Worst Dates Romance Forward to friends

  • View author's info Posted on Mar 22, 2005 at 05:26 PM

    BFD i still want to know "HOW DID YOU KEEP IT UP " after all of that. I think what would have gotten me is "I CAN'T GO TO WORK TOMOOROW I AM BEING ******!. I would have busted out laughing and i think if i had been a man it would have died right there. But that is just way too funny of a story BFD...S4U
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  • View author's info Posted on Mar 22, 2005 at 11:58 AM

    Hey S4U...bfd has just let us know he can keep up to us 40 - 50 yr old women and go 2/3 x's in a night...with no viagra! Obviously no penial dysfunction there...how old is he again? lol
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 22, 2005 at 01:27 AM

    holy sh-t, bfd
    eeewww, that made me kind of ill....I just have to shake my head in horror.....
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 22, 2005 at 12:06 AM

    Wow, BFD. I feel like I need a cigarette after that story. And I don't smoke.

    Trust you to see the brightest side of date rape!
    Men are so fortunate. lol

    BF ... did you ever at any time fear for your safety during that date? Just wondered 'cause, if the tables were turned, I can think of several times I may have felt compelled to call 911 for help.

    Glad you made it through alive!
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 21, 2005 at 08:52 PM

  • View author's info Posted on Mar 21, 2005 at 08:51 PM

    AWWW, BFD.. you poor thing, I know how hard it must have been to subject yourself to that aweful treatment, Im sure she had such control of you that you couldn't get away from her. I feel so sorry for you to have been taken advantage of so badly, haha.Now you know what its like for a women, you can say youve been in touch with your femine side. LOL
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 21, 2005 at 07:28 AM

    LMAO...too funny...and such stamina BFD!!! How many times did you say?
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 21, 2005 at 05:25 AM

    I can't stop laughing at BFD's post! lmaooo! Mercy f**K? Sounds like you were at HER mercy.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 21, 2005 at 05:10 AM

    BFD i only have one question. How in the hell, with all the commotion and craziness,
    DID YOU EVER KEEP IT UP!.........................
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 21, 2005 at 03:02 AM


    I'm laughing at your story regarding your internet date ..... phew, I was hoping you would finish your original story as I knew it was cut off .... so glad you did, it is presently 5:00 a.m., your story not only woke me up without my morning coffee, but I'm laughing out loud ...... mechanical bull ..... too funny. Your smile going home makes me think that you didn't have an AWFUL time ..... lolllll

    Monique xoxoxo
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 20, 2005 at 05:13 PM

    Part 3. Then end of the story:

    Upstairs, she's got like this DRUM of lube that she proceeds to anoint me with and she starts up with the mechanical bull ride and the screaming chant again. It was like I wasn't even there, like I was a prop, and she had done this very thing many nights before, it was all too smooth of a motion on that bed, and I'm getting freaky visions of her toy setup on any given night.

    I break free, stumble
    downstairs, gather my clothes and put them on as fast as possible, say "So long!" While she's yakking on about a date with me on Friday I slip out the sliding glass door because I couldn't get her locks on the front door open (hmmm). I make a light jog back to the bar parking lot where mine is the only car and make my getaway.

    So was it a good date? Bad date? Well, I don't want a repeat but I was kind of smiling a bit as I drove home because it was really a "strong experience".

    So that's why I require any date to send me a photo of themselves with one finger pointing up and one finger pointing down, so I know it is them in the photo and that it is current.

    This is a true story and my first internet dating experience. I have only met a few people on the interenet ever since, preferring to put them through scrutiny by chat first.

  • View author's info Posted on Mar 20, 2005 at 05:07 PM

    The story had hardly began, so here is part 2.

    1 hour later I'm so sick of looking at photo albums and she is really tipsy. So she literally pounces on me, tearing at my clothes, saying please oh please fuck me I swear I won't be any trouble. So I proceed to give her a mercy f**k, I mean, I'm not that shallow, just cause she's fat, so why not. But nooooo. This girl is an ape. She pushes me back, climbs on top and proceeds to bang the shit out of me. I was liking it too. But she starts getting a bit rough and she's heavy.

    She's knocking me all over the place and before you know it, both wine glasses are broken, red wine everywhere, she almost put me through her glass coffee table and she's riding me like I'm some kind of mechanical bull, yelling, and I mean SCREAMING at the top of her lungs "I CANT GO TO WORK TOMORROW BECAUSE I'M BEING F**KED"! over and over. I'm freaking out by, like what's wrong with this one. Suddenly she's up and dragging me upstairs. The downstairs looks like a tornado hit it. Major destruction. Wild.
    Continued ...
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 10, 2005 at 06:55 PM

    BFD.....I have to say I was quite surprised that you not only stuck with that date, but walked her home and when invited in...YOU WENT!!! You just don't strike me as the type who would put himself thru that kind of evening. A big HUG and a pat on the back for being the man you are!!!
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 10, 2005 at 12:56 AM

    BFDeal ... what a nightmare. And, as they say ... several torturous hours wasted from your life that you'll NEVER get back.
    What was she like online that convinced you to meet her? Was she a player?Did she not give any clues she'd be a nasty drunk?
    I bet you chalked her into your book of brain-damaged first and last dates. I can't imagine you get too many of those tho. Especially not anymore! lol
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 08, 2005 at 11:48 PM

    First Internet date.

