I'm laughing at your story regarding your internet date ..... phew, I was hoping you would finish your original story as I knew it was cut off .... so glad you did, it is presently 5:00 a.m., your story not only woke me up without my morning coffee, but I'm laughing out loud ...... mechanical bull ..... too funny. Your smile going home makes me think that you didn't have an AWFUL time ..... lolllll
Upstairs, she's got like this DRUM of lube that she proceeds to anoint me with and she starts up with the mechanical bull ride and the screaming chant again. It was like I wasn't even there, like I was a prop, and she had done this very thing many nights before, it was all too smooth of a motion on that bed, and I'm getting freaky visions of her toy setup on any given night.
I break free, stumble
downstairs, gather my clothes and put them on as fast as possible, say "So long!" While she's yakking on about a date with me on Friday I slip out the sliding glass door because I couldn't get her locks on the front door open (hmmm). I make a light jog back to the bar parking lot where mine is the only car and make my getaway.
So was it a good date? Bad date? Well, I don't want a repeat but I was kind of smiling a bit as I drove home because it was really a "strong experience".
So that's why I require any date to send me a photo of themselves with one finger pointing up and one finger pointing down, so I know it is them in the photo and that it is current.
This is a true story and my first internet dating experience. I have only met a few people on the interenet ever since, preferring to put them through scrutiny by chat first.
1 hour later I'm so sick of looking at photo albums and she is really tipsy. So she literally pounces on me, tearing at my clothes, saying please oh please fuck me I swear I won't be any trouble. So I proceed to give her a mercy f**k, I mean, I'm not that shallow, just cause she's fat, so why not. But nooooo. This girl is an ape. She pushes me back, climbs on top and proceeds to bang the shit out of me. I was liking it too. But she starts getting a bit rough and she's heavy.
She's knocking me all over the place and before you know it, both wine glasses are broken, red wine everywhere, she almost put me through her glass coffee table and she's riding me like I'm some kind of mechanical bull, yelling, and I mean SCREAMING at the top of her lungs "I CANT GO TO WORK TOMORROW BECAUSE I'M BEING F**KED"! over and over. I'm freaking out by, like what's wrong with this one. Suddenly she's up and dragging me upstairs. The downstairs looks like a tornado hit it. Major destruction. Wild.
BFDeal ... what a nightmare. And, as they say ... several torturous hours wasted from your life that you'll NEVER get back.
What was she like online that convinced you to meet her? Was she a player?Did she not give any clues she'd be a nasty drunk?
I bet you chalked her into your book of brain-damaged first and last dates. I can't imagine you get too many of those tho. Especially not anymore! lol
This girl looks cute, large chest, and has advanced degrees. How interesting.
So we meet at the bar part of a restaurant, and the first thing I notice is she's a little heavier than in her pics. Maybe by 50 pounds or so. At least 20 pounds of that extra heft is up top too, giving her the shape of a big black female gospel singer, only she's white and blonde. Nothing wrong with big black gospel singers mind you, just not my preference.
OK, I can deal with that, I can still have fun. By the end of the night, she's getting really weird and she's like flirting with this foreign man in his 60's whose like the night janitor and he doesn't speak a lot of English.
He's sitting there with his wife, who looks like the most disgusting thing dressed in literally, rags, and she's got moles all over her face and kind of cowering like a dog that gets kicked a lot. I'm trying to figure out what my "date" is trying to pull. She's just kind of doing this drunk babble and rant, I can hardly understand her, he for sure doesn't, he's just staring at her breasts, and the wife is just motionless and blank. Finally I interrupt and say what the fuck, and she says for me to go wait outside, motioning me with her hand.
I grab her by the arm and drag her away. Outside I demand an explanation. So this drunk girl is explaining to me that "He's going to beat her, he's going to beat her, that's what those guys do." I'm like, "WHAT? What the hell are you talking about.".
So I ask her where her car is and she says she walked there, that her house is just down the street. Well, it's 2:30a so I walk her home. She invites me in and gives me a glass of red wine. She's going on and on about how I need to be careful with those wine glasses because they're from some special thing from Sweden or whatever.
Now she drags out the photo albums, and 1 hour later I'm so sick of looking at photo albums and she is really...
Joe... you are a cool guy. I think you made karma points by sticking it out with the potato until the end. lol
One of my worst dates was with a guy who told me he had two jobs. One job was as an engineer. "Oh," I said. "Interesting! I used to be a draftsman. What do you build?"
He said - golf clubs. He invented new kinds of golf clubs. And then he told me ALL about how you deisgn a golf club. I think I dozed off in my clam chowder once and had to have it taken away, after we searched for my lost earring in it.
