The "Path to Destruction" is an evil and at times easily carved road. I feel badly this woman does not recognize the error of her ways..
I am FARRR from perfect and am certain to make many mistakes in my future.. HOWEVER.. infidelity in my future marriage had better not be one of them... Should it be.. then shame on me and may God seek His vengence on me.. cuz that is a wicked storm only He can cast out!
We deal with temptations daily in life... And I do find myself less willing to commit due to my own lack of trust in myself... as I stated before... But absolutley couldn't agree w/ you more.. Relationships are difficult enough w/out infidelity being added in the mix..
A "skirt chaser" eh? Heehee.. I think had I been a man.. I'd of had my view of skirts myself... :)
PS... I understood completely when you stated it was more like something that happened to her.. not something she acknowledged was of her doing.. WHEN she does "own it"... it will be the saddest day in her life.. I guarantee!
I am unclear how these posts work.. as I hadn't been prompted to come back here to see these....
Yes, you are correct. I know "forgiveness comes from within..".... It's been a long battle for me.. THAT'S why I couldn't relate to CG's date on that level.. And now reading his response.. I see the woman held no remorse and accepted no responsibility for her actions.. HUGE TURN OFF! When one holds no remourse.. the actions are just repeated.. cuz what's to stop you? I mean.. it's difficult enough to always do the right thing.. even when we now it's wrong..
BUT.. I knew after viewing a few of his posts.. there was going to be an explanation I could relate to... Just didn't want to put words in his mouth in case I had been incorrect!
I know GOD says everyone is "worthy" of love... But that's why I'm not God.. cause I think some people are just vile enough .. they warrant nothing but sheer MISERY! (Yes.. I've met some truly vile people in my time.. men AND women..)
I COULD say that woman w/ no remourse deserves nothing but misery.. However.. that WOULD be judging her.. so I'm just gonna think it.. quietly.. while I review CG's post again..: )
HEY!! I'M ONLY HUMAN!! But she's lucky there was a true gentleman present and I wasn't sittin at that table!! Guess you know now.. I'M A MEANIE!! LOLOL
Quoting: "Oddly I now find myself in the middle. Though I clearly in no way identify w/ the "rainout woman"... I do identify w/ ones holding her past against her.. And now that the dust has settled.. (over 12 years of dust.. it was A LOT of dust to clear) .. well..I identify w you as well as I've seen how it cracks the shell of a man when he is hurt. I no longer get close enough in fear of repeating the process... I "forgive" myself.. but am not at the level I have forgotten enough to "trust me." It will take a special strong and patient man to sweep the pieces and make me feel "worthy" of love once again.... Tears flow right now as I write as I admittedly state to this forum.. I amnot completely healed..."
Hi, I know you probably have lived enough and know yourself very well, but I would like to tell you... you WILL 'forgive' yourself and 'trust you'.. I am sure you won't need anyone to make you feel worthy, you will do that yourself.. a good thing to do is to review very carefully your past experience(s) and come up with a plan of action.. you will need someone, a 'coach', but my suggestion is that this person be a good friend, that knows you, knows what you have gone through, and is able to provide support. Go out, have fun, read! (there are a lot of nonsense books out there, but there are some good ones that you can get some advice from).
It's not easy, but believe me, it can be done. You are worthy of love, affection and all that good stuff... actually, I believe everyone is.. the thing is finding the right person that would match you.
I DO understand your feeling of identifying w/ the ex... The only issue in my mind would be...
Was it out of "judgment" of a woman who made horrific mistakes in her past and owned up to them and strived to move forward who chose to be HONEST with you about herself? When is honesty too much?
Or.. Did you still like her.. just knew it could go no further due to the identification with her husband? AND further was this identifying with her husband so strong due to the fact you possibly harbor resentment still and unforgiveness toward your ex? (unforgiveness is really a noose we place aorund our own neck.. it rarely affects the person not forgiven)
AND.. Did you ever figure out WHAT the culprit of that "rainout" was? The cheating, the trauma to children, or the "Win" at all costs?
Personally.. and I am not trying to judge her.. BUT... I can not fathom the "Win at all costs" thing... esp if it harmed my children.. However, in stating that..I did cheat after 10 years.. and I was so wrought w/ GUILT that I was like a dog laying in the corner to get kicked.. I let him screw me every which way but sideways... Then one day I woke up and realized the person who kicked the dog hardest was MYSELF!
Women don't cheat because we see a studly man and say.. "OOH I gotta have me some of that!" Women cheat for emotional reasons... My ex wasn't there for me emotionally.. and I told him over and again.. But he never heard me.. Could you possibly not have been there for yor exes "emotional needs" .. and she wandered due to this? And now you repeat the cycle with other women not being there for them on an emotional level?
Understand... I AM NOT JUDGING ANYONE.. (and certanly not you Mr. Conyersguy) I am merely placing food at the table.. I would like to know your genuine thoughts.... I destroyed my husband and pray I NEVER so long as I live EVER hurt anyone as I hurt that man.. But there is a time when everyone must take some of the blame in every issue in a disolved marriage. None are perfect...
Oddly I now find myself in the middle. Though I clearly in no way identify w/ the "rainout woman"... I do identify w/ ones holding her past against her.. And now that the dust has settled.. (over 12 years of dust.. it was A LOT of dust to clear) .. well..I identify w you as well as I've seen how it cracks the shell of a man when he is hurt. I no longer get close enough in fear of repeating the process... I "forgive" myself.. but am not at the level I have forgotten enough to "trust me." It will take a special strong and patient man to sweep the pieces and make me feel "worthy" of love once again.... Tears flow right now as I write as I admittedly state to this forum.. I amnot completely healed...
Are you stating that women as myself who have made dreadful mistakes in our past have no hope of love in our future because a man is always going to identify with the other side when we are honest? Or is there ONE man out there (YES.. I only need and want ONE!! LOL) who can look at me and say.. "WOW! That lady has some insight to herself and is so self-aware now after her trials.. she's a keeper?"
I worked offshore and the captain hit the platform w/the mast. When you are in charge of million dollar boats and you can lose your license due to your errors.. you don't take your failures lightly.. I heard someone say.. "I'd rather have that captain work my boat.. cuz that is a mistake that will never happen again!"
Hi everyone.. I am a new girl.. Please welcome me.. despite my flaws...
And Mr. Conyersguy.. I enjoyed your analogy.. and that is why I posted.. You are so correct when you stated it couldbe anything form how they eat.. I laughed. I dated a guy and couldn't stand how he ate.. He was like a pig at a trough and was trying to lose weight.. That (among other reasons) well.. I own;t be seeing him again! :)
Sorry to take so much time.. but this was insightful for me..