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Posted on Thu, Sep 28, 2006 06:26

BNB, the only other one to impact me so deeply was my high school GF...and I get to see her for the first time in a few weeks. You never get over that stuff. My 82 year old father just got a letter from his ex fiance, over 50 years after splitting up, telling him how she spent her whole life wishing she was with him...and they were only together for 6 months. I felt the same way about my HS GF...and you are right, it takes years to recover from these once in a lifetime events...if ever. For me, I know I'm done. At this age, with a wound this deep and fresh, it's pretty much game over. So, I'll put on a smile and enjoy life as I always do. But inside I'll be missing something, but no one will know. I mean these days I'm amazed how people keep telling me that they haven't seen me laughing and behaving "normally" like this in two years. I don't quite get that part, because inside I feel rotted...but outside looking in, everyone says I'm good.

My main salvation really is that none of it was real. I was just used in a game of STF love between two very ill people who don't give a damn who gets hurt or destroyed, including their own kid, as long as they get their rocks off and can broadcast their sex life on the internet. Why would anyone want to be involved with creeps like that? I remember when she was with me a few years ago, one night her ex phoned her 27 times...they weren't even living together. 27 times. A month ago he was phoning her at 2 AM. That is the life of a BPD. Chaos. Chaos that never ends. Infidelity. Infidelity that never ends.

"I'm confused"
"you don't want to get into it now, do you?"

Famous BPD lines to suck you into their vortex and chaos. None of it is real.

And the music that means so much to me...the worst part is realizing that for her, it was all about him, not me. She sucked me in, used me, and threw me away...and what sucks is she'll be back to try and destroy me again. and again. BPD.



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Posted on Wed, Sep 27, 2006 23:44

beautynbrains4u write:
Can't seem to find my words lately on the forums....post,delete... Suffice to say, Life is sure full of some trippy sh*it!

beauty, me too!! do they edit what we write?



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Posted on Tue, Sep 26, 2006 05:08

Such a beautiful song, one of my favorites...but it's all about BPD. No wonder Smokey wrote so many GREAT songs...he must have been in love with a BPD because it's how I felt:

I don't care what they say
I don't care what they think if you're leaving
I'm gonna beg you to stay
I don't care if they start to avoid me
I don't care what they do
I don't care about anything else
But being with you being with you
Honey don't go don't leave this scene
Be out of the picture and off of the screen
Don't let them say we told you so
Don't tell me you love me and then let me go
I heard the warning voice
>From friends and my relation
They tell me all about your heart-break reputation
I don't care what they think about me
I don't care what they say
I don't care what they think if you're leaving
I'm gonna beg you to stay
I don't care if they start to avoid me
I don't care what they do
I don't care about anything else
But being with you being with you
People can change they always do
Haven't they noticed the changes in you
Or can it be that like love I am blind
Do I want it so much 'til it's all in my mind
One thing I know for sure
It's really, really, real
I never felt before the way you make me feel
I don't care what they think about me
I don't care what they say
I don't care what they think if you're leaving
I'm gonna beg you to stay
I don't care if they start to avoid me
I don't care what they do
I don't care about anything else
But being with you being with you
Being with you being with you



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Posted on Fri, Sep 22, 2006 14:04

beautynbrains4u write:
LOL, Blue, so you like living in the danger zone,I see (re:profile). Seems to me your the naughty boy who needs the spanking!LOL!

no pain for me beauty!!! Always lived by hit first, harder and often. then once more. but the naughty part? maybe, we'll have to see.



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Posted on Fri, Sep 22, 2006 08:15

Yeah it's been no fun being number two for the last 3 years when you're used to being number one in everything you do. It's been no fun being lied to either. Sometimes you have to just sit back and look at the situation for what it is. I've been the sideshow and entertainment for a very sick couple that love each other to death in a very sick and twisted relationship. I was just being used and manipulated in their games with each other. Time to get a life. I think after this weekend with my new "GF" I'll declare her my GF and leave the BPD to play her games on someone else. You know it's nice when someone treats you special...she wrote me this week. "you look so good." "you have the best smile." When someone told my friend last week "how could he possibly want to be with someone like her who treats him so badly when he could be with someone who is so successful, attractive and fun" it kind of takes me aback. We humans are strange creatures...who would pick misery over happiness?