Then he told me his other job that he did on weekends and evenings because he had no girlfriend so he may as well work. He was an underwear tester.
Alright, you guys .... quit laughing.
He worked in a factory testing the elastic waistbands and leg holes in men's BVD's. No, I don't know if he tested for all the other things you thought of. lol
He also collected coconut art .... coconut shells cut in half and painted to look like something. One trip to Hawaii and .... he was hooked.
Needless to say .... had to move on. But it was the most boring date I'd ever been on. That was 10 years ago. I think he's still single.
Mas, you are a gentleman and a scholar, as my dad use to say.
My worst, hmm, been a few!
Ok, met a gentleman via dating site,eventually, agree to meet. Local very nice hotel lobby and proceed to dinner. Still had to cute French accent but pics must have been 30 years old, and was definitely older than he said.
Walks me to my car after, plants a big wet and I do mean wet one on me. On, and on how he wants to see me again, your so hot, yada yada. Said ok but once your divorced., and give me a real land phone number, and address,....how did I know, slipped a few times in conversation, dent on wedding ring finger, and cell number only. And supposedly had a business wife didn't know about?
Ok blonde not brain dead!
Extrememakeover, hon, I don't think it matters how much plastic surgery you get, you will never be beautiful/hott if you don't first become confident with who you are as a person, not a walking barbie.
Hey MasRogue, my worst date was cheaper than yours!! LOL....but I think yours was almost worse than mine. I literally did not recognize the guy when he walked up to me....uggg he was disgusting! At least you had someone good looking on your worst date, too bad she ruined it like that.
Ok, here's my worst story. First, glad I took a gal pal with me; and I met him at a restaurant. Second his photo had to be at least 15 yrs old. He was fat, rude, crude, and loud. Third, he talked about when his dog farts, and fourth, when he didn't get anywhere with me, he worked on my friend, who is a very pretty redhead; Fifth, when he realized neither of us liked him, he suggested a motel where all 3 of us could go have a good time. That was when my friend and I walked out, and we cracked up all the way home!
Worst date ever - abridged:
Broke a self imposed rule and pursued a bartender. (and when I pursue - I get what I want)
The woman in question was model quality - no exaggeration. Spoke with her outside her work environment for over a month.
Got a limo for the evening, picked her up (dozen roses) - went to the casino (walked out with a substantial more than when we walked in - I let her keep it all), went to the 95th floor of the J. Hancock in Chicago for dinner (fantastic view), then the 96th floor for drinks. Great conversation all night long.
She must have decompressed on the elevator ride back down to the limo - we get in, she raises the privacy partition, and takes off every stitch of clothing she had on. And yes - it was obvious she was drunk.
I very kindly declined her invitation (you guys DO realize I should be made a saint when I die, right?) and she passed out buck ass naked on the limo floor 4 minutes later. I ended up wrapping her up in my leather duster, carrying her into my bedroom, and sleeping on the couch that night.
Of course after I had her safe in my bed I went out, offered, and had a drink with the limo driver - by then we were like long-lost brothers.
Nooooooooo....I didn't go back out with her.
And yes....while my decision was the right one and I'd do it again....it was a difficult one.
I consider it a worst date because she just got totally out of control and sloppy drunk - one elevator ride. Had she maintained control things would have gone much differently.
I must now go polish my halo and groom my wings.
Blue? I know...
Was my brain running on all four cylinders? I don't think so. It's a wonder I'm still alive sometimes.
QT and BFD? I LMAO reading your dating stories. Somebody should write a book like, "Chicken Soup for the Unsuccessful Cyber-Dater's Soul." The horror dates ARE good for something!... we can share them and watch people nod at us with painful recollection and sympathy. Cheers!
Worst date: I arrived at the restaurant, and Mr. Man is already chatting up the waitress. He doesn't know that I know the waitress through a group of freinds, as this is one of our favourite places to eat out. For the rest of the date, he proceeds to drink too much, then takes me along while he shops. I live in Canada, and no offence to all you brash Americans, but you are know for kinda taking over a place or two while you're on vacation... So, at one quiet little empty store, this fella is practically screaming at the top of his voice while making a routine enquiry. The clerk asks if he's American. No! He's just half drunk, and bloody stupid. I actually went on another bad date with him, before giving up. It was very entertaining hearing through my friend how much the waitress appreciated his skills in bed. You can keep him, darlin'!
