You know...I'm kind of pleasantly surprised that there are married men who are AT LEAST honest in saying so, and WHAT they're looking for in here.
To me, that's refreshing. Although from what I've read in some of the comments made, some women get really annoyed by them (married men).
Why? Why make judgements? I mean...who are we to judge someone or a situation we don't know anything about?
And you would probably respond to this ...'well ok...yeah...but...what about those poor wives?'......The truth is....we don't know what's going on there...we don't...we never do.
So I say...good for them!.... to at least come clean and say 'I'm married, and this is what I want and need'.
I'm SURE there are some women in here who wouldn't mind getting involved with these guys...(me, not being one of those).
And this comes from one of those 'poor wives'...well...EX now.
Just would like to know what's your view on this topic.
Reading the posts in here makes me think.... how about just aknowledge the fact that people are different, with different morals, lifestyles, views of right and wrong..
We might not like or accept the values that differ from ours, but what we need to accept is that they are there. Life is not black or white.
Myself.. I try not to judge. That does not mean that I approve or dissaprove. I think that everybody makes the choices in their own lifes, out of their own past experiences or reasons.
Those choices will affect them and sometimes others too. But that is the way it goes, and not only on this topic, but the right and wrong discussion can be stretched to so many areas. In fact.. maybe it's a thread on it's own?
Anyway. Just a bit of a reflection from me. And yes, I'm a very loyal and faithful woman and I want the same from my man.
However I know that morals differ and I accept that. I don't like it, and would not accept it in my relationship, but I accept that this is the way it is.
I live by what I believe to be right, and actually.. I think most people do. Just that there's such a difference in what people find to be right..
To each his own on dating married people...but it hurts me when a man swears he is divorced and leads me on and gets involved with me and later I find I am in contact with married man and didn't want that....just get the divorce and be free if you are going to lead people on you are divorce and cheat on your spouse...GALS..PLEASE username "Callingonyou" out of Dallas, Texas IS MARRIED and put me through a horrid experience..has anyone else been contacted ...just a heads up for you to steer clear..then again he hid his profile...wonder why:)
GoodGirlGoneBad... I would personally like to know what a "successful" affair is exactly. I figure I'd ask the source, since you've had 3 of them.
Now to change gears, I would like to thank you for your interpretation of both CindyX and EuroQT. It was perfect and I admire your honesty and tenacity!!!
Well hell! Let me quickly toss out all the good values I was taught growing up, and exchange them for the seeminly more popular 'everyone cheats' values. I'll find a rich married man and just give him all the sex he wants, while he showers me with gifts and vacations. OR, let me go out and marry an unsuspecting sucker and cheat all over the place on him(since that seems to be the in thing these days) Then when I get tired of him, I'll leave and find another sucker to cheat on. NOT!! Sometimes one has to take the path less traveled, and in this case it seems to be the path those take who don't cheat. Sometimes one has to stick by their belief system, and honor the values they were taught as children. Sometimes one has to 'not follow the crowd' and just live their life according to their own expectations. I know men and women are different, but respect, integrity, honesty, and trust are still time honored attributes to have. Some of the men are saying that men are just not made that way. Well, that makes the ones who are even that more precious and rare. Those are the men worth having. Money or no money.
Tulips and Roses is doing a much better job of expressing herself than I am. I think we are saying the same things. I am not looking for a married man. I'm just looking for a man. I'm not concerned about categories. I'm not ruling out anyone or any kind of relationship so long as it feels like the right thing for me.
If I've scared anyone off,
its probably as well. It requires a certain amount of self confidence to put up with me. I have never betrayed a lovers confidences. I'm not into hurting people.
As to being at the upper end of the age for a mistress, what can I say.
It was cool to date men when I was a girl. Those days are gone. If I was still 15 I wouldn't be lookin for love on the internet.
But it looks to me like there are a lot of people here older than I am that still manage to get a date once in a while. Maybe instead of one great love I end up with a bunch of really good loves. Given the Coolage effect, that may be the best anyone can really do.
GoodGirlGoneBad....sadly I must say.....I agree with what you're saying here....I know where you're coming from...I totally understand it.
