Marrying across cultures and races take a lot of courage..I too had to bear the brunt of lots of prejudices from within the family and friends ..in fact I took an hour off work to go to the Registry of Marriage, checked back to work and then went home to break the news to an irate family..followed by a surprise wedding organised by work friends , that was our wedding present ..and did not have a wedding ring throughout our marriage..but it lasted..love is not about pomp and grandeur ..it is about two hearts willing to strive for each other through all scenario..esp harder when you have to adopt a different culture and in my case different countries throughout our marriage..
Prejudices and stigmas are just stumbling blocks which will test that love..I have learnt to deal with them with lots of humour and even taken advantage of it..you will also learn thru that hurdle who your real friends are. Education is the only way to change that sort of prejudices..my parents are now converts, they love my late husband..
Peel of all color of skin and you only find red blood..when you are ill and need blood transfusion do you ever ask if the blood you receive is from a white man or black or yellow man? All you know is whoever it is from it will save your life...
First of all, why would you never consider an interracial relationship? Is it because of the stigma attached or because of what your family would think and has ingrained in you (at least at a subconscious level)?
I grew up in a single parent home, and alas only met/lived with one culture. As far as being mixed-race, I'm more mixed-culture. My father was Haitian and white, but I suppose Haitian since he was born over there. My mom was black. I was born in America. I grew up with my mother's family, esp since my father's was in Haiti.
I identify primarly with African-Americans.
Although even from my features, I've had a hard time with people trying to figure me out. I'm the only curly-headed person in the family and most people think I'm Indian, lol.
It seems that people automatically try to classify you, label you, put you in a box. And if people are so close-minded that they wouldn't give me a chance because of their parents, that's really really sad. They're missing out.
I am SO sorry that men ignore you because of your bi-racial children. You deserve better than that. White men who are afraid of you or feel intimidated by you because you have been with black men don't deserve the pleasure of your company, or your children's. Men, ALL men, should EMBRACE diversity and your open-mind and open heart should be looked upon as an ASSET to any relationship.
P.S. You said you had a 25 year old. Is he single? LOL.
I have been in two interracial marriages. First one he cheated and second marriage was for his green card (which i didn't know till after). I have always been mistreated by black men but that won't stop me from giving someone a chance. I was engaged to a white man in 1993 and he treated me like a queen, only problem was he couldn't deal with my then 5yr old son since he is biracial and didn't want mommy and daddy to find out as they would cut him off financially. So being, I broke it off. I don't have a preference for skin color like some woman do but what people don't understand is once you have biracial children, mine are 25yrs,17yrs and 7yrs, not too many white men approach me. Which is very sad. I would like to possibly remarry again and it wouldn't matter what race the man was as long as i'm happy and he doesn't mistreat me or my children. As far as people saying things, that's always gonna be the case regardless and personally I couln't care less what people say or think about me. The only thing I care about is my children and they have never had any problems and c'mon people this is 2005, life is too short, peel off skin and everybody is the same!! lol
INterracial marriages, Im sure for your parents too..(since I believe you are the product of two cultures yourself) is the way forward to a more enlightened world..My inter-racial marriage has opened a whole new frontier for me..in terms of a wider multi-racial network of friends, relocating to different cultures, tolerance of the differences and appreciation of the similarities in our views and attitude..which we need to practise everyday..and that itself is the timeless test of love.
I think a sense of humor will serve well thru a inter-racial union..and I have bags of tales of prejudices to tell..and have learnt to see the funny side of this disease that inflict all of us..
but when I see my beautiful fascinating children,the product of two cultures and races..I know this wonderful genetic modification is one I could embrace and love forever..just like you are the living product of such a lovely union..and you begin to see the wonder of that miracle..
YOu are quite right, and I ahve lived with lots of prejudices, typecasting in my life..now I am immune to that and have used it to my advantage..the best one is when I am approached by a Filipino maid when I was with my young kids and she asked:'Do you live in or live out?'
I replied :'I live in and am not paid, most of the time I ahve to sleep with the boss too.'
So I get passed as the maid when I m with my own kids who are mixed..
Love your views Marymay and girlmech..
Marymay, tell me are you from a place call 'male' or are you a male and female..very confusing ..
So tell me girls what are the funniest encounters you get from being out with someone from a different race and color?
I am often thought as 'the call girl' and was even banned from going to my own hotel room in Bangkok Oriental and my husband had to come and identify me as his wife..not so funny..and most of the time , people think I am my kids' nanny or maid because they had Caucasian colors when they wre young and I am Chinese..one little girl at my son's birthday party asked if I was my son's maid or mum, told her I feel like I am both..
Typecasting is a disease that affects so many..
I'm all for interracial relationships. If it leads to marriage, then it's even better. I'm divorced from a white male and have had a child with him. I think love is color blind, but both parties involved have to have their eyes open to what others around them might say or do and know how to react in those situations. I always tell people who question my taste and choice of SWM is that when the lights are out, we are all Black : )!!!
welcome Ann to the inter-marriage forum..
what sort of problems did you encounter if any ,when you met your husband or when you married? Did you have any objections, prejudices, doubts about the relationship?
Or fears about the kids, or your future together if you should have to relocate to a different country and culture?
Personally I find that cross racial and cultural marriages enrich our lives in many ways..our circle of friends are multi-racial, our attitudes are more tolerant and we learn that there are more similarities between cultures and races than there are differences..if we start looking for them..
I am all for it, my husband was caucasian and I am East Indian. There was never a dull moment we had so much fun...there is so much to learn from each other. But we were in love. Without love i dont think it will work...and have to have an open mind.
I m not American, Chinese lady living in London, married a British man but am widowed now, so I am as different racially as you could get on this site.I volunteer and help in a charity that sponsors girls from 54 countries to complete their secondary education, most of whom come from the Afro-Carribean countries, India and Pakistan..so I have a lot of friends from those parts of the world..and enjoy the colorful cuisine and culture which they bring to this charity. So keep in touch.
How do you find this forum?