That was too funny. I can relate! I had one like that too. I had to pretend I was psycho so he would believe me and back off and go away lol. Because he was the one that was really psycho! But I didnt think of the Incredible Hulk! LOL
Hmmm, then there was the Christian guy who was an octopus and was all over me. And he tried to get me drunk too! lol
Then there was this hot looking guy who told me over dinner he was a sensitive. I said whats that? Sensitive in feelings? He said no, that means he can feel when earthquakes are coming. He said he got hit over the head accidentally several years prior and since then can feel when earth quakes are going to happen. And that he had notified (cant remember the name right now) those universities that study earth quakes, and now they wont accept his phone calls and blocked his number. I wonder why! Lol. But what really did him in was that at the end of the date, he told me he was on this committee for dads against child support!!! Omg! I forgot what the name of that committee or whatever it is was called. Oh well. This took place years ago. And he seemed so normal when I first met him too.
Oh I have a lot of interesting stories on bad dates over the years. But a lot of stories on good dates too. But then that?s not the title of this string.
I arranged to meet her for drinks at a bar and restaurant that was across the road but woke 10 minutes into my date. Before she??d leave thinking I stood her up, it was a change of shirt, half-brush the teeth, and I grabbed the wrong cologne in my half sleep and dumped it all over me. No time, out the door, forgetting deodorant, to wash my face, and I bed-hair was not cooperating.
20 minutes late, unshaven, pillow marks across the cheek and forehead, breath mmm, so bad was the cologne I??m getting sick, winded from the hussle, breathing heavy, sweating at the forehead, and the coat stays on. Odor ??
Half asleep still and apologizing and she starts with questions, and they got technical fast. I could actually hear myself mumbling incoherent nonsense. I shut up, not sure what expression would be appropriate to hold until the date is over.
She was maybe the one.
She IM??d after. I don??t know why she wanted to engage me some more. I was just too embarrassed, for there is never a second chance at a 1st impression. I moved 4 weeks later. That was 2 months ago.
What is really strange, is that I??ve met quite a few Ms. Perfects in the last year. I could see myself forever with any one of them. What should I do? Be pickier? Nahhh. Love them all? Not agaiiin!! Drop out and see who gives chase? Most of them.
The one that kisses best. Oopps. That one I told go away. She wasn??t even nice to me most of the time. But she was cute and kissed sooo good.
My point? I think Alberto has already said it a couple times. We judge by silly things that don??t matter. Why do you think that is? I blame my ex??s Cosmo magazine and their little tests. Or maybe because we??ve been making lists ever since the 10 commandments, Santa??s list that he checked twice for naughty or nice, and 3 strikes yer out.
It IS in his kiss. It says everything words can??t, brings back what??s important and the reason you are together in the first place, and makes all that stupid stuff we bicker and whine about and decide to make sooo seem trivial. The kiss puts it right back into perspective. When I say sex, THAT is the sex I??m talking about. When the sex is good, everything all will work itself out. When not, stop BREATHING like that, it??s ANNOYing. For the other sex, like the Eskimo and the many words for snow?K
My worst date started with dinner. He was a stranger from a dating site and after dessert we were having coffee and he said to me, "Well, come on. Drink your coffee and let's go." I said, "Where are we going?" He said, "Back to your place!" I said, "No we aren't!" He said, "Yeah! Quit fooling around and drink up!"
I told him we were NOT going to my house. He looked shocked and accused me of NOT being "hospitable!" I said I wanted him to drive me home immediately and then go away. He said, "Okay, let's go. And I'll just go in for a drink." I had to get rude with him and tell him, "You are NOT getting inside my house! I'm NOT inviting you!"
We went out to his car and I told him to just drive me home or I'd call a cab. He agreed that he would and apologized. We got in his car and he started driving out of the restaurant parking lot ... but he went in the opposite direction from my home.
I asked, "Where are you going?" He said, "We're just going to my place for a while." I yelled at him to turn the car around and take me back but by this time we were on the freeway and jumping out was not an option. I was so furious and he kept trying to hold my hand. I pulled my hand away hard. That ticked him off. He said, "You know ... I've been seeing a therapist for anger issues. I'm being treated for uncontrollable rage!"
That was it. I turned and faced him and said, "Ray, you don't know who you're talking to! You may have problems with rage but I'm the freaking Incredible Hulk when it comes to getting pissed off. You've just met your match! Take me home right now or I'll grow big and green and tear your freaking head off!!!!!"
He took me home and I ran up my stairs and slammed the door and locked it. He sat outside for a minute and I almost called the police but he left shortly after. Once inside my house, I shook like a chihuahua in winter.
That was a close call.