As I said before, I was one of those 'wives'...
My ex had lots of affairs......which at the time I wasn't aware of...or ..didn't really want to know about.
You're right about the wife not wanting to let go because of the nice living status....and you're also right...about the wife treating the husband like dirt...(in my case it went both ways tho.)
16 LONG years went by before I finally asked for a divorce....after finally having an affair myself!....My Goodness, I'm now confessing here!! haha
Anyway....I just wanted to say that I do understand why married men have affairs.
Not that I'm ok with that...but after sometime, I've come to understand it.
Cheating happens because one or the other wants to. The commitment was a sham to begin with and this just highlights that point.
From my site:
Monogamy / Commitment.
First, commitment to love forever is a farce, nobody can predict how they will feel in the future and love is not a voluntary act. At best, it means to the one that says it, that they love so strong at that moment that they FEEL like they will love the other forever.
Nobody has any business making promises that can't be upheld.
Now, if we are talking about the commitment to monogamy, would anybody ever ask that of their partner if they knew that it was not in their heart to do so? Not.
But they ask anyway. If it's arleady in their heart, why ask, aren't they already going to do it?
Never ask for it or expect it.
The most you can do is assume it or hope for it.
If this is what the other person wants (regarding THEIR behavior), then they would already be doing it, as it is what they want. No reason to ask.
But, if it is NOT what they want, NOW there is a problem. They are being put in a bad position. Admitting they don't want a commitment to monogamy COULD seriously affect the relationship. The other very well might extrapolate and speculate the meaning of no commitment to monogamy to the point of declaring treason and ENDING the relationship. The couple's union is now in jeopardy.
There are two choices.
Lie (that you want this too) and agree to it with no intention of compliance
Hey, isn't the relationship worth it? Lie. It is to protect the relationship.
Agree to it with intention to comply, and pretend this is what you want if need be. And live with resentful.
Thus, to ask for a monogamous relationship is to coercion. And it is also a worthless agreement.
If I am asked if I'm having sex with someone else, AND I don't want her to know, the answer is no, and if I'm not, the answer is no.
So after I answer, she has no more info than before she asked. Unless I say yes, and I doubt that's answer she hopes to hear. And I could be saying yes just because I want to let her know she does not control who I fuck. Nothing good can come out of the answer so nothing good is achieved by asking. So I don't ask, I don't want to be asked. If both want monogamy, they will have it without asking.
You could argue that she has a right to know. LOL! And what is statistical probability she would tell me if she decided to cheat? Get real. Cheating is a symptom. If you want to do somethig to prevent it or stop it, attack the cause. Don't invent a new cause and make the cheater out to be one that does not care, love, is a low-life, 2 timing good for nothing cheat. Rarely does a cheater do it for revenge or without consideration for their partner. They don't want to hurt their partner. Just the opposite. That's why they hide it. Isn't that considerate of them?
So is it that they cheated, or that they lie about it. If they lie, it's done to preserve their union. Can you think of a less noble cause to lie?
I'm ducking out now, go easy on me! It's tongue-in-cheek you know.
The hardest job in the world is raising kids. The second hardest job is making a marriage work. It does take 2 people working hard to make it work. Sometimes both fail to make it work, simply because they made the wrong partner choice in each other. Other times, there is one partner who simply 'is never satisfied.' In that case, no matter what the other partner does, it's never enough. You can give them all of your heart, your time, your attention, etc, but if they're lacking something inside like basic values such as integrity, it's not enough. We're human and bound to make mistakes. One slip is a mistake. Repeated cheating in a marriage is more than a mistake. I feel that if someone has to cheat and lie to their partner, they should just end the marriage instead of causing all the unnecessary pain. To the ones who knowingly go out with married men/women, it says a lot about them too. That as kids their parents didn't enforce the values of 'never taking what doesn't belong to you, or I will whip your ass if you do.'