    This girl looks cute, large chest, and has advanced degrees. How interesting.

    So we meet at the bar part of a restaurant, and the first thing I notice is she's a little heavier than in her pics. Maybe by 50 pounds or so. At least 20 pounds of that extra heft is up top too, giving her the shape of a big black female gospel singer, only she's white and blonde. Nothing wrong with big black gospel singers mind you, just not my preference.

    OK, I can deal with that, I can still have fun. By the end of the night, she's getting really weird and she's like flirting with this foreign man in his 60's whose like the night janitor and he doesn't speak a lot of English.

    He's sitting there with his wife, who looks like the most disgusting thing dressed in literally, rags, and she's got moles all over her face and kind of cowering like a dog that gets kicked a lot. I'm trying to figure out what my "date" is trying to pull. She's just kind of doing this drunk babble and rant, I can hardly understand her, he for sure doesn't, he's just staring at her breasts, and the wife is just motionless and blank. Finally I interrupt and say what the fuck, and she says for me to go wait outside, motioning me with her hand.

    I grab her by the arm and drag her away. Outside I demand an explanation. So this drunk girl is explaining to me that "He's going to beat her, he's going to beat her, that's what those guys do." I'm like, "WHAT? What the hell are you talking about.".

    So I ask her where her car is and she says she walked there, that her house is just down the street. Well, it's 2:30a so I walk her home. She invites me in and gives me a glass of red wine. She's going on and on about how I need to be careful with those wine glasses because they're from some special thing from Sweden or whatever.

    Now she drags out the photo albums, and 1 hour later I'm so sick of looking at photo albums and she is really...
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 05, 2005 at 01:21 AM

    Joe... you are a cool guy. I think you made karma points by sticking it out with the potato until the end. lol
    One of my worst dates was with a guy who told me he had two jobs. One job was as an engineer. "Oh," I said. "Interesting! I used to be a draftsman. What do you build?"
    He said - golf clubs. He invented new kinds of golf clubs. And then he told me ALL about how you deisgn a golf club. I think I dozed off in my clam chowder once and had to have it taken away, after we searched for my lost earring in it.
    Then he told me his other job that he did on weekends and evenings because he had no girlfriend so he may as well work. He was an underwear tester.

    Alright, you guys .... quit laughing.

    He worked in a factory testing the elastic waistbands and leg holes in men's BVD's. No, I don't know if he tested for all the other things you thought of. lol

    He also collected coconut art .... coconut shells cut in half and painted to look like something. One trip to Hawaii and .... he was hooked.

    Needless to say .... had to move on. But it was the most boring date I'd ever been on. That was 10 years ago. I think he's still single.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 24, 2005 at 09:19 PM

    Mas, you are a gentleman and a scholar, as my dad use to say.

    My worst, hmm, been a few!
    Ok, met a gentleman via dating site,eventually, agree to meet. Local very nice hotel lobby and proceed to dinner. Still had to cute French accent but pics must have been 30 years old, and was definitely older than he said.
    Walks me to my car after, plants a big wet and I do mean wet one on me. On, and on how he wants to see me again, your so hot, yada yada. Said ok but once your divorced., and give me a real land phone number, and address,....how did I know, slipped a few times in conversation, dent on wedding ring finger, and cell number only. And supposedly had a business wife didn't know about?
    Ok blonde not brain dead!
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 14, 2005 at 09:00 PM

    lol S16. I have the head of hair made for any style. It is very thick and med course just enough to hold any style. If it's very short it will spike without help. If not it gets too heavy as it is now. It's not as spikey as it has been but have had more compliments from all guys from here and everywhere. I prefer it longer like it was. My biggest laugh is when my co-workers and patients have to feel it as they think it is a wig ::) hehe!! Has happened many times. Thank heavens i did not inherit my mothers' hair or i would be buying a wig. To fix:Short 15 min- longer an hour. Gosh i am so glad for the rest!!!!!!
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 12, 2005 at 04:06 PM

    Oh Hot mama yes i wear those things ALL the time.But you are a good friend with such wonderful compliments. XO.

    Mas i will say U have always been at the top of my list but with that one you DID get your Halo. She is lucky she was with you when that happened or it might not have turned out as well for her. That is a gentleman of the first class in what you did.......

    You deserve the roses today
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 11, 2005 at 09:27 AM

    Sorry for the novel!
    It didn't look that long in this little box.
    Anyways, not feelings safe I told him he could call..when he did call, I declined, which made him mad and start preaching to me again that it was all my inner childhood fears and he could help me...Duh...I hung up! lol
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