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Posted on Wed, Sep 20, 2006 20:28

The brutual reality for me and this BPD is that the BPD loves someone else and just uses me, never loved me at all. It's been proven 25 times already and to let her back into my life will prove a 26th time that she loves someone else, not I. And as she carries on, she will meet someone else and totally destroy them too. That's the sad part...more lives will be ruined and damaged. Anyway, I continue to work hard on my new relationship with someone who is healthy for me. You know what's funny, is when I told my new GF that I was depressed from my BPD experience last year she said "you have to be kidding...I can't imagine you depressed at all. YOU'RE SO MUCH FUN!!!" I'm liking what I'm hearing. God it's so nice to be with someone who is good for me, is interested in me and genuinely concerned about me...no chaos. I did say something stupid this past weekend...a friend of mine said to us that we were a boyfriend/girlfriend and I abruptly said that we weren't BF/GF yet, there is no commitment between us. But it's coming! :-) And when it does, it's goodbye BPD for good!



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Posted on Wed, Sep 20, 2006 03:04

www...I know if I let her back in I have problems... I can't help but love her. But she is what she is and to love her means to care for her and do whats right...which means no contact or to work within boundaries of decent behavior.

To make matters more interesting my new relationship is really tightening up nicely. This past weekend my new GF and I got our picture together on the front page of a web site where I live - and my new GF looks almost identical in the picture to my BPD (they both wear Prada's and have long dark hair) so people will likely mistake them for each other.



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Posted on Tue, Sep 19, 2006 20:55

If you let the BPD back in your life, you have problems yourself. Maybe you should read up on games people play, say maybe the martyr role, or NIGYYSOB, or others.



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Posted on Tue, Sep 19, 2006 09:32

Rules of engagement BnB with a BPD are No Contact. Let them move on to their next victim. I won't let her back into my life again unless she shows a commitment to her word and we head for help. I have found a program that works. The more I read and understand the illness the less genetic I think it is. It is environmental and learned. She simply has to learn appropriate behaviours.

I finished with the circle and games of my BPD and I will put one more final effort into it if she comes back soon enough with the appropriate boundaries in place. After that I will close the doors legally so that I can move on with my life. I think time is running out for her though.



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Posted on Tue, Sep 19, 2006 04:33

beautynbrains4u write:
big22blue write:
beautynbrains4u write:
big22blue write:
beautynbrains4u write:
No, Blue, It didn't work. Most "white collar" men couldn't identify the object. So next month I'm planning to attend a "blue collar" worker's convention...LOLOL! So if I'm gone for awhile....you'll know I've perfected my technique!!

looks like it might even be camo collar beauty. it all blends well with your energy I can see, be careful out there.

LOL, Blue, I think life is easier for the unimaginative!! Yes, I will be careful!!

that's why they use pony's for crowd control, the mob moves with a push while the imaginative are off on their own..good girl.

Well since I'm a good girl...I guess that means theres no spankings on my agenda, LOLOL!!

A good spanking can be arranged if necessary, for a good girl!



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Posted on Sun, Sep 17, 2006 17:42

RR, BPD's don't usually say "I'm sorry" as they lay blame and responsibility on everyone else. I came across an expert on BPD who told me the following...
---
If someone says "I love you" but cheats on me or treats me like dirt, those words (and any emotion accompanying those words) are meaningless. If someone is kind, considerate, loving, supportive, etc. etc., but doesn't say "I love you", that's a lot more important than someone saying one thing and doing another.