At the risk of NEVER getting a respond from an email I send I will admit I had an affair while I was married. Yes I am now divorced. Why you might ask did I stray. Basically because I was lonely. I married after a whirlwind romance and neither one of us knew the other well enough. The hurt was devastating to my wife and I am ashamed to have been the cause. Looking back I know that I should have divorced because of the problems we had rather than find an outlet for them. In case you are wondering we did go to counseling but nothing seemed to help. We ultimately decided we weren't right or healthy for each other. Lesson - unless you have an open marriage (I suppose there are those that do) don't run around looking for something that your marriage isn't giving you. Trust is a fragile thing that should be cherished. I cannot cast any stone much less the first but I can tell you if you are decent you will feel the pain also and it is not worth the fling. Work your problems out or if you can't then get out. Another lesson - if you are looking for a long term relationship don't lie about who you are or what you must have in a relationship.
This is really the first time, I've really talked about this in public. I'm glad its online and not in my living room. I really didn't expect people to get so worked up.
Half of marriages end in divorce. Why? Its really not my fault. Perhaps people have unrealistic expectations of marriage. Perhaps life doesn't follow the rules that we were taught. Perhaps, we are all alone in the world just trying to find a little intimacy where we find it.
My opinion is.. Why the anger towards Cindy, or other females (or males!) that are the secret affair of a married person.. ?
Odd question? This is what I mean by that:
The one to address the anger towards is the partner that is cheating on you. It is HE that's making that choice, and betraying you. It is HE that goes to another woman and then lies about it to you, whilst looking into your eyes.. But I guess it's always easier to blame the mistress than the love of your life.
And I understand women that go with married men. That doesn't mean that I think it's good. But.. they get all the good sides of your man. He wines and dines her, showers her with compliments, has fun with her and leaves the troubles of everyday behind.
There are probably many reasons for women to be the mistress.. but the responsibility lies with the man, who promised YOU his undevided love when he married you. It is his choice. Because... if he's not willing... then she can't really be a housewrecker.. can she?
I've written this in husband/mistress form, but it equally goes for wife/lover, because let's not fool ourselves.. there are plenty of unfaithful females out there aswell..
You will have learned from MY mistakes ? Don't follow. My "mistake" from not cheating on a spouse or not dating you.
For relationships, it takes two succeed but only one to fail.
You say "I'll know how to keep a guy at home. What will you know?"
While I see your confidence, don't suffer from hubris as your competition will be other girls like you. What I do know is that I steer from dangerous, pretty girls like you. Hope you stay away from the good guys.
When I find a guy worth keeping, I'll have learned from your mistakes. I'll know that a ring doesn't mean people don't change. I'll know that married guys can be lonely and frustrated. I'll know that I need to work to keep a husband happy. I'll know that It takes two to fail. I'll know that guys make mistakes. I won't throw one out for being human.
I'll know how to keep a guy at home. What will you know?
BTW, I understand Yucamo's comment: at least acknowledge the honesty of cheaters so they don't lie about being married. However, CindyX goes the next step and announces proudly her homewrecking tendencies.
Well, Cindy X isn't necessarily a gold digger. Sounds like she just wants commitment from a (married) man for sex. Other than the spouse, I think a married cheating person isn't likely to be screwing another person. Sounds like Cindy X is scared of real commitment or that single guys will cheat on her so she's a homewrecker in order to get commitment for at least sex and that's all. Cindy X, you like LTR and Marriage as what you are looking for. Self-fulfilling prophesy is that you won't get a serious guy from this website now. Just married men or single men thinking your easy and then very prone to divorce themselves. Seriously, you should consider other sites, that is if you are interested in real relationships. BTW, it isn't always the cheating married men. Married women have hit on me (but with no luck, of course).
I'm another who had a cheating husband. We divorced, but he promised to be faithful, and we remarried. The problem was that I just couldn't trust him anymore. If he went someone without me and came home very late, I always wondered who he was with and what they were doing. Like to drove me out of my mind, and that's a big part of why we're not together now. It's a hard pill to swallow to know your husband is sleeping with someone else then coming home and making love with you, or to have someone come up to you and tell you they saw your husband with another woman. Talk about losing faith in yourself and wondering why he is messin with someone else when you are more than happy to take care of ALL his needs and wants. Always been a mystery to me!!!