I will tell you that it depends on the people involved. I think that it is possible to have male friends that do not want to sleep with a woman. My best friend is a guy, he's totally straight at least that's what all of his women say. Yes he can be a total man whore, but he will never sleep with me. We actually had this conversation a long time ago that he said he would never sleep with me not because I wasn't attractive, but because I was his best friend.
It obviously will be contingent on how attracted the man is to the woman as to how he will respond to her.. PERIOD...
I would say it safe to deduce.. the more attractive the woman, the more difficulty she may have in finding true men friends.. as men tend to "try" and be a woman's friend they are smitten with... BUT RARELY HAVE I SEEN THIS WORK! He eventually becomes resentful and jealous when he can't "charm" her into having chemistry with him. And God help her if she starts to like one of his friends!! I've witnessed grown men with friendships of 30+ years turn on one another over....... a woman they both liked..
I do feel it is important to establish friendships of the opposite sex, but... I also am a realist. If a woman has many male friends, she may wish to ask herself one of two questions...
Is this guy only befriending me because he is in hopes eventually he will get to sleep with me? Or.. Is he truly sincere?
My best friend is a male. He knows more about me than my family. He lived with me for 30 days, I couldn't take anymore after that, so he had to go. But I am sure that he doesn't want a relationship with me nor I with him. I am 99% sure he is straght. Men and women can be best friends with no romantic interest.
I have been friends with dozens of women and have no interest whatsoever in having sex with them.. So, no, it's not 100%. I will say that a single man and a single women cannot be friends for a long, long time because one of the two will start to have romantic feelings for the other......
See, I just can't agree with the OP's statement at all.
First, he's asking the women not the men. The women have their egos on the line and are going to say yes. I bet if you asked, 1/2 or more of my female friends would say yes but regardless of what they say, it's never gonna happen!
I think in order for the OPs polling to be accurate he'd have to ask those male friends if A) his female friend thought he would sleep with her given the chance and; B) if given the chance would he actually sleep with this female friend.
As the info stands, all the women are saying is they believe their friendship with their male friends is based on more than friendship.
I will undoubtedly step in all kinds of piles of stinky stuff here... so...
I have plenty of female friends that I would never consider sleeping with but not because of some altruistic belief in friendship. In several instances, I am simply not attracted to them. Several more are really kind hearted but complete ding-dongs. Two are psycho but entertaining to be around. One is the sweetest woman I've ever met and she's really cute and is one of my best friends but she believes her entire purpose for being is to find a man who can keep her in Victoria's Secret so I recognize her values are waaaaayyyyy different than mine and, in a relationship she would make me crazy!
Now, there are other categories of female friends that I would not sleep with... coworker, friends wife, friends wives sister etc. but only a dumbass would go there anyway.
So the next question is would I be friends with someone I was attracted to and thought I could have a relationship with? That answer is pretty simple and straight: No!
If I know enough about her to know I'd like to date her then I've already asked her out and if she's not interested in dating me then I move on. There are tons of single women out there and I'm not gonna build some fantasy fixation up in my mind and spend my days pining over someone I can't have. What a pathetic thing to do and any man who does, deserves what he gets!
So, this leaves the 3rd potential group of female friends... the ex. Depending on how we parted on how I view her. If it was a respectful parting with no animosity then I will remember her fondly and wish her a happy birthday on Facebook. If the parting was not respectful then I don't ever want anything to do with her (and there are 3 of those). In the end, I believe my past should be behind me so that I have room for my future.
In my earlier years I've had a couple of male friends that I was interested in. When enticed, yes, there was potential for being sexual. Boyfriend? Not. So are you saying that because you were intimate that they are considered boyfriend/girlfriend? A lot of men will be intimate, but as far as accepting you for a girlfriend, in their eyes, you are the best thing going until someone else comes along. I know a lot of men that are sexual with women, the women thinks she is his girlfriend because of sex. But the man has a different view of the relationship. He hides, avoids, is not seen out, nor helps out in any way. He only there for one reason. Anybody feel me?
Yes, male friends really do exist. How do I know? I have them. And yes, I do know how men think. They confide in me. Some men do have girls as friends, and they are more like brother and sister. The man will defend , help, advise, and yes, be a friend. If a man is not interested in you as a girlfriend,(or sexually), he will be a friend. If the girl intices the man, or forces herself on him(initiating contact) yes he will go for it, (sometimes). Is it his nature? But I have and have had male friends. If they have any other intention, they have never let me know this. But others who say they are or just want to be friends, have shown me otherwise.
DDK56, ask them to sleep with you. Tell them you have always found them attractive and have a strong sexual desire for them. If they want to sleep with you or are tempted to sleep with you then they are not your friend. They are a boyfriend in waiting.
OK Orlando, you are spot on, there is not much to contest you on there.
I prefer male friends over women and always have plus I have spent my life in a male dominated sport career so surrounded mainly by men and have always thought of myself as one of the boys..... but ooooh the problems. Your'e right
There is research to show that men are sexually attracted to a female "friend" (see Kaplan & Keys, 1997; Swain, 1992). Bleske and Buss (2000) make the case that "friendship" is perceived differently for men than women in their research "Can Men and Women Just Be Friends). Though there is no conclusive evidence, the few studies I can find tend to point in that direction. I think my theory still holds water. Other than a gay friend, male friends (not all) I would argue have more of a sexual interest in their female friend than the woman realizes.
I have this theory that straight men rarely are a "friend" as women think. They are just a boyfriend in waiting. I have asked dozens of women that if they went to their "friend" and asked him to sleep with her what would be the response. So far I'm batting 100 percent. Women said the guy would probably sleep with them. I think that makes the case that men are not really a woman's "friend", but a boyfriend in waiting. What do you think?
I agree with your theory mostly. I think one major component missing, however, is that your research takes a unilateral approach as you have asked dozens of women, but what about the men they are referring to or even just men in general? Their answers to you are merely speculative, whether accurate or not, and may be based on several factors (i.e. truth, perspective, an inflated opinion of ones self) because you are not asking them if they would sleep with their male friends, you are asking if they THINK their male friends will sleep with them.
Further, I wonder what kind of women you have surveyed. Smart? Beautiful? Sexy? Overweight? Homely? Average? Single? Mariied? With or without kids? I think you will find that the answers will vary with a balanced group.
I think male/female friendships can be successful but I think the older people become, the more difficult it is, for many reasons, number one being the stigma that is put on these relationships by partners (boy/girlfriends, fiances, and certainly spouses). Given the cultural changes we have seen over the last 30 years especially, I think it is probably more prevalent now given that there are far more women in the workplace vs. a workplace that was primarily dominated by men prior to then. Previously, women were at home while the men worked so men and women wouldn't typically meet unless the purpose was for romance. Even still today though, I would say that male/female friendships when spouses are involved are rather difficult to maintain even if the friendship existed first.
Studies show that sexual tension is present in 62% of these relationships which is a big reason why many don't work after one or both people become involved in a romantic relationship but even still these relationships can be successful and mutually beneficial. Men appreciate what they get from women that they don't get from guys (i.e. men typically group together and don't talk much about feelings) and women appreciate men for what they don't get from other women (a more relaxed atmosphere where you are not expected to take on the emotional burdens of others every time you are together). Not to mention, what generally attracts a man to a woman who becomes his friend begins physically, even though that may not hold true for the woman.
So, I think they, in most cases are a woman's friend in addition to being a boyfriend in waiting...I definitely see a co-existence there. :) I could go on and on about this I think!! LOL