you just made it up like you have just done with me too. You need an excuse for your behaviour and look at her or me to pin something on with no evidence other than your own assumption because it is you with the problem but you just hate to see that.



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Posted on Fri, Sep 01, 2006 07:01

But what you miss is that one doesn't know they are going into a hole. It took me six months before I actually understood what was happening. So what you say is not reality. Six months before I figured out I was already in the hole. Read the bullshit from the BPD mind...

"I want you to be with me...forever. I don't want you to have cold feet. You told me you know what I need....so give it to me. No tests...no trials...just us..together. You've never left my mind...not once...since I met you. To me, you are the biggest decision in my life. You and only you, have made me think about marriage & the commitment it
contains. So when I think of being with you...I think of it as being
one of the biggest decisions of my life. You have no idea what you've
done to me....you've changed who I am...you make me strive for better.
You make me sooo happy...even when we aren't dating. I can't count the
number of times I laugh out loud in my car thinking of you....or cry
watching a movie that reminds me of us. How, HOW on earth could I ever
be without you? If it takes us months to build our relationship back....I'll wait. If it takes us a year...two years...to get there...I'm in. Bottom line is....I hope to marry you.....I love you."

And with the flick of a switch...two minutes later, or two days later...the answer to her question... EASY! Go back to the ex. I can't help but be moved by her writing although she doesn't mean anything that she says. Nothing sticks, nothing is real, there is no truth. Just lies and deception. What I don't understand is what the BPD is really seeking or after. Is it just sex? What is she using me for? She is using me for something. I know what I want. I companion and a partner in life. But what does she actually want from me? I don't know, maybe if I knew what she is really after in her extra-marital affairs, I could get further away from the black hole. Do women use men for sex like men do women?



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Posted on Thu, Aug 31, 2006 19:00

beautynbrains4u write:

big22blue write:
beautynbrains4u write:
So true Big22blue, but often getting to that point is the hardest part. It takes many bumps alongside the head to knock some sense into us. Hopefully we find our way home before we are permanently brain damaged!

or old enough to not get too jazzed by much of anything, unless it is really worth the time and effort. same with people I think. if they are too tooooo demanding then you have to move on. drained brains only happen in the movies. drained hearts and minds happen when we don't know when to say enough!! We old Ayn Rand fanatics recite the mantra daily to promise to only do those things we want, and expect only that others would do the same. that way, a hand held out means something, as there is no gun at your head making you feel guilty. this is a tough situation when you're in it and you have to have a soft spot for this guys problems.



"Life teaches us to be less harsh with ourselves and with others" Goethe

Thus, In life I prefer to keep my hand out,but with age my reflexes are quicker. I'll snap it back in before I'm drawn into a black hole. Live and learn.

great quote beauty!! I'm stealing this when I deal with clients that feel everything slipping away. I'm the same way, and as I've gotten older, that hand is deeper to grip, but ready to snap back. we have a limited capacity to pull ourselves out of that hole. you are a smart girl



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Posted on Thu, Aug 31, 2006 06:44

tigerlilly bpd on the extreme side is suicidal and makes up almost 20% of psychiatric "residents." I don't think mine is suicidal, that would be the last thing. Cutting, or self-disfigurement, is also found in the very ill BPD. BPD diagnosis is almost cut and dry...there are something like 9 symptoms, if you have 5 of them you are diagnosed as BPD. All BPDs aren't suicidal, nor do they all cut, nor are they all molestation victims. Each of those is one of the 9 symptoms and you don't have to have any one symptom to be BPD. And yes it often is accompanied by other serious mental illnesses.

The BPD label is usually denied by BPDs...look at Terasa blaming me and calling me the sick one. This is a typical BPD maneuver. Blame and accuse the normal partner. A normal healthy relationship has blaming and accusations occurring rarely if at all.

Beauty, you are right on with your comments. I don't plan on using my new GF as a life ring, I'm letting the relationship take it's course slowly. She is coming for me, slowly, and "playing" hard to get...but I see thru it because reality is she migrates to me and we make plans together. I'm going to start a thread on playing hard to get, because this girl is amazing at it. There is a very strong analogy to business and this affair of the heart. Like I said, we don't give up. Self Preservation sometimes doesn't turn on because we would rather die for the cause than say we lost. How many guys have I seen with a business they would rather see get snuffed out than take $300,000 and put it in their pocket to sell out. They'd rather die bankrupt than sell out. That's what I struggle with. A love for a person or business that is going bankrupt. It's that spirit that drives me. Most people can't relate to it, but it is horrible. I've been there in business. And now in love. Two and a half years I've been staring down this path to nowhere...filled with chaos and horrors.



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Posted on Wed, Aug 30, 2006 20:35

BPDs do have a high rate of suicide because they often come with a plethora of other mental illnesses. They also engage in the dangerous behavior known as "splitting", essentially where all is viewed as "good" or "bad". There is no grey area. That sets up a scenerio for very extreme actions.
BPDs also usually have a parent who has the same disorder. A good book to read on this topic is called, The Borderline Mother. Many people speculate that Lewis Carol's mom ( Lewis Carol is author of Alice in Wonderland) had BPD and the many female tyranical characters in his book are actual representations of his mother's many personalities.
Also, BPDs engage in self destructive behavior.. notably cutting. If you are a cutter and a splitter, the diagnosis is usually bpd. A difficult crowd to handle indeed.



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Posted on Wed, Aug 30, 2006 11:07

I want the rights to the screen play.

I figure Demi can play the bad girl and MerylStreep should play the sweet understanding one. I can't figure out who the male star shoud be. Any ideas folks??

Are there any other important players I need to cast??

Do we need for the pope and the war in Iraq to get into the script somehow?

Who are we going to have get killed in the plane wreck on the mountain top, and who is going to hike out, eating bear meat on the way?



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Posted on Wed, Aug 30, 2006 09:39

beautynbrains4u write:
So true Big22blue, but often getting to that point is the hardest part. It takes many bumps alongside the head to knock some sense into us. Hopefully we find our way home before we are permanently brain damaged!

or old enough to not get too jazzed by much of anything, unless it is really worth the time and effort. same with people I think. if they are too tooooo demanding then you have to move on. drained brains only happen in the movies. drained hearts and minds happen when we don't know when to say enough!! We old Ayn Rand fanatics recite the mantra daily to promise to only do those things we want, and expect only that others would do the same. that way, a hand held out means something, as there is no gun at your head making you feel guilty. this is a tough situation when you're in it and you have to have a soft spot for this guys problems.



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