Those with bpd are emotionally immature and inconsistent. What they think, feel, or do one day may be 180 degrees different than what they think, feel, and do a day or a week later. No matter how many times a bpd person swears that she loves someone or swears that he/she has seen the error of his/her ways and is going to be "better" now, it is meaningless.
---

For a BPD love is only for the moment, whereas normal people love continuously and monogamously. They love you now, but not tomorrow.

But here is the best comment about identifying a BPD relationship and the waste of time it is:

"There is a bottomline my friend and a question you may wish to ask yourself. And that is WHERE IS YOUR MATE RIGHT NOW? Is/was she available to you during the day or when you feel lonely and need support and love or when you wish to express your love intimately? Is she there to share life's ups and downs with you and other experiences? If not, other than unresolved hurt egos, what difference does it make if they loved us for a nano second when in fact they were never emotionally available and accessible to us on any level and never will be?"



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Posted on Sun, Sep 17, 2006 17:23

beautynbrains4u write:
big22blue write:
beautynbrains4u write:
No, Blue, It didn't work. Most "white collar" men couldn't identify the object. So next month I'm planning to attend a "blue collar" worker's convention...LOLOL! So if I'm gone for awhile....you'll know I've perfected my technique!!

looks like it might even be camo collar beauty. it all blends well with your energy I can see, be careful out there.

LOL, Blue, I think life is easier for the unimaginative!! Yes, I will be careful!!

that's why they use pony's for crowd control, the mob moves with a push while the imaginative are off on their own..good girl.



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Posted on Fri, Sep 15, 2006 17:30

beautynbrains4u write:
No, Blue, It didn't work. Most "white collar" men couldn't identify the object. So next month I'm planning to attend a "blue collar" worker's convention...LOLOL! So if I'm gone for awhile....you'll know I've perfected my technique!!

Underneath that blue collar is a white tee shirt, so it is same same girlie. just bring extra batteries as they don't come with a cord!!



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Posted on Fri, Sep 15, 2006 15:00

bobsthename write:
Here are the BPD lines to watch for...I think when a relationship gets to this stage, it's not healthy...

"If you only knew the person I am NOW. I've changed."

"stop living in the past"

"nothing is ever good enough for you"

"Why do you want to give up on us when we care about each other so much?"

"I want to work on things and learn to communicate.""

"I have changed. You just have to trust me. I may have let you down in the past, but it won't happen again."

"How are you gonna know I'm being sincere unless you give me another chance?"

These are some of the writings shared by other BPD victims with me and boy if it isn't almost word for word what mine told me. When one can observe other people suffering the same consequences, it makes me realize what a sucker I was and just how sick she really is. What sucks is I had real feelings and was out for her best interests...her feelings weren't real, they were just a part of her sick behaviour to use me as an escape hatch. The sad thing is for almost 3 years I've been believing her and believing in her. What a horrible waste of my life and time.

You forgot the most frequently used line: "I'm sorry".



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Posted on Fri, Sep 15, 2006 05:39

BNB, we've started discussing this offline and as you said you wanted to keep your personal details private, I'm airing mine out here. I want people to know my story as I have nothing to hide. If one person gets my message and see's the warning signs then it was worth it. Am I emotionally attached to my BPD? You bet, I'll be so until the day I die. Just like an alcoholic. Waiting for her to come back and say...I'm all better now, let's go live happily ever after. Except reality is that she'll never get better, she won't live happily ever after and most importantly real people would never talk like that. Real people would come back and say, "Hi how are you doing? I'm sorry for what I put you thru." I have set up my boundaries for me personally to take her back, so I stupidly leave my door open...they include a demonstration of commitment to me and a commitment from us both to work thru her illness together with help and the best help we can find. But I'm concerned about her kid, because what I'm reading is that BPD kids learn their future relationship issues from their BPD parent early on.

However, my door is quietly closing...day by day...as my new normal GF works her magic on me. And as my friends work on me... again last night, they were telling me how my new GF is for me. She is coming up again today to spend the weekend with me and we're going island mountain biking again today, this time we're taking wine and cheese. Hopefully we can find the boat...to get home. We're planning to go away on a nice trip to a Caribean getaway and to NYC.



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Posted on Thu, Sep 14, 2006 06:09

Why choose chaos? I have a nice, normal, healthy, productive relationship now. If the BPD comes back, oops...scratch that...when the BPD comes back (99% do)...if I respond, it will set off a whole chain of events that will create chaos for a lot of people. Why would anyone choose to be with someone like that? Why would someone want to get into a relationship composed of fighting, degradation, venting, anger, lieing, deceit and hate. Relationships are supposed to be special, unique, giving, loving and all about two people enjoying life and working thru life together. Those special moments shared with my BPD weren't special at all. All of it was a fraud. Part of her games that never end. Games she played with others before me. And games she will play on the ones after me as she ruins more and more lives. Anything to make herself feel better at the expense of everyone in her pathway.



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Posted on Wed, Sep 13, 2006 11:47

beautynbrains4u write:
I'm not sure I catch your drift Bernie, what ever do you mean? LOLOL!!


I mean I have plenty of rope and will even wear a white suit if that is part of your fantasy. You know we gigolos and escorts have to please.
lol



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Posted on Wed, Sep 13, 2006 06:11

beauty was your guy a BPD? I've been talking with the people in the online group and there seems to be no difference in the behaviours between men and women, except the male BPD tends to be physically abusive. As one lady described it, the BPD is an emotional vampire...a leach. Just using us. And their lines to get us, whether male or female, are identical.

"I'm not that person anymore...not anymore."

"I am doing everything now to make that person die...go away forever."

"it's that simple"

"thoughts don't go away"

"this time is different"

"I just don't want to be with anyone else ever"

"I only want you"

Those are some of the exact lines my BPD uses on me - they aren't used when we are together, they are used on me when we are apart. Turns out these same lines are used by all the BPDs...male or female...on their victims.

I used to think we had so much together...the music. Oh god, the music was so "us". When she went back to her ex the last cycle, and then when she came back I said to her we had all that special music and you must now be associating it with your ex...she said no way, not the music..."the music is all about you. you're all I think about." She is so manipulative. Tells you want to hear. So I'm suppose to think, oh isn't that wonderful that the music is all about us. When in fact the music is all about her and whoever she is hunting at the moment. That's reality. The fact is that there is nothing special with these people. Any special moment is a fraud, a con, a waste of time, a fantasy. I was thinking of inviting her on a boat trip with me this fall and a friend of mine said..."bob what are you thinking? why would you waste a great trip like that on her? There are so many women out there who would appreciate that trip and you...don't invite her." So I didn't.



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Posted on Wed, Sep 13, 2006 02:27

beautynbrains4u write:
No, Blue, It didn't work. Most "white collar" men couldn't identify the object. So next month I'm planning to attend a "blue collar" worker's convention...LOLOL! So if I'm gone for awhile....you'll know I've perfected my technique!!

looks like it might even be camo collar beauty. it all blends well with your energy I can see, be careful out there.



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Posted on Mon, Sep 11, 2006 13:40

Here are the BPD lines to watch for...I think when a relationship gets to this stage, it's not healthy...

"If you only knew the person I am NOW. I've changed."

"stop living in the past"

"nothing is ever good enough for you"

"Why do you want to give up on us when we care about each other so much?"

"I want to work on things and learn to communicate.""

"I have changed. You just have to trust me. I may have let you down in the past, but it won't happen again."

"How are you gonna know I'm being sincere unless you give me another chance?"

These are some of the writings shared by other BPD victims with me and boy if it isn't almost word for word what mine told me. When one can observe other people suffering the same consequences, it makes me realize what a sucker I was and just how sick she really is. What sucks is I had real feelings and was out for her best interests...her feelings weren't real, they were just a part of her sick behaviour to use me as an escape hatch. The sad thing is for almost 3 years I've been believing her and believing in her. What a horrible waste of my